Online Dating - No Pic - Drove him Crazy

[SpanksTheMonkey]

 

Maybe my analogy was not the best...I was not trying to say disabled people are not and could not be "hot". I was just trying to point out that a person's physical appearance should not be the only gauge inwhich you decide to meet or not meet someone.

 

Lastly, I really don't think you can surmise my age from the way I articulate myself. I could be a mature 18 year old.

I agree your analogy was not the best there I guess that could happen but then again thats a casule almost chance meeting. Not 2 people who sighned up for a dateing site on line 2 very diffrent things to me anyways. Now I agree it shouldent be the only gauge in which to meet them but it should be a gauge in how to meet them. IE possible love intrest or just friends buddys getting togher for a nice afternoon. Isent it better to get that out of the way right out of the gate? I woulden't even waist my time on line talking to some one for a long lenth of time with out getting the pic thing out of the way. And establishing were we stood as what may happen in the future! And lastly I may be wrong you may very well be a 18 year old who knowes you do seam a bit self conchious. And that I just got from how your articulateing your self here no offence ment.

[Art_Critic]

I was just trying to point out that a person's physical appearance should not be the only gauge inwhich you decide to meet or not meet someone.

 

It isn't the only gauge.. It is all the things that make up the decision..

And without ALL of those things a meeting most likely won't happen..

 

If you like how the person looks and they like how you look but you have no connection then why meet up ?

 

If you have a connection but don't like the way they look and they don't like they way you look then why meet up ?

 

It does take more than looks.. but more importantly it takes more than just a connection thru email or over the phone also.

Looks are just a part of the equation but still a very important part of it all..

[marlena]

It does take more than looks.. but more importantly it takes more than just a connection thru email or over the phone also.

Looks are just a part of the equation but still a very important part of it all

 

Well said!

[Phateless]

Blind date....I don't think this time has passed. Haven't you ever had a friend who said "Meet me after work for drinks. My bf and his buddy will be there....I think you might like him?"

 

Actually your example proves OUR points better than yours! In your example, NO CONTACT HAS TAKEN PLACE PRIOR TO THE MEETING! You know what the person looks like first thing. No time is wasted before finding out what they look like. If anything, with your example, you see what they look like before you get to know them instead of the other way around. It's one evening and no assumptions or preconceptions, instead of two weeks and lots of intimate time gone to waste as Art Critic pointed out.

[Phoenix11]

OK...I agree in this age of internet dating, posting a pic will save alot of wasted time. I still find it too bad that a person maybe overlooked because they are not pleasing to the eye (which I am not), but on other levels could be everthing that one is looking for.

 

My time with this guy has run out. Today is the first time since Oct. that there has been no contact either via IM or via phone. He hasn't even signed on to messenger today, but has logged onto another dating site. He is sending me a message that he has moved on:(

 

If I continue with the online dating sites, I will have to post a pic if I ever want to have a first date:o

[tanbark813]

If I continue with the online dating sites, I will have to post a pic if I ever want to have a first date:o

 

It would certainly help. I don't even look at profiles with no pics and I doubt I'm alone in that.

[Phateless]

OK...I agree in this age of internet dating, posting a pic will save alot of wasted time. I still find it too bad that a person maybe overlooked because they are not pleasing to the eye (which I am not), but on other levels could be everthing that one is looking for.

 

My time with this guy has run out. Today is the first time since Oct. that there has been no contact either via IM or via phone. He hasn't even signed on to messenger today, but has logged onto another dating site. He is sending me a message that he has moved on:(

 

If I continue with the online dating sites, I will have to post a pic if I ever want to have a first date:o

 

The problem with the idealistic attitude is that it's impossible to maintain in real life. I am SURE that in your lifetime you have overlooked someone who could be good for you because they were not attractive enough (whether you admit it/realize it or not). People are shallow in some ways. That's just the way it is...

 

If you like him, send a pic now and try and save it? Otherwise you really have wasted a whole bunch of your time as well as his.

[Phateless]

It would certainly help. I don't even look at profiles with no pics and I doubt I'm alone in that.

 

Same here. The only reason I can think of not to post a pic is being ashamed of the way you look.

[Phoenix11]

I don't know....sending a pic know after I know he is moving on and looking elsewhere seems like a act of desperation.

 

Maybe I should move on myself and start fresh with a pic in the begining.

