Fell out of love with my wife...heartbroken

[cj1988]

GOD, AGAIN, you sound more and more like my H......he has said many times that he feels like I do not have his back and that he is at the end of his rope and more important, ALONE. Guess what I feel the same way. It is shame that two people in the same house and relationship all the years feel the same way and cannot do anything about it. Even as much as we or I try we never seem to be or have been on the same page at the same time.

 

I am going to try and tell him more about how I feel tonight and try to end this cycle once and for all. We both deserve better and I know it is out there somewhere. I believe in our M ( we sound exactly the same) too much hurt and damage is done to rebuild. We are both exhausted and grew apart and now need to move on with what little of ourselves we have left in side. It all just so sad for the 4 of us.

 

You have no idea how much reading your post has helped me. The only difference is you are NOT a coward, you are TRYING to move on instead of like my H, staying and being miserable for nothing because he is too scared to move on for whatever reason.

 

Thank you Lonely !

[cj1988]

I do want to say this, I think this other woman, friend or not has a lot to do with you FINALLY getting out, one way or another.

[lonelyandtired]

GOD, AGAIN, you sound more and more like my H......he has said many times that he feels like I do not have his back and that he is at the end of his rope and more important, ALONE. Guess what I feel the same way. It is shame that two people in the same house and relationship all the years feel the same way and cannot do anything about it. Even as much as we or I try we never seem to be or have been on the same page at the same time.

 

I am going to try and tell him more about how I feel tonight and try to end this cycle once and for all. We both deserve better and I know it is out there somewhere. I believe in our M ( we sound exactly the same) too much hurt and damage is done to rebuild. We are both exhausted and grew apart and now need to move on with what little of ourselves we have left in side. It all just so sad for the 4 of us.

 

You have no idea how much reading your post has helped me. The only difference is you are NOT a coward, you are TRYING to move on instead of like my H, staying and being miserable for nothing because he is too scared to move on for whatever reason.

 

Thank you Lonely !

 

Good luck. If he can't make that final step, you have to for both your sakes.

[lonelyandtired]

I do want to say this, I think this other woman, friend or not has a lot to do with you FINALLY getting out, one way or another.

 

I don't she is in any unseemly way, but I think she's opened my eyes to the fact that I can be happy. I came to the realization a few years back I'd never be happy in my life, and I accepted that. But I was wrong....and I think the taste of happiness her friendship has shown me let me know that I don't have to stay miserable forever. I still don't have a lot of hope that I'll find my way. But I have to try, right?

[cj1988]

He will never leave me, I will have to leave him....I know that ! That is the sad part. I will have to do something I never wanted to do to save us both and HOPE I am doing the right thing......I know YOU know what I mean. I just wish he was man enough to met me 1/2 way and say, I understand and lets split. Instead he keeps hanging on thinking it will all change, it is not going to change !

[cj1988]

That may be what my H sister was to him, a glimpse that he can be happy and how bad it was to him with me. I am not sure and at this point, do not care about that at all. As I told him last night, we are what we are, nothing has changed yet and I doubt it will. I do not attack him in any way as he does me daily. I can do nothing right and I am the blame for his maddness and screwed up life, but yet he stays.

 

Example, I did not call him at all yestereday after our fight the night before, I came home and was distant (for my own sake now) and he was NICE as he could be.....it seems when I am nice and calm, he is cruel and mean and mostly mad.....when I on the other hand ignore him and go about my business, he is sweet and caring....what is that? I hate games, too old for that s--- now !

[jmargel]

I think there are two parts to your problem. The first part is that you very well could be clincially depressed and I would hope you would see a doctor for this. Depression is a sickness, something that can be cured.

 

The second part is that you rely on others for your happiness. You can't be happy unless you are around someone, someone that 'completes' you. You base your own self-worth on this, so you just keep sinking deeper and deeper into this depression. It's like a vicious circle.

