Double Whammy

[Bummed&Hurt]

I don't know what's wrong with me. She called me yesterday and needed some help at her place and I went over and helped her put some furniture together and some other stuff. She made lunch for our entire family and I pretty much spent the entire day over there. It was a great day and I almost felt like we were a family again.

 

We had to go do something together and long story short I ended up back at her place last night. We sat on the couch with our two littlest kids and watched tv. God it was great. The kids went to sleep and she put them in their beds and we just sat up and watched some tv. She held hands with me and cuddled and it felt so great.

 

I just love her to death and after all that's happened I still want her. She has hurt me so bad and I can't figure out how why I'm still so much in love with her. I just want her to come clean, tell me everything that has happened, and try and work things out and see if our marriage can be saved.

 

She has made her new place very warm and comforting and I'm torn because of that. I'm glad that she had made it a nice place for my kids but I'm afraid that she'll never come back.

 

This week he'll be coming back from vacation and I know everything will go down hill. Once he's in the picture she seems to get confused and turn very cold to me. She is very strong willed and once she has made up her mind to be with him I'm done.

 

I just don't know what to do. I'm so confused and hurt.

[Bummed&Hurt]

LittleFlower, thanks for the message. I sure wish I felt like I was in a position of strength but I feel like I'm lost as sea.

 

I know he's promising my wife the earth but I know he treats his wife like crap. It's so strange that after everything she's done to me I'm still worried about her future. I know that after the honeymoon is over he'll treat her like crap too and that really pisses me off.

 

Obviously anyone who can do these things isn't a very good person. They're selfish and pretty much screwed up in the head.

 

I just hope my wife will realize that I'm not the worst thing that ever happened to her.

[T L]

LittleFlower, thanks for the message. I sure wish I felt like I was in a position of strength but I feel like I'm lost as sea.

 

I know he's promising my wife the earth but I know he treats his wife like crap. It's so strange that after everything she's done to me I'm still worried about her future. I know that after the honeymoon is over he'll treat her like crap too and that really pisses me off.

 

Obviously anyone who can do these things isn't a very good person. They're selfish and pretty much screwed up in the head.

 

I just hope my wife will realize that I'm not the worst thing that ever happened to her.

 

Hi B&H, so sorry for what you are going through.

 

I am going through a seperation and can relate to what you say about worrying about your wifes future. I have gone though that stage, I think its natural as although that person has hurt you very badly, you cannot cut off the love you have had for them for many years just like that.

 

I am thinking less like that now and realise it was the X's choice and she has to live with it just as I do.

 

Keep posting, you will get some good advise and support here.

[reboot]

First of all, affairs are like mushrooms. They die when exposed to light. This is a powerful weapon for you.

 

Secondly, google "marriagebuilders.com what are plan a plan b" and read, read, read.

[Bummed&Hurt]

T L,

 

I keep trying to tell myself that this is the path that she chose. Once she has started down it there was no turning back. It's still just amazing that when it's just her and I together, without any outside factors, we get along great and she seems to enjoy my company.

 

Even after all the things she's done to me and our family during the last 4 months, I still worry about what's going to happen to her. I want her to be happy even if it doesn't include me.

 

I'm going to go see a counselor on Wednesday for the first time. It's just a preliminary appointment for evaluation. I hope they can help me get a grip on my emotions. I feel like such an idiot being a grown man and crying like a baby.

[devastated402]

I'm going to go see a counselor on Wednesday for the first time. It's just a preliminary appointment for evaluation. I hope they can help me get a grip on my emotions. I feel like such an idiot being a grown man and crying like a baby.

 

I hear ya brother. Im seeing a counselor too this coming wednesday. And the cyring like a baby thing.... shoot man, my eyes may as well be faucets with no handles. It does feel good to cry though dont it? Sure makes me feel better.

 

Dont feel alone though bro, you aint. Im going through some stuff too. Wife cheated on me, doesnt appear to want me anymore, I had NUMEROUS chances in the past to change my ways, but didnt. You're not alone man, it happens to the best of us. Its a shame that we just dont see what we had until its basically too late. Maybe its the male condition? To learn things the hard way? I dont know, seems like my MO at least.

