i need everyone's thought's

[armywife915]

A friend of mine at work was talking about how her bf was jealous over her one guy friend. She made a comment to me and I wanted to see what you guys thought. She said a girl can have 20 guy friends and not think about them sexually, but a guy can have 20 girl friends and think of them all sexually. Do you think this is true?

 

Thanks I always love your input

[JamesM]

Yes and no.

 

I have had a number of friends that are women, and yes, I have thought of them sexually, BUT...that does NOT mean that I think of them with any intentions. When I say think of them sexually, the thought of..."I wonder how they might be in bed" may cross my mind, but it is not something that I have any intention of following up. Usually most guys have this feelings and it passes. The question becomes...if he has 20 female friends while in a committed relationship with another female, is it possible that he may eventually view one of these "friends" as more than friends?" Yes...if he ever allows the friendship to take priority over his relationship.

 

However, to use the comparison, if that girl has 20 guys who think of HER sexually, then statistically, there may be one who wants to follow through on his intentions. If that guy is aggressive and plans for action, then her boyfriend has something to be worried about...IF this female is somehow less than committed when times get rough in the relationship and puts that friendship over her relationship..

 

So, can guys and gals be friends while both (or one) are in a committed relationship? Yes, as long as this "friendship" is approved and accepted by the partner(s), and as long as it never becomes secretive or has priority over the relationship.

[michaelk]

Well said, James!

[Moose]

She said a girl can have 20 guy friends and not think about them sexually

I don't buy that at all.

 

James.....great post!

[armywife915]

Yes and no.

 

I have had a number of friends that are women, and yes, I have thought of them sexually, BUT...that does NOT mean that I think of them with any intentions. When I say think of them sexually, the thought of..."I wonder how they might be in bed" may cross my mind, but it is not something that I have any intention of following up. Usually most guys have this feelings and it passes. The question becomes...if he has 20 female friends while in a committed relationship with another female, is it possible that he may eventually view one of these "friends" as more than friends?" Yes...if he ever allows the friendship to take priority over his relationship.

 

However, to use the comparison, if that girl has 20 guys who think of HER sexually, then statistically, there may be one who wants to follow through on his intentions. If that guy is aggressive and plans for action, then her boyfriend has something to be worried about...IF this female is somehow less than committed when times get rough in the relationship and puts that friendship over her relationship..

 

So, can guys and gals be friends while both (or one) are in a committed relationship? Yes, as long as this "friendship" is approved and accepted by the partner(s), and as long as it never becomes secretive or has priority over the relationship.

 

That is a great way to put it! I can be sure that before I met my H I thought of all my guy friends in a sexual way...but that's cuz I love it lol. However, since I have met him and we have been married I don't. Course, most of our guy friends are not that attractive so maybe that has something to do with it LOL;)

[noirx]

I'll echo what everyone else has said - well put, James.

 

Personally, I don't believe that in a pool of 1 guy with 20 female friends or 1 female with 20 guy friends there isn't the same odds of "something happening". Not to be sexist, but I think men are more vocal about the fact that they want to hook up with someone so everyone thinks men are more likely to act. In this day and age, though, I think women have opened up and embraced their sexuality more. That being said, I think there are more women out there than people think that not only think of male friends in a sexual way, but would act on their thoughts.

[Trialbyfire]

A friend of mine at work was talking about how her bf was jealous over her one guy friend. She made a comment to me and I wanted to see what you guys thought. She said a girl can have 20 guy friends and not think about them sexually, but a guy can have 20 girl friends and think of them all sexually. Do you think this is true?

 

Thanks I always love your input

I do have some very close male friends who I don't have a single sexual thought about. It's like thinking about your brother or female friend sexually....just Eewwwww...

 

As for guys, based on the posts I see on LS, I'm seriously beginning to wonder if the vast majority of men always look at women as potential meat.

[JamesM]

A friend of mine at work was talking about how her bf was jealous over her one guy friend. She made a comment to me and I wanted to see what you guys thought. She said a girl can have 20 guy friends and not think about them sexually, but a guy can have 20 girl friends and think of them all sexually. Do you think this is true?

 

Thanks I always love your input

 

BTW, is there any particular reason you asked this question besides that "a friend" was talking about it at work?

 

TrialByFire......

 

As for guys, based on the posts I see on LS, I'm seriously beginning to wonder if the vast majority of men always look at women as potential meat.

 

 

Does this mean that "the vast majority of men" in your opinion DO or don't look at women as meat? Have the guys on LS convinced you that we do or don't?

[armywife915]

I do have some very close male friends who I don't have a single sexual thought about. It's like thinking about your brother or female friend sexually....just Eewwwww...

 

As for guys, based on the posts I see on LS, I'm seriously beginning to wonder if the vast majority of men always look at women as potential meat.

