Company Xmas parties

[reservoirdog1]

Hi everybody. Despite the title of the thread, this actually DOES relate to "Jealousy".

 

My company's Christmas party is this Friday night. It's for employees only, i.e. no spouses or significant others. (I gather this is for money reasons.) Everybody on this board is familiar with the prevailing legend about corporate Xmas parties, i.e. that some people get drunk and hook up with each other.

 

I'm wondering a couple of things.

 

1) Is the whole no-significant-others thing common nowadays for company parties?

 

2) For those whose spouse works at such a company, does it bother you? Specifically, by placing your partner in a festive environment with alcohol, dancing, and dressed-up members of the opposite sex, do you feel that your partner's employer is disrespecting you and the other employees' spouses in some way?

 

Without getting too far into it, this is an issue between my SO and me, hence the questions. I have no intention of doing anything I shouldn't do. But she feels very threatened by this, and disrespected. Are her feelings understandable to others in a similar situation?

 

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

[tanbark813]

I've never worked for a company that didn't allow SO's at a company party. That seems odd to me. AFAIK, my friends' companies all allow SO's as well.

 

I've never been in your position but I think if SO's weren't allowed and I was in a relationship at the time I wouldn't even attend (assuming it was an after work thing and not during lunch or normal working hours).

 

I've also never been in your SO's position but I think I would be a bit resentful. Maybe that resentment is misplaced but I can understand her not being happy about the situation. And I would guess that it's more about feeling unimportant than her being jealous.

[Trialbyfire]

1) Is the whole no-significant-others thing common nowadays for company parties?

Yes, the larger your company, the more need to keep costs, including liability.

 

2) For those whose spouse works at such a company, does it bother you?

Nope, it never bothered me in the past, although in hindsight, maybe it should have...

 

Specifically, by placing your partner in a festive environment with alcohol, dancing, and dressed-up members of the opposite sex, do you feel that your partner's employer is disrespecting you and the other employees' spouses in some way?

No, a company has no responsibility to employee SOs.

 

Without getting too far into it, this is an issue between my SO and me, hence the questions. I have no intention of doing anything I shouldn't do. But she feels very threatened by this, and disrespected. Are her feelings understandable to others in a similar situation?

No, I think she's over-the-top. These are her insecurities.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

 

Some companies encourage family participation, while others are more about building camaraderie between their employees. A good company can manage both without taking anything away from the other. And yes, sometimes it isn’t cost-worthy to pay for all the extra people at certain pricey events.

 

But unless the after-hour party was mandatory ... I wouldn’t allow myself to be placed in a position where I had to choose between offending my partner or the administrative assistant who didn’t want her party to be a bust.

 

If my partner weren’t concerned or didn’t feel insulted that they weren’t permitted to attend, than there would be no issue. But if having to make a choice about who’s feelings got hurt, I’d side with my partner (out of respect) ... save the company some money ... and do something that evening with him instead.

[tanbark813]

Yes, the larger your company, the more need to keep costs, including liability.

 

I don't think this is necessarily true. I have a friend who works for Google and not only did they allow SO's, but they split the party into two nights because they were expecting so many people. You had to sign up for one or the other. Of course, Google is one of those companies that's a dream to work for in terms of perks but size isn't a determining factor in allowing guests.

[Trialbyfire]

I don't think this is necessarily true. I have a friend who works for Google and not only did they allow SO's, but they split the party into two nights because they were expecting so many people. You had to sign up for one or the other. Of course, Google is one of those companies that's a dream to work for in terms of perks but size isn't a determining factor in allowing guests.

Costs are the determining factor and the liability associated to drunk driving, whether it's an employee or an SO. The bigger the company, the more expensive and the more SOs you include, the greater the possibility for liability.

[tanbark813]

Costs are the determining factor and the liability associated to drunk driving, whether it's an employee or an SO. The bigger the company, the more expensive and the more SOs you include, the greater the possibility for liability.

 

I understand all of that, but that doesn't change the fact that myself and my friends all work for companies--and not necessarily small ones--that allow SO's at parties. Not allowing them seems like the exception rather than the norm.

