What goes around comes around

[3rdI]

I was formerly the OW. My first boyfriend was a married man and I had other married lovers. I was terrible and even told a wife or two about the husband and his activities. BUT I reformed and have not "knowingly" dated a married man for many years.

 

Both of my children were with married men.

 

NOW fast forward many years and I am on the other side of the sh**pile. I was engaged and soon to be married when he cheated.

 

It helped me make quick decisons because I knew what he was telling her and the games that he was playing. However, I can't help but think about how I was a terrible smug humdinger that felt if you couldn't keep your man home that it was YOUR problem.

 

Now the shoe is on the other foot. I never thought about this when I was with my exMM's (yes plural).

 

Question: How are you going to be remembered? Will you be fond of these memories when you are old and gray? Do you believe that your comeuppance is near?

 

I never thought that this would happen to me and I wish that I had never had affairs with married men. Any thoughts?

[imstunned]

I hear alot of my friends saying this to me at the moment. I dont believe it for a second. I really wish I did.

 

Sorry this happened to you.

[Florida]

Very thoughtful post. It made me think of a friend of my parents who just passed away suddenly. I loved this woman to pieces, she was fantastic. But somehow who she is as a person and her long term problems being the OW left this impression after she passed.

 

Even though it wasn't spoken, it was very much a part of who she was, and it made me wonder if she really wanted to be remembered for that. I doubt it, she was so great and just thinking of her makes me feel good inside and she deserved so much better.

 

R.I.P.

[3rdI]

And here I was feeling pretty bad about your situation. Boy do I feel silly.

 

You should not feel silly... those actions were a long time ago nearly twenty years and I repented from that lifestyle. I apologized to those that I hurt and I haven't done this in a long time.

 

I am bringing this up honestly and when I was doing dirt, I never thought that it would come full circle. Now I know that it always does...always.

[3rdI]

Very thoughtful post. It made me think of a friend of my parents who just passed away suddenly. I loved this woman to pieces, she was fantastic. But somehow who she is as a person and her long term problems being the OW left this impression after she passed.

 

Even though it wasn't spoken, it was very much a part of who she was, and it made me wonder if she really wanted to be remembered for that. I doubt it, she was so great and just thinking of her makes me feel good inside and she deserved so much better.

 

R.I.P.

 

This is exactly my point. When we do things we think about immediate needs. At some point our thoughts need to develop beyond the right now. I was a late bloomer and my first MM was my BF for months before I figured out that he was newly married. We had an affair for almost 9 years and it was a period of time that I am not proud of and that I broke free from eventually.

 

My children suffered greatly then and now. At times they did not have a father because of the circumstances. What we do today greatly affects tomorrow in so many ways. I wanted those who did not know to consider the possibilities other than physical and emotional affair. The ramifications are huge and you always have unclean hands IMO.

[OpenBook]

Very thoughtful post. It made me think of a friend of my parents who just passed away suddenly. I loved this woman to pieces, she was fantastic. But somehow who she is as a person and her long term problems being the OW left this impression after she passed.

 

Even though it wasn't spoken, it was very much a part of who she was, and it made me wonder if she really wanted to be remembered for that. I doubt it, she was so great and just thinking of her makes me feel good inside and she deserved so much better.

 

R.I.P.

 

And YOUR post reminds me of Katharine Hepburn!! Somehow she beat the OW stigma (especially back then!!) and is remembered as a legendary actress and personality. She loved her MM, Spencer Tracey, until his death.

[silktricks]

I'm glad you learned, but for your sake I wish you could have learned another, less painful way.

 

Good luck in the future.

[GreenEyedLady]

I was formerly the OW. My first boyfriend was a married man and I had other married lovers. I was terrible and even told a wife or two about the husband and his activities. BUT I reformed and have not "knowingly" dated a married man for many years.

 

Both of my children were with married men.

 

NOW fast forward many years and I am on the other side of the sh**pile. I was engaged and soon to be married when he cheated.

 

It helped me make quick decisons because I knew what he was telling her and the games that he was playing. However, I can't help but think about how I was a terrible smug humdinger that felt if you couldn't keep your man home that it was YOUR problem.

