wacky scenario

[confusedsole]

This is quite confusing so bear with me. About a year ago I had a really long relationship end, and it didn't end in the best of ways (found out she was cheating). I was moping around for quite a while and my concerned friend persuaded me to sign up for a dating site, paid for it and everything. I really wasn't into the whole thing, felt it was kind of impersonal. I got some messages and interest from women on the site, but other than keeping my mind off of my real life I felt it was useless and the whole online dating thing a little shady. I had received a message on there from a woman who gave me her external im address and added to my buddy list. Never spoke to her on there etc. Once the membership was up on the site I discontinued the subscription, 11 months ago.

 

I have moved from where i was living, about 500 miles away actually and was sitting at home sending some files to a coworker on the im service. Here out of the blue i get this message from someone I had vaguely remembered as the woman from that dating site. She was sitting there riddling all this stuff of she knew about me which was totally creeping me out. I mean, first name, last name, where i had went to high school, my fathers occupation. And to boot she didn't say who she was, made me guess.

 

After putting some of her "clues" together I fingered who it was, turns out we went to a small private middleschool together and haven't spoken since. More than 15 years. She actually went to the same college as me, bumped into me a few times but I didn't recognize her. As usual with things like that I pretend to know the person and cordially say I have to be on my way.

 

Now the questions started, why did you sign up for the dating site thingy? What happened in your previous relationship? Things that I have been trying to not think about were being brought up, and why? And she was badgering me for joining the dating site, saying it wasn't like me etc. I was wondering hmmmmm, weren't you on that same site?

 

Now we have exchanged phone numbers and talk occasionally through email. I was around town a few weeks ago and we met for dinner. Since then she has verbally expressed interest in dating me and has done things like calling me from work on lunch breaks etc. Before all this happened I was planning on moving back there for work related issues, now I am worried I am going to get attached again.

 

The things that I am confused about is her playing hard to get, not sure if thats what shes doing. I am quite busy and lead an adventurous lifestyle and have all these fun things to talk about. Where as her job is quite static, mine is everchanging always something new. But anyhow she tells me to call sometimes and doesn't return the message, seems to me that shes trying to be busy. I don't want to seem desperate but I really like her and when I am busy and she calls I pick up and talk briefly and ask if I can call back later when I am not so busy. It has gotten to the point where text to ask if shes going to be busy later and if i can call. Its not that I have initiated any of this, she has. She is very blunt in her words, like I said she has verbally expressed interest in dating. Just don't see why she can't be more cordial and try to get to know me better beforehand.

 

The reason I am worried about this is the times this one isn't "busy" she calls me before bed to say goodnight and it usually turns into hours long conversations. She calls me at lunch from work, in front of other coworkers having a somewhat intimate conversation with me. Just kind of feels like things I used to do with my ex, the goodnight calls, the hope you are having a great day texts and the short lunchtime calls.

 

Now I do like her alot and I think she feels the same way but why do women have to be so gaddamn confusing. I mean if you ask me to call and i do and leave a message and get no call back for days what the hell, at least I am hoping you are alive. I don't want to come on too strong, but am I being stupid here, does she want me to call a few more times than just once? Is it some sort of game like he likes me more if he calls me repeatedly? I don't know, I feel if i leave a message that is effort in itself, and if it takes days for you to call back so be it. But thats not how I like to be treated and if the pattern continues I won't be interested in dating you. I am too sheepish to let this all out to her, don't want to call her bluff if its not true. But its been confusing the heck out of me and I don't know how to tell her. And when I do hear from her, its like we are back to where we were, I forget about the days that passes and she doesn't even acknowledge that I called to begin with. Maybe she really is busy, just looking for some of your input on this. Be it as it may, I went on my first online date, kind of sort of but if this all works out we owe it to that site. I knew her before, but it brought us back together again in a really strange way. And wow, if you actually read this, thanks for listening to my confusing rant.

[Lovegod]

Just don't see why she can't be more cordial and try to get to know me better beforehand.

 

That's what dates are for. You go out with a woman one on one so you can get to know her better.

 

As for the phone games, I know how you feel. If you want my honest advice, date her but don't get into a relationship with her unless she quits the phone games. Date other women as well. Not only will it help you "move on" from your ex, but you'll eventually find a decent woman to get into a relationship with. That's when you get rid of all the undesirable ones.

[xpinksoda]

I really feel like you are over thinking everything and it is making you worry about things you may not necessarily need to.

 

Does she know that you are interested in her? You should have a conversation with her about what you mean to each other. Not on such a serious note but at least tell her exactly how you feel about her and then maybe whatever she tells you in return could answer all your "unanswered" questions.

 

Playing the guessing game will never work out.

[confusedsole]

over thinking is an understatement...Just had to get some of the things i've been holding on the inside out and it worked for me. Thanks for listening

 

so anyhow she called before i saw these responses and i told her how i felt. It went well, and lovegod, i won't be moving there for 2 more weeks so we have to deal with the phone for now...Again thanks for reading and listening to my rant. I am in a place right now where my friends are also many miles away and don't have anyone to talk to about this. So in a sense you all are my therapists in this . But now since I opened up a bit I think i'm in the clear.