 

Good luck though bro. These forums are really helpful with this stuff. Some of the advice is kinda "eh" and some of it is good. But, I think the best part is that people are reading and "hearing" your problem. A forum of folks that dont know you at all, lending their insight and their experiences to you. Its nice and it allows you to open up in ways you never have. No one knows you, no one can come to your work after reading this and make fun of you, its a very anonymous way for men (and women) to show their true feelings.

[Bummed&Hurt]

You are so right about these forums. Just posting my thoughts is very helpful to me and hearing other people generous enough to share their past and present experiences is so great.

 

My wife came over to our house tonight and cooked the entire family dinner. We watched some tv and she was very warm and touchy to me tonight. I just don't know what's going on in her head. I know she's confused but I don't know why she can do things behind my back and not feel a huge amount of guilt. How can she look at me in the eyes? Are these affairs about getting off on the deception? It just really confuses me.

 

Tomorrow the OM will be back at work and I know this week will go downhill. We have been splitting time on where our small children stay but this week I will have them about 3 or 4 nights. I'm sure she will be planning rendezvous with him this week. Do you think trying to catch them in the act is over the top since she won't come clean about it?

 

I'm also chickening out about telling his wife. I'm going to wait and see what happens this week and decide. I just don't want to hurt her.

 

I'll keep writing as things progress. It's really helpful for my mind.

[LostHusband]

 

We had to go do something together and long story short I ended up back at her place last night. We sat on the couch with our two littlest kids and watched tv. God it was great. The kids went to sleep and she put them in their beds and we just sat up and watched some tv. She held hands with me and cuddled and it felt so great.

 

Same thing seems to be happening with me and my wife, who is leaving me. We have these moments where everything seems so great - and although the back of my mind tells me its only temporary and I'll probably be hurting later, I love those moments enough to not try to put a stop to them, despite what people tell me. At least I can feel good some of the time, instead of feeling terrible all of the time.

[Bummed&Hurt]

Great being here at work and seeing the SOB. I keep thinking that controlling your emotions is probably the best thing to do when the end result maybe sitting in the back of a car with a cage in it.

 

Found out through the grapevine that the affair has been the hottest topic going around here at work and around town. Great, now I look like a fool to the highest degree. She's so worried that everyone is going to find out that she has moved into her own place. I don't think she grasps what the hell is going on.

 

I completely feel worthless. I know it's something she's decided to do but self esteem has really taken a hit. The man who couldn't satisfy all his wife's needs.

[reboot]

You work with this guy??

[Bummed&Hurt]

All three of us work in the same place. It's a very fine mess these two have created. I live in a rural community and have a job I love doing and it pays very well. I have a great boss who respects me and treats me very fair. It would impossible to find a job similar here or anywhere for that matter.

 

The three of us and his wife have all been on couple trips together and have taken our entire families on some. Such the topic of double whammy. I really considered him my best friend before all this started. I guess with friends like these who needs enemies.

 

So not only is my personal life in complete turmoil, now my working environment has turned into a torture chamber. A real fine mess huh?

[Bummed&Hurt]

The same thing is happening today that has been happening the last 3 months. My wife and I have been spending quite a bit of time together during the weekend. When it's just me and her we seem to get along great and she really seems to care for me. Then work starts up and when she's around him she slowly starts turning cold to me. This roller coaster is about to kill me.

 

I keep telling myself that I just want to give my kids one more normal Christmas and then I'll make her make a decision. I really wish my wife would just come clean and tell me what has happened with him. It's so frustrating that the woman I've loved for so long and trusted can be so selfish.

[LostHusband]

The same thing is happening today that has been happening the last 3 months. My wife and I have been spending quite a bit of time together during the weekend. When it's just me and her we seem to get along great and she really seems to care for me. Then work starts up and when she's around him she slowly starts turning cold to me. This roller coaster is about to kill me.

