Is this girl psycho or is it normal?

[budd98]

I have posted many times about this, but I am just curious what everyone thinks. I had been dating a girl for 2.5 years and we are broke up now for 1.5 months. Anyways, its been so up and down with her thoughts....its crazy. She broke up with me, she is 25. I have wanted her back but the problem is this. When I try things are great THAT DAY, and she seems to want to get back together. Then the next day, something she heard or thought or whatever comes out and she tells me to have a nice live and leave me alone forever. Then a week will go by and it repeats itself. We look like were getting back together and then she hears I went on a date or I am dating someone. And the following day she will say leave me alone forever and best of luck. I have not dated anyone else or done anything. Now on wednesday we ended up meeting up and things were great. We went out to eat, but she told me many problems with her dad and such. She told me she does'nt feel the need to be alive anymore. I sympathized for her and listened the whole time. I never pushed anything and only texted her when she texted me, which were fun messages. Then early this morning she texts me saying "god I hate you, I c you put your profile on the internet when I googled your name." Well that was like 4 years ago when I did that and it was WAYN. I never had a pic or any info on it, it just sat there. So now she ignores me again and says leave me alone and if I stop by she will call the copps.

Now what the heck is going on with this girl? Is she just crazy or do girls act like this? Will it ever get better? Please help. I sent her a last text saying I am moving on with my life cause I can't deal with this anymore. I love this girl so much, but why can't she just believe me with anything?

[sedgwick]

Telling you her problems and then indicating that she is considering suicide is not "normal" behavior. No, all girls are not like this. If she is seriously suicidal, she needs immediate psychiatric attention.

[budd98]

So what is the reasoning behind the way she treats me? Why can it go up and down so drasticlly?

[underpants]

So what is the reasoning behind the way she treats me? Why can it go up and down so drasticlly?

 

She sounds like she has issues. Like she cycles. If she wants help for that she should look into it.

 

Don't be a hero and try to save her. You will only get run over.

 

The best thing you could do is ignore her for a long while.

 

She told you to leave her alone. Hold her to it. Don't respond to her texts and don't take her calls. Don't visit her.

 

I will bet you if you do ignore her next few attempts at contact, she will escalate her craziness.

 

With enough time away you might realize that you don't really want that flavor of crazy and that you have dodged a bullet.

[ledatuan]

i feel like we were dating the same girl man. my ex did have mental issue with her dad and life and she kept telling me that she had been living long enough that was scared me. Similar situation as your google, once my ex was sleeping and dreaming of some girl name Kathyl, she woke up and asked me who Kathyl was. I was like wat? And she was mad at me for the whole day. This is just one example.

The problem was with my ex, I think might suit for yours too, is low self-esteem. They lack confidence to keep you as bf. My ex never believe in me anything or every single thing i did or even jealous at my COUSIN. (ridiculous huh!)

But then time flied by, stop seeing her for a while. I missed her so much as being with her for so long. Now she has moved on. I came and talked to her, couple cold words "I am done. Too late."

And I believe that not all the girls are like that. Even my cousins, of course girls, said they wouldn't things like that.

So rite now I think I just let her do watever she wants. Time would fade her out in my memory. That's wat i'm trying to do rite now.

Good luck!

[ElvenPriestess]

Ok, first thing, normal women don't act like that. Second, she obviously has co-dependency problems. I think she is way too jealous and possibly bi-polar. She seriously needs help. I'm not trying to be mean, but she's got massive problems and they don't have anything to do with you.

 

And btw, who's feeding her the stuff about you seeing other people? Or is that b/s she made up to manipulate or test you?

[Ronni_W]

I agree: [1] it sounds like possible bi-polar disorder and [2] do not try to be a hero and save her.

 

If it is BPD, there is no real "reasoning" behind her actions - things change drastically within her thoughts (BPD used to be 'manic-depressive' which, IMO, is much more descriptive of what goes on for the sufferers.) It is NOT about you.

 

The best I can think to suggest is get some info on BPD from a trusted source - mayoclinic.com or somesuch. Then, if you also suspect BPD after learning about it, ask a friend or family member OF HERS, to try to get her the help she needs.

It's possible you've become a trigger -- that's still not about you, just the way the thought patterns are working -- so really best if you stay out of the picture.