 

You say you don't love her, but want to 'want' to love her and too scared to end it because of you then being all alone. Having resentment is not having anger, you are confusing the two. Resentment is holding a grudge against someone who did something wrong to you in the past. You can't move forward when you are being chained down by the very things that are making you depressed.

 

You can try to run away from it by ending the relationship but it will follow you because you have not faced it head on. Facing it head on is to goto counseling with your wife, not with the intention of getting back together with her, but to find resolution, to find that closure, that inner peace so that you have the ability to move on. That along with fixing what is inside of you will free of you these demons.

 

When you expect the outcome of all of this to be hopeless, then that is what you will get and that is what you will feel. You control your own emotions, you control your future.

 

We've all been hurt, we've all felt neglected at some point. We've all felt what you are feeling now. We do understand where you are coming from but we are also telling you that you have the choice on whether you want to feel this way the rest of your life or not. You have to really want to find resolution to all of this and the need to push ahead.

 

It very well could be that the neglect you two were giving each other emotionally may have made your depression worse, however I don't believe your wife was the reason why it started. Something has been going on way before you ever met your wife. It goes deeper than just this marriage.

[cj1988]

I agree with the above post. My H holds massive resentment towards me and will not budge, that is WHY I am finally calling it quits. I see he is never going to get past it and I am not hanging around or another 40 years of this from him, it is horrible. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me, I can hear it in his tone when he talks to me....he is consumed with it and very depressed because of it.

 

So, I am actaully doing him a favor by leaving, maybe then he will be at peace and can get over it and me inside. Not my problem now....

[sunshinegirl]

I think there are two parts to your problem. The first part is that you very well could be clincially depressed and I would hope you would see a doctor for this. Depression is a sickness, something that can be cured.

 

Yes, yes, double yes!!

 

I have suffered bouts of clinical depression and OP sounds exactly the way I sounded when I was in the thick of it: totally hopeless, friendless, no motivation, no desire for anything.

 

OP, I think you said you were once on anti-depressants but they didn't work for you... please don't use that as an excuse to avoid getting tested and treated for depression now. This depression is compounding an already difficult situation. Make sure your doc knows about the other medication, and discuss with him/her alternatives that may work better for you. You have a lot of choices in that respect, and clearing up some of the chemical mayhem that's going on in your body will be a big help to you.

[lonelyandtired]

Yes, yes, double yes!!

 

I have suffered bouts of clinical depression and OP sounds exactly the way I sounded when I was in the thick of it: totally hopeless, friendless, no motivation, no desire for anything.

 

OP, I think you said you were once on anti-depressants but they didn't work for you... please don't use that as an excuse to avoid getting tested and treated for depression now. This depression is compounding an already difficult situation. Make sure your doc knows about the other medication, and discuss with him/her alternatives that may work better for you. You have a lot of choices in that respect, and clearing up some of the chemical mayhem that's going on in your body will be a big help to you.

 

Well, I just went to my therapist, and let it all loose, and she did not bring up anti-depressants at all. I even talked about being suicidal that day weeks ago. So I guess she didn't feel I needed them. She was worried about me being safe this weekend, and made a case for me to ask my work friend, as she's the only one around, to look after me some this weekend. But I don't think I'm going to do that.

[Kasan]

Well, I just went to my therapist, and let it all loose, and she did not bring up anti-depressants at all. I even talked about being suicidal that day weeks ago. So I guess she didn't feel I needed them. She was worried about me being safe this weekend, and made a case for me to ask my work friend, as she's the only one around, to look after me some this weekend. But I don't think I'm going to do that.

 

This is disturbing to me on a couple of levels. This is the best that your therapist could come up with?

 

What are your plans for the weekend, and how will you stay safe?

[lonelyandtired]

This is disturbing to me on a couple of levels. This is the best that your therapist could come up with?

 

What are your plans for the weekend, and how will you stay safe?

 

I don't know. I told her I'd avoid Vodka and try to do stuff like posting here (she thought this was really productive). And she said I need to try to be connected to as many people as possible. And since my co-worker is my only friend who can physically be there for me, to ask her for suppoprt if she's willing.

[Kasan]

How about going to an art museum? Can you hang out with your family?

 

I am not a doctor, but I think getting support from your work friend could be awkward down the road. Are you sure that you even want to contemplate this? Do you really want your work place to know so much about your personal life?

[lonelyandtired]

How about going to an art museum? Can you hang out with your family?

 

My family is in another city, and they wouldn't even stop watch a football game long enough to talk to me yesterday. I've been trying to think of things to distract myself, but nothing really works. I can go to a museum and I'll just be there alone and pitying myself.

 

I am not a doctor, but I think getting support from your work friend could be awkward down the road. Are you sure that you even want to contemplate this? Do you really want your work place to know so much about your personal life?

 

She knows everything already...we're close.

[Mz. Pixie]

Kasan asked me to check out your thread so here I am.

 

What Kasan and J margel have said about resentment is right on.

 

How can I say that? I've been in your shoes- completely. I was in a long marriage where my needs weren't being met for years despite everything I tried, and the resentment was incredible. But here's the thing I didn't recognize the resentment at first- as a matter of fact it's taken me a couple of years to get to the core of just how resentful I really was.

 

After many years of trying to get my H to invest in our marriage I just finally gave up. Then someone came along that proved to me I could be happy again as well and I ended up having an affair. You do not want to go out like this but yet I feel that you are feeling this way because of this other relationship.

 

You've been having an emotional affair- and now that you've had to back away because she is uncomfortable- you're going through withdrawal from this person.

 

An emotional affair doesn't have to mean you've thought of this person sexually. You've just relied on her for support and shared things with her you should have been sharing with your wife.

 

So, yeah, now you know you can be happy again. Here's the reality though- it's not reality. What you've experienced with this person is in fact a fantasy. Why do I say that? Because I'm on the other side of it and I know.

 

Another person who is supporting you emotionally?? Well you never have to see her without makeup- you never have to talk to her when she's in a bad mood. She never has to be around you when you're grouchy- she never has to pay bills with you- argue over home maintenance with you or any of the other things that a wife truly has to do. So of course she looks good to you. But it's fantasy.

 

The real truth is is that you feel another person would be a clean slate, and at first they will be. But eventually you're going to have some type of problems with anyone you're involved with. Everyone is going to have issues over something- and then once you let resentment build you're right back on the same track you started on.

 

It feels really good when you're getting emotional support and strokes from someone else- especially when your love bank is empty. Then since you've backed away from her because of wierdness you're missing those deposits like a drug addict and you're in withdrawal. And it's as painful as a drug addict withdrawing from a drug. Again, I know, I've been there.

 

I was wierded out by my ex spouse starting to do the things I had wanted him to do for so long. It creeped me out and I didn't like it. But really what could I have expected from him once I said I was leaving??

 

The thing is, you can recover your love for your wife and your marriage can be better than ever. It has been done. Not in my situation but I've read success stories. Have you been to marriagebuilders?

 

Perhaps you've seen so many therapists because they are not telling you what you want to hear and you get angry and go to another?? That's a possibility.

 

My final thought to you right now is that you need to get control of your emotions. A therapist cannot prescribe meds, they are for talk therapy only. A Pdoc or family dr could prescribe you some Anti D's for sure. And you should make an appointment now. Nothing is worth taking your own life over- nothing. Please see someone about those thoughts.

 

Right now, you're in no shape to be making a life long decision like divorce and I see alot of justification in your post. I'm not pointing fingers at you but what would your wife say if she were posting here? I imagine her story would be a bit different.

 

Please do not be hasty about filing for divorce or moving out. You have plenty of time to do that once you get more emotionally stable.

[Kasan]

Post deleted

[Gunny376]

Suicide? Suicide?

