working through things

[lovesparis]

i've been on a journey since my bf, H, and i broke up about 4 months ago. he pointed out somethings that were obvious to everyone but me. i realized i had been stagnant in my personal development since my family members started dying at an alarming rate (3 years now).

 

the 2 biggest things i'm working on are:

1. an exboyfriend (ex for about 2 years); his new girlfriend has been stalking and harassing me, then blaming me. she's been engaging in email and blog wars with me. at first i was just amused and responded back in snide humor. it's continued to escalate, i feel the need to read her blog, just to have the documentation if she does do something more serious. i feel she's not stable.

i've blocked her from sending me messages, i've made my profiles private, i've created a new email address and a new myspace. but i still feel the need to read her blogs about me, copy them to a file on her, and get SO ANGRY i could cry or break something. this has made me think i may have an anger problem. i'm also very upset with myself for letting her bother me and get under my skin like she has.

 

2. due to my ex H, breaking up with me over my friendship with anohter man... i have looked into that friendship with a fine-tooth comb and have begun to see the unhealthy nature of our friendship. H said he was having and EA with me, but after looking at the friendship, it was more of a controlling/dependence R, that is unhealthy. and bf knew it was unhealthy, he just wasn't able to see why, and called it on a superficial level (the affair part). anyway, i told my friend, L, that i loved my bf and wanted a R with him, even though we were broken up, and that while i appreicated all that he did for me, i agreed with bf that we shouldn't be friends. L took it hard, so did i, we cried and said goodbye.

 

that lasted a month. he emailed letting me know he had a business venture for me that would save me a great deal of money. after careful consideration, i agreed to this. i weighed the pros/cons of the venture itself as well as seeing my friend again. i thought i could handle it. and i did for a couple weeks. and then everything went back to the way it was. i'm right back to square one and it feels like i never tried. i'm really angry with myself for not being stronger, even though getting my bf back means the world to me. or at least trying to. and i never will so long as i have this guy in my life.

 

does anyone have suggestions on HOW to better handle either of these situations? i know the first step would be to stop reading this girls blog, but it's become as much an obsession of mine, as she is obsessed with me. and i've asked nicely, firmly, and with anger, for my friend to stop buying me things and he JUST WON'T DO IT. he won't stop.

[Ronni_W]

Hhmmm...well, why not just donate the "gifts" to a local charity or shelter? Or, if you don't want to have them in your possession for any amount of time, just garbage them as soon as you get them. Either/or, you retake control of the situation instead of needing to control the actions of someone who isn't listening to you, anyway.

 

Same with the psycho-blogger -- you can let her keep controlling what you do and think, or you can stop.

Your original reason to read the blog was to accumulate documentation ... but now it seems like you're getting a different "thing" out of it. ("I want to obsess over her cos/just the same as she's obsessing over me" is kinda as daft as she is, isn't it? And probably not something you want to have in common with her )

 

Or, you could take a closer look at what it is you are getting out of the obsession, and see if there's not a better way you can meet that need.

 

Best of luck - it sucks being on the wrong end of hate wars and people who do not respect one's wishes.