 

Oh - just thought of one more thing. Possibly a support network for "friends of BPDers" could also be helpful for you. Best of luck.

[budd98]

She says she has her sources for everything, but she never tells me who. A couple weeks ago she also said she got a call at 3 AM from some girl that told her I had been sleeping with her for the last whatever and that she thought she should know. I know she is making this stuff up, but I don't understand why. What could making that stuff up possible proove? Everytime she always asks "who is she" "Just tell me the truth." She is searching for answers that aren't true. Last night she text me late saying to ask her mom about that profile pic that she seen of me on the internet cause she was apparently with her. Now why would her mom be at her house at 5 AM when she found this so called pic. She says it is a pic of me and some girl resting on my shoulder. She described what I was wearing and blah blah. I never had a pic on it or ever used that site, so once again, why the heck is she making something up again? Do you think she enjoys creating situations for me to try to get out of? I did tell this girl I would marry her and all that stuff, so she should know there isn't anyone else if I was that serious about her. Man, she has me so messed up it REALLY sucks.

[Rowen]

^I believe that's bull**** man.

 

Sounds like she is bi polar.

 

My ex is. on anti deppressents and stuff.

 

When I last talked to her with our great convo, she started saying he friend told her that I had replied to her friends craiglist ad! OK.. so I post there sometimes, but what gave it away was that the post I didn't even read.

 

She said her friend deleted her off facebook as well.

 

WTF.....fabrication?

[ElvenPriestess]

Sweetie, I am so sorry. That is ridiculous. And you know what, here's a little experience for you. This is why I have no doubt she's bluffing you completely. I had this happen once, where a girl emailed me on myspace, of all places, and said that my guy cheated on me while he was on leave, and that he has always been a cheater, and always will be. Nobody likes hearing that, but you know what I did? I forwarded it to him, with a message saying "Any idea who this could be? Let me know, and in the mean time, I'm blocking her because she's obviously psycho." And that was that. I would never make a story like that without something to back it up. And bringing her mom into this? Umm, are we 13 again or what? Time to grow up. As I said, she's bluffing, playing game, and needs help. She's messed up in the head, and you can't be her anchor. It will only damage you. The best thing you could POSSIBLY do, is be there as a friend, if you wish, and fine her the help she needs. If you would so like.

[budd98]

She tells me to leave her alone forever and stuff like that. Do you think she is just testing me to see if I will keep chasing her? Do you think she really doesn't want to be with me just by all these stupid things she keeps making up, or that she does want to be with me? She is on antidepressents also. I do feel like going and talking to her mom about everything, but I don't know what the effect would be. I just don't know.

[ElvenPriestess]

It just seems like you want to be something for her that she needs from a professional. Whether or not she means it when she tells you she's done with you, you need to stand up and say "Ok. I'll respect that." And stop being her punching bag. You're letting her and yourself beat you up over this. It doesn't mean she's a bad person in general, it's simply obvious that she is WAY too unstable to be in a relationship. Plain and simple. I know that sounds rough, but she doesn't need that sort of thing. She needs to get better.

[underpants]

She tells me to leave her alone forever and stuff like that. Do you think she is just testing me to see if I will keep chasing her? Do you think she really doesn't want to be with me just by all these stupid things she keeps making up, or that she does want to be with me? She is on antidepressents also. I do feel like going and talking to her mom about everything, but I don't know what the effect would be. I just don't know.

 

Apparently, it's working, isn't it?

 

Do you like feeling like this?

 

There are 3 things you can do:

 

1. Continue to feed into her flavor of crazy and get sucked into her whirlwind of drama.

 

2. Fight crazy with crazy. (this will get you nowhere in the end, but it can be kind of entertaining)

 

3. Shut her out of your life completely.

 

I vote for 3 after a tiny shot of 2.

