What goes around comes around

[OWoman]

Since you believe in Karma, do you believe in reincarnation? What goes around could come around in the next life instead of this one...

 

Don't Americans believe in "fast Karma" - kinda like the MacDonalds of the spiritual realm?

[White Flower]

This thread has given me some ideas.

 

Sometimes it is fun to play the role of karma enforcer. Easy when you are not invested either way.

Thanks for the little laugh! And I love your avatar, btw.

[White Flower]

Don't Americans believe in "fast Karma" - kinda like the MacDonalds of the spiritual realm?

I'll take that Karma with a side of fries, please. Oh, and supersize the Coke.

[bish]

I see them as lacking important components of moral and emotional maturity. I feel like a piece of a man is only good for a piece of a woman.

 

It's easy to have a illicit affair. It is difficult to face the same person day-in, day-out and still love them to the Nth degree. Neither the OW or MM is required to do this in an affair.

 

I have many other thoughts but these are what I care to discuss right now.

 

I think maybe we have found that rare and truly reformed OW!!

 

Congrats on your new awareness! And no, that isn't being sarcastic...completely sincere!!!

[bish]

Gees I didn't think dead people had the capacity to have memories and reminise on vitories when they are dead.

 

 

I'm sure they still have memories once in hell.

[frannie]

How I am remembered is up to other people, their prejudices, personalities and the stories THEY tell themselves. Hence, I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.

 

I am of the opinion that cheating isn't a good thing to do. Neither is being involved with someone who's cheating. But I change my behaviour based on MY perceptions of what is right and wrong, not someone else's. So to go back to the original question: how do I want to be remembered: I don't really care, since that's about other people's perceptions of me. Which they're completely free to have, and I'm not going to say they're 'wrong'... I'm just not concerned with them, and won't base my actions on those perceptions.

 

Hope that's all clear.

 

Of course, not to argue this to irrelevancy (as you said), the quoted post is completely different from what I responded to the first time.

 

Its true that we have our own perceptions of our actions, but that doesn't change the fact that perceptions don't occur in a vacuum. Which is what it appeared that you were saying the first time. People don't pull perceptions out of thin air. Its based on their experiences with and observations of you (and your actions/revealed thoughts).

 

You are right that people are entitled to think what they wish of you, but its not correct to say that your actions had nothing to do with it. Be their perceptions right or wrong, you still did something for them to feel that way (in most cases).

 

But I get what you meant, even though it really wasn't what you said.

 

Ah, well no, perhaps I didn't express myself well or fully the first time, that's the nature of message boards often. And I think the onus is on the reader to remain open-minded of intent of meaning at times. If something's not clear it can be queried.

 

When I said, "How I am remembered is up to other people's perceptions", of course I should have put, "How I am remembered is up to other people's perceptions of my actions."

 

I didn't mean to imply there were no actions to base those perceptions or opinions on, or that those actions are irrelevant in forming perceptions. However, I did stress that those perceptions will be based on the opinions, biases, prejudices, thought processes and value systems of others. They can be based on nothing else, as we are human beings, and look at everything subjectively.

 

Hmm I'm musing on whether to add this, although I think I will. And that is that contrary to your statement about people not making perceptions 'in a vacuum', I have found that people very often do that, or almost that: it's called prejudice.

 

People will also extrapolate from one action or behaviour to judge an entire person, thus: 3rdI: OW are missing "important components of moral and emotional maturity". See, that's pure opinion and judgementalism, based on something like the belief that if someone's morality doesn't agree with yours then someone has no "emotional morality" at all.

[Havn_a_life]

That doesn't explain why bad things happen to children and people who have lived pretty good, unselfish lives...

 

So if you want to believe in the Karma Bus, that's your right...

 

The truth of the matter is that everyone lives and everyone dies...And what happens inbetween has to do with luck, as much as choice...

 

GEL

 

Just another example of people who don't want to face that they'll have to deal with what they've done to other people someday.

It's a long river called Denial.

Got a sturdy paddle?

[Havn_a_life]

I'm sure they still have memories once in hell.

 

If they go there for being OWs, cheaters, whatever, then they should have memories of what they did to others on earth.

Isn't that what Hell's for? lol

[GreenEyedLady]

Just another example of people who don't want to face that they'll have to deal with what they've done to other people someday.

It's a long river called Denial.

Got a sturdy paddle?

 

Just another example of someone that can't accept that some people get their happy endings and some don't...and it has nothing to do with what type a person they are...That's what life is: it's based on luck and choice...

 

The only people who jump on the "karma bus mantra" are the ones that can't accept that something bad happened to them and they have to rely on a "concept" to get their revenge...

 

Everyone gets what they get...There's some things you can do to make what you get better, but there's an element of chance involved...

 

And I like myself as a person and that's what matters to me...

 

GEL

[Havn_a_life]

Wow, we're in agreement there. I like me too.

