Author General Jack Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 For a while, because of my upbringing, I was somewhat ashamed to admit to her that I wasn't happy with our sex life. However, I'm not keeping it built inside any longer... I have told her that I'm not really happy with it. She counters with "needing" more romance, but I truly believe the fact of the matter is that she just isn't interested, and invests too much effort in other aspects of her life to have any energy left for me. Is she taking her meds for the thyroid problem? Try the book I mentioned and the one Reboot suggested His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley Jr. Check out Harley's other books for parents and you may get over to your wife how important sex is in a marriage and you may find alot to help you help you both. The fact that you are looking to change things instead of just throwing in the towel should mean alot to her. Tell her you love her and you want a good marriage not a middling one that you just get along okay. Life is not a rehersal. You do not stop laughing when you are old, you get old when you stop laughing. I think the same goes for sex, use it or lose it. Yes, she is taking the meds. I may check out the book, thanks. I agree, life is too short not to be happy - but not at the expense of others. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Sorry, didn't mean to make my response sound like a direct rebuttal. No need to apologize! Link to post Share on other sites
Author General Jack Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 Do you remember the days you and two were dating? Those special moments which made you fall in love? It may help to recreate some of those times. =) best wishes. Thanks for the wishes. You have a good point. Unfortunately reflecting on those past days makes me feel very sad, because its been so long since those days... and those days were so much better than the current. Part of my frustration is that my attempts to bring back such memories are met by my wife with the sentiment that those times are over... that we are older now... have more responsibilities... and we can't get those days back. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Thanks for the wishes. You have a good point. Unfortunately reflecting on those past days makes me feel very sad, because its been so long since those days... and those days were so much better than the current. Part of my frustration is that my attempts to bring back such memories are met by my wife with the sentiment that those times are over... that we are older now... have more responsibilities... and we can't get those days back. We women take this whole parenting thing way to seriously. I think about all the things that I thought needed to be done for my daughter--that only I could do--that went out the window when my son was born. But on the other hand--kids are a huge responsibility and it's scary to know that you could potentially screw up another human being. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 OK, to sound very selfish, I am now the most marketable I have ever been. I've recently put 20 pounds of primarily muscle on my trim/athletic frame, most women would say I'm fairly attractive, I'm a nice guy and come from a great home, I'm a good listener, and I make good money. I used to even be a great romantic, writing poetry etc. If I were single, I am confident that I would have a lot of fun dating - and have a much better sex life than I do currently. It sounds like this is what's really bugging you -- and I can empathize. It's a tough one to deal with. If I had had any clue in my 20s that my marketability could increase as I got older (I'm now almost 40 and physically look much better than I did 20 years ago), I would not have been nearly as eager to jump into marriage when I did. The importance of intimacy and communication is something that sneaks up on you -- I'm still trying to come to terms with that. It's especially important in trying to break down the presumed "roles" you and your wife may cast upon each other. If you dig deep down, you may be harboring some assumptions about your wife and marriage that you don't even realize (in my case, it's the conclusion I developed that my wife is not very sexual). Facing and breaking those assumptions (for better or worse) is what's really challenging to our character. Link to post Share on other sites
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