Came face to face with my MM and his wife

[Havn_a_life]

And she is breaking vows she made to him, she is depriving him of the basic need of intimacy, she has a problem refuses to fix and expects 100% from her H? Marriage doesn't work that way. They have both broken vows, so what he is doing is par for the course.

 

Provided things are as they seem, manipulation works both ways in that case.

 

Obviously, some here have no idea about a real marriage.

It's not 75% sex, 25%platonic.

That's the problem with people now days. They need to stop relying on how hot someone is in bed and start looking at how they are inside.

[Havn_a_life]

I never said that all the W are ugly... in this case, she really is... I was kind of 'surprised' that he was with such an ugly woman... She probably is a very nice woman.. but she is ugly... what can I say.

 

If the SO is beautiful.. I have no problem saying she is beautiful...

 

Does it matter... no.. not at all.. I am not sleeping with her... I can just imagine her when she gets up in the morning.. ewwww... LOL...

 

One thing which is good for him... he doesn't have to worry about anyone stealing her.. LOL

 

Contrary to what he may tell you, Lizzie, he obviously has no prob with what she looks like in the morning.

If he did, she'd be an xW, and you'd be the one waking up beside him.

[Havn_a_life]

Men throughout History have always had lovers.. concubines, courtesans, mistresses. It was even more acceptable than it is today. Nowadays, it is more out in the open. .. and yes, like Lizzie said, more accessible.

 

Yep, and so are the diseases they pass around.

[Havn_a_life]

Yes I agree most men do lose their charm... but in this case, he's only 46... and he is much slimmer than she is... she's not overweight...but she is a big piece of woman ... she's heavier than he is for sure. He is thin, even a little too thin for my taste... but he's well endowed.. LOL

 

I have skimmed over the thread and I have just got to ask, do you feel better about yourself by putting the BW down, whether it be her horse face/teeth, whatever?

It kind of makes you look petty and jealous.

[Tomcat33]

Obviously, some here have no idea about a real marriage.

It's not 75% sex, 25%platonic.

That's the problem with people now days. They need to stop relying on how hot someone is in bed and start looking at how they are inside.

 

 

Exactly! Obviously some have no clue about marriage if they have to divi up sex and the rest into precentages.

 

Communication, sex and affection in a partnership is all about having a fine balance if you purposely leave one of them out and have no aspirations to fix it, consider yourself not living up to your part of the bargain.

 

If you wanted a life of devotion and love with no sex join a convent and marry GOD, not a man!

[Tomcat33]

That's the problem with people now days. They need to stop relying on how hot someone is in bed and start looking at how they are inside.

 

 

The thing is you will never hear a man make this statement it is always the women saying this, so unless you want to stay single or be with another woman maybe just listen to the fellows in that sex IS important to them, just as good open communication is important to us women.

 

The bottom line is men are as they are and women are as they are. So instead of trying to fight it with the voice of "reason" just listen to what guys want and be more accomodating, god knows men have become more than accomodating to women over the years, they have taken on the matriarchal roles in the house but women are still women in every sense of the word. And quite frankly men are pretty basic creatures, sex, food, sports and more sex. And while there is more to relationships than just sex, when it is lacking it is a HUGE barrier to overcome for men.

[Tomcat33]

Contrary to what he may tell you, Lizzie, he obviously has no prob with what she looks like in the morning.

If he did, she'd be an xW, and you'd be the one waking up beside him.

 

 

Some men or these types of me like the one in this case, would NEVER face up to dumping his W because he finds her physically unappealing, he would think that is just too cruel and wrong however he would go around behind her back to have sex with OW to spare her the pain. This is how some men think, this is their easy rationalization for doing what they do. They won't hurt their wives by telling them how they really feel about them physically and they still love them for the person that they are but want sex with someone they do find appealing.

 

It's sad and wrong but it is what is is.

[Pyro]

"[Name], do you take [Name] to be your wedded [husband/wife] to live together in marriage. Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep [him/her] For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to [him/her] so long as you both shall live?"

 

Its obvious that the above quote is the traditional marriage vows.

 

If someone is unable to abide by those vows, then get a divorce...simple as that. Staying together just for the kids is not a reason to stay together. Do you think the kids will be alright with knowing that one or two of their parents are cheaters?

[White Flower]

Originally posted by Marlena>

 

If I were disabled or paralyzed and I could no longer have sex but my husband needed it and craved it as any normal person would, especially if he were young, then, he would have my consent to go elsewhere to have his needs met. As difficut as that would be, I would make the sacrifice if I truly loved him. That is true comradeship and love. I wouldn't selfishly expect him to live a life of deprivation because of my handicap.

 

I would hope and pray that our emotional connection were strong enough to always bring him back home to me.

 

Amen to this Marlena. I would take him to the lover myself and try to take part in it if he wanted me to. That is true love and sacrifice.

[White Flower]

Originally posted by Vanilla Chai>

You know what I don't understand is why does the ow always say that the wife is ugly.

 

I mean does it really matter in the end,mm still chooses to stay with that so-called ugly wife.

 

I never say my MM's W is ugly. In fact, I think she is a beautiful and classy lady. I think he looks better with me, though:) I don't say that in a vain way, but he looks younger and more vigorous around me. I suppose that has something to do with love, though, and not looks.

[White Flower]

Hey Touche,

 

Where did you find that song?

 

I have a Persian friend who was in love with this beautiful woman about 20 years ago. I asked him why he didn't marry her and he said, "We have this saying in Iran...a beautiful wife is not your own!" He married a cute girl, but not beautiful. I never had the heart to tell her what he said years ago.

[White Flower]

I was that way too, when I was the OW. I seen his GF once and honestly, I couldn't understand why he was cheating on her. She was cute and petite. She was nice but yet really quiet. I don't think she knew who I was though and if she did, maybe that is why she was so quiet.

 

She didn't cross my mind unless it was the rare occasion he brought her up and that was only one time in our 2 yr A. I did bring her up one time, and we talked about her a little bit. He never had anything bad to say about her, he just wasn't ready to settle down w/ one woman. He was a man whore, big time!

 

I just feel so sorry for those who have no morals about cheating w/ a MM. It honestly saddens me ppl are like that.

There are many, many gorgeous women being cheated on. For some reason, we just can't understand it. We want the beauties to get all the good treatment and if they're ugly, well then it's OK? Being hurt is being hurt--it doesn't matter how you look. Just goes to show that there are all kinds of reasons for cheating and all kinds of men (in this case) who do it whether their women are beautiful or not.

[White Flower]

I agree with you and Marlena about this one. I also do not believe in vows. Just like the law, vows can Easily be broken. Who is to tell me a vow is a contract? A contract of what--my life and actions? I don't even know if I believe in marriage. Especially these days--cheating is the latest trend it seems. Or has it Always been the trend?

I'm fairly certain it has always been the trend. We just chose not to notice it.

[OWoman]

I'm fairly certain it has always been the trend. We just chose not to notice it.

 

WF I'm quite amazed at the number of 70somethings that have these "interesting pasts". Perhaps they just feel that, at that age, they're entitled to 'fess up and not have to hide stuff any more, but some of the confessions are truly astounding!

[White Flower]

 

 

 

NID don't knock a sense of humour as one of the major attractive features in older people of either sex! When it came to wrinkles, everyone agreed that frown lines were a negative feature but laugh lines made men AND women far more attractive than an unlined face!

I absolutely adore laugh lines! I don't plan on having a face or eye lift. I think crow's feet is an ugly name for a beautiful attribute. Hey, I earned those lines!

[White Flower]

Most horses are! LOL!!!!

Good one, NID!!

[OWoman]

I absolutely adore laugh lines! I don't plan on having a face or eye lift. I think crow's feet is an ugly name for a beautiful attribute. Hey, I earned those lines!

 

I couldn't agree more!

[White Flower]

Yes, OWoman, I love it when a woman especially confesses her past in her old age. She has become so confident in her vintage years and there is no shock in revealing all the details. I enjoy watching documentaries of dancers or strippers from the 40s who tell all or an old actress who kisses and tells some 50 years later. I'll bet our grandmothers are chock full of wonderful secrets!

[child_of_isis]

Liz, you are too old to be believing everything these men tell you about their wives. We all know they lie for sex.

 

You should know that better than anyone.

 

And going back to the standard OW thought of "but he doesn't/wouldn't lie to me, he hasn't any reason"....we all know better than that also. We see it everyday at LS.

