Double Whammy

[redblack66]

Well the roller coaster continues. She called me last night and said she needed to talk to me. She came over and we watched some tv and we didn't talk about any heavy subject matter. She then asked if she could sit by me and I said sure. We sat together with our two small children and watched a Christmas show and God was it great. They both fell asleep on us.

 

We then started watching another show and right about the end of it she asked me if I was horny. Being a typical red blooded American male I said sure! The next thing I knew we were done with a marathon sex session and it was almost 1 in the morning.

 

I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. I still love my wife and we have great sex together but what the heck is going on? I know I should have told her that once she's ended the affair we'll try and put things back together, but instead I just caved in to her. I love spending time with her and I just can't stop thinking about her.

 

I know what the answer is going to be but what the heck is she doing?

 

What the heck are you doing

You should read "Love Must Be Tough".

[Bummed&Hurt]

I know, I know. It's a real screw up. One night of sex is going to hurt things in the long run. I just don't have the will power.

 

If she got pregnant that would be a show stopper. There is now way I could get her in that way.

 

I appreciate you guys yelling at me. Please keep it up. I'll do better in the future.

[LostHusband]

Well the roller coaster continues. She called me last night and said she needed to talk to me. She came over and we watched some tv and we didn't talk about any heavy subject matter. She then asked if she could sit by me and I said sure. We sat together with our two small children and watched a Christmas show and God was it great. They both fell asleep on us.

 

We then started watching another show and right about the end of it she asked me if I was horny. Being a typical red blooded American male I said sure! The next thing I knew we were done with a marathon sex session and it was almost 1 in the morning.

 

I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. I still love my wife and we have great sex together but what the heck is going on? I know I should have told her that once she's ended the affair we'll try and put things back together, but instead I just caved in to her. I love spending time with her and I just can't stop thinking about her.

 

I know what the answer is going to be but what the heck is she doing?

 

It's like I have been waking up in the middle of the night and sleeptyping all of this stuff out myself! Yep - STBXW and me, together, hanging out, marathon sex - feeling I shouldn't do it, but can't help it, its the only affection I get from her now and I like it while its happening. Doesn't make me feel any better after a day or two goes by and everything is back to the way it was with her still leaving...

[bestadvisor]

It's like I have been waking up in the middle of the night and sleeptyping all of this stuff out myself! Yep - STBXW and me, together, hanging out, marathon sex - feeling I shouldn't do it, but can't help it, its the only affection I get from her now and I like it while its happening. Doesn't make me feel any better after a day or two goes by and everything is back to the way it was with her still leaving...

 

Your wife had or is having an affair right? AT LEAST an emotional affair and most likely a physcial affair that she denies and denies, correct?

 

I read that the marathon sex thing has to do with evolution where the female is having more than one sex partner and biologically seeking some more superior sperm or something. Do some research on that if you want. But, for Double Whammy and LostHusband, you might just try to find some solid evidence of your wives' affair that almost definately exist and be careful with STDs.

[Bummed&Hurt]

Just wanted to post an update on my situation. I found out through my wife on Friday that the boss called out the OM and asked him point blank if he was the cause of our problems and if he was having an affair. He told him that he wasn't going to answer that question. So everything is coming out of the woodwork now. I see a big train crash coming.

 

I have decided to get through Christmas and go for the divorce. I just can't handle the deception any longer. Even if I could work through everything she has done she still hasn't come clean about what happened and doesn't want to try.

 

I never in my life thought I would get divorced and she's expressed the same thing. I will always love her and getting over her will take a very long time.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Nobody ever imagines getting married to just get divorced a few years later. It sucks but in all actuallity I think men should get prenups with the way these women be divorcing men for no reason all of a sudden. Cheating, infidelity.

 

You got to look out for yourself.

 

Next year things will turn out good for you watch and see. et through your emotions and work to a better future for your kids.

[Bummed&Hurt]

It's just so weird that her and the OM have destroyed so much. I don't get to be with my children every morning, she has made my life hell here at work, and I know she is having second thoughts about what she's done. The problem is she's so strong willed that I know she will have to prove herself and I'll never understand why she has to burn so many bridges to accomplish that.

 

I know 2008 can only get better since this year has been so bad. I've got to suck it up and be strong for myself and the kids. I will keep posting to this forum since it seems to help so much.

