waitinginvain Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Within the last two weeks I've been getting to know this girl, for the first two weeks it was great we were flirting with each other talking all the time and then a week ago it just stopped. I asked her about it yesterday and she said she had started going out with one of our mutual friends who she had been getting to know over the same period of time but that she still loved me and had feelings for me. Being the idiot I am I asked if I had ever had a chance and she told me yes. The problem is while I was waiting to get to know her better before asking her out he just flat out took the initiative and did it. I really like this girl and don't want to get stuck in the friend zone permanently what should I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovegod Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Dating lesson #23: Strike while the iron is hot. If you take your time trying to be friends with a single woman, there's a good chance you'll miss your opportunity. Take the opportunity when it first presents itself. In other words, get her number the day you meet her, call her the next day, and make date plans for later in the week. I really like this girl and don't want to get stuck in the friend zone permanently what should I do. Date other women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author waitinginvain Posted December 12, 2007 Author Share Posted December 12, 2007 I think my issue is that I see her pretty much every day. Should I just start ignoring her when she talks to me or text messages me? Link to post Share on other sites
Lovegod Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Don't treat her like a piece of 5hit, she doesn't deserve that. Just don't treat her like she's the most important person in your life. Talk to her when she approaches, but there's no need to use text messaging unless it's important. Link to post Share on other sites
Author waitinginvain Posted December 13, 2007 Author Share Posted December 13, 2007 I talked to her a bit today about the situation and she broke into tears when I talked about not hanging out with her any more. She just kind of flat out told me she has feelings for me and was hoping I would ask her out but he asked first. I told her I couldn't change my feelings for her and she said it was fine and still wanted to be friends even knowing I have feelings for her. So now I feel like I'm being emotionally taken advantage of and wish she'd just reject me. Instead she still talks to me all the time and texts me. The worst part is most of our friends don't know yet and still kid us about how we should be going out, and he doesn't even have the confidence to stand up and say no shes with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Racquel Colette Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Honestly if she were really into you, she wouldn't not date you just because of this other guy. She has no obligation to him, especially if she 'loves' you. She loves you? I can't believe she actually said that, give me a break. Sorry, the answer is she was just being nice and is really into this other guy, not you, or not into any of you and just having fun. But she is not into you. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I talked to her a bit today about the situation and she broke into tears when I talked about not hanging out with her any more. She just kind of flat out told me she has feelings for me and was hoping I would ask her out but he asked first. I told her I couldn't change my feelings for her and she said it was fine and still wanted to be friends even knowing I have feelings for her. So now I feel like I'm being emotionally taken advantage of and wish she'd just reject me. Instead she still talks to me all the time and texts me. The worst part is most of our friends don't know yet and still kid us about how we should be going out, and he doesn't even have the confidence to stand up and say no shes with me. This is so lame. If she still has feelings for you and breaks down into tears and gets all emotional at the idea of not seeing you anymore, why doesn't she just remain uncommitted and date the two of you or just outright dump him? She either wants to be with you or not. The problem is, she's afraid of letting go of a sure thing, which is what she has right now, and risk losing that by taking a chance on seeing whether you two work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author waitinginvain Posted December 13, 2007 Author Share Posted December 13, 2007 Its only been a week or so for them so I don't think she'd have that kind of attachment. I'd have no problem with competing for her affection but don't want to seem obsessive or desperate. I like her and don't want to hurt her but I just can't seem the just a friend thing working for me especially after putting my true feelings on the table. I can either leave the group were all involved with so I don't have to see them together every day or I can just keep the status quo and put myself through a needless emotional rollercoaster to keep her happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author waitinginvain Posted December 13, 2007 Author Share Posted December 13, 2007 Sorry for the double post. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Its only been a week or so for them so I don't think she'd have that kind of attachment. I'd have no problem with competing for her affection but don't want to seem obsessive or desperate. I like her and don't want to hurt her but I just can't seem the just a friend thing working for me especially after putting my true feelings on the table. I can either leave the group were all involved with so I don't have to see them together every day or I can just keep the status quo and put myself through a needless emotional rollercoaster to keep her happy. No, I agree, you need some space. She has to know that you're not going to hang around like some kind of lovestruck puppy. You gotta get some space and she has to choose who she likes better. Not saying don't talk to her or anything extreme like that. I think the strategy should be to be nice and friendly to her but hang out with other people. If you run into her, be a gentleman and nothing less than that, but don't call or text her or any of that stuff. Don't hang out. Who knows...maybe she'll date this guy for a month and realize nothing's there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author waitinginvain Posted December 13, 2007 Author Share Posted December 13, 2007 I've just decided that if she wants my attention and company she can ask for it. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I've just decided that if she wants my attention and company she can ask for it. I think it's good to get some space, just don't give her the evil eye or anything. Be nice, just don't be available. Go do your thing, but be nice to her. It's hard to say one way or the other how things will unfold but from what you're saying, it doesn't sound like she's 100 percent committed to this guy just yet. But if she's going to change her mind, you'll have to give her some space and make her think about you more. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Don't confuse dating, with dating exclusively, ie. b/f and g/f situation. Ask her out. It's only been a week. Link to post Share on other sites
Author waitinginvain Posted December 13, 2007 Author Share Posted December 13, 2007 How would I go about doing that considering we all know each other. Something like "hey I know you and so so are going out but you want to go out with me some time too?" That just seems kind of desperate to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Why do you need to bring up the other guy? Why not just say, "Hey, wanna' catch xyz movie on Saturday night with me?". A girl doesn't belong to anyone. If the two become exclusive, that's something entirely different. Then...it's a definite back off. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovegod Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I'm absolutely amazed how everyone's blaming the woman in this situation. She was asked out, she accepted. Now she's committed to dating the guy who asked her out. Waitinginvain, you missed your opportunity by taking too much time. Again you need to strike while the iron is hot or you miss out on opportunity. I can either leave the group were all involved with so I don't have to see them together every day or I can just keep the status quo and put myself through a needless emotional rollercoaster to keep her happy. Seeing that you've already invested a large amount of emotion in this, it's probably best if you leave the group. Here's another dating lesson: DO NOT invest a lot of emotion in a woman that you're not dating. Invest it in her when you're in a relationship with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Racquel Colette Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I'm absolutely amazed how everyone's blaming the woman in this situation. She was asked out, she accepted. Now she's committed to dating the guy who asked her out. Waitinginvain, you missed your opportunity by taking too much time. Again you need to strike while the iron is hot or you miss out on opportunity. Seeing that you've already invested a large amount of emotion in this, it's probably best if you leave the group. Here's another dating lesson: DO NOT invest a lot of emotion in a woman that you're not dating. Invest it in her when you're in a relationship with her. Where are you reading that anyone is stating the woman is at fault here? No one has or is who replied to this thread. It is scary how you state that just because she has accepted a date from one guy she is committed to dating him. How is that? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I think she rejected you and you need to ignore her for your own sake. If you let it, it will be a rollercoaster ride for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts