marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Agreed! As I have already said, I will send that photo PERSONALLY to the person who has gained my respect and attention! And, it will be real. But that's just me. As a seasoned on - line dater, you def know that there are many scams going on in cyberspace. Perhaps for women it is different! I have gone out on numerous dates with overweight, bald and ,well, suffice it to say, not very nice to look at guys, perhaps because I never asked for a picture. I didn't get all hyper over it. No big deal...I just never dated them again or if we really liked eachother, we remained cyber friends, that's all. I orefer no picture at all to a picture that is fake and misrepresentative!!! But that's me! You know, even "ugly" people can be enjoyable as company! Link to post Share on other sites
shockandawed Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 My money says 275 wasn't a joke answer. lol...can I have the over? Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Ok, here is why I'm wearing boxing gloves... you are denying yourself potential postive experiences. That's why. You can say "if a guy is cool with this he scores bonus points." But what about those other guys? What about the guys who want to see photos of you with your tongue out, camping, at a football game, etc. It's not just about looks, it's abot personality. I've gone out with many women online who I haven't thought "she's hot" because I like her. Often, I think "she's allright, not my type, but I want to meet her and see what's up." Basically, most men, like 90% of us, would be turned off not receiving a picture. But some of those men might be PERFECT for you but you'll never get the chance to interact with them. I think it's equally as shallow to want a guy who will meet without a photo -- as that is just one personality characteristic you are using to eliminate men -- as it is to eliminate someone entirely based on their photos. You'll meet more men -- good, honest men -- if you are willing to share photos. Essentially, you are denying yourself positive experiences. Most of my online dating experiences have been positive, maybe 2 out of 20 were negative. Men aren't shallow for wanting to know what you look like if they are investing time in planning a date. You are honestly denying yourself the chance to meet more men, men who are good people, not creeps, by refusing to share your photos. Link to post Share on other sites
Dboo103 Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Wow maybe he's had a bad experience in the past or maybe it's the type of situation where he's afraid that if you see him in person and you don't like him you could leave and he wouldn't even know. I wouldn't take it personal he may just be nervous. Link to post Share on other sites
shockandawed Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 I have gone out on numerous dates with overweight, bald and ,well, suffice it to say, not very nice to look at guys, You know, even "ugly" people can be enjoyable as company! I thought you seemed familiar! How have you been? Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 To answer your question, I think sending a fake picture is worse than none at all. It's not about the physical appearance, it's about being totally misled. This person is obviously not comfortable about themselves for whatever reason. I am attracted to somone who is self confident, regardless of the physical attributes. In total accord! And, yes, it is ten years old. That is the point I am trying to make. I don't trust pictures. I'd rather check the person up close if he has sparked that much interest in me!! And, yes, people misrepresent themselves all the time on the net. That's no secret! That's why I never insist or hold much store in a pic!! Rather meet up close!!! No chance of fooling me there!!! So, I had a coffee with someone who didn't meet up to my expectations! Bid deal! Of course, you do have to be in the mood for this sort of thing!!! It's exhausting! Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 You know, even "ugly" people can be enjoyable as company! But I don't use online dating sites to make friends. I use them to get dates, and I don't want to date someone I'm not attracted to. I go into any date with the attitude "I'm going to have a fun conversation, getting to know someone interesting, and it's going to go well because I am a good conversationalist." That is my only objective. However, I can make friends for good company other ways -- a book club, young democrats, etc -- online datings purpose is to find dates. The reason I do it is becaues I want to expose myself to MORE WOMEN I am ATTRACTED TO than my day to day routine has introduced me to. That's the entire point of online dating...to increase the pool of women I find interesting AND ATTRACTIVE. I can meet plenty of people for good company and good conversation. That's not my problem. The problem is I am single and want DATES, and I want to cast a larger net so I can find someone to date towards a serious relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 I thought you seemed familiar! How have you been? Very well, thank you! ANd you? Oh, by the way, my ex was gorgeous!!! His problem was elsewhere!! Now, back to my stunning avatar!! Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 So, may the real Marlena, please step up!! Get my point? Nah, I didn't think so! Link to post Share on other sites
shockandawed Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 So, may the real Marlena, please step up!! Get my point? Nah, I didn't think so! What if I liked them both? Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 So, may the real Marlena, please step up!! Get my point? Nah, I didn't think so! No, I do get your point. People can and certainly do misrepresent themselves via photos on the net. Most people, however, do not. Since I am confident enough to accurately portray myself, and I feel it is completely irrational to fear my pictures being spread all over the net, and I have nothing to hide, I expect any woman I interact with to behave the same. If she's not comfortable, cool. But most people do shares themselves honestly. If someone is not, I'm going to think why? And in Phoenix's case, it's not as simple as "you seem interesting, let's meet for coffee." They've essentially developed a RELATIONSHIP by this point. It's not shallow of me, if I were chatting with a woman, to say "I don't feel comfortable meeting you without a photo or two of you first." You are arguing that since people sometimes misrepresent themselves, photos don't really matter because there is always that risk. I argue that because people sometimes misrespresent themselves and that risk is present, photos matter MORE. Yes, people lie. But if your photos match your person, you've essentially demonstated more trustworthiness and openness than if no photo is exchanged in my minds eye, and most men will feel similar, so if you want to meet a greater pool of men who may be good for you, at some point, photos are a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Bottom line, OP, is that it sounds to me like you do have something(s) to hide, and since these are things that men might have a problem with you have developed a bitter outlook on men and call them "shallow" because they have standards you feel are unfair. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. But hiding these things only delays the inevitable. No matter how much someone gets to know you over the phone and internet, if they're not attracted to you, that all goes out the window in a flash. I can vouch from experience. You probably feel that if you force them to "get to know the real you", and they do, they will overlook whatever it is you're hiding. But for almost all men, physical appearance comes first... even if you show it last. This is just like the "nice guy" threads. Men get bitter about being treated poorly because they're nice guys, when in fact it's because they're spineless doormats or jerks. You are claiming that men are shallow because they are so intent on physical appearance. Maybe they're not shallow... just not attracted. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 This is just like the "nice guy" threads. Men get bitter about being treated poorly because they're nice guys, when in fact it's because they're spineless doormats or jerks. You are claiming that men are shallow because they are so intent on physical appearance. Maybe they're not shallow... just not attracted. Word. You can be a nice guy and still have tight boundaries that you clearly assert, and you can have great depth as a man but still want to be attracted to a woman you are on a date with. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 What if I liked them both? Yes, WHAT IF??? Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Ok! Enough already!! Phoenix, Just send him a pic since he is so adamant about it!!! Personally, I would have sent him one if I had felt that special "connection". No big deal, really, though I do understand some of the points you have been making! Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 This is ridiculous. Nobody is shallow for wanting to know what you look like before getting involved with you. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 I was just having fun with the guy yesterday because asking someones weight is not an acceptable question to ask unless you have a MD after your name! I don't get it why not? if you don't have a pic posted wouldent you expect them to want to ask that? Long as its done in a testefull manner the guy you were sc*ewing around that night simply said he dident like over weight women no? Would you prefer he diden't mention that then showed up and said it to your face? or worse. I honestly don't get you # 1 Why don't you try dateing blind men I'm sure they have no hang ups on looks what so ever just like you! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts