...Complicated Situation..I am a virgin but I was raped once. Do I tell my boyfriend?

[XxBacktoBlackXx]

When I was a freshman in college, I was raped. I have always considered myself a virgin because that was an incident that I didn't choose. I have always wanted to wait for the right guy to come along to have sex, but that incident just broke my spirit. My boyfriend and I are at the point where we are going to have sex. He knows I'm a virgin but this past experience is haunting me. It happened in 2004 and I thought I could bury it in the past. Is it wrong for me to try and forget about it or do I really have to tell him?

[Yosef]

This is my take on the situation: Telling your boyfriend now is better than burrying it in your heart. If you don't tell him and go through with it, you might feel guilt for not telling him in the first place. He might become upset that you didn't say anything if you tell him later on. It shouldn't affect anything if he really cares about you. It wasn't your choice, after all, so if he can keep that in mind then things should remain the same. If you've recieved any illness from the incident, tell him beforehand, but if you didn't, then that's one thing to be very happy about.

[Jilly Bean]

First off, I am really sorry. I have a few friends who are also rape survivors - it is not an easy thing.

 

I think you should tell him what you told us. It's not wrong for you to try and forget, but if you care about him, then I think he deserves to know. I am sure he will then respect your wishes to not talk about it again, but will appreciate your honesty, and it will bring you closer together.

[Trialbyfire]

You have a responsibility to tell him, in case you react negatively to the intimate contact and also, how you interact with him. If he has any sensitivity at all, he will be a lot more gentle and understanding.

[Cobra_X30]

When I was a freshman in college, I was raped. I have always considered myself a virgin because that was an incident that I didn't choose. I have always wanted to wait for the right guy to come along to have sex, but that incident just broke my spirit. My boyfriend and I are at the point where we are going to have sex. He knows I'm a virgin but this past experience is haunting me. It happened in 2004 and I thought I could bury it in the past. Is it wrong for me to try and forget about it or do I really have to tell him?

 

 

Wow... that is a very tough one! For many reasons. You should only tell him if you can trust him with that. If you cant trust him... well you shouldnt be having sex!

 

How does your BF treat you? What kind of man is he?

 

Thats what you need to ask yourself first!

[Love_Lifee]

i was sexually abused when i was younger and i also was scared to tell my bf about it...we have been together for a year now and i just recentlytold him about 3weeks ago. it did not change anything at all..we are still the same couple. he might ask questions and it might make you feel uncomfortable, but tell him if you feel like that..

[Dynamo]

I would certainly tell him. He definetely won't think any less of you - if he does he's a horrible person and you don't want to be with him anyways. Trust me, if he truly loves you he'll be looking for how he can find the bastard and kick his face in, not be angry at you..