[redblack66]

It's just so weird that her and the OM have destroyed so much. I don't get to be with my children every morning, she has made my life hell here at work, and I know she is having second thoughts about what she's done. The problem is she's so strong willed...

 

I heard from a MC that women in such situations do not admit guilt.

Just a thought.

[Bummed&Hurt]

That's interesting RedBlack because she definitely seems like she never will. What characteristics are you reading through these posts that make you think that? You have nailed her on the head.

 

She has been staying over here while my oldest daughter is down for christmas. She is still making excuses to end up at her trailer with no kids and arriving back late. I've just got to suck it up and get on with the divorce.

[Bummed&Hurt]

I had a weird day today. Yesterday my wife brought up the divorce and we started talking about all the things that we needed to do. I was calm and went through everything she had been thinking about and I had some items I wanted to discuss. We were both civil and I also talked about how the affair has hurt me just as much if not more than anything I had done to her in the past. She really only brought up the fact that I haven't given her proof only once. She didn't exactly acknowledge the adultery but she doesn't deny it all the time when I bring it up.

 

Work here has also started to be stressful on both of them. I really thought the boss would call me into my office but it didn't happen. I hope it happens tomorrow. She broke down in my office telling me how everyone here has alienated her and I only look like a victim. She said she knows she screwed up. I really didn't know what to say because it really is the truth. I do feel bad for her but it's her decision that has brought us to this point.

 

Anyway, I'm feeling more comfortable about the divorce now. I'm not sure if it's the AD or if I'm coming to the realization that why would I want to be married to a lier and a cheater. Then again, tomorrow might be a completely different story.

[bestadvisor]

 

Work here has also started to be stressful on both of them. I really thought the boss would call me into my office but it didn't happen. I hope it happens tomorrow. She broke down in my office telling me how everyone here has alienated her and I only look like a victim. She said she knows she screwed up. I really didn't know what to say because it really is the truth. I do feel bad for her but it's her decision that has brought us to this point.

 

Anyway, I'm feeling more comfortable about the divorce now. I'm not sure if it's the AD or if I'm coming to the realization that why would I want to be married to a lier and a cheater. Then again, tomorrow might be a completely different story.

 

If you have decided on getting a divorce, don't feel sorry for her. Detach yourself from her. She should have thought about that when she spread her legs. Here is what someone in your shoes has done:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t139657/

 

I don't recommend you to go that extreme, since you still work together and you have kids together, but once you're divorced her problems are not yours.

Edited December 28, 2007 by bestadvisor

[Bummed&Hurt]

It's funny, last night she stayed over again since my oldest daughter from college couldn't get back because of snow. We all played a game as a family and had a real good time. I just can't believe that any married man would be worth enough to throw away our family.

 

She telling me that I have ruined her reputation in this town now and that the only thing she can do is move away, with my two small children, to another community. She's looking at a town about 120 miles away. God, she's really screwed things up. I just don't see how this will work since I would only get to see them on the weekends. The rituals that I had with them in the morning, dressing them, getting them breakfast, talking to them about the day is gone. I'm starting to get bitter.

 

I have been pressing her to end the affair because it's just so wrong. She claims that she has broken off contact with him but I doubt it. I still think they might be planning on running off together. I just dread what the next few months will bring with her being so unbalanced.

 

Anyway, full steam ahead. I hope I don't fly off a cliff.

[BestAdvisor10]

Does other man's wife now know about the affair? How old are their kids?

[Bummed&Hurt]

She doesn't know. I don't want to initiate the conversation but if she's calls I will tell her everything I know. He has two kids 13 and 9. They have been married almost 20 years like my wife and I.

 

I figure that Friday is the time to have employee conflicts so I'm expecting my boss to call me into his office today. When I started thinking about what I would say to him, many weeks ago, I was trying to find a way to protect my wife so she wouldn't lose her job. Now I'm just going to tell him the facts that I know and they can fend for themselves. I'm just afraid if she loses her job she'll move away with my two small children. It will be devastating not to just me but my family who is very close to all my children.

 

I don't want to get into a custody battle but taking them far away just seems so extreme. I want to see my children every day.

[Bummed&Hurt]

The boss just came in and talked to me about the situation. I have great respect for him and I admire him. He has made his millions and grown his empire through tough fair practices. I told him that my wife and I are on the verge of a divorce and he body language just sunk and he closed his eyes. I now have even more respect for the man. We have always had a very solid business relationship and drink beer together but nothing very personal. He genuinely is concerned about my wife and I. He pleaded for us to try and work it out.

 

I told him that I didn't have any proof that their relationship is physical but I thought it was completely improper. He is quite a spot. He told me he didn't want to lose any of us from a business stand point but everything is in a gray area regarding the work environment.

 

I just seen him leave with the OM. The fan is being splattered.

[Bummed&Hurt]

Well, had a fun night tonight. I took one of my daughters to a friends house to stay the night and happen to end up with the car my wife was driving. I happen to notice that her purse was in the back seat and went through it.

 

Inside was some legal sized notepad letters she had written to him regarding their relationship asking questions like when are you going to leave your wife, where are we going to run off to, and the one I like was should we bring the affair out in the open so we can **** more often. That one really was good to read.

 

She's been doing exactly what I thought was happening. She was trying to get through the holidays and then dump me. She also asked him if she should string the divorce proceedings along another couple of months or go for it now. What a freakin' scumbag she is.

 

The problem was is that I threw the letters in front of her and she took them. I wish I had made copies of them.

 

Well lets see what happens.

[Bummed&Hurt]

CRAP! I should have made copies of them. I called the OM's house to talk to his wife and he answered, I told him what happened about finding the love letters and his response was, whose handwriting was it? ****. I should have run down and made copies of everything.

 

LET THIS BE A LESSON TO EVERYONE. If you find proof make a copy of it. I'm sure they will deny it tomorrow but I will know. I HATE her to no end now. What the F!!! was she thinking? IF YOU HAVE EVIDENCE MAKE COPIES!!!

 

The WW is very smooth. I will pull my head out of my ass and figure that out.

[michelangelo]

 

She telling me that I have ruined her reputation in this town now and that the only thing she can do is move away, with my two small children, to another community. She's looking at a town about 120 miles away. God, she's really screwed things up. I just don't see how this will work since I would only get to see them on the weekends. The rituals that I had with them in the morning, dressing them, getting them breakfast, talking to them about the day is gone. I'm starting to get bitter.

 

I just about spit my coffee across the room when I read that she blames you for the loss of her reputation!

 

Let me get this straight. She is having sex with some other guy at your place of work and you're to blame for her lousy reputation?

 

Dude, she is really messed up in her thinking if she really believes that.

 

You do not have to take her plan to move your kids so far away. You need to talk to a divorce lawyer about getting a custody arrangement in place pronto.

 

Fight for your kids! Too bad for her if she can't handle what she has done.

 

Keep your kids close to you. The status quo is very important to them and the courts believe that too.

 

Your wife is about to play hardball with you and you saw, literally, the handwriting on the wall.

 

Time to step up your game.

[redblack66]

 

I wish I had made copies of them.

 

 

Big mistake

You should have made copies, seriously. I believe you were in shock and did not make the right decision. Do not blame yourself. In such situation, take a deep breath, try to calm down and think logically.

Do not hurry. If you don't know what to do, don't do anything.

Edited December 30, 2007 by redblack66

[Bummed&Hurt]

Just wanted to post an update. I called the OM's house yesterday morning hoping his wife would answer but he did. I asked him if he was going to leave his wife and he mumbled no, I then asked him if my wife meant anything to him or if she was just a piece of ass. He really didn't say anything and then he asked me if I wanted to meet somewhere where we could talk. I told him we didn't have anything else to discuss and he said why did you call then and I said that I was hoping his wife would answer. He said, she's standing right here do you want to talk to her?

 

I got on the phone with her and I proceeded to tell her all that I knew, from the love letters to all the nights I knew they were together. She seemed almost numb to what I was saying to the point where I thought maybe she wasn't believing me. She said she would have to have a talk with her husband. I figured that he had her brain washed.

 

I went over later in the afternoon to try and talk to my wife and she didn't want anything to do with me. She asked me why I told the OM's wife and I said this needs to end. She is not denying the affair at all now so that's a big plus. At least we can talk about what's going on instead of her just lying to me and cheating behind my back. I guess the OM's wife totally freaked and left and he hasn't seen her since. I think this was a big wake up call and now from what my wife's saying, he is snubbing her and won't talk to her. Now my wife has lost her family and her security blanket she's been laying with for the past three months.