[budd98]

You guys are right. I know I need to leave her alone. I just feel so bad that she can't afford anything like groceries, is so stressed with personal issues, and just doesn't want to do much with her life. Our last time we sat and talked, she said she is a loser. She said she cant get a good job, hasnt been to college, is broke, and her family is all messed up. I guess I got to stop feeling sorry for her and stop helping her. I have lent her over 7 thousand in 3 years and paid for most everything. She was so clingy in the first year and then changed. I think all of her past relationships have all ended the same way. Great guys and they ended up being all messed up afterwards. She had restraining orders on 2 of them. I guess I think she means well just acts the opposite. I bought her a little dog last X-mas and that has helped her a great deal. We both love that damn thing too much. I don't know, some people say I care way too much when I should'nt, that I put up with stuff that people should not tolerate. I have always tried to avoid arguments or cheer her up. Never called names, cheat, nothing. I tell her how beautiful she is all the time and she responds with "Ya right." Never accepts a compliment, but always remembers something bad. She says she has health problems, lactose intolerant, and etc. I just worry about her that she will be ok. I mean well with everything, but it always gets turned against me. Recently I have been going out a lot and meeting new people. Sometimes I worry that it will wreck chances with her by going out. I know I need to live my own life though. Gosh, I wish I could get out of this rut. I usually attract really nice girls, why did I get so unlucky this time? Oh well, I should learn from the experiences if I can ever get away from them.

[ElvenPriestess]

You can always get away from these things and use them as learning tools. Question is, do you want to? I think it's the healthiest choice. I mean there is nothing wrong with you caring, like I said. As I also said, you need to stop taking all of her weight on your shoulders. And don't wonder if you're missing out on a chance, because you already know what that would be like for you. It would be miserable right? So if you wanna go out, then I say do it.

[budd98]

Just an update to the situation. Last friday I ran into the ex shopping and things went great. We went out to eat, she helped me shop, we spent 3 hours together laughing and having fun. Things seemed great again. The following night she text me "out at the bar already, ur unreal." Then today I invited her to X-mas with my fam and she said thanks but no thanks. Then awhile later she goes into a rant about me being at the bar last wednesday with a girl. This is all over text messaging. She said she hates me and stay out of her life. Well, of coarse I always try to convince her otherwise and tell her the real truth, but she never listens. I was'nt there with a girl, but she always has "sources" that know otherwise. I have been going out because all of my family and friends are back into town for X-mas.

 

So, how can a person be so nice and sweet one day and then the following day hate me to death? How come she never believes how truthful and sincere I am towards her? I have told her I wanted to marry her and all that, but she always feels I am up to something. If she doesn't want to be with me, then why the heck does she get so mad when I go out? She says she hasn't drank or gone out in so long, but whatever. I don't want to just sit at home and wait around. Do you think she really loves me by acting this crazy?

[Ronni_W]

Do you think she really loves me by acting this crazy?

Personally, no, I don't think so...but that is not relevant. What's absolutely important to you is this: Is hers the kind of "love" YOU want and deserve?

[Sw3etdev1L]

she's got brain problems...I guess if you love her, really she needs therapy. if not you will never have a good relationship with her...she is not normal.

[sedgwick]

Not to diagnose someone via the internet, but it really, REALLY sounds like there's some bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder at play here. Have you talked to her about her psychiatric history?

[budd98]

If I even brought up something like her having a problem, she would say I had the problem or cuase a big fight. So no, I have never brought it up. My brother is back now we went out last friday and apparently we were at the sam bar as she was. I never seen her, but we were only there for 2 minutes. She texts me, "Out again already, ur unreal." Yet she is out and no biggie to her. I didn't know whe was out though. Then the next day she texts me "how was the bar last wednesday?" Both times I went to the bar with my brother, she said she heard I was there with a couple of girls. I was'nt at all, but do you think she actually hears this junk or just makes it up to cause a fight?

 

Then X-mas she texts me a pic and hope you have a good X-mas. I called her right after to wish the same. We talked for about 10 minutes and then she starts a fight about saturday night when she said someone seen me at the bar with 2 girls. She hung up on me instantly when she brought that up. So of coarse I text her back and no response. Being it was X-mas I felt bad that she was in a bad mood, so later that night I brought a bottle of wine to her place and surprised her. She let me in and we hung out at her place for 5 hours. I helped her fix a few things, she made me dinner, she showed me clothes on the internet she thought would look good on me, and we talked. She said she was really tired, so I said I would go. She then said "going to your g/f's place now?" I was like, wow! NO SO I gave her a hug and she told me to feel how in shape her legs were. So I did, and then gave her a kiss on the forehead. As I was hugging her, she said "your going to trick me into a kiss." Whatever thats suppose to mean. So I left and that was that. She hasn't contacted me or I haven't contacted her since X-mas.

