Texts

[Elly84]

Last night I was looking in my boyfriend's phone and found some pretty explicit sexual texts to another girl. His story is that he hasnt done anything with her but shes sent him lots of texts like that and the other night he just cracked and replied. We've been together five years so this is really difficult. He's never done anything like this before so I'm thinking of staying with him and just put it down to a moment of weakness/stupidity. I just wanted some advice. Should i stay with him? How can I trust him ever again?

Thanks.

[MatsumeKazuo]

There's no excuse for those texts. Who is this girl he was texting?

 

Are you two having some problems in the relationship for him to go and reply to her texts? Because if you didn't find out, he wouldn't have told you - that's obvious. And he didn't give you any other explanation?

 

If it happened to me, I wouldn't have been able to stay with him. There is absolutely zero trust left after something like that. Maybe you two should sit down and talk it out to see where you stand.

[Carmen87]

My lord, the trouble texting causes in relationships these days. If you feel you can move past it and trust him to never do it again, it is up to you whether or not you can stay with him.

[Elly84]

Thanks for your replies guys. The girl is the sister of a friend of ours and he'd told me that she'd been messaging him before i found them but not that they were dirty messages. There is no excuse and he knows it. He says he's really ashamed and that he felt bad as soon as he replied to her. The thing is though that I thought we were going fine. Sex life is better than its ever been (we were in a long distance relationship for four years and now were back together) and we don't argue as much as we have in the past. No he wouldn't have told me but that doesn't mean to say it would have gone further. He's coming round soon to talk so hopefully we can sort it out one way or another.

[MatsumeKazuo]

The best of luck to you.

[Elly84]

Thanks!

[Blue Eyed Brain]

Why did you find the need to check his messages? Sounds like you don't trust him. Somehow the real story is missing. The texts are only a preclude or a piece of what is really going on.

 

Remember: It's not we're they are at, it's where they want to be.......

 

It sounds like (minimally) he has moved on at least mentally if not already physically.

 

I would move on as well.

[Pirouette]

Why did you find the need to check his messages? Sounds like you don't trust him. Somehow the real story is missing. The texts are only a preclude or a piece of what is really going on.

 

Remember: It's not we're they are at, it's where they want to be.......

 

It sounds like (minimally) he has moved on at least mentally if not already physically.

 

I would move on as well.

 

I see that you would disagree with the practice, but I sometimes look at my boyfriend's phone and read his messages. I'm not suspicious and I'm not trying to find anything, but it's like what the hey, I'll takes a lookie. My boyfriend is totally aware of it when I do, he doesn't mind and he has the same access to my phone.

 

We have an open book policy with each other. This is the man that I share my dreams, deepest fears, and bodily fluids with. I don't feel the need to have privacy in something like text messages just for the sake of privacy. I can never access his thoughts of course, so if he looks at a girls and considers what it would be like to sleep with her, I can't know and cannot penalize him for that. But once he commits those thoughts to an instrument like a text message to another girl, it becomes something more, and yes I would freak out if I found something like that.

 

My long rambling point: we share everything because there is nothing to hide. If he asked me not to read something because it was sensitive, I would respect his wishes, but I would still wonder why wasn't sharing something with me.

 

And I would dump that guy for his sexual texts to another girl.

[Elly84]

Yeah it was like pirouette says i was just being nosey. It's not that I didn't trust him I just wanted to see what girls he was talking to. No matter how strong your relationship is theres always a little suspicion.

I resent you saying he's moved on. Looking at other girls or looking at porn isn't moving on. I believe him that he hasn't done anything with her (also i made him text her while i was there and her reply confirmed that.) It will take a while to get the trust back but I do believe people deserve second chances. That's all he will get though. If I ever find out anything like this again it will be over. I may be being naive by staying with him but i'd be more unhappy if we split. If it were another guy who I'd been seeing for a shorter period of time or not been through so much with then itd be over straight away but I think I can get over this and hopefully he'll get more respect for me because he'll realise what he nearly lost by doing such a stupid thing.

 

Thanks everyone for the advice though.

[LKPJ]

I randomly one morning checked my BF's text messages and found messages from another girl. I confronted him, and he said that it was his ex-gf and that she messages him, but he doesn't answer back. I only got to check in the inbox and didn't have time to check the out.

 

I forgave him and looked the other way. And what do I find out months later??? It wasn't his ex-GF, they were from his current GF of 5 years. He was seeing both us the entire 9 months of my relationship with him.

 

Don't look the other way. I'm not saying it's the same thing, but text messages still have to get thought and then typed out. If he really isn't doing anything, he needs to atleast tell the other girl to stop. The messages are inapprpriate and being in that long of relationship, he should know it too.