I may be a commitment phobe - is there a cure?

[Mydish1]

I may have come to a realization of the possibility of me being a commitment phobe. I've only had a couple of girlfriends and occasional 1 or 2 dates with girls that didn't quite go any farther than that.

 

As of recent I've been meeting girls that are long-term minded and expect something serious to happen. I don't know why but when I think of it I'm not really too happy about the idea of being tied down. It kills the idea of 'greener on the other side', and exploring options.

 

And then I also tell myself, if I don't give them a chance - how will I know if it could turn into something real? But I also know being in a relationship will require my devotion of emotional, physical, and mental aspects..which I don't think I'm ready for.

[norajane]

How old are you? The younger you are, the less likely you are a commitment phobe, and the more likely it is that you just are not ready for a meaningful relationship.

 

And then I also tell myself, if I don't give them a chance - how will I know if it could turn into something real? But I also know being in a relationship will require my devotion of emotional, physical, and mental aspects..which I don't think I'm ready for.

 

This kinda sounds like you might have intimacy issues - not wanting to open up to someone and give of yourself to that person and to the relationship.

 

Or, you just might not really be into any of the people you've been meeting.

[Mydish1]

How old are you? The younger you are, the less likely you are a commitment phobe, and the more likely it is that you just are not ready for a meaningful relationship.

I'm in my early 20's, but sounds like a possibility.

 

This kinda sounds like you might have intimacy issues - not wanting to open up to someone and give of yourself to that person and to the relationship.

In the past I've had bad experiences with women, the ones I did want a relationship with either weren't ready for commitment or were just too busy or self absorbed in themselves. At times in the past I've thought there must be something wrong with me, but I think now I'm old enough to realize everyone is different and that it wasn't always my fault for things not working out. But I still do hate the thought of investing myself and then realize I was wasting my time after all.

 

Or, you just might not really be into any of the people you've been meeting.

 

Well that could be it also. Sometimes I lose interest in women quickly even after a few dates.

[Ronni_W]

But I still do hate the thought of investing myself and then realize I was wasting my time after all.

 

Yeah...but that could more happen if you OVER-invest in the other person and stop being who you are and stop taking proper care of your own needs and wants.

 

If you're BOTH committed to learning and growing and experiencing life in happy, positive ways then, if it ends, it still sucks but it wasn't also a waste of time -- if that makes sense?

 

To me, it only becomes a waste if you hook-up with someone needy AND you submit to their neediness...you lose yourself always trying to please them and keep them happy.

 

But...if you do end up like that, is it on you or on the other person?