 

She told me on X-mas eve she took a hydro-codine to fall asleep cause she missed the way x-mas used to be and was just missing things. I invited her to my families deal so she had something to do, but she said no. Anyways, I know I am beating my head into the wall with her, but I do love her. She means so much to me, but I don't think she will ever act normal. Why does she not want to be with me, but yet she gets so jealous at my every move? She keeps saying I can't be trusted or that I have turned into someone she has no idea who I am. She says I have turned into a loser now cause I go out. I just wish things would be normal and she would just love life. She says she doesn't want to talk to anyone and refuses to answer her phone. She also cant afford anything, but keeps buying really expensive stuff on-line that is crazy. Let me know your opinions. thanks

[blind_otter]

Sounds like she's a ticking time bomb, dude. I would let her go and try to move on.

[underpants]

By continuing to interact with her and responding to silly texts and outragous accusations you are feeding into the drama.

 

No, she will only be who she is.

 

Sometimes I think those who are making accusations are actually trying to cover up their own actions and assume that you must be doing the same thing. In a crazy way it makes sense.

 

Have you tried to agree with her? Say things like, how did you know? Or yes, I do 2 chicks at least three times a week. Next time she says something about you going off to see another girl just say "yea, she is hot, gotta go." *click*

 

Don't let her get you on NYE.

 

She sounds unstable and not responsible and addicted to drama. Really, you will regret winding up with someone like that.

[D-Lish]

This is more than just drama. This girl has serious issues. Bi-Polar- quite possibly.... The lying, the accusations, the crazy fabrications.... the mood swings.

 

The best thing for you to do is get as far away from this girl as soon as possible. Has she ever been violent towards you? She is verbally and emotionally abusive...

 

You can't be her boyfriend and her therapist. She will continue on this downward spiral until she gets help.

 

If you feel the need to stick it out- you'd be doing her the best favour ever by refusing to deal with her until she sees a therapist.

 

If you don't put an end to this negative enmeshment relationship you have, this girl is going to make you miserable.

 

Her behavior is crazy- and it is abnormal- and it's indicative of issues much deeper than being jealous. She needs therapy- and it can't be from you.

 

When you tell her it's over- stick to it. Don't go back. She treats you like crap over and over again...and you always go back to her. That is setting the precedence that she can treat you any way she wants and you'll always be there for her. That doesn't teach her anything except that her bad behavior has no consequences.

 

This girl is a train wreck waiting to happen.

Look after yourself and run for the hills.

[budd98]

She has hit me before and throws her phone accross the room when she is mad. A month ago she said she wanted to hit me so bad and I said "do it." I told her that once she does, I will never ever associate with her again. Well, she didn't hit me. She has threatened to key up and destroy my truck before just because I was having fun on the river without her. When she got a speeding ticket, she always says she just wants to ram the cop car cause she gets so mad.

 

I have never met anyone that talks negative ALL the time. She will put people that I know down all the time. She puts people and her family down, unless I say something bad, and then she talks really good about them and defends them. No matter what I do, I can never win. If I am broke I am a loser, but if I have lots of money I am full of myself and selfish. Thats the way she thinks. Last week she skipped her car payment to buy $250 shoes instead. Then she also bounced a check. She tells me ALL of her problems and her friends problems. That is very personal information, so I don't understand why she is so honest with all of that to me?

 

How do you think she will react if I just agree with everything she says? Also, I am thinking of moving in early january to live with my bro 2000 miles away just to get away for awhile (3 months or so). Do you think that will be a good idea for me?

[underpants]

How do you think she will react if I just agree with everything she says? Also, I am thinking of moving in early january to live with my bro 2000 miles away just to get away for awhile (3 months or so). Do you think that will be a good idea for me?

 

Yes, move away for a while. It would do you good to remove yourself for all of her negativity. No you don't even have to tell her.

 

You should give yourself the gift of 3 months away from her. Your perspective will be much more objective.

 

As far as messing with her by agreeing with her accusations. I predict that at first she will calm, then she will escalate her craziness, she might even try to trap you in some way. Who knows? If you can handle the ramifications of delusional behaviour it can be kind of entertaining.

 

However, be moving away.

 

Seriously, you really don't want to get trapped into a relationship with someone like this. Time away will help you see this.