[Trialbyfire]

I understand all of that, but that doesn't change the fact that myself and my friends all work for companies--and not necessarily small ones--that allow SO's at parties. Not allowing them seems like the exception rather than the norm.

The tech industry seems to be a little more forward, in its approach to employee interest. I work in the finance industry which is a little more cost conscious and cut-throat.

[Florida]

Some companies encourage family participation, while others are more about building camaraderie between their employees. A good company can manage both without taking anything away from the other. And yes, sometimes it isn’t cost-worthy to pay for all the extra people at certain pricey events.

 

But unless the after-hour party was mandatory ... I wouldn’t allow myself to be placed in a position where I had to choose between offending my partner or the administrative assistant who didn’t want her party to be a bust.

 

If my partner weren’t concerned or didn’t feel insulted that they weren’t permitted to attend, than there would be no issue. But if having to make a choice about who’s feelings got hurt, I’d side with my partner (out of respect) ... save the company some money ... and do something that evening with him instead.

 

I second this. I would be put off by such an atmosphere, and it would then lead to making me see the people and circles you chose to run in as not being relationship friendly. I don't agree with bonding of co-workers to the exclusion of spousal or SO relationships. If that was me I would prefer you did not condone it by showing up without me. It's not about trust, and frankly I don't care if the company is keeping costs down, it is encouraging a team bonding over any choice you would make to want to bring her.

 

I understand where she is coming from.

[tanbark813]

The tech industry seems to be a little more forward, in its approach to employee interest. I work in the finance industry which is a little more cost conscious and cut-throat.

 

Ahh, I can see that.

[reservoirdog1]

... for your replies. The Xmas party was on Friday. I went, but I left after the dinner part (i.e. before the dancing started).

 

And, interestingly enough, I chatted with a few other guys, all of whose significant others were very annoyed that they weren't invited. Which pretty much answers my question from an additional source!

 

It's something I'd like to see change, but I don't know how realistic or likely that is. Guess we'll see...

[Mustang Sally]

I would find it odd if the company said "No Spouses."

 

But then again, I guess I can sort of see the cost-cutting argument.

 

But then again - it's a Holiday Party, for Pete's sake. Cough it up once a year, wouldja? It could be a cash bar instead of an open bar...

 

Personally? I wouldn't give a rip if my H went to a company party without me. We have both had occasions where we have had to go to our respective parties without the other one. No biggie.

[Lizzie60]

1) Is the whole no-significant-others thing common nowadays for company parties?

 

For the gov't it is.. employees only... With my last ex, we invited the SO (private sector)... I don't think it's money issue... With my first ex, he was with the gov't back then, they had parties with SO.. and the spouse had to pay for their SO's plate.

 

2) For those whose spouse works at such a company, does it bother you?

 

It should... when we know that most A start at work.

 

We're having our party this week.. I don't really want to go..but my MM begged me to go this morning.. I'm not sure yet... I hate those parties.

[Trialbyfire]

There's also one more side to the story, about corporate functions with no spouses. The intent of the parties are the company's way to say Happy Holidays and thanks for your hard work. Another reason is so that employees have a chance to get to know each other better, networking with each other outside out of workplace, in order to create a more cohesive work atmosphere. Team playing, per se.

 

When people bring spouses, they tend not to socialize as much, preferring to hang out with their spouses. You can see that this is counterproductive.

[Lizzie60]

Oh I should add... he said he fell in love with me at one of those parties, about 3 years ago.. he even remember what dress I was wearing..

[tanbark813]

There's also one more side to the story, about corporate functions with no spouses. The intent of the parties are the company's way to say Happy Holidays and thanks for your hard work. Another reason is so that employees have a chance to get to know each other better, networking with each other outside out of workplace, in order to create a more cohesive work atmosphere. Team playing, per se.

 

When people bring spouses, they tend not to socialize as much, preferring to hang out with their spouses. You can see that this is counterproductive.

 

I don't think many managers (or at least not the intelligent ones) expect team-building or networking during a holiday party. That should be done during the year at lunches, offsite events, whatever.