 

I just don't understand how you can develop feelings/bond with someone and discount it....toss it aside like dirty, worn laundry:confused:

[Phateless]

I don't know....sending a pic know after I know he is moving on and looking elsewhere seems like a act of desperation.

 

Maybe I should move on myself and start fresh with a pic in the begining.

 

I just don't understand how you can develop feelings/bond with someone and discount it....toss it aside like dirty, worn laundry:confused:

 

That's exactly what you did. You sacrificed your bond with him over your unwillingness to send him a pic. That to me is worse than sacrificing a bond because of a lack of physical attraction.

 

Honestly, I think you're being ridiculous about this whole thing. If you think you've already lost him, there's nothing to lose by sending a pic now. <shrug>

[oppath]

Agreed TB! Yes, if I had reached my comfort zone with the person, I would definitely send him a pic. No problem.

 

You mean you'd meet a guy off the internet once you reached a level of comfort or rapport (or attraction to his personality), but you'd refuse to send him a photo before actually meeting?

 

If I reach enough comfort to meet someone, I have no problem showing them my photo. I won't even offer my number or ask for hers unless I'm comfortable meeting someone. Wham, bam, let's meet. I understand everyone has a different level of comfort, but if you are seriously comfortable meeting someone off the internet, you should be comfortable sending them a photo.

 

Often with online dating, the women I meet use photos a couple years old and they weigh quite a bit more than I expected. the one woman I've ever met without a photo...we had rapport...but as soon as she showed up, I knew I would not date her. This is why after 3-4 emails, you maybe have a phone call, and you suggest a low key date. Something casual like coffee, a drink, a book signing, whatever. Those meetings are PRE-dates. The entire point is: "We seem to have some things in common, and based on your photos, I might be attracted to you. Let's meet and see if we have any face to face chemistry."

 

Comfort? Rapport? Being wary that the guy is married and is hiding something? I'd say it is more likely that someone who waits a long time to meet, who wants to spend weeks and months slowly getting to know me, who refuses to show a photo is hiding something. I think that person is more likely to be married, have a bf, etc. Someone who says "this is who I am, this is what I look like, how about coffee on Thursday" is not likely to be hiding anything. If you aren't comfortable sharing yourself online, then you should not be dating online. It's that simple.

 

And if this guy is shallow...would it be shallow for you to be upset if I wore a mask to speed dating, or to a party, or on our first 4 dates, because "why should it matter what I look like?"

[oppath]

I just don't understand how you can develop feelings/bond with someone and discount it....toss it aside like dirty, worn laundry:confused:

 

You don't have feelings/bond yet because all you know about each other are book jacket blurbs. He doesn't know you, and your refusal to send him a photo and to talk about 2 months before meeting, to me, would indicate that the woman has something to hide. If a woman can't meet more soon than 4 weeks I'm dropping her. I prefer around 2 weeks from first contact. The first meeting is a PRE date. It's just to see if there is any physical attraction and chemistry in our personalities. You don't know what chemistry you truly have over the phone. If I know I like something about someone and have some things in common, I am ready to meet.

 

If you aren't that way, fine, but I'd suggest online dating isn't the path for you. You don't have to kiss these men. Going on dates does not mean you are "dating." But meet them.

 

And I've never shared photos with the girls I plan on meeting online with my friends/coworkers. If someone is hideously ugly to me, I just ignore/delete. I don't understand this "look at this person, ugh" fear. Who acts that way? The online time I've shown photos has been when the woman is really really hot.

[Phoenix11]

You don't have feelings/bond yet because all you know about each other are book jacket blurbs. He doesn't know you, and your refusal to send him a photo and to talk about 2 months before meeting, to me, would indicate that the woman has something to hide. If a woman can't meet more soon than 4 weeks I'm dropping her. I prefer around 2 weeks from first contact. The first meeting is a PRE date. It's just to see if there is any physical attraction and chemistry in our personalities. You don't know what chemistry you truly have over the phone. If I know I like something about someone and have some things in common, I am ready to meet.

 

If you aren't that way, fine, but I'd suggest online dating isn't the path for you. You don't have to kiss these men. Going on dates does not mean you are "dating." But meet them.

 

And I've never shared photos with the girls I plan on meeting online with my friends/coworkers. If someone is hideously ugly to me, I just ignore/delete. I don't understand this "look at this person, ugh" fear. Who acts that way? The online time I've shown photos has been when the woman is really really hot.