 

Yep - same here, weekends everything with the wife is great. Then the work week starts and she gets colder and colder to me. This is her last week though and then she has Christmas break until January. I'm going to wait and see how things go over break, I have no idea if she is going to start looking for a place, or if she is going to use the time off to pack, or if things are going to go well, or bad, or whatever. I am not making any drastic moves myself though, I don't even bring up the separation anymore, I don't act sad around her anymore. This could turn out to be a good Christmas, or a bad one.

[bestadvisor]

Great being here at work and seeing the SOB. I keep thinking that controlling your emotions is probably the best thing to do when the end result maybe sitting in the back of a car with a cage in it.

 

Found out through the grapevine that the affair has been the hottest topic going around here at work and around town. Great, now I look like a fool to the highest degree. She's so worried that everyone is going to find out that she has moved into her own place. I don't think she grasps what the hell is going on.

 

I completely feel worthless. I know it's something she's decided to do but self esteem has really taken a hit. The man who couldn't satisfy all his wife's needs.

 

You can't let thing stay they are. You have to do something. Do you think his wife knows since it's the "hottest topic" going around work and around town? It might be great to get some support system on your side. You need to talk to her. Don't worry about her getting hurt, because, you know what, she will found out eventually. You know it's not a one night stand, it's been going on and will continue to go on.

[Bummed&Hurt]

Last night I had a really bad night. We have a nice master bedroom with a king size bed and I'm not sure what happened last night but I completely lost it sleeping in that big bed all alone. She had been spending some nights over there every once in a while but now I think she hasn't been there in over two weeks.

 

I see her all the time and we are civil to each other but this is going to kill me. I know things have got to change. They cannot keep going on the way they are. I know I need to cut ties with her so she can figure out what she wants but it's almost impossible when we work at the same place.

 

I'm thinking about asking my boss for a leave of absence right after I tell him what's going on. I'm afraid that I might be slitting my own throat but I just can't figure out what to do. He has always been fair to me but he's also very smart at handling problems. I'm afraid that he might think the best solution is to get rid of me. I could work from home and come in on a limited basis.

 

I don't know if putting pressure on her right before Christmas is the right thing to do for the kids. It sure might jolt her into reality about what's she's done and doing.

[Bummed&Hurt]

I totally lost it here at work yesterday. I had heard from a friend that he just couldn't go on anymore and told me that they were having an affair. This obviously wasn't anything I didn't know but for some reason I just snapped. I went into her office and told her that everyone knows that you two are having an affair and you need to come clean about it.

 

She said that I was imagining things and nothing was going on. She then called the OM into the office. I asked him how long he had been ****ing my wife and he denied it also. I pleaded, threatened and begged for them to come clean and they wouldn't. My wife finally said something like fine we're screwing, I asked when it started and she said she wasn't giving any details. She then backed off and said that she just said that because it's what I wanted to hear.

 

I always said that just the not knowing part was what was driving me crazy and now I know for sure that they are screwing. Two married people with underage kids screwing up each other's lives.

 

I've got a doctors appointment today to get some AD. I hope that it helps keep me emotions on some what of an even keel. I don't know how I'm going to function here at work having to work around the SOB and my home life in such a shambles. I hope these are wonder drugs.

[bestadvisor]

BH, that's not a good move. They are going to accuse you of being crazy now and probably will spread rumors about your mental state. You need to get some support on your side. Talk to his wife about it. Talk to people you and your wife respect and get them on your side. You said you had evidence, what type of evidence did you have other than guts feeling and what others suspect? Sometimes, cheaters will not admit no matter what, but some solid evidence will make it easier for them to admit.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Okay listen, they gonna take the affair underground. Hire a private investigator. Do a 180, a complete ignore. I mean stone cold black 180. Gateher evidence. Because the OMW needs to know what's happeneing for her own family's future stake.

 

And then when you have stone cold proof you expose, your families, the company, and his family.

 

It's the truth right? They breaking the marriage vows right? Then tell the truth.

 

I pray for you to dont go crazy, dont let what she's doing cripple you mentally. Get your mind right and get indifferent to her actions.

[Bummed&Hurt]

I have come to the conclusion that the only way that they are going to come clean is being caught in the act. The evidence I have gotten was done in a very scummy way.

 

I'll tell the OMW that she should be watching her man very closely. I might call her every time my wife is free of children and tell her to follow him. I'm not sure if we have any PIs in this town.

[Bummed&Hurt]

BestAdvisor hell I'm not sure about my mental state. Did get to the doctor today to get some AD. Started taking them today so hopefully in a few days or a couple of weeks things will start to improve regarding my not so manly crying spells. I lost it in front of my little kids today and had to jump into the bathroom so they wouldn't see me.

 

It was kind of funny looking back on it though. My 5 year old daughter is already taking care of me by telling me how to fix her hair. I'm not sure why in the world that made me lose it but I did big time.

[MyAbusa]

B&H

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. It truly is a terrible thing to go through & believe me, I know! My advice would be to first decide what you want. Do you want to save your marriage or cut your losses and run? If you’re finished then you need to protect yourself & your finances & you need to do it NOW. Initiate no contact with your WW & hire an attorney immediately. You’re very vulnerable right now & a WS can & WILL take advantage of that.

On the other hand, if you believe you could get over what has happened & you want to save your marriage (yes this is a viable option) then you need to get yourself educated. Start reading everything you can about surviving adultery. LS has many threads with stories just like yours & WS almost always do & say the exact same thing your WS is & will be doing & saying. Once you know what to expect you can start working on a plan to save your marriage. Check out marriagbuilders dot com for some excellent plans of attack & tools for the BS. It’s a long and rough road but you can rescue your marriage.

I hope this helps my friend & I wish you all the best.

[Bummed&Hurt]

We are heading down the road of divorce. I'm not sure with the state that our relationship is in that it's all bad. She completely despises me at the moment even though we have times where she acts like she likes me.

 

I'm slowly coming to grips with the fact that she is gone and will not be coming back. We have made an oath to spend Christmas together and get along for the kids sake. We are then going to get things started with the divorce and finish it up as soon as we can.

 

It's hard and I know I will have many ups and downs in my personal life and here at work but I'm going to keep posting here often to tell everyone how I'm doing. This seems to calm my mind.

[redblack66]

We are heading down the road of divorce. I'm not sure with the state that our relationship is in that it's all bad. She completely despises me at the moment even though we have times where she acts like she likes me.

 

I'm slowly coming to grips with the fact that she is gone and will not be coming back. We have made an oath to spend Christmas together and get along for the kids sake. We are then going to get things started with the divorce and finish it up as soon as we can.

 

It's hard and I know I will have many ups and downs in my personal life and here at work but I'm going to keep posting here often to tell everyone how I'm doing. This seems to calm my mind.

 

Be here, as it is really helpful. I feel for you, and just keep going, no matter what. Things can get much better, at least what I have been reminded all the time.

[Bummed&Hurt]

Well the roller coaster continues. She called me last night and said she needed to talk to me. She came over and we watched some tv and we didn't talk about any heavy subject matter. She then asked if she could sit by me and I said sure. We sat together with our two small children and watched a Christmas show and God was it great. They both fell asleep on us.

 

We then started watching another show and right about the end of it she asked me if I was horny. Being a typical red blooded American male I said sure! The next thing I knew we were done with a marathon sex session and it was almost 1 in the morning.

 

I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. I still love my wife and we have great sex together but what the heck is going on? I know I should have told her that once she's ended the affair we'll try and put things back together, but instead I just caved in to her. I love spending time with her and I just can't stop thinking about her.

 

I know what the answer is going to be but what the heck is she doing?

[Chrome Barracuda]

You should not be having sex with your wife!!!

 

Go get and STD test before you become sexually active with her.

 

She may be pregnant witht he OM's baby and be actively trying to cover it up. You already know she's a liar and a cheater, dont believe anything she says about anything.

 

Until the affair is truly over and she is stone cold true that she's reconciling with you, stay away from her. And start to employ the 180.

 

If you are so sure of the divorce then you should go with that full blast. Act divorced and dont pretend for anything different!

 

She's using you, dont allow her BS to slide!