compassion42 Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 Keep taking more pics and there's bound to be at least one good one in the bunch! Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 Wow some really good advice here ok I'm going to add my 2 cents! I agree on line is a dream land and he prob got afraid last min that his minds image of you was way off base from what you really are! Even more so because you flat out refused to send the pic just from personal experance thats never a good sighn on line it means you really may have somethng to hide. So what he gave you the looks don't matter speach sure they don't thats why half the internet is looking for love! Common looks do matter its a cold sad fact of life look at it this way.. Think of the most unattractive feature to you personaly like if say you haden't seen a pic of him and he came up to you in public and was 300 pounds! woulden't that make you feel even a bit uncomterble sad let down? I personaly don't care for bauld men romanticly I coulden't see myself dateing one. So if I had taken all that time to establish a relashionship on line and then the guy told me one thing and showed up compleatly bauld it would be very dissapointing to me see what I mean? They should matter some what there has to be a attraction on some level to make a realshionship last I think so anyways. And no one sighns up to any on line dateing site looking for ONLY friends! No men at least if thats honestly what your looking for then stick to penpal sites and blogging to save your self the waisted time and wierd encounters. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 Most of the time when people don't post a pic it's because they're butt ugly. I made the mistake once of meeting a girl without seeing her pic and won't do it again. Sorry TB I disagree. I never post a pic and I am far from ugly. I just don't want it out there on the Net for everyone to see. And yes, I find it insulting not to mention superficial, that a man would place so much emphasis on looks. Plus, it feels like I'm selling myself to others based on my looks. I would want to establish a different kind of rapport befire I feel comfortable sending a pic. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 Phoenix, Maybe he was married or in a comitted relationship. A lot of people on dating sites are. Why else cop out last minute? even if you were ugly as sin (which I am sure you are not) after so many months of such wonderful communication, it would not have killed him to just have a cup of coffee with you in a public place. To me, it sounds like he liked the attention ...and his anonymity. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 Oh thats right I haden't thought about that marlena might have a point there. All tho if your calling his home it may be on the level unless its a cell phone is it? Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 These guys are very resourceful when it comes to phones...esp. cell phones. Besides their REAL phone, the one their wives/girlfriends know about, they have an extra two or three!! Strange he didn't answer when she called him in the middle of the night! Even more strange is the fact that he bailed out last minute ! It would not have KILLED him to go even if she weren't Angelina Jolie! They had been talking for weeks. I am not saying he is. I am simply saying he might well be. A very high percentage of men on dating sites are married and looking for a fling! Sounds like he just got off on the fantasy. Married men like this kind of ego stroke! Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 Sorry TB I disagree. I never post a pic and I am far from ugly. I just don't want it out there on the Net for everyone to see. And yes, I find it insulting not to mention superficial, that a man would place so much emphasis on looks. Plus, it feels like I'm selling myself to others based on my looks. I would want to establish a different kind of rapport befire I feel comfortable sending a pic. Then you should state that in your profile. Yes, being superficial is one thing, but to claim that looks DON'T MATTER is blatantly unrealistic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoenix11 Posted December 17, 2007 Author Share Posted December 17, 2007 Sorry TB I disagree. I never post a pic and I am far from ugly. I just don't want it out there on the Net for everyone to see. And yes, I find it insulting not to mention superficial, that a man would place so much emphasis on looks. Plus, it feels like I'm selling myself to others based on my looks. I would want to establish a different kind of rapport befire I feel comfortable sending a pic. Marlena....thank you for your reply. These are my feelings exactly. I see what my co-workers do to pics of people they meet online. They forward them to this person, and that person, aunt Maybell, and granny too. Once you post your pic, you loose control over what happens to it from that point on. I am not opposed to sending this one person my pic, because we have developed a rapport. I just don't understand why in the 11th hour cancel our meeting because of it. Really, the mystery would have been solved the next day, and I can guarantee you I am not in anyway shape or form like the "Elephant Man/Women". If anything...his looks are not exactly what I would jump thur hoops for, but when I say I am attracted to the essence of person, I mean it. If you look hard enough you can find something attractive in just about everyone. I never saw a smile that didn't warm my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 Phateless, Of course, looks matter but chemistry and personality matter more...to me at least. I don't mind eventually sending the pic but I don't like to have one posted on my profile and I don't like handing out my picture to every Tom, Dick and Harry. If I like the rapport I am having with someone, if I feel he deserves to have a picture of me, then I will send one. Not before. He has to earn it! Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 Marlena....thank you for your reply. These are my feelings exactly. I see what my co-workers do to pics of people they meet online. They forward them to this person, and that person, aunt Maybell, and granny too. Once you post your pic, you loose control over what happens to it from that point on. I am not opposed to sending this one person my pic, because we have developed a rapport. I just don't understand why in the 11th hour cancel our meeting because of it. Really, the mystery would have been solved the next day, and I can guarantee you I am not in anyway shape or form like the "Elephant Man/Women". If anything...his looks are not exactly what I would jump thur hoops for, but when I say I am attracted to the essence of person, I mean it. If you look hard enough you can find something attractive in just about everyone. I never saw a smile that didn't warm my heart. Phateless, Of course, looks matter but chemistry and personality matter more...to me at least. I don't mind eventually sending the pic but I don't like to have one posted on my profile and I don't like handing out my picture to every Tom, Dick and Harry. If I like the rapport I am having with someone, if I feel he deserves to have a picture of me, then I will send one. Not before. He has to earn it! Understood, and again, these things should be mentioned in the profile. Thing is, not everyone feels the same way. Pheonix, if you were not the least bit attracted to his picture, you wouldn't talk to him at all, correct? As I said earlier, a one-sided date can be incredibly awkward, and I think he is fully justified in wanting a pic before he meets you. Are you so confident in your looks that you think there's no way he might not like the way you look? Some girls find me to be a 10 and some girls find me to a be a dog. That's just the way it is. I would much rather know which one it is BEFORE I invest the time in getting to know her. Likewise, if I find her unattractive, I certainly wouldn't invest the time because there's no point. Men are much more visually-based than women. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 Besides, so what's the big deal if he links the pic to a couple friends and says "hey check out this cutie i've been talking to! i'm excited to meet her!" and his friends say "wow, she is cute! good luck bro! :)" Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 For the most part looks and what were attracted to romanticly are a very personal thing and its not really being shallow. Unless you put some one down because of there looks of course. Its strange how he acted a bit yes but then again she should have sent the pic after she established that he was worth it to her! I find it odd that she says his pic wasent that hot to her but she was willing to look past it why is that honestly? Thats not always the best way to start a possible relashionship JMO Dose he know you feel that way? I wouldent want to be with some one who thought that of me thats not really fair. You should be compleatly honest about that and just be friends if thats truly how you feel! Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 Spanks She didn't say she didn't like his looks. She simply siad he wasn't drop dead gorgeous is all. Phateless, Yes, I would mind very much, thank you, if my pic started making the rounds and everyone was googling me!!! I know the kind of remarks men make with stuff like this. If I wanted to be googled, I would have put up my picture in the first place. There is something to be said about discretion after all. If someone did something like this, I would label him a big JERK! Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 hmmm... well frankly I don't understand the reason for that. Why do you care what people say? As for "everyone googling" you... sounds a little paranoid to me. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 TW...I do not look like a beast ' date=' just shy and don't want my pic circulating the world via the internet.[/quote'] Withholding a photo doesn't give you any guarantee that photos of you aren't on the Internet, and you could drive yourself insane worrying about things like that. This is where the whole meeting-people-over-the-Internet thing has limitations. If you walk into a party or a bar, guys gauge quickly whether or not you're their type and ignore/respond to you accordingly. On the Internet, someone might like the personality you project, and incorrectly ascribe their preferred physical type onto you as a result of that. Send him a photo that you believe is representative of what you look like and who you are. If you're really not his type then the chances are that, regardless of what was discussed online, any real life meeting you have will go badly. It's best to get that cleared up sooner rather than later. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 I can guarantee you I am not in anyway shape or form like the "Elephant Man/Women". If anything...his looks are not exactly what I would jump thur hoops for, but when I say I am attracted to the essence of person, I mean it. . So what if he hadent showen her his pic and like I said earler he ended up being 300 pounds with a double chin and no teeth. Would she still be attracted to his essence? I some how think not Oh and btw I see were your going with the not wanting your pic plasterd all over the net fair enough. But this was a bit diffrent situation she was close enough to this person to make plans to meet. Then theres no reason she shouldent show him what she looks like if for no other reason then to make it easy for him to indentify her! Like some one here said what if she showed up saw him and did the runner? He could have sat there all day if you were him wouldent that run thu your mind? not saying # 1 would but just a thought on maybe one reason why he pulled out in the end! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoenix11 Posted December 17, 2007 Author Share Posted December 17, 2007 I personally do not see any difference in me not sending a pic than an "Old Fashion Blind Date". Before the internet, people met without seeing a pic before hand. Yes, there were let downs, but there were some people that connected for a lifetime. Truth of the matter, I would still have wanted to atleast meet this guy if he had not shown me his pic, (very casually, in a highly public place of course). I have no expectations of a "hook up" with this person. I like talking to him and want to see how things could naturally progress if we met. It's easy to get romantically involved with someone based on appearances, if that's what you are looking for. I would not want to pass up on what could possibly the love of my life just because they did not please me visually. If that was the case, people with physical handicaps, wheelchair bound, missing limbs, lost of sight, lack of hearing, birth defects, would never have the hope of finding or being loved. I can't explain it anymore, than to say there's more to a person than their outward appearance. Give someone and yourself a chance to discover.....you can always walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 If I like the rapport I am having with someone, if I feel he deserves to have a picture of me, then I will send one. Not before. He has to earn it! That's still different than the OP's situation in which she refused to send a pic at all. And like it or not, looks come into play eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 Oops!! I meant ogling me!!! Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 That's still different than the OP's situation in which she refused to send a pic at all. And like it or not, looks come into play eventually. Agreed TB! Yes, if I had reached my comfort zone with the person, I would definitely send him a pic. No problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 I personally do not see any difference in me not sending a pic than an "Old Fashion Blind Date". Before the internet, people met without seeing a pic before hand. Yes, there were let downs, but there were some people that connected for a lifetime. Truth of the matter, I would still have wanted to at least meet this guy if he had not shown me his pic, (very casually, in a highly public place of course). I have no expectations of a "hook up" with this person. I like talking to him and want to see how things could naturally progress if we met. It's easy to get romantically involved with someone based on appearances, if that's what you are looking for. I would not want to pass up on what could possibly the love of my life just because they did not please me visually. If that was the case, people with physical handicaps, wheelchair bound, missing limbs, lost of sight, lack of hearing, birth defects, would never have the hope of finding or being loved. I can't explain it anymore, than to say there's more to a person than their outward appearance. Give someone and yourself a chance to discover.....you can always walk away. Yes, but with blind dates people still chat on the phone and ask "so what do you look like?". Also, by your some logic, you should talk to EVERYBODY to see if something might develop. There has to be a screening process at some point, and looks are part of it, whether you admit it to yourself or not. If he had no pic, you would really have started talking to him? I never said there's not more to a person than their physical appearance, because there absolutely is. But somebody super cool who I'm not attracted to is a FRIEND, not a potential date. It doesn't mean they're unattractive by any means. Meet this guy in person and see what happens. Chances are the situation will prove me right. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 I personally do not see any difference in me not sending a pic than an "Old Fashion Blind Date". If that was the case, people with physical handicaps, wheelchair bound, missing limbs, lost of sight, lack of hearing, birth defects, would never have the hope of finding or being loved. . Well I honestly have not herd of any one going on a blind date other then on tv for ages now. I could be wrong but I think that time has passed your prob a bit older then me I'de guess fair enough. Now far as the people with dissabilitys thing I honestly don't get you there so you think all or most I guess disabaled people are not physicaly attractive? And if no one looked past looks they would never find love? I don't get that and thats from some one whos sons father was disabaled in a wheel chair some of them are just as hot as any one else I guess it all comes down to personal choise but people should have the right to make that choise thats all I'm saying so did you ever end up sending him a pic? Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 I agree with phateless here I once had a friend like that I met on line. It was flirty untill we sent eachother the pics then he was honest and told me he wasent attracted to me. Now I'm not bad looking I've dated my fair share before and he was handsome to me but we just dident click on a phisical level simple. And you know what I respected him heaps for that! Saved alot of time and dashed hopes! We stayed great friends for ages but we knew were we were going from day 1 or 4 lol Its a fast paced world any more people don't want to waist time flirting with some one who def isent the best match for them thats all. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 I think the guy was right to cancel the date based on a person not wanting to show a picture.. As a previous online dater I can attest to the fact that the typical scenario is this if a person doesn't show a picture up front: You make contact with a girl based on her profile because she has no picture. She contacts you back and then spend days if not a couple of weeks shooting emails back and forth.. maybe even talking on the phone.. You hit it off... you decide to meet and she sends you a picture.. BAM.. no chemistry...you have to move on.. You have now just WASTED 2 weeks of your dating time.. I will not respond any more than once to a profile that doesn't have a picture.. if they don't provide one up front then too bad.. No Art for you !! I have also been burnt where the person was using outdated photos and had put on an excessive amount of weight..( 100lbs +). So their body was no longer like they portrayed on their profile.. Once you get burned a few times you learn about the profiles that don't have pictures Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoenix11 Posted December 17, 2007 Author Share Posted December 17, 2007 Well I honestly have not herd of any one going on a blind date other then on tv for ages now. I could be wrong but I think that time has passed your prob a bit older then me I'de guess fair enough. Now far as the people with dissabilitys thing I honestly don't get you there so you think all or most I guess disabaled people are not physicaly attractive? And if no one looked past looks they would never find love? I don't get that and thats from some one whos sons father was disabaled in a wheel chair some of them are just as hot as any one else I guess it all comes down to personal choise but people should have the right to make that choise thats all I'm saying so did you ever end up sending him a pic? Blind date....I don't think this time has passed. Haven't you ever had a friend who said "Meet me after work for drinks. My bf and his buddy will be there....I think you might like him?" Maybe my analogy was not the best...I was not trying to say disabled people are not and could not be "hot". I was just trying to point out that a person's physical appearance should not be the only gauge inwhich you decide to meet or not meet someone. Lastly, I really don't think you can surmise my age from the way I articulate myself. I could be a mature 18 year old. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts