Author stampdaddy Posted December 15, 2007 Author Share Posted December 15, 2007 Hey S.Daddy, the more you tell us the more I think of my marriage. I know every situation is different but I can't help but feel she doesn't want to be the one to break up the family IMO. She's doing things deliberatly to let him know she does not want to be with him hoping he will give up & end it. You said he feels the same way that divorces are "a sign of failure"...I think were the words. Well, it's a matter of who can hold on the longest. Just my opinion. I believe you are correct. He said, "Divorced people are LOSERS" She told him he better fix that way of thinking, because you're about to be one of those people.... She has said, "I want him to see that it is NOT working..", He has said, "I WON'T have a marriage of convenience", "leave the kids out of this, this is between me and you.." On top of it all, she has been working hard fixing up things at their house so, "if/when it goes on the market, it's ready..", amassing things, like small pieces of furniture, "extra" things so when there is a split, it's not as drastic, INCLUDING beds for the children. Separating Christmas ornaments into his/hers boxes.. Instead of "purging" things in the basement, she has been boxing them up, stiff like plates, old spatulas and kitchen stuff, stuff that would normally been thrown away or given to Goodwill.. Her parents sold a house here and moved to a Condo in Florida, and she took things from there too.. It's like she's "Nesting" Anyway, this could all mean NOTHING in the end, just curious to what you ladies think Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 15, 2007 Author Share Posted December 15, 2007 Hey S.Daddy, the more you tell us the more I think of my marriage. I know every situation is different but I can't help but feel she doesn't want to be the one to break up the family IMO. She's doing things deliberatly to let him know she does not want to be with him hoping he will give up & end it. You said he feels the same way that divorces are "a sign of failure"...I think were the words. Well, it's a matter of who can hold on the longest. Just my opinion. also, Red, was there a OM/OW waiting in the wings? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 amassing things, like small pieces of furniture, "extra" things so when there is a split, it's not as drastic, INCLUDING beds for the children. Separating Christmas ornaments into his/hers boxes.. Instead of "purging" things in the basement, she has been boxing them up, stiff like plates, old spatulas and kitchen stuff, stuff that would normally been thrown away or given to Goodwill.. Her parents sold a house here and moved to a Condo in Florida, and she took things from there too.. It's like she's "Nesting" Anyway, this could all mean NOTHING in the end, just curious to what you ladies think Different strokes for different folks I guess but when I moved out I took NOTHING except my and the kids clothes and their favourite toys & nappies and the like, and started new. I did not want any reminders of the life I'd just left. I had no money to do that, but I just had to. Perhaps she's different, but wanting to keep stuff from the past suggests to me she's not yet done with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 She refuses to wear her wedding ring (hasnt in at least 1 1/2 years, maybe 2). H has asked "why"? and she said that she just "can't".. H asked if it was because of ME, and she said YES...2 years ago, on their Family Vacation, she recalled when H was taking a picture of her and the kids, she thought, "this will be the LAST Family Vacation with us all..." "we are not a Family, we are a LIE". SO, this past summer, NO Family Vacation.. Not even for a weekend... H took older kids skiing, and she took younger one to a weekend retreat with other kids to theme park...WHAT DOES THIS SAY? Says to me, she is "trying" to separate.. These are just 2 examples of MANY.. Big ones no doubt Anyway, thanks again TC.. and everybody.. I WILL get through this, there is NO OTHER CHOICE... Ok I'll be brutally honest and gonna play devil's advocate: 1. Could it be she refuses to wear the ring around you? I didn't get that.... for the last two years she has not been wearing the ring around him and when asked she tells him it is because of you!?!? Is the guy a heel or what? C'mon Stamp, I must seriously be misunderstanding here... 2. This could very well mean they are at the tail end of their rope on both ends, does this mean they are about to make a life altering move? Only they know. I'll tell you this much doesn't look like either one was making any effort to work on the marriage that's for sure. I believe you are correct. He said, "Divorced people are LOSERS" She told him he better fix that way of thinking, because you're about to be one of those people.... again Stamp not to be a Debbie Downer but that is what she tells you, and it is your every right to trust what she says, but in her mind she said that to her husband and she knows that is what you need to hear but in reality she could have said something along those lines but not quite like that. It's like what I read in another thread that a man is telling his OW that he has flat out told his W "I don't love you anymore" it's what my ex would tell me, in their minds they are breaking the news to their spouse but in actuality they are doing so by chosing ther words carefully and an ambiguous enough way that they drop clues but don't come right out and say it bluntly. I think that's what my guy used to do, I never trust he was being as blunt as he said he would be and I'll tell you why: because no one with an OUNCE of self respect would stay with a person that flat out tells them something as hurtful and blunt as the people claim to be saying...we have to draw the line somewhere. there were things that showed me and I had proof of that the scales were definitely tipped to the side he lead to be, and that she was more after him than the other way around BUT I know that whatever conversation happend between them I HAD to take with a grain of salt, I am not there and he is lying to be with me, what's to say he was not lying to me.... I know it sucks so bad to read those words we all deny them to ourselves and we so desperately want to believe they are not true, and perhaps they are not true...but you asked what I thought...sorry.. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 Anyway I gotta get my show on the road...happy Saturday everyone! Stamp hang in there, play some uplifting music to give your mind a rest and paint a while disconnet from it all for a bit, it's good for the soul/mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 15, 2007 Author Share Posted December 15, 2007 Anyway I gotta get my show on the road...happy Saturday everyone! Stamp hang in there, play some uplifting music to give your mind a rest and paint a while disconnet from it all for a bit, it's good for the soul/mind. To answer your question about the ring: No, she just doesnt wear it.. Do you know how many times I have "just shown up" somewhere? example: she was getting her nails done one day, and all of the sudden there was someone kissing the top of her head.... NO RING She doesnt wear it and I'm not trying to be closed minded, but YES, I do believe what she tells me.. There have been too many "confirmations", even by H for me to think she's just waxing me.. Case in point, no sex for 3 years.. Have fun tonite kid! Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Red Posted December 15, 2007 Share Posted December 15, 2007 also, Red, was there a OM/OW waiting in the wings? No, there wasn't. Darn it! I've written & erased several sentences several times. My marriage got real complicated for the last couple of years. Maybe someday I'll post my full story. But, it's almost unreal the things that happened & events that took place. I don't even know if I could properly even write it out for someone to understand. I signed up on LS originally to talk to other people going through divorce with heavy guilt that I am experiencing as a failure by splitting up my son's family. But once here, I realize I can fit into many categories on here. So, for the time being I mainly read & throw in my 2 cents worth when I feel it may be helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 15, 2007 Author Share Posted December 15, 2007 No, there wasn't. Darn it! I've written & erased several sentences several times. My marriage got real complicated for the last couple of years. Maybe someday I'll post my full story. But, it's almost unreal the things that happened & events that took place. I don't even know if I could properly even write it out for someone to understand. I signed up on LS originally to talk to other people going through divorce with heavy guilt that I am experiencing as a failure by splitting up my son's family. But once here, I realize I can fit into many categories on here. So, for the time being I mainly read & throw in my 2 cents worth when I feel it may be helpful. Thanks dear, and from the kind words that youve shared with me, I am sure you help alot of folks on here..... I am hoping that if indeed it is the case where she is done with the marriage that having ME, loving HER, will help give her the courage to make the move and not wait for him.... We'll see, won't we.. Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 Ms. Red I just have to say your avatar is so cute it just made my head explode into candy!! Sorry for the T/J Stamp papa, I just had to say it!! <3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 16, 2007 Author Share Posted December 16, 2007 Anyway I gotta get my show on the road...happy Saturday everyone! Stamp hang in there, play some uplifting music to give your mind a rest and paint a while disconnet from it all for a bit, it's good for the soul/mind. How was the party? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 How was the party? It was a lot of fun, we ate sort of late because we got caught up in conversation but by the time dinner ended we've had a bit to drink and decided to playing charades...it was absolutely hilarious, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time...it got pretty competitive at one point. One team kept choosing the word "stamp collecting" and it was hilarious to see them do the same thing over and over and the other saying the exact same thing and still could not get it. What about yourself did you get some painting done? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 16, 2007 Author Share Posted December 16, 2007 It was a lot of fun, we ate sort of late because we got caught up in conversation but by the time dinner ended we've had a bit to drink and decided to playing charades...it was absolutely hilarious, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time...it got pretty competitive at one point. One team kept choosing the word "stamp collecting" and it was hilarious to see them do the same thing over and over and the other saying the exact same thing and still could not get it. What about yourself did you get some painting done? a little... more today.. kind of a hard nite, but I made it.. You know, one thing I realized this morning after reading another post over in Infidelity is that: I sure have cried alot over the last year, and past couple of years to be honest, and I havent even begun the process of "getting over" this, so I have ALOT more to do, where this girl over there who's H almost immediately told the BSW that it's over can start to mourn the loss of her M and start the process of moving forward.. In 3 years for her, hell, she could be remarried and happy... If this doesnt work out for me, damn, that's alot of tears shed over a very long period of time... Anyway, just thought about it.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 16, 2007 Author Share Posted December 16, 2007 It was a lot of fun, we ate sort of late because we got caught up in conversation but by the time dinner ended we've had a bit to drink and decided to playing charades...it was absolutely hilarious, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time...it got pretty competitive at one point. One team kept choosing the word "stamp collecting" and it was hilarious to see them do the same thing over and over and the other saying the exact same thing and still could not get it. What about yourself did you get some painting done? OH, and if "Stampdaddy" was on your team, we would have gotten "stamp collecting" right off the bat, baby! Link to post Share on other sites
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