 

First things first! Get to moving ~ get physical. Go for a long walk! You'll be surprised how just that will change your mood!

 

Go to your local nursing home! Just walk in like you own the place, and sit down and visit with those folks. They can give you a world of advice and put your life in perspective, and how much you've got going for yourself! You'll make some good friends too. And, they'll be true friends. Just like in "Fried Green Tomatoes"

 

Go down to your local homeless shelter. Volunteer. Brother, you and I don't have any problems.

 

"Habitat For Humanity" they need any and all helping hands they can get each and every weekend. All you've got to do is show up. Give them a call. If you don't know anything about building a house ~ they'll show you!

 

Get busy living! Get busy getting busy!

[Kasan]

Please keep posting and let us know that you are okay.

[lonelyandtired]

How can I say that? I've been in your shoes- completely. I was in a long marriage where my needs weren't being met for years despite everything I tried, and the resentment was incredible. But here's the thing I didn't recognize the resentment at first- as a matter of fact it's taken me a couple of years to get to the core of just how resentful I really was.

 

I was very resentful for years, and it justmade me try harder. It made me really angry sometimes, too. Now I just don't care very much at all...it still hurts, so I think it's still there, but it's not the same feeling as before.

 

After many years of trying to get my H to invest in our marriage I just finally gave up. Then someone came along that proved to me I could be happy again as well and I ended up having an affair. You do not want to go out like this but yet I feel that you are feeling this way because of this other relationship.

 

Really not that way....I've really come to realize my friend just symbolizes something to me...she showed me I can be happy again, but it won't be with her. So there's truth to what you say, but I'm not leaving my wife for her, I'm leaving my wife so I can reclaim my life and happiness, and so, hopefully can she. Although there's still a chance we can make it back to each other. I'm not gone yet.

 

You've been having an emotional affair- and now that you've had to back away because she is uncomfortable- you're going through withdrawal from this person.

 

No, I just thought I lost another friend. But we talked later. It's all good. We're still backing off to just co-workers, but she doesn't hate me, and that's all I cared about.

 

An emotional affair doesn't have to mean you've thought of this person sexually. You've just relied on her for support and shared things with her you should have been sharing with your wife.

 

If my wife had suppoted me and let me share with her (well, I did, she just didn't care) I'd never had needed to. I've banded more so recently with my male friend, and told him all the same stuff and recieved support from him. Am I having an EA with him? No, he's a friend. I don't see why a vagina in the mix changes that dynamic so radically. That said, I see where you're coming from and feared I was going down that road. I feel I was not now. You can call it denial, but I can't do a ting to change your mind on that if you think that, so i'm not going to put much more effort into trying.

 

So, yeah, now you know you can be happy again. Here's the reality though- it's not reality. What you've experienced with this person is in fact a fantasy. Why do I say that? Because I'm on the other side of it and I know.

 

Another person who is supporting you emotionally?? Well you never have to see her without makeup- you never have to talk to her when she's in a bad mood. She never has to be around you when you're grouchy- she never has to pay bills with you- argue over home maintenance with you or any of the other things that a wife truly has to do. So of course she looks good to you. But it's fantasy.

 

Again, she's not my fantasy. But if she were, I've seen her grumpy, we've fought, I've seen her without makeup, I've helped her move and seen the pigsty she lives in, and she's farted in my car, burps around me constantly and has described in detail her bought of mexican food related diarhea. If that's my fantasy, I'm in more trouble than I thought.

 

The real truth is is that you feel another person would be a clean slate, and at first they will be. But eventually you're going to have some type of problems with anyone you're involved with. Everyone is going to have issues over something- and then once you let resentment build you're right back on the same track you started on.

 

I don't want another person. I want to be on my own and improve myself, and maybe one day feel worthy of another person. That's what I'm visualizing now: transitioning out of here in whatever manner my wife needs, getting my own place to live and getting settled in, then finding what to do with myself after. I'd like to try new things, take some classes, learn to dance, maybe travel some, something.