 

Now the shoe is on the other foot. I never thought about this when I was with my exMM's (yes plural).

 

Question: How are you going to be remembered? Will you be fond of these memories when you are old and gray? Do you believe that your comeuppance is near?

 

I never thought that this would happen to me and I wish that I had never had affairs with married men. Any thoughts?

 

Personally, I think your current situation has nothing to do with your younger comings and goings...Alot of men cheat, end of story...On women who have been with MM and on women who have not...

 

You're reading way too much into it...You get what you get, not necessarily what you deserve...

 

Sorry for your pain...

[3rdI]

I happen to believe in Karma. I did believe when I was younger that you get what you get...that's why I was cuttin up without regard for what others thought about me.

 

The laws of the universe are that we are all interconnected and all ultimately responsible to each other. Not for each other but to each other.

 

We cannot act in abstract.

 

I maintain that what goes around comes around.

[GreenEyedLady]

I maintain that what goes around comes around.

 

That doesn't explain why bad things happen to children and people who have lived pretty good, unselfish lives...

 

So if you want to believe in the Karma Bus, that's your right...

 

The truth of the matter is that everyone lives and everyone dies...And what happens inbetween has to do with luck, as much as choice...

 

GEL

[Trialbyfire]

From what I've seen, karma is not nice people. It does go around and come right back into your lap. Perhaps that's where the saying about the bluebird of happiness, comes from.

[Gwyneth]

You can also look at it this way: Your fiance could have cheated on your whether or not you were the OW in the past. Cheating is a pretty common past time, so I wouldn't see it as "what goes around comes around."

[Tomcat33]

Karma is just our tarnished subconsience speaking, if we think we deserve to pay for something then guess what? we will pay, because a lot of what comes our way is energy that we put out to attract.

 

I've had very crappy things happen to me in my past and I was half the person I am today, I had far less experience and was just starting out in life with somewhat naive attitudes and never intentionally done anything that could potentioally hurt others. And? I was dealt crap to have to go through anyway, I didn't deserve it I certainly wasn't paying for my past but I had to deal with it anyway.

 

It's as GEL said, you get what you get.

 

I have learned to call positive energy my way and it took a lot to master this but I did, the rest is up to destiny, life works in cycles you can't go up unless you go down. When life gives you and up swing enjoy it because if there is one thing for sure NOTHING lasts forever.

 

Is Karma what you pay for your past mistakes or is it simply life doing what it should?

 

Karma is for those who want to live in a constant state of fear.

[3rdI]

These concepts are not mutually exclusive. Bad luck and karma can co-exist. But I stand firm, if you put bad stuff out there eventually you are going to see your stuff coming back.

 

Once again see http://www.philosophypages.com/lg/e08a.htm for an explanation of faulty syllogism.

[BeautifulMystique]

These concepts are not mutually exclusive. Bad luck and karma can co-exist. But I stand firm, if you put bad stuff out there eventually you are going to see your stuff coming back.

 

Isn't that what Tomcat33 is saying? If you call out for positive energy to come your way, then that's what you get but if you keep thinking negative thoughts then obviously, that's what you get... no?

[3rdI]

You can also look at it this way: Your fiance could have cheated on your whether or not you were the OW in the past. Cheating is a pretty common past time, so I wouldn't see it as "what goes around comes around."

 

No I WAS an a++hole. I got what I deserved. I have seen my comeuppance in many other ways as well. And I can see what I did before has been dumped back in my lap.

 

I wish I could stop it because I was a TRIP!

[3rdI]

Isn't that what Tomcat33 is saying? If you call out for positive energy to come your way, then that's what you get but if you keep thinking negative thoughts then obviously, that's what you get... no?

 

 

I am talking about specific actions...not ephermal thoughts. I threw the rock years ago and it boomerang and hit me in the head. It was physical and not a wish.

 

If I thought that it would come back, I would not have done it at the time. And I certainly didn't wish for it or think about it so many years later. But now I must invite my past in, offer it a seat and begin forgiveness ( self and others).

[3rdI]

I do believe in the cyclical nature of life but that is precisely why I better figure this out because I may need to pass those people I wronged again.

