Is this girl psycho or is it normal?

[underpants]

As you all are thinking.....Thank god I am out of there! But it is still hard. I was raised to keep triing and never give up, to go after the things you wanted and never settle. Do you think I was settling for her? In 2.5 years together I was only happy for maybe 2 months. Otherwise I always was at her beckon call.

 

I met a girl on New Years that seemed nice. She went to college and is a nurse and all that. She text small talk a couple days ago to go out and I replied a couple times and that was it. Now she has called 6 times and text like 50 with no response from me. I have only known her for like an hour. I deffinitley don't need another psycho on my hands. I don't know why I attract these kinds of people. They all seem to be insecure or something.

 

Anyways, I feel a little better now after venting a bit. I wish I knew what was going through my ex's head. I just wish I knew that she is feeling the way I have felt for SO long. Do you think she is all down and depressed by my no contact?

 

Good Lord,

 

It sounds like you have dated the entire line up for the Springer show.

 

Sorry, but damn.

 

If you are at all rational then objectively re read your thread and ask yourself if this was a guy friend of your's what would your advice be?

 

Also I bolded part of your post. 2 months of happiness in 2.5 years??? Of course you were settling and not being very good to yourself.

 

Nice guys like you are victims for people like this. Do you want to continue to be a victim? I hope not.

 

You just need time and distance. Don't rush into another relationship too soon because right now you need to get completely over this one so you don't attract another psycho.

 

I don't care what she is feeling because ...sweetie...she is crazy. She comes from a long line of crazy. You cannot figure out that kind of crazy. You just can't.

 

I know it hurts but there is a positive in all of this. If you really break away and give yourself the gift of time and distance then you will see possibilites that you have not considered before. If you decide that a healthy relationship is desired then you can do the research and develop the skills that it takes to achieve that. Then, you will start to attract the right personalities and filter out the wrong ones.

 

I hope I am not over posting on your thread. I just want you to know that you deserve much better then this.

 

Chin up.

[budd98]

Thanks Underpants and I love reading what you have to say! I know what is right and I give excellent advice to all my friends and family about relationships, but it is crazy that I can never take my own advice when I am in one. I know exactly where we would end up if we got married and it would either be me shooting myself or get a divorce. I knew I really didn't want to marry her because she has been pressuring it for the last 2 years and I never asked. If I was happy I would have, but I was actually scared of her. I was scared to leave my phone away from me for a minute because if she called and I didn't answer she would go crazy and accuse me of cheating and such. I always was available 100% of the time....that is really bad! When I went out with my family or friends, she would tell me I needed to be back with her in like 30 minutes or we were over. Last 4th of July I ignored her and she was going to destroy my truck in the parking lot.

 

It is SO sad to read everything I have written and see that I have put up with it for so long. When I got bit on the cheek and everyone said they wanted to beat her up, I actually laughed and said she just did me a HUGE favor. I told them this is just what I needed to make me hate her and move on. They didn't really understand, but I knew what I meant. No one around home really understands what I have gone through cause she is different when people are around, until this last incedent.

 

It is also sad cause I know or think what will happen to her in the long run and I wanted to change that. I tried to get her to college and offered to pay, I offered to pay her health insurance cause she has so many problems and her famialy will NEVER help, I thought I did everything I could to give her a better life with or withought me and she still told me everyday that I was the worst BF she has ever had. She never has given me a compliment. I waited for my b-day to come so that maybe she would surprise me at my house or see me, but instead I get a text to break up. She would always yell at me for not taking her on trips, but I did many of times. It was hard because everything I planned she would always back out of and then make up a reason to be my fault. Gosh, I can't believe I let this happen to me. I even had to hide when I worked out cause she didn't want me to look any better, or lie if a girl cut my hair at the salon cause I might have flirted or something. I couldn't even take my shirt off on the river cause someone might check me out.

 

If I knew of someone that was dealing with what I have, I would try to get them out ASAP. I will never do this again, I will be much more educated. All I can really say is I gave it my best and tried to leave her better then when I found her. What more can I do? I really can't wait to move.

[underpants]

If I knew of someone that was dealing with what I have, I would try to get them out ASAP. I will never do this again, I will be much more educated. All I can really say is I gave it my best and tried to leave her better then when I found her. What more can I do? I really can't wait to move.

 

 

You sound like a great catch and I am sure one day she will regret it. However, she will always be this way and worse. That is sad, and I am sorry that you got caught up in something so painful.

 

I understand when you say no one would believe you. Obviously most do but I understand. I had people I did not even know get in touch with me to reaffirm that my ex was 'dangerous and insane'. The phrase I heard often was "you don't want to piss off a crazy person". I was also (still am a little) afraid of his disorders.