 

You sound like a seasoned online dater, which is great. Unfortunately I am not....just learning the ropes and stumbling along the way. Thank you for sharing your wisdom....I have taken notes:)

[Krytie TV]

Often with online dating, the women I meet use photos a couple years old and they weigh quite a bit more than I expected. the one woman I've ever met without a photo...we had rapport...but as soon as she showed up, I knew I would not date her.

 

Very true.

 

Phoenix, I really don't know how much you're trying to hide, but your resistance speaks volumes. But what's the point of "tricking" someone into a date that they may not enjoy anyway had they had all of the necessary info upfront.

 

Just don't try to be too sneaky with photos. You are who you are and no amount of picture sneakiness will change the chemistry of the meeting. Some people think they're slick posting pictures that just show the best things.

 

Anyone who's ever been burned in online dating can spot someone avoiding a "full body shot at all costs" a mile away. I personally think it's funny the extent some people will go to show no more than the chin to forehead. If you're hiding something, it's obvious... way more obvious than you realize.

 

Be yourself. Why would you want to waste your time on a date with someone who doesn't find you attractive to begin with? Unless you're just a greedy golddigger (or looking for free meals), of course.

[tanbark813]

Anyone who's ever been burned in online dating can spot someone avoiding a "full body shot at all costs" a mile away. I personally think it's funny the extent some people will go to show no more than the chin to forehead. If you're hiding something, it's obvious... way more obvious than you realize.

 

So very true.

[oppath]

So very true.

 

Agreed. I've had enough of those. Pretty faces, beautiful in fact, + athletic and toned but no body shot generally = pushing the edges not of curvy, but of obese.

 

Learning to online date is tough for both genders. Let's say you met this man, and he looked NOTHING like his photo, was several inches shorter than you expected, had an obvious cold sore on his lips, was overweight and balding...not what you expected. Wouldn't you have known those things upfront? Now, there are people who look like that who are beautiful to someone else. We all have preferences. My point is that if someone is way off from your preferences, even with a connection online, would you not feel deeply disappointed after meeting him, led on as a matter of fact? Upset that he didn't give you all that information?

 

You may be beautiful, the best looking woman he'd ever have a date with. But he does not know. Your refusal and the pace of securing a date would turn most men off.

 

So I'd suggest you email him with a pic and say "I realize I've been overly cautious with online dating and have been trying to develop a relationship so to speak, before even dating. I've never done this and don't know the rules. I would still like to meet you. I've attached some pics and apologize for being stubborn. We seem to have good rapport and I think it's time to explore it in person."

 

If he says no, you've risked nothing. Your photos aren't going to show up all over the internet.

[compassion42]

Very true.

 

Phoenix, I really don't know how much you're trying to hide, but your resistance speaks volumes. But what's the point of "tricking" someone into a date that they may not enjoy anyway had they had all of the necessary info upfront.

 

Just don't try to be too sneaky with photos. You are who you are and no amount of picture sneakiness will change the chemistry of the meeting. Some people think they're slick posting pictures that just show the best things.

 

Anyone who's ever been burned in online dating can spot someone avoiding a "full body shot at all costs" a mile away. I personally think it's funny the extent some people will go to show no more than the chin to forehead. If you're hiding something, it's obvious... way more obvious than you realize.

 

Be yourself. Why would you want to waste your time on a date with someone who doesn't find you attractive to begin with? Unless you're just a greedy golddigger (or looking for free meals), of course.

 

 

I've had some really bad online dating experiences where the guy was not what I expected but I wouldn't call them "being burned"-it was just not a love connection-big deal!

I don't know why,but it suprises me how shallow so many of the guys are here. Yea, looks matter and all but it's still "just a date" when all is said and done. If they are uglier or fatter than their picture portrayed....oh well! Nobody says you have to go out with them again.

[oppath]

I've had some really bad online dating experiences where the guy was not what I expected but I wouldn't call them "being burned"-it was just not a love connection-big deal!

I don't know why,but it suprises me how shallow so many of the guys are here. Yea, looks matter and all but it's still "just a date" when all is said and done. If they are uglier or fatter than their picture portrayed....oh well! Nobody says you have to go out with them again.

