Ex still has feelings for me, but moved on.

[mcgintygirl]

Long story short, my ex and I have known one another for over 10 years. We since, 2002 have recognized feelings for one another, dating a few weeks and never committed too much, just recognized things. Last year as our friendship grew we ended up being together constantly and both have admitted for 10 years and even now we are greatly attracted to one another and have never had a best friend (real best friend to talk to and share things with) as each other. Fast forward to Sept., my ex begins graduate school (a top rated medical program). We both realized things were really getting very close for us and I was hitting a rough time emotionally and he was starting school. We didn't deal with the transition well.

He had to begin studying with the top ranked group and wanted to fit in. One girl liked him, she is apparently a very gifted student, and he would talk to me about her and hanging with her & her friends in the group. He'd comment on how she wasn't very attractive, her big hips.. ect. But as we broke up he latched onto her b/c he had to study with her constantly. He mentioned he was trying to prove to them he "should have been in their part of the program".

 

Next thing I know he is still dating her only weeks after we decided to slow things down, then calling her his GF but saying "yeah I guess she's my girlfriend". Even once again saying, "she's not attractive at all.. but she's smart". When asked what he'd do when she needed "someone to be there for her/emotionally?" he responds... "she's cold, she needs nothing". This particular night we sat up speaking, he admitted he still has feelings for me and even the next day said he was "conflicted". He also continues to state "i love you". I say "i love you too, as a friend I have cared for but I can't love you any other way now". Since then, we have stayed our distance, me saying it's too tough to be friends and slowly we have worked back up to some speaking. He is very excited to have dinner with me next week before I leave for the holiday and is always sharing with me his "scores on tests" and how well he is doing.

 

I guess what I am asking? Is how can I be a decent friend? His actions when he started school were ****ty and moving onto a girlfriend (when he has no history of having lots of them) is quite confusing. Grad/med school is another beast and I am certain he feels pressure to fit in, date the right girl and show off. However, somedays I just want to smack him and tell him what a selfish jerk he as been. He also has reoccuring depression/possible bipolar that he has dealt with his entire life, he has admitted his meds are not working and they are changing them up once again. I have always tried to be fair and understanding of such without taking too much on.

 

How to be a decent person, when all I really want is to tell him to go **** off? Btw, I'm good friends (have been) with his friends... so totally ignoring him is not an option. I'm not sure his friends even know he has a new gf! haha