 

I also understand about fearing what happens in the 'long run'. Yet, it really is a brick wall to try to help or reason with someone so determined to not want it. So be it. It is hard to give up on people, especially those you care about. Yet, if it means selling your own soul and integrity to make them feel momentarily better, then no...pass on that.

 

Lastly I understand the 'how did I get so stupid' phase. In which you become mad at yourself for letting yourself be treated so badly. That was especially hard for me, because I am stubborn. Go through it then forgive yourself and promise yourself that you will not let yourself down again. You deserve so much better then that. You really do.

 

You sound like you were in a very controlling and abusive situation and I am so proud of you for sticking to no contact and making a commitment to move.

 

You gave much more then your best and no, you cannot and should not do any more. She is scary unstable. Don't let your sadness make you weak. She will always take advantage. The good news is that not all girls are like this. I don't even think most girls are like this one.

 

Put in some of that hard work into learning about healthy relationships and how to attain that.

 

Be the one that got away (that really f's with them the most).

 

I think things are going to get much, much better for you.

[budd98]

Here I sit on a friday night feeling lonely again. Gosh this sucks. I went and worked out and hung out with a friend, but I had no desire to go to the bar. For some reason I didn't want to talk to any girls or anything. I don't know whats going on today. I don't know why I am feeling sad. I had a HUGE urge to call her from a different number just to see if she changed hers, but I was able to hold back. I am triing to move on, but it still hurts too much. I know she did so much wrong, so why am I even feeling this way. I sit and wonder if she is hurting too? It would really help me recover faster if I knew she was. I know you all will say not to worry about what she is thinking, but do you have any opinions on that?

[Lee725]

hi budd, i am sorry she probably isnt hurtung rather she is probably thinking of the next way she can get to you or how long she should wait before calling you on a restricted number again.

 

Please dont call.

please try not to think about her, i know that is so hard and that is why you are sitting home now. Budd, as i have said before you sound like a great guy who has so much to offer, you need and deserve so much better than this.

 

this girl is not the best you will ever do.

You love her there is no doubt about that and maybe in some way you always will.

You deserve a lover and a companion - not a dependant tantrum throwing child.

 

let your thoughts out here Budd, i will read.

[budd98]

Thanks Lee725. I think what is really bringing me down is the fact that I don't know if she changed her number or not. But then when I think about it, if I called and it wasn't her number, I think I would feel worse. I just can't wait to get away. I feel so scared to go out and run into her.....like sick to my stomach. I have never felt that way about running into her. Why would I feel like that? If I still love her, then I should want to see her right? I am scared to go anywhere cause I don't want to see her or hear about anything that has to do with her. I want to tell everyone I know to not ever bring her name up again or tell me anything if they see or hear of something.

[ElvenPriestess]

Thanks Lee725. I think what is really bringing me down is the fact that I don't know if she changed her number or not. But then when I think about it, if I called and it wasn't her number, I think I would feel worse. I just can't wait to get away. I feel so scared to go out and run into her.....like sick to my stomach. I have never felt that way about running into her. Why would I feel like that? If I still love her, then I should want to see her right? I am scared to go anywhere cause I don't want to see her or hear about anything that has to do with her. I want to tell everyone I know to not ever bring her name up again or tell me anything if they see or hear of something.

 

You are clearly dwelling too much. And rather or not you realize it you're letting her stop you from having fun and going out. Don't do that! So what if you see her? And you don't even know that you will. You can't sit miserably alone all the time, it just makes it worse. Because you're stuck there inside your own mind. Go out, have fun, forget about her. She's not worth you making yourself suffer even more.

[underpants]

Thanks Lee725. I think what is really bringing me down is the fact that I don't know if she changed her number or not. But then when I think about it, if I called and it wasn't her number, I think I would feel worse. I just can't wait to get away. I feel so scared to go out and run into her.....like sick to my stomach. I have never felt that way about running into her. Why would I feel like that? If I still love her, then I should want to see her right? I am scared to go anywhere cause I don't want to see her or hear about anything that has to do with her. I want to tell everyone I know to not ever bring her name up again or tell me anything if they see or hear of something.

 

I wish I could show you what you will feel like once you are emotionally and physically distanced from this situation.

 

Right now, you are still operating on (her, her, her...what will she do, what if I run into her, what is she thinking, how will she lash out next, her, her, her). You are addicted to the anxiety that she has provided (and you accepted) for so long.