 

It feels really good when you're getting emotional support and strokes from someone else- especially when your love bank is empty. Then since you've backed away from her because of wierdness you're missing those deposits like a drug addict and you're in withdrawal. And it's as painful as a drug addict withdrawing from a drug. Again, I know, I've been there.

 

I actually would've prefered my male friend to be with me here. It would've been less awkward and we have more in common. But he's in NYC (but he's called repeatedly and been real suppotrtive...apparently he called last night when I was wasted and we talked for 30 minutes...i do not remember it, but he sayd we had a good talk).

 

I was wierded out by my ex spouse starting to do the things I had wanted him to do for so long. It creeped me out and I didn't like it. But really what could I have expected from him once I said I was leaving??

 

See, this I understand....I tried to win back her love for years, so i know why she did that, and how she felt. But I also understand how she felt when she was freezing me out. And now I'm kinda sorry I didn't let her go 3 years gone.

 

The thing is, you can recover your love for your wife and your marriage can be better than ever. It has been done. Not in my situation but I've read success stories. Have you been to marriagebuilders?

 

I have only browsed that page. I do hope we can somehow find each other's hearts again, but my gut says it won't happen.

 

Perhaps you've seen so many therapists because they are not telling you what you want to hear and you get angry and go to another?? That's a possibility.

 

Um...what? I've only been to the one.

 

My final thought to you right now is that you need to get control of your emotions. A therapist cannot prescribe meds, they are for talk therapy only. A Pdoc or family dr could prescribe you some Anti D's for sure. And you should make an appointment now. Nothing is worth taking your own life over- nothing. Please see someone about those thoughts.

 

I'm no longer having those thoughts, it was for a few hours a month ago. I feel like I have life left to live for now. I may be getting depressed and very sad, but not suicidal. Not now. I feel much better tonight, too. I talked to my female co-worker friend, I feel straight with her. I talked to my fried in NYC. I talked to an old friend in Florida. I talked to an old friend from high school I've lost touch with. And I talked to my little sister. And I talked to my wife this afternoon. I got home early and went to the gym. I feel alone and a bit sad, but much better than yesterday or this morning.

 

Right now, you're in no shape to be making a life long decision like divorce and I see alot of justification in your post. I'm not pointing fingers at you but what would your wife say if she were posting here? I imagine her story would be a bit different.

 

i've been super ****in' truthful here. I have no reason to lie, no one knows who the hell I am. I've tried not to be too kind to myself, nor place all the blame on the wife, I'm just stating how I feel and what's happening in my life right now. But thanks for implying otherwise, that's very classy and makes me feel real great about opening up to strangers. Sorry, but I really did not appreciate that.

 

Please do not be hasty about filing for divorce or moving out. You have plenty of time to do that once you get more emotionally stable.

 

That's what I'm trying to do. I want to be gone, i want file...but I'm not and do ot plan on it until I feel it's the only course left. I may say it's 99% a sure thing, but the 1% gives me pause. I'm not rushing into anything. i think 3-4 years of heartache on top of an already rocky marriage is no short time either.

 

Thanks for the long, though out post. I do appreciate it, even if I'm arguing some.

[lonelyandtired]

Suicide? Suicide?

 

First things first! Get to moving ~ get physical. Go for a long walk! You'll be surprised how just that will change your mood!

 

Moods already long since changed. That was a month back for a few hours. It was acary, but I'm past it. I'm going to the gym like mad, going for walks in the cold, and working out at home.

 

Go to your local nursing home! Just walk in like you own the place, and sit down and visit with those folks. They can give you a world of advice and put your life in perspective, and how much you've got going for yourself! You'll make some good friends too. And, they'll be true friends. Just like in "Fried Green Tomatoes"

 

Go down to your local homeless shelter. Volunteer. Brother, you and I don't have any problems.