 

A holiday party should only be about thanks for hard work and celebrating.

 

I can understand a no spouses rule for cost-cutting reasons (even though I think it's gay) but I doubt it's for networking/team-building reasons.

[Citizen Erased]

Both myself and my partners have separate christmas work functions to attend this year. Mine is this Friday and during lunch, and his is Friday night. Both are strictly staff. The younger guys at his work have arranged to go out to a club afterwards and I have no problem with my bf going without me. I am going out after mine with some friends, no problem. He knows how to behave

 

I know my boss has decided to have it no spouses because she believes it creates a better team environment, we go out, have a few drinks, talk about our families, friends, plans for the holidays etc and it is all in fun. Quite a few of us are fairly new so it is best to have everyone we know and are comfortable with, rather then the awkward introducing of even more people.

[Trialbyfire]

I don't think many managers (or at least not the intelligent ones) expect team-building or networking during a holiday party. That should be done during the year at lunches, offsite events, whatever.

 

A holiday party should only be about thanks for hard work and celebrating.

 

I can understand a no spouses rule for cost-cutting reasons (even though I think it's gay) but I doubt it's for networking/team-building reasons.

Okay. How often do execs mingle with line staff, in a large 1000 employee company?

[tanbark813]

Okay. How often do execs mingle with line staff, in a large 1000 employee company?

 

I'm guessing very little both during work and during a party. And you only really need team building within working teams, anyway.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm guessing very little both during work and during a party. And you only really need team building within working teams, anyway.

Of the Christmas parties I've been to, over the years, we execs made certain that we got to know the staff better. We were specifically separated and seated amongst the rest of the staff, one to a table, to ensure that we chatted and mingled with everyone. In essence, we hosted the table and it was our responsibility to keep the conversation going. When dinner was completed, we were also responsible for asking people to dance, so we could get to know them better.

 

You and I are definitely from different industries.

[tanbark813]

Well I'm happy being in an industry that allows SO's at parties.

[Phateless]

Hi everybody. Despite the title of the thread, this actually DOES relate to "Jealousy".

 

My company's Christmas party is this Friday night. It's for employees only, i.e. no spouses or significant others. (I gather this is for money reasons.) Everybody on this board is familiar with the prevailing legend about corporate Xmas parties, i.e. that some people get drunk and hook up with each other.

 

I'm wondering a couple of things.

 

1) Is the whole no-significant-others thing common nowadays for company parties?

 

2) For those whose spouse works at such a company, does it bother you? Specifically, by placing your partner in a festive environment with alcohol, dancing, and dressed-up members of the opposite sex, do you feel that your partner's employer is disrespecting you and the other employees' spouses in some way?

 

Without getting too far into it, this is an issue between my SO and me, hence the questions. I have no intention of doing anything I shouldn't do. But she feels very threatened by this, and disrespected. Are her feelings understandable to others in a similar situation?

 

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

 

They don't allows SO's? That's just weird... WTF kind of company is this?

[White Flower]

I've gone to all kinds of company parties over the years; mine, my H's, and our own when we had our own business. None of them were "employees only". But I'm sure it would keep the cost and liabilities down to do it that way.

[White Flower]

I don't think many managers (or at least not the intelligent ones) expect team-building or networking during a holiday party. That should be done during the year at lunches, offsite events, whatever.

 

A holiday party should only be about thanks for hard work and celebrating.

 

I can understand a no spouses rule for cost-cutting reasons (even though I think it's gay) but I doubt it's for networking/team-building reasons.

I agree. Isn't that why it's called a HOLIDAY? and a PARTY? It shouldn't be about work.

[Florida]

1)2) For those whose spouse works at such a company, does it bother you?

 

It should... when we know that most A start at work.

 

 

If someone has to attend every party as some kind of insurance against affairs-no thanks! My BF and I don't always go to eachother's parties, they are sooooo boring sometimes.

 

What a miserable way to live! If it's going to happen so easily to a couple- better for them they risk it apart and it happens sooner rather than later!

 

That being said, I still see your GF's point about being excluded (to the OP)