 

This is one weekend. I know it can feel lonely to be home while others' are out, but you know, you know going out will find you no happier then being home. There is also a very good chance you could run into her.

 

Calling her number is going to make you feel like crap either way. So just leave it be.

 

She and the anxiety induced relationship is like an addiction, an unhealthy one. You have to take your healing into your own hands and distance yourself.

 

Are you still moving next week? If so then by all means party in your new locale and celebrate being free.

 

However, I am going to say to chill out tonight and don't go out. Have your brother come over and do something at home if you don't want to be alone.

 

Don't put yourself in the situation of running into her. You know that will not be good.

 

Turn the other cheek.

 

It will get better. It is a process.

[budd98]

So I am debating if I should go out tonight or not. I think this will be my last weekend night in this town, since I am hoping on moving by this coming thursday or friday. Do you think it will be good for me to get out one last time before I leave? If I do, should I keep my mouth shut about moving or tell all my friends and such? If I tell a bunch of people she will deffinitely hear about it before I leave and that might be good for her knowing she is stuck here and I am going to a place known as a HUGE college party town.....Austin, TX! That might bring her down a little more....I hope!

[budd98]

Just an update:

 

I did go out last night with some buddies and I happened to run into her at the bar. I started seeing many of her friends there and then she walked in. Right when she walked in, me and my buddies walked out. She looked at me with the deer in the headlights look as always. So we went to another bar and her friend text me this "Gone and moved in 5 days huh?" I figure it was her using his phone. Then I get another 20 minutes later from him saying "Just be nice to her, she does care about u." I never responded to them and then at bar closing time I get a message from her. It was an animated one that said "Would you have a chance to get together and talk b4 I leave?" And guess what, it was from her same number......she never changed it. I never replied back to anything. It was easy for me to leave the bar she was at and all, but it makes things tough when people say they care and all that. Should I continue with the no contact?

[underpants]

Should I continue with the no contact?

 

Duh, Yes.

 

Just move on Budd. You know you have to.

 

Do NOT meet with her or converse with her. She has many destructive behaviour patterns. If you do I think you will truly regret it.

 

Why not move and try out a new way of life?

 

Why teeter around all this suffering and pain?

 

At least try a new way of life without her. She has friends and other enablers. She will be just fine without you, and I think you would be much better off without her.

 

Just vanish. Don't even tell her goodbye. Just get away.

 

I hope you continue to post after you do move. I would like to hear about improvements in your confidence and outlook once you are settled in a new place.

[Lee725]

Should I continue with the no contact?

 

Hi Budd, Yes continue with no contact.

She is a liar and she has tried to many ways to manipulate you & it still continues.

She has not changed, she has nothing valid to say. She will just fill your head with more crap.

 

Of course she did not change her number - it was another ploy.

She cares about you... yeah right. She cares for no-one but herself and her multiple personalities.

 

Be strong, maintain NC

[D-Lish]

You run into her every single time you go out.... do you live in a really small town?

 

Man, you have to move away from all of this.

You know the same people, frequent the same places... you'll never be rid of her if you don't take a break and get away.

 

You'll feel so much better if you remove yourself from the situation.

AND, I would change your number!

[budd98]

My town is about 90,000 people. Everyone hangs out in the same bars and such, so it is easy to cross paths. I also think she has people that always text her where I am all the time cause she always knows everything.

 

She sent me that animated text again today which asked "If I would have a chance to get together and talk before she leaves." I don't know why I even debate to talk with her or not, but it does bother me a little. I have been so strong though and I am proud of myself for that. I mean if she REALLY wanted to get a hold of me or actually REALLY cared, don't you think she would just come right out and say it? Why beat around the bush? I really question her feelings towards me, but who knows. I am moving very soon though.

[underpants]

Hang in there Budd.

 

You know if you talk to her you are just going to feel worse for the effort.

 

Let that drama train go wreck someplace else.

 

I am proud of you. It is hard, I know, but you are doing the right thing.

 

Get out of there.

[budd98]

I just recieved a text from her asking this "I found a movie of yours at my house, let me know if you want me to mail it or what you wnat me to do with it."

 

What should I do? Should I respond with "keep it."

 

And now she just text me again saying, "and I leave wednesday, take care."

 

Dang, she got me in a tizzy again. What should I do and why is she saying these things?

[D-Lish]

Budd....

 

your posts are like a train wreck.... I know it's bad to look but I can't help myself.

 

Time for you to help yourself. Why would you respond?

She isn't worth your time.

[underpants]

Budd....

your posts are like a train wreck.... I know it's bad to look but I can't help myself.

 

Me too.

 

Budd, I survived one of these wrecks so I am just screaming at you to jump off...NOW.