 

I do, however believe in reaping what one sows.

It happens to you whether you believe in it's existence or not. LOL

[OWoman]

Isn't that what Hell's for? lol

 

Um, isn't that "to scare little children into being good"? Oh, wait, that's Father Christmas. Same thing, maybe. Maybe the pope will abolish that next and save on the extra salary, seeing as Father Christmas is going nowhere fast?

[Havn_a_life]

I guess we'll all know the true answer to that when we die, huh?

[NoIDidn't]

I agree with the choice part, but my belief system doesn't have room for luck, just blessings for what I have done right, and mercy for what I have done wrong.

 

Yes it does. It just doesn't call it luck. Its really not as black and white as some people like to paint it.

[3rdI]

People will also extrapolate from one action or behaviour to judge an entire person, thus: 3rdI: OW are missing "important components of moral and emotional maturity". See, that's pure opinion and judgementalism, based on something like the belief that if someone's morality doesn't agree with yours then someone has no "emotional morality" at all.

 

I did not say that they lack moral and emotional maturity....I said some components and I do not judge based upon my belief system agreeing with another's. So the all or nothing proposition is a violation of the premise.

 

You are correct that it is pure opinion in this case, but for those situatons where I know the people involved and the facts....it is factual and these situations play out the same way 97% of the time. Of course, for those who want to do what they please (and I was one of those, so again this is fact) you have fundamental charateristics that cause you to believe that you are the exception to the rule and therefore, you shoehorn yourself in to the 3%. Only time will tell.....

[annabelle75]

Good Lord ......

 

I stopped posting here at LS because I got sick of the "supposed" OWs that would pop up here that obviously weren't OWs. Thsi is yet another thread started by some one posing as an OW in a lame attempt to try to pass moral judgement on the actual OWs here. Please tell me I am not the only one that recognized it from her first post.

[3rdI]

Good Lord ......

 

I stopped posting here at LS because I got sick of the "supposed" OWs that would pop up here that obviously weren't OWs. Thsi is yet another thread started by some one posing as an OW in a lame attempt to try to pass moral judgement on the actual OWs here. Please tell me I am not the only one that recognized it from her first post.

 

 

But you are not right, baby. No poser here, and this is not a lame attempt to pass moral judgment. It is my direct experience. Contact me and I will point you to public court records that prove it.

 

Self examination is good examination and you cannot dismiss my experience because I gave up that way of life and have relayed my post-relationship experiences.

[GreenEyedLady]

Good Lord ......

 

I stopped posting here at LS because I got sick of the "supposed" OWs that would pop up here that obviously weren't OWs. Thsi is yet another thread started by some one posing as an OW in a lame attempt to try to pass moral judgement on the actual OWs here. Please tell me I am not the only one that recognized it from her first post.

 

OMG! It's so obvious, isn't it?! I can spot them a mile away...

[3rdI]

OMG! It's so obvious, isn't it?! I can spot them a mile away...

 

 

This is only an attempt to end this discussion. Once again, take it from an oldhead...I am a former OW and most of the time it is not pretty.

[Virgo1982]

I was formerly the OW. My first boyfriend was a married man and I had other married lovers. I was terrible and even told a wife or two about the husband and his activities. BUT I reformed and have not "knowingly" dated a married man for many years.

 

Both of my children were with married men.

 

NOW fast forward many years and I am on the other side of the sh**pile. I was engaged and soon to be married when he cheated.

 

It helped me make quick decisons because I knew what he was telling her and the games that he was playing. However, I can't help but think about how I was a terrible smug humdinger that felt if you couldn't keep your man home that it was YOUR problem.

 

Now the shoe is on the other foot. I never thought about this when I was with my exMM's (yes plural).

 

Question: How are you going to be remembered? Will you be fond of these memories when you are old and gray? Do you believe that your comeuppance is near?

 

I never thought that this would happen to me and I wish that I had never had affairs with married men. Any thoughts?

 

Judging from your story and reaction in the other forum, I think you would agree that no woman is lucky to have some of these MM. Many of them are cake-eaters and some of them are really in a bad situation. What I do know is, you jumped ship as soon as you found out. And I can't judge anyone for working to repair the relationship, but I believe the BS are the ones most affected by the affair and the ones most disrespected in the affair. I used to justify my actions by saying it was the BS responsibility to keep her M together, but the one who should be blamed is the MM. My MM lied to me in the beginning. I chose to continue the affair. However, if it had not been me, there would have been someone else. And even if a woman tried to seduce and manipulate him, I still believe he should be responsible for his own actions.

 

Basically, I believe these situations are complicated and there isn't one answer for all, but if you can treat someone like that who does so much for you and has been there for you through thick and thin, while the OP doesn't even know what you look like, most of the responsibility falls into the cheater's hands.