[Tomcat33]

I have to agree that when a person continually puts out bad energy it will come back to them. The key to is if we produce hurt, to avoid doing it again, when we set out to produce the same hurt time and time again we are not learning any lesson we are acting senselessly and the outcome will always be a negative one if not today tomorrow, it's common sense really.

 

 

If that's what Karma is then yes Karma exists as far as I am concerned you cannot sustain a level of damage to yourself and those around without paying the consecuences of said actions.

 

However we all make mistakes, or take turns in our paths that are destructive to ourselves and or to others, be it for love for selfish reasons for whatever....

 

For the purpose of what we are discussing here in this forum and for what some people offer as advice to people involved in affairs, "Karma" is used ad nauseam and it's like getting the death card in a tarot reading, the ultimate doom you should be ware of.

Basically let your life be ruled by fear because you took one wrong turn?

I don't buy it at all sorry. Well I do see that if you live your life in fear of doom nothing but doom will come your way.

[Gwyneth]

If you call out for positive energy to come your way, then that's what you get

 

Isn't this the Law of Attraction? Let me tell you--it does work. This past year I have really gotten every thing I have desired (except to win the lottery, but that's inevitable ).

 

I do believe what you think about is what you get, unfortunately at times this isn't what you really desired, but you sent out messages to the universe that this is what you want. Read my signature.

[NoIDidn't]

No I WAS an a++hole. I got what I deserved. I have seen my comeuppance in many other ways as well. And I can see what I did before has been dumped back in my lap.

 

I wish I could stop it because I was a TRIP!

 

I feel ya. I was a trip too. I look back at the things I did and wonder what was I thinking half of the time.

 

But really, I don't think its so much karma or reaping that's the only thing that's going on. I really believe that even the unpleasant experiences are meant to show us something in ourselves not make us live in fear of making the inevitable bad decision.

 

IOW, take a look at ourselves, yes. But also take a better look at the people we allow into our lives. Years of being with a MM may have tainted your views on Rs and men - lowered your expectations even. So now its time to think better of yourself and give a good man the benefit of the doubt.

 

I used to blame my past for the men that I dated that cheated on me. But the truth was, I was just choosing lemons.

[whichwayisup]

For every action there is reaction and most of the time one cannot control reaction when it comes from someone else.

[3rdI]

I feel ya. I was a trip too. I look back at the things I did and wonder what was I thinking half of the time.

 

But really, I don't think its so much karma or reaping that's the only thing that's going on. I really believe that even the unpleasant experiences are meant to show us something in ourselves not make us live in fear of making the inevitable bad decision.

 

IOW, take a look at ourselves, yes. But also take a better look at the people we allow into our lives. Years of being with a MM may have tainted your views on Rs and men - lowered your expectations even. So now its time to think better of yourself and give a good man the benefit of the doubt.

 

I used to blame my past for the men that I dated that cheated on me. But the truth was, I was just choosing lemons.

 

 

WOW. I thought that's what I was doing this time and he came with high recommendations. I let others put us together and ultimately chose this lemon for marriage. Thank G_d he cheated and that I didn't marry him.

[Tomcat33]

WOW. I thought that's what I was doing this time and he came with high recommendations. I let others put us together and ultimately chose this lemon for marriage. Thank G_d he cheated and that I didn't marry him.

 

 

Well there you have it, but then again if we leave the matchmaking up to other people the masses will also say never date a person who has cheated in the past because once a cheater always a cheater...you see that just goes to show you people know d1ck all about other people we all know best about ourselves but that's about it, the rest is up to the powers that be.

[3rdI]

For the purpose of what we are discussing here in this forum and for what some people offer as advice to people involved in affairs, "Karma" is used ad nauseam and it's like getting the death card in a tarot reading, the ultimate doom you should be ware of.

Basically let your life be ruled by fear because you took one wrong turn?

I don't buy it at all sorry. Well I do see that if you live your life in fear of doom nothing but doom will come your way.

 

I had no fear and didn't think about getting my due at all. But when certain things happen, I know where it is coming from afterwards...it dawns on me...oh crap I better duck here comes karma.

 

I am a positive person and karma isn't negative always.....but stay on the wrong path and you will see yourself again...except you'll be on the receiving end.