 

Forget the movie, forget the texts.

 

That Wed deadline is the same thing as that 8 o'clock dealine. She is like Mission Impossible...and yes she will self destruct at some point.

 

Don't respond. Just laugh it off and let it go.

 

Re read the thread when you feel tempted. Make a list and refer to it when you feel tempted. Look through the archives on here for similiar experiences (that helped me alot).

 

You will get through it and find yourself in a much more beautiful place.

 

I'm rooting for you, but you have to do the work.

[crazy_grl]

Budd, do not respond to anything she says EVER no matter what. Even if she says the dog died or she's in the hospital, DON'T answer. She's lied and made up stories too many times for you to start believing anything she says. If it turns out that she says something awful happened and it turns out to be true, too bad for her. I'm sure she's heard the story of the boy who cried wolf.

 

I disagree with whoever said she's not hurting. I think she is, but it's not because she loves you or genuinely misses you. She's probably hurting because she knows she's lost control over you.

 

Also, I find it a little messed up that you'd feel better if you knew she was hurting. You claim to love her, but that doesn't sound like real love to me. Maybe you should think about that.

 

Hope you continue to avoid the drama and the move goes well.

[Chrome Barracuda]

You know what Budd, you got a lot of patience because if I was you and she bit me at the party like she did you I would have punched her in her damned mouth! I would not have cared that she was a female at the time.

 

Why dont you just change your number or something.

 

Disappear from it all man.

 

She isnt worth the air she's breathing.

[JHS]

Not to diagnose someone via the internet, but it really, REALLY sounds like there's some bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder at play here. Have you talked to her about her psychiatric history?

 

I totally agree - esp. with the Borderline P.D. which can be a real nightmareish, life-changing mess. She gets things in her head and uses them to make decisions regardless of whether they are reality. I once dated a girl who, for very little rational reason, decided that I was gay. It took me three days of practically begging just to convince her that she was wrong. Stupid of me to feed into it. And worse, what would happen is that I would get so frustrated after spending way too much time trying to just talk to her that I would start to lose my temper - she would just bring out the absolute worst in me and then I was the bad guy for losing my temper. She would never take responsibility for being so impossible. In hindsight I should have just said, "you're right." and walked away. Treat idiots like idiots, right?

 

But if you want to stay with this girl she will first have to admit that she makes things up that are false, then she will have to decide to trust you when you explain what they are so that she will not do things like break up with you forever, etc.

 

If anyone knows what this is - the manufacturing of false information and then acting on it, I would love to hear more. Is it just psychosis?

[The_411]

Believe me, I went through this. Your ex is crazy making to lure you back in just so she can toss you out.

 

My best advice is to go no contact and let her address her issues by herself.

 

Unfortunately BPD hasn't been given enough media attention so few people know about it but 6 million have been diagnosed in the US and that's a low number for those who have as most BPD don't get diagnosed. It's more like 20 million people have it.

 

She wants a drama because she feeds on drama.

 

She's painting you black (anger and nasty comments) and then painting you white ( I love you don't leave etc.)

 

People with BPD can be treated but they have to initiate it.

 

Whatever you do don't tell you suspect she has BPD or you get a TnT type meltdown from her.

Edited January 15, 2008 by The_411
grammar

[budd98]

I am the DUMMEST person ever!!!! God I hate myself for this. As you all said, go NO CONTACT and stay with it. Well I did, that is for about a week. Then she kept contacting me about a DVD that is mine and I finally text back saying keep it. So that let into a texting back and forth. She was being SO nice by the way. So then we ended up meeting a week ago for dinner. We talked, and I was pretty cold. She told me she had all this stuff to give me so I ended up going back to her place to get it. I said I will wait outside. Well she convinced me in and I ended up sleeping with her and leaving the next morning. It WAS amazing by the way. All of a sudden I felt everything back. I felt like I was IN LOVE again. I went home and then 2 days later, I ended up staying at her place and having sex again. She even said I love you, but I never said it back. That was last Friday.

 

So here is where it really gets deep. She said she bought a ticket to NEW York to visit her family and just get away. I believed it all. She left yesterday, but didn't have any real desire to see me before she left. I asked if she was going to see another guy and she said NO, just need to get away. She has family there so I believed her. The night before she left she was all paranoid about me being at a chicks house, asking me to take a pic and send it and stuff like that. Then she leaves and things get even weirder. She tells me she misses me and then a few small texts at the airports and that was it. Now she won't contact me or respond or anything.