 

I've come to a point where I'd like to respect my fellow woman, just for being one. Everyone doesn't feel that way. However, I can't understand why the OW is seen as a dumb, home-wrecking, sl*t, while the MM is given a slap on the wrist. Either way, I wouldn't appreciate the shoe being on the other foot, but now that I've been on the other side, it won't hit me like a ton of bricks. I now have understanding. I won't go through the motions of doubting myself and wondering what I should do about it. I will toss him out on his a$$ and if he doesn't crawl back begging for forgiveness, then he wants out. If he does, he wants a second chance. And after that chance, he'll never have another one again. A very select few appreciate their BS's ability to forgive. Many take that forgiveness and run with it.

 

I do not regret my experience because I learned from it, but I'd never agree to be the side dish again. Before I get married or after he's caught cheating;)

[Havn_a_life]

This is only an attempt to end this discussion. Once again, take it from an oldhead...I am a former OW and most of the time it is not pretty.

 

3rdI, have you ever heard of a river called Denial?

That's the impression I get on here.

You sound like you've had a hard road, and had to face a few things.

You've come out alright though.

It just takes others longer, is all.

Personally, as I'm a FBW, I appreciate your thoughts and opinions on your past.

[Havn_a_life]

I believe the BS are the ones most affected by the affair and the ones most disrespected in the affair. I used to justify my actions by saying it was the BS responsibility to keep her M together, but the one who should be blamed is the MM.

 

I believe this to be true.

I mean, the BS is the one who has to live with it long after the OP and/or cheater has moved on.

Take an OW who has been dumped by the MM, who's gone back to his W or not.

How many cases do you find that the OW pines her life away over the xMM? How many move on to another guy, M or not?

If there are any, please, I'd love to hear the stories on that.

[bish]

Just another example of someone that can't accept that some people get their happy endings and some don't...and it has nothing to do with what type a person they are...That's what life is: it's based on luck and choice...

 

The only people who jump on the "karma bus mantra" are the ones that can't accept that something bad happened to them and they have to rely on a "concept" to get their revenge...

 

Well....since karma came around 180 and really bit my xW in the arse...I'd say, at least for my situation, you are off the mark.

 

I actually do believe in karma when it comes to cheaters. Why? because its the type of people the cheaters, and people who help them cheat, get as partners that make karma all that much more possible.

 

Case in point...my xW is a cheater...the guy she is with has no quams about bedding down other men's wives...so here they are together now...and what do you know...he doesn't trust her because she cheated on me...with him! LMAO! well duh!!

 

So now she is enduring some pretty bad harranging and possessiveness from him...doesn't like it, but doesn't want to leave him either.

 

So karma came back to bite her big time. And the funny thing is...she is calling me more and more just to engage in small talk. I always have to ask her to get to the point that I'm busy.

[Tomcat33]

I was formerly the OW. My first boyfriend was a married man and I had other married lovers. I was terrible and even told a wife or two about the husband and his activities. BUT I reformed and have not "knowingly" dated a married man for many years.

 

Both of my children were with married men.

 

NOW fast forward many years and I am on the other side of the sh**pile. I was engaged and soon to be married when he cheated.

 

It helped me make quick decisons because I knew what he was telling her and the games that he was playing. However, I can't help but think about how I was a terrible smug humdinger that felt if you couldn't keep your man home that it was YOUR problem.

 

Now the shoe is on the other foot. I never thought about this when I was with my exMM's (yes plural).

 

Question: How are you going to be remembered? Will you be fond of these memories when you are old and gray? Do you believe that your comeuppance is near?

 

I never thought that this would happen to me and I wish that I had never had affairs with married men. Any thoughts?

 

Yeah I have a thought:

 

If you think you were terrible chances are you were totally that!

 

Now rather than dwelling on nonsense that has passed and you can never change why don't you try to focus on who you are now and on how you will make the remainder of your life worth living in a light that helps you accept you in a better light.

 

Afterall destiny is all about what you think you are worth, if you think you are so terrible and don't deserve to be happy then you will keep attracting bad energy into your life.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Afterall destiny is all about what you think you are worth, if you think you are so terrible and don't deserve to be happy then you will keep attracting bad energy into your life.

 

Well ... I don’t know all about that “destiny” stuff. Part of the reason I think more of us should start boycotting Cinderella fairytales, soap operas, cheesy romance novels and Hollywood chick flicks. I think females are brainwashed into believing in foolish fantasies from the time we’re little girls.

 

And it’s not so much about “attracting bad energy” as it is being attracted to bad relationship partners.

 

I mean ... how many toads does one actually have to kiss before they eventually realize those guys NEVER turn into your fairytale prince (???)

 

Sorry ladies ... your Mama lied!

[Tomcat33]

And it’s not so much about “attracting bad energy” as it is being attracted to bad relationship partners.

 

 

 

Same thing. People ARE energy we are made of the same atoms and cells and become organisms that give off energy.