 

"Habitat For Humanity" they need any and all helping hands they can get each and every weekend. All you've got to do is show up. Give them a call. If you don't know anything about building a house ~ they'll show you!

 

Get busy living! Get busy getting busy!

 

I've done my stints working for H4H and wiping the rears of dying old folks. I'm not involved right this second, but I have done so before....like I've said, I like to help people.

 

I think I need to take care of myself for the first time in my 34 years on earth, now. I've got a good macro perspective on my issues, and brought that up with friends and in therapy today. I kid in africa getting his hands cut off by a death squad may not realte to my problems, and certainly his are far more life-threatening. but it doesn't invalidate how I feel. they're just different. I'm happy to be in America and safe...I'm sad my marriage sucks and I have very few friends. Different scales, different rules.

 

Thanks for the pep talk though, I do get it....my head isn't COMPLETELY up my own a** yet.

[lonelyandtired]

Please keep posting and let us know that you are okay.

 

I'm okay. Lonely tonite, i think I might go walk around the mall or something.

 

My wife talked to her Mom, and she's actually excited about the idea of moving in if i leave. They're gonna talk to her father tonight. If they do this, they can sell their place and my wife can use that money to refinance this one to where she can afford it by herself. And when her folks (both are getting older) pass on, she'll still own it.

 

So that's good...we have a workable plan for the house if we split for good. that makes me feel better. Now I can just focus on the emotional stuff right now.

[velouria]

Well, I just went to my therapist, and let it all loose, and she did not bring up anti-depressants at all. I even talked about being suicidal that day weeks ago. So I guess she didn't feel I needed them. She was worried about me being safe this weekend, and made a case for me to ask my work friend, as she's the only one around, to look after me some this weekend. But I don't think I'm going to do that.

 

 

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]In my opinion, you need to keep shopping for a therapist. See a few different people. Interview them. This is your life and you are sinking. Are you averse to seeing a male psychologist? And go see a real psychologist—a Phd if possible. They will recommend a psychiatrist. One thing I found when I started looking into therapy was that there’s this word of mouth thing with good people. Until you actually get your foot in, they’re all pretty tight lipped about recommending someone. When you find the right person—much like love—you just know it. you are not alone. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]

[velouria]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]The stuff you say about your coworker—which I think you meant to downplay your attachment to her-- belie intimacy. You share that kind of personal familiar stuff with someone that you are intimate with. I’m NOT TALKING ABOUT SEX or that you want to leave your wife for her, K? Just that you’ve gotten overly close to this woman and that contrast has compelled you (whether you know it or not) to find fault with your marriage and to lay the blame for its failure at your wife’s feet. You mentioned that you had an abusive childhood. Kids who grow up in situations like that have real boundary issues. I believe that you genuinely do not understand that the relationship you have with your coworker is iffy on a whole lot of levels for a married man. Read everyones posts again, how many people have said that that relationship is causing you problems? They are not all wrong. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[velouria]

I was very resentful for years, and it justmade me try harder. It made me really angry sometimes, too. Now I just don't care very much at all...it still hurts, so I think it's still there, but it's not the same feeling as before.

 

 

 

Really not that way....I've really come to realize my friend just symbolizes something to me...she showed me I can be happy again, but it won't be with her. So there's truth to what you say, but I'm not leaving my wife for her, I'm leaving my wife so I can reclaim my life and happiness, and so, hopefully can she. Although there's still a chance we can make it back to each other. I'm not gone yet.

 

 

 

No, I just thought I lost another friend. But we talked later. It's all good. We're still backing off to just co-workers, but she doesn't hate me, and that's all I cared about.

 

 

 

If my wife had suppoted me and let me share with her (well, I did, she just didn't care) I'd never had needed to. I've banded more so recently with my male friend, and told him all the same stuff and recieved support from him. Am I having an EA with him? No, he's a friend. I don't see why a vagina in the mix changes that dynamic so radically. That said, I see where you're coming from and feared I was going down that road. I feel I was not now. You can call it denial, but I can't do a ting to change your mind on that if you think that, so i'm not going to put much more effort into trying.

 

 

 

Again, she's not my fantasy. But if she were, I've seen her grumpy, we've fought, I've seen her without makeup, I've helped her move and seen the pigsty she lives in, and she's farted in my car, burps around me constantly and has described in detail her bought of mexican food related diarhea. If that's my fantasy, I'm in more trouble than I thought.

 

 

 

I don't want another person. I want to be on my own and improve myself, and maybe one day feel worthy of another person. That's what I'm visualizing now: transitioning out of here in whatever manner my wife needs, getting my own place to live and getting settled in, then finding what to do with myself after. I'd like to try new things, take some classes, learn to dance, maybe travel some, something.

 

 

 

I actually would've prefered my male friend to be with me here. It would've been less awkward and we have more in common. But he's in NYC (but he's called repeatedly and been real suppotrtive...apparently he called last night when I was wasted and we talked for 30 minutes...i do not remember it, but he sayd we had a good talk).

 

 

 

See, this I understand....I tried to win back her love for years, so i know why she did that, and how she felt. But I also understand how she felt when she was freezing me out. And now I'm kinda sorry I didn't let her go 3 years gone.

 

 

 

I have only browsed that page. I do hope we can somehow find each other's hearts again, but my gut says it won't happen.

 

 

 

Um...what? I've only been to the one.

 

 

 

I'm no longer having those thoughts, it was for a few hours a month ago. I feel like I have life left to live for now. I may be getting depressed and very sad, but not suicidal. Not now. I feel much better tonight, too. I talked to my female co-worker friend, I feel straight with her. I talked to my fried in NYC. I talked to an old friend in Florida. I talked to an old friend from high school I've lost touch with. And I talked to my little sister. And I talked to my wife this afternoon. I got home early and went to the gym. I feel alone and a bit sad, but much better than yesterday or this morning.

 

 

 

i've been super ****in' truthful here. I have no reason to lie, no one knows who the hell I am. I've tried not to be too kind to myself, nor place all the blame on the wife, I'm just stating how I feel and what's happening in my life right now. But thanks for implying otherwise, that's very classy and makes me feel real great about opening up to strangers. Sorry, but I really did not appreciate that.

 

 

 

That's what I'm trying to do. I want to be gone, i want file...but I'm not and do ot plan on it until I feel it's the only course left. I may say it's 99% a sure thing, but the 1% gives me pause. I'm not rushing into anything. i think 3-4 years of heartache on top of an already rocky marriage is no short time either.

 

Thanks for the long, though out post. I do appreciate it, even if I'm arguing some.

 

I don't think anyone is suggesting that you are lying or trying to sway opinion against your wife. What Mz Pixie was trying to say was that you have one viewpoint about why your marriage is failing and your wife, of course, has another. You are not your wife... you don't know what she is thinking.

[Ania40]

I don't read resentment. I read tiredness, loneliness, depression and fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of change.

 

I'm sure I'm not telling you something you don't know - the major causes of stress are divorces, death of someone close, health issues and financial struggles. Stress leads in many cases to depression. What you are experiencing is a natural emotional reaction to what's about to happen - the end of your marriage.

 

In your case, divorcing is compounded by another problem - the lack of personal support from friends and family. While a divorce is always tough, it can tougher or easier depending the support system around us. If we have family and friends that nurture us, care and generally support us when we facing such an altering life decision, it makes us feel protected and emotionally more secure. We are human after all.

 

You are 34 y.o. and have a lifetime ahead of you. Too young to continue to struggle in a marriage that's going nowhere as neither of you are longer in love with each other. As someone said, water is good, oil is good, unfortunately they don't mix.

 

Face those fears, Lonely. Do it by believing in yourself, your happiness and your future. Time to file for a divorce.

Edited January 5, 2008 by Ania40