 

So by curiousity, I searched a few things. She said she was going to NY, but flying into Boston. Well they are like 200 miles apart I found out so it is complete bogus. I then searched her ex b/f name and found out he lives right there in Boston. This is a guy she always liked I guess. So now I am crushed again.

 

How can someone try so hard to get you back and say all the right things and act in love, just to do the ultimate betrayal? And the whole time prior to contstantly accuse me of being with girls?

 

I am so stupid, I just can't believe I let this happen again. I hate myself for this. I wish I listened to everything you said and didn't hold back. Something is really wrong with me to keep letting someone take advantage of me. I got SO used again. You all said it would happen too. I am at a very irrational state right now and I hope it passes fast. I did text her tonight telling her that I know and such and that I wished her to be safe, but basically I am gone forever. I just feel out of control right now.

 

She is gone for 8 days meaning coming back thursday, but I am now putting my plans on moving this monday. I have to do it now, it is the only way for me to heal right. I wish someone could just knock me out for like 2 months and let things pass. This is so hard......

[crazy_grl]

Sorry to hear that, budd. Life's lesson learned the hard way. I'm not gonna be too rough on you though. For most of us, the reason we were right is because we've also learned the hard way.

 

I would say that you're jumping to conclusions because you don't know for sure that she's seeing that guy, but the signs with this girl point to the fact that she is. Flying to Boston to get to New York makes no sense unless you're going to see someone there. Way too big of a coincidence that her ex just happens to live there. And IIRC, didn't you find out she has cheated before?

 

How can someone try so hard to get you back and say all the right things and act in love, just to do the ultimate betrayal?

 

Selfishness. Plain and simple.

 

And the whole time prior to contstantly accuse me of being with girls?

 

Somebody mentioned this earlier. It's pretty common for people who are cheating to constantly accuse their partner of the same thing. Part of it's probably because they know that if they're able to cheat, you could be as well, and even expect that you're doing the same thing they are.

 

It seems like this girl has some strange hold over you (which I still encourage you to talk to a counselor about). Don't let her come back, feed you a bunch of BS, and get back into your life. Even if she's not with some other guy, she's not good for you.

Edited January 18, 2008 by crazy_grl

[JHS]

I am the DUMMEST person ever!!!! God I hate myself for this. As you all said, go NO CONTACT and stay with it. Well I did, that is for about a week. Then she kept contacting me about a DVD that is mine and I finally text back saying keep it. So that let into a texting back and forth. She was being SO nice by the way. So then we ended up meeting a week ago for dinner. We talked, and I was pretty cold. She told me she had all this stuff to give me so I ended up going back to her place to get it. I said I will wait outside. Well she convinced me in and I ended up sleeping with her and leaving the next morning. It WAS amazing by the way. All of a sudden I felt everything back. I felt like I was IN LOVE again. I went home and then 2 days later, I ended up staying at her place and having sex again. She even said I love you, but I never said it back. That was last Friday.

 

So here is where it really gets deep. She said she bought a ticket to NEW York to visit her family and just get away. I believed it all. She left yesterday, but didn't have any real desire to see me before she left. I asked if she was going to see another guy and she said NO, just need to get away. She has family there so I believed her. The night before she left she was all paranoid about me being at a chicks house, asking me to take a pic and send it and stuff like that. Then she leaves and things get even weirder. She tells me she misses me and then a few small texts at the airports and that was it. Now she won't contact me or respond or anything.

 

So by curiousity, I searched a few things. She said she was going to NY, but flying into Boston. Well they are like 200 miles apart I found out so it is complete bogus. I then searched her ex b/f name and found out he lives right there in Boston. This is a guy she always liked I guess. So now I am crushed again.

 

How can someone try so hard to get you back and say all the right things and act in love, just to do the ultimate betrayal? And the whole time prior to contstantly accuse me of being with girls?

 

I am so stupid, I just can't believe I let this happen again. I hate myself for this. I wish I listened to everything you said and didn't hold back. Something is really wrong with me to keep letting someone take advantage of me. I got SO used again. You all said it would happen too. I am at a very irrational state right now and I hope it passes fast. I did text her tonight telling her that I know and such and that I wished her to be safe, but basically I am gone forever. I just feel out of control right now.

 

She is gone for 8 days meaning coming back thursday, but I am now putting my plans on moving this monday. I have to do it now, it is the only way for me to heal right. I wish someone could just knock me out for like 2 months and let things pass. This is so hard......

 

Well, I don't know how dumb you are, but you are certainly a glutton for punishment. Question - you seem pretty sure that the trip is to get together with someone but be sure before you jump completely to conclusions.

 

As for your last paragraph - do you have any friends who may help accomplish this?