 

But you should portray yourself honestly, and in this case, they've been talking every day for a couple months, not 2 weeks. There is a big difference.

[Racquel Colette]

I don't think he was truly interested and would have pulled the canceling business no matter what.

[Krytie TV]

I don't know why,but it suprises me how shallow so many of the guys are here. Yea, looks matter and all but it's still "just a date" when all is said and done. If they are uglier or fatter than their picture portrayed....oh well! Nobody says you have to go out with them again.

 

I've only just begun... wanna see more shallow? I have NO interest in dating an ugly or fat girl from the internet... yeah, I went there. So I wouldn't want to waste my valuable time on a "no way". If I met the same person in real life, there would always be a possibility. But given that the internet lends itself to impersonal decision making in general, I would have no desire to initiate online with that person. I have more shallowness if you want to hear it.

 

I find it rather funny how many people lie or deny their own shallowness on a public forum where no one knows you.

[Jilly Bean]

I've only just begun... wanna see more shallow? I have NO interest in dating an ugly or fat girl from the internet... yeah, I went there. So I wouldn't want to waste my valuable time on a "no way". If I met the same person in real life, there would always be a possibility. But given that the internet lends itself to impersonal decision making in general, I would have no desire to initiate online with that person. I have more shallowness if you want to hear it.

 

I find it rather funny how many people lie or deny their own shallowness on a public forum where no one knows you.

 

LOL. I'm with ya, babe. No fat dudes, no short dudes, and no broke-ass dudes! Call me shallow, but I also wouldn't date a guy if he had a small cock.

[oppath]

I find it rather funny how many people lie or deny their own shallowness on a public forum where no one knows you.

 

I do not want to date a girl who weights more than me. I do not want to date a woman I find unattractive physically. I do not want to waste a collective 3 hours sending her emails and spending an hour at coffee with her when the answer would be "it's not going to work between us" because I'm not physically attracted to her.

 

If I meet someone in public, sure, I may talk to them for an hour because they are a great conversationalist and I find them witty and interesting. But I use online dating for online dates. By virtue of it being a date, it means I am hopeful the chemistry and physical attraction are there. If I only wanted good conversation, I'd join a book club or the young democrats or some other organization. I online date to find dates, and I don't want to go on a date with a woman who I wouldn't make out with sober. Why not? Because the point of me dating is to find someone who may be my match. I have plenty of interesting friends who are female. I don't need more of those.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Wow alot of intresting input here now to the poster who said most men here are being shallow how so? They are clearly stateing there preferances when it comes to dateing which is a very personal choise! Other then a few nasty needless comments I see nothing wrong with the idea in genral. If there is no phiscal chemistry there is none simple no?. I personaly kinda see were some of these men are comming from maybe even the hostility a tiney bit. Last time I looked something like 60% of women lie about there aperances on here prob a good number of men as well. Or they use the old pic back in the day before they had 12 babys and gained an extra 100 pounds. Its not shallow realy there is a person for every body in this world. But you have to be honest in the search if your disabaled tell them so if your overweight tell them that be upfront or you will be just wasteing bouth yours and there time! Oh and this comes from a over weight women who happends to use dateing sites once in a while. But I list my full body pic which is no older then a year or so max! And only sighn up for sites geared toward larger people why cause it save me and them the headakes in the end!

[Krytie TV]

I personally do not see any difference in me not sending a pic than an "Old Fashion Blind Date". Before the internet, people met without seeing a pic before hand.

 

Yes, but that historical comparison went out the window as soon as you got his picture. Now he expects reciprocation, and rightly so. Bottom line. You don't have to agree, and he doesn't need to give you the benefit of the doubt. Try working men who are passive enough to accept your method and don't fret over those that don't.

[Phoenix11]

I am now twisted over this pic online thing. I have been chatting with this other guy for a couple of weeks as well. Last night we chatted up a storm. He said he liked my voice, and thought it sounded sexy. This is someone else who has been requesting a pic from me. He said he dosen't like overweight women....blah blah blah. Went on the further describe them as being "Rubenesque". Gotta love it. Anyway, after his rant of plus size women, he asked me to describe myself. He flat out asked me how much I weighed. I replied 275lbs. Dead silence. HAHAHAAHA!

 

Like I said, was twisted over the pic/physical attraction thing yesterday, so I had my fun f*cking with this shallow guy......sorry!