 

She still blames me for her having the affair. She just doesn't seem to want to accept any of the blame. I think she has completely gone off the deep end. She said that she was going to make a big scene here at work but I haven't heard any fireworks yet.

 

Yesterday I had all my kids at home. My three oldest daughters have slowly pieced together what has happened and they have really turned on my wife. They are really looking down on her. So yesterday she sat in her apartment all by herself, getting drunk, and feeling sorry for herself. I thought that since she had such a bad day that maybe the kids going over there would make her feel better. I guess as soon as they walked in she just jumped all over them and accused our daughter that we were having problems with over the summer that she was the cause of all of the problems. My daughter totally freaked out and came home crying and pissed. She thinks that I'm turning our kids against her. Anytime they have asked me what's going on I tell them to talk to her. I swear I have never said anything negative about her in front of the kids. They are old enough to form their own opinions.

 

This is quite the mess. She did call me last night and even though the conversation was full of hatred flying from her it was a conversation that was somewhat useful. I know what's going on in that the other man has washed his hands of her and now she has nothing. She has hurt me so bad and yet I still feel so bad for her.

 

Sorry to set a record on length of post. It just helps venting here.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Hey these were the reprecussions of her actions!

 

Did she think anyone wouldnt know. Affairs are harmful and dangerous and should be avoided at all costs.

 

You take blame of the marriage of where it's at 50% but she needs to take 100% blame of the affair and needs to own it.

 

In my own opinion now that the cats outta the bag, I think you'd be better off. You need to file for divorce for the new year and find someone else.

 

Trust me when more of your friends know about it, you dont want to be standing next to her when the sh** hit's the fan! lol.

 

Dont let her rewrite marital history, tell tell the truth.

[Bummed&Hurt]

The OM is now moving to another one of our locations. He is taking his family and getting a fresh start from all that they have destroyed. I asked my wife today if the affair was over and she just said, he's moving away to another city. I told her that's not what I asked, and she just stared at me and after asking her again she said yes the affair was over.

 

She's made it sound like if he called she would jump at the chance to go back to him. I filled for divorce yesterday and it takes 90 days for it to become final. I think that right now we could work through the problems if she would give it 100% but I don't think she really cares anymore.

 

I know it will take me a great amount of time to get over her. If we didn't have small children I would hope she would move totally away from me so I never had to see her again. I think that would make things easier but now she's going to try and move with my small children.

 

Sometimes I wish I could fast forward a year and see where I'll be but I know that it's not going to be that easy.

[redblack66]

I filled for divorce yesterday and it takes 90 days for it to become final.

Good for you.

I know it will take me a great amount of time to get over her. If we didn't have small children I would hope she would move totally away from me so I never had to see her again. I think that would make things easier but now she's going to try and move with my small children.

I feel for you. You can still do NC with her. I had practically no contact with my first wife, and I had to pick up my son every second weekend. It works and it feels good.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Damn you filed for divorce yesterday?

 

Then you know what whatever she does with any OM is none of your business. Do a 180 and go NC.

 

She doesnt deserve your caring about her well being.

 

much luck to you.

 

Mark my words, she'll be back. The grass aint always greener out there and she's gonna see how green that manure really is.

[michelangelo]

Yesterday I had all my kids at home. My three oldest daughters have slowly pieced together what has happened and they have really turned on my wife. They are really looking down on her. So yesterday she sat in her apartment all by herself, getting drunk, and feeling sorry for herself. I thought that since she had such a bad day that maybe the kids going over there would make her feel better. I guess as soon as they walked in she just jumped all over them and accused our daughter that we were having problems with over the summer that she was the cause of all of the problems. My daughter totally freaked out and came home crying and pissed. She thinks that I'm turning our kids against her. Anytime they have asked me what's going on I tell them to talk to her. I swear I have never said anything negative about her in front of the kids. They are old enough to form their own opinions.

 

If your kids are asking what happened you should answer them with the truth.

You do not have to describe every sordid detail, but acknowledging that your wife had an affair and that is why you two are apart would do them some good. also, EMPHASIZE that your daughters had nothing to do with her affair or the breakup of your marriage.

 

Yes, they can form their own opinions, but they are children and will presume they are to blame for things. especially if your drunken wife lashes out at them!