 

While we are at it, let's cover the standard OW thought of "but this/me/MM is different"...we know that is not the case either.

 

Again...we see it everyday here.

 

You may be ahead of the game some concerning your A's with MM...but you still carry the thought patterns of the average OW.

Exactly.. well said... she also is not holding her part of the deal...

 

I also agree with Marlena.. it just doesn't make any sense.

 

They met when they were 18 and 14. They married when he was 22 and she was 18. They were both virgins, never had sex before the M... (another silly thing).. anyway. It took weeks before she agreed to let him 'in".. it was too painful. He always thought that 'couples' didn't have sex more than once a month... he has nothing to compare... then.

 

I honestly don't believe that, at 22, you know that this person is the 'one' and you will be with her/him all your life... this is ridiculous.

 

I feel relationships are like 'jobs'... we can't say we will keep the same work all our lives.. some do...but most don't... we might love our job one day and 'hate' it the next.

 

People change all the time.. it's normal.

[Havn_a_life]

The thing is you will never hear a man make this statement it is always the women saying this, so unless you want to stay single or be with another woman maybe just listen to the fellows in that sex IS important to them, just as good open communication is important to us women.

 

The bottom line is men are as they are and women are as they are. So instead of trying to fight it with the voice of "reason" just listen to what guys want and be more accomodating, god knows men have become more than accomodating to women over the years, they have taken on the matriarchal roles in the house but women are still women in every sense of the word. And quite frankly men are pretty basic creatures, sex, food, sports and more sex. And while there is more to relationships than just sex, when it is lacking it is a HUGE barrier to overcome for men.

 

My H understands that it's not about sex for me, our M. If he doesn't like that, then he can get a D. He's done tried the A route and it showed him that's a bust.

I'm not giving myself into the R if that's all it is.

[child_of_isis]

Liz,

please don't take my post as a put down. Believe it or not, I am a big fan of yours.

 

It's just that I see you going through the same thought processes as the younger and first time OW's.

[Havn_a_life]

Like I once heard someone say, concerning sex, and yes it was a guy,

I'd rather have a cheeseburger.

[OWoman]

Like I once heard someone say, concerning sex, and yes it was a guy,

I'd rather have a cheeseburger.

 

:eek: Scary!:eek: Is there anything grosser than a cheeseburger? Could he not at least have said, a plate of sushi or a chicken makani or a Long Island Iced Tea rather???

 

I do hope he wasn't married?

[Havn_a_life]

LOL He wasn't. Guess he had a bad experience.

I have to say, I rather agree with him. And I'm M. lol

[JamesM]

My H understands that it's not about sex for me, our M. If he doesn't like that, then he can get a D. He's done tried the A route and it showed him that's a bust.

I'm not giving myself into the R if that's all it is.

 

As a husband who is in a nearly sexless marriage, I KNOW that sex is not what marriage is about. Yet I cannot help wonder why someone who is married would not want to engage in sex with their partner.

 

Sex is an expression of love between two married people. It is intended to be a sign of commitment to one's spouse. When one person decides (a physical disability is not a decision to abstain from sex and is excluded) that sex is some sideline recreational activity that has no bearing on the status of the marriage, then it is a certain sign that this marriage is not strong. In fact, this marriage is nothing more than a very good friendship and partnership that is together for say...children or similar reasons.

 

When I vowed to be faithful to my wife, it was understood that one of the main things I meant by that was...sex was to be with her only. But when she vowed to be faithful to me, this was also understood. So, when one person decides that sex is no longer necessary, he or she has essentially broken the marriage vow. And as a consequence of this broken vow, the helpless partner chooses an affair or alliance with such a lady as Lizzie, can he be faulted for breaking HIS marriage vow when his wife may have done so first?

 

If sex is not important to marriage, then why is it so awful if a man or woman strays from his or her marriage for sex? Because sex IS the expression of marriage that sets it apart from a great friendship. Without sex, husbands and wives become roommates and friends.

 

Wake up people. Affairs are usually the result of something and the symptom of something much greater than simply a man feeding his hunger for sex. While I think I have made it very clear that I am not in favor of affairs (or I would not be here), I also have a problem with people who seem to think that sex is somehow not linked to marital happiness. It may not be the only measurement of happiness, but it is certainly an important one.