Author jesslindy Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 Had a good therapy appointment today. We went over all the stuff from the last two weeks. She doesn't give me much as far as tools for helping, but its good to talk. It's been said on here many times. I beleive I am mourning the death of a dream, not the death of my marraige to this particular person. I have way to much self-respect for myself to think that this woman is the best I can do. I am alot of things, but I am not a quitter and I am constantly seeking self-improvement. I dont miss my wife. I dont miss the fact that I feel completley inadequate in her eyes. I dont miss the fact that if I'm not the constant rock, without making any mistakes, than I am fault for whatever happens in my marraige. I dont miss the fact that I felt alone even with my wife here. I dont miss the fact that she can find comfort with any other person on the planet but me. I miss Taco Night I miss Pizza night I miss taking our son out to the park together I miss reading our son a book. I miss playing cards with our friends I miss going out with my wife. I miss going out to eat. I miss my "family unit". I do not miss my wife as a person. I miss her pre first separation. Thats when I thought I knew her. All the "I misses" above can be with someone else, All the "I do not misses" above can be replaced with faithfulness, honesty, and communication in someone else. I do think that most marraiges can be saved, but I am not being given that choice right now. And I am going to make an entire stand of lemonade from all these lemons that are falling on my head. "I wake up in the morning and piss excellence." Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesslindy Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 I feel really good today. I feel less and less like that video game I was describing. I feel strong. I've got so many plans to make. I've got so many ideas. I have truly had an epihany these last couple of days. I feel like I cannot be stopped. I will not choose to be disrespected by my wife any longer. Thats it. Its funny, some people just wake up one day. My day was sunday. I just woke up, and decided that I am a fantastic human being, and an even better man. I've made my share of mistakes, but I will not let my wife vilify me for them any longer. I have done nothing bad enough to lose my family. The best thing is, I am calm. I am at peace. I am working on my anger, but I do not feel like the anger that I feel is because "I am an angry person." I feel like it is because I have lost my wife to another man. I feel like there is another man that knows my wife better than me. Thats what hurts the most. And hurt and anger are the same emotion. Anger is the biproduct of hurt. But I'm over it. I'm a badass M F'er and I am going to rock the rest of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Having been through something similar I can tell you that this is one heck of a roller coaster ride. Life will get better in time........keep positive Link to post Share on other sites
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