 

Yeah I feel the same. I came here hoping to get the mentality that my H doesn't look at other women sexually but I can definitely say that he must because almost all the guys on here do. I guess it's just one of those things that you should just let go and not think about. That's how I feel about all my guy friends, that they are like brothers. Of course, I am not like a normal 22 year old from my town. Not to be mean but they are all sluts around here who would do any guy. I guess I was forced to grow up fast which I appreciate. I love all the input everyone; thanks so much!

[armywife915]

BTW, is there any particular reason you asked this question besides that "a friend" was talking about it at work?

 

TrialByFire......

 

 

 

 

Does this mean that "the vast majority of men" in your opinion DO or don't look at women as meat? Have the guys on LS convinced you that we do or don't?

 

She was talking about her bf getting jealous and she made that comment. I just wanted to see what everyone thought so yeah that is the only reason. My H and I do not have a lot of female friends so it has nothing to do with my relationship. I think she would like to see his input.

[Trialbyfire]

TrialByFire......

 

Does this mean that "the vast majority of men" in your opinion DO or don't look at women as meat? Have the guys on LS convinced you that we do or don't?

Not you James, but the vast majority of guys look at women as potential meat. I can say that my close male friends don't think that way, since most of them are married to close female friends of mine, although once again, that's definitely not a guarantee of non-predatory behaviour.

[reboot]

the vast majority of guys look at women as potential meat.

Not only that, but we rate them! As in, I would do her:

 

- stone cold sober

- after two beers

- after a six pack

- after two six packs

 

:D

 

(Please don't hit me, I'm JOKING )

[Trialbyfire]

Not only that, but we rate them! As in, I would do her:

 

- stone cold sober

- after two beers

- after a six pack

- after two six packs

 

:D

 

(Please don't hit me, I'm JOKING )

Beer goggles sometimes create situations of coyote ugly. Be forewarned.

[reboot]

Beer goggles sometimes create situations of coyote ugly. Be forewarned.

You fall into the "stone cold sober" category anyway TBF.

[Trialbyfire]

You fall into the "stone cold sober" category anyway TBF.

Pretty ballsy reboot, considering the context of this thread. Only you...

[armywife915]

You fall into the "stone cold sober" category anyway TBF.

 

LOL that is so funny. Gotta feel the love!

[reboot]

Glad I made someone smile.

 

But I'll give a serious answer too. I think there's some truth in what your friend said. As a general rule, women don't look at men and think "sex" as often as men do when they look at women. I'd also point out there are plenty of men who have the thought cross their mind that would never actually act on it even given the chance.

 

That being said, I personally think opposite sex friendships for married people are very often just disasters waiting to happen. And I have pretty valid reasons for feeling that way.

[armywife915]

Glad I made someone smile.

 

But I'll give a serious answer too. I think there's some truth in what your friend said. As a general rule, women don't look at men and think "sex" as often as men do when they look at women. I'd also point out there are plenty of men who have the thought cross their mind that would never actually act on it even given the chance.

 

That being said, I personally think opposite sex friendships for married people are very often just disasters waiting to happen. And I have pretty valid reasons for feeling that way.

 

I definitely agree with that. My H and I only have friends who are couples with the exception of one guy who is his friend from work more than he is mine. So no room for drama. Just like Myspace. I think that is cause for drama too, which is why we now have one together, even though we never really are on it. But yeah thanks for the smile I needed it today. It's gloomy outside and I miss my hubby.

[Deanster]

Hi Armywife - good thread.

 

I'm a guy who has many female friends. I've always had women in my life who were just friends, and I always expect to. My wife, fortunately, is very easygoing on this, and doesn't see a problem, which is somewhat unusual, and for which I'm very appreciative.

 

In any case, I'm a big believer that men and women can be 'just friends', and have outstanding, long term, non-sexual relationships.

 

However, as you and everyone else here noted, I absolutely think of sex and sexual aspects with darn near every woman anywhere near my age I meet, including those who are my friends. The better friends they are, the more likely we are to have had a discussion about it, and it either becomes a running joke, or it's been discussed and set aside.

 

I'm sure there are some guys out there who are capable of meeting women and not assessing their attractiveness and potential availability as sex partners, but that's outstandingly unusual, IMHO.

 

Oveall, I'd say women are much more likely to be able to view a guy and not involve sexual thoughts, but that's mostly because they've pre-screened him, and concluded that they're not going to sleep with him, so they can move on.

 

So, I'd imagine that your husband absolutely looks at women he meets with a lusty eye. He'd be superhuman not to. A much bigger question is what he does about it. Move on, and wish he were home? Wander over and say 'How YOU doin'?' Drop his pants and demand sexual favors on the spot?

 

Most of us just enjoy the view, and move on. Some guys have pretty good skills for managing the lusty aspect in ways that make friendships work well with women - others don't, and they tend not to have female friends.