Divorce just around the corner! I can't stand this SOB!

[mopar crazy]

Ok, I started it this morning. I told him I was tired of his irresponsibility's about NOT helping out around the house by picking up his things. I told him I wanted a D, I don't want to be M to him anymore and I want to find a better man who will treat me w/ respect and love. He told me I could do that if I wanted, but we didn't need to get a D for me to do that. WTF? I told him NO, I wont do that, I want to be D and single for awhile b4 I start dating again. I told him I was not happy and I wanted out. Then he says "Well, I want a thin W like I had when we got M." That pissed me off! I know I'm not as thin as I was BUT neither is he and I told him that. He continued to rag on me and put me down about my weight. He then said "Why don't you just stop? You know I'm doing this to piss you off, get your goat, and push your buttons." He does this ALL the time. And when I start crying he calls me a baby! I told him I refused to go to his company Christmas party if he is going to treat me like *****! And yes, the word ********* came out of my mouth a few times. Anyhow, so he apologizes, blah, blah, blah. Several hours later I take a shower and he comes in to get ready. I tell him he needs to get going and he yells that I took all that hot water and he was running behind. I was in the shower maybe 5 minutes! So, he blames me for using all the hot water. So, I tell him I'm not going to the party, he can go on his own. Told him to tell his co-workers I'm sick, or that I'm a bitch and didn't want to go, I didn't care what he said to them. He then started threatening me if I didn't stop bitching about how he treats me and get ready to go to the party he is going to do something, in so many words. I ask him "What are you going to do? I'm not scared of you!" He went to start his truck and came in and I jumped on the computer to email a friend (not about what was going on) and he says "Get off MY computer!" I have my own computer but it's not hooked up to the net, he wanted HIS hooked up (we have DSL) After I send the email I go to the bedroom to dust. He comes in there and points his finger at me and says "I am going to make your life a living hell!" and leaves.

I don't know what he plans on doing, but I'm prepared for whatever the jerk has to throw at me. If he would of just apologized for being such a jerk I would have went to the darn party. Call me stubborn, a bitch, whatever, that is ok, but he isn't going to treat me like garbage and expect me to just take it.

[whichwayisup]

((MP))

 

He's being a total jerk-off on purpose!

 

I suggest you pack up afew things and go sleep at a friends house, or to a family members place.

 

I don't know his temper and if he would follow through on a threat, or worse, but if he comes home drunk - Well, I AM concerned for your safety, especially if he still pissed off when he comes home.

 

You two can't go on like this, it will kill you both...

[Tony T]

Sounds to me like you're doing the right thing by getting a divorce....I mean GET AWAY FROM THIS GUY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. There doesn't seem to be any good reason for you to be around him. Meanwhile, stop talking to him about anything but the weather. Don't answer him if he tries to start trouble. It's over and any encounters you have with him now are a total waste of energy.

[amaysngrace]

I would do that too. Leave for the night. He can't make your life hell if you're not there.

 

But I also think you were wrong to come down on him so hard by not picking up his clothes or whatever. You could have asked nicely instead of going off on him like you did.

 

Sounds like neither of you respect the other one very much.

 

You could leave or you could wait for him to come home. Maybe you two can talk about it. Blurting out the word "divorce" in the heat of the moment is wrong. It should be carefully thought out and to say that before his work party?....What were you thinking?

[Touche]

I'm with the others on this. And if I recall, didn't he once have an affair? No offense, MP but I've seen this one coming.

 

He's an immature bully. Look, it's this simple: Some people just can't be married and/or have a mature, successful relationship. He's so clearly one of those people. It's not too late for you to find someone who won't treat you like a piece of dirt. Please leave this jerk. I've always thought you were better than he is.

[Touche]

I would do that too. Leave for the night. He can't make your life hell if you're not there.

 

But I also think you were wrong to come down on him so hard by not picking up his clothes or whatever. You could have asked nicely instead of going off on him like you did.

 

Sounds like neither of you respect the other one very much.

 

You could leave or you could wait for him to come home. Maybe you two can talk about it. Blurting out the word "divorce" in the heat of the moment is wrong. It should be carefully thought out and to say that before his work party?....What were you thinking?

 

Hey, Gracy. I must have missed that part. Where was the part about not picking up his clothes? Is MP responsible for his clothes? Whaaaaa????

 

Anyway, forgetting all of that...who wants to be married or even have a boy friend who says they're going to make your life a "living hell." I mean to me that's a HUGE sign that it's over. We only have one life to live on this earth.

 

And I only want to be with someone who wants to make my life on here a paradise..not a "living hell." Don't you want the same? Don't you deserve that?

[mopar crazy]

I'm not worried about my safety, he wouldn't be that stupid to do anything like that. My brothers and my BIL would be over here in a heartbeat if he hurts me. Besides, my dog is very protective of me and he wont let him hurt me w/o getting his ass dragged down a notch or two.

 

I didn't mention the picking up thing right b4 his party, it was this morning. I have been M to this man for 15 years and if asking him to pick up his things doesn't work now it never will. I have tried asking nice, it doesn't work. He'll pick things up when HE wants. His crap could be piled up to the ceiling and he wouldn't pick it up until he is ready.

 

The D convo was not just brought up out of the blue today. I have told him

b4 that if things don't get better I want out. He treats me better for a few days and then it's back to the same crap. Yelling at me, the kids. Hell, my own kids tell me they want me to D him b/c all he does is yell at them and is selfish. They don't even want me to wake him up for supper b/c then he just bitches or hogs the tv.

 

I'm no angel, I admit, but I get so tired of him not helping out until I start bitching about it. He has been working OT for Christmas money so he is tired but when he is awake all he does is watch tv or plays video games. This afternoon he actually did go out and shovel the drive The only thing this man does around the house is mow one a week, goes to the dump once every few months (we burn, live in the country). If anything breaks down he tells me to call the landlord or the repair man to come fix it. If I don't get to it right away he yells at me for not calling. But, do you think he would call? No.

 

I can do nothing right in his eyes and I'm tired of it. He bitches all the time. I;m tired of listening to it.

 

I think what he is threatening me financially. I can just see him pulling all the money out of our joint account and putting it in his own checking account and not giving me any money to pay the bills. If he pulls that **** I will call HSS and report him for neglecting his children (food, heat, electricity). I work for an agency that deals w/ these kind of issues so I know they would help me out. If he wants to play that card then let him, I don't care. I know I can get the help I need.

 

Yes, Touche, he did leave me, filed for a D, and had an A w/ a co-worker. WTF did I trust him that he would change when he wanted to work on the M? GOD I WAS STUPID!!! He changed, for about 6 months and then the **** started happening again! Just after we legally reconciled. F@cker! He can be the sweetest, caring, thoughtful man but then BAM, he turns into a prick!

[mopar crazy]

I forgot to add that it still makes me sick that he would leave me for some factory slut. Did he think that little of me he would end our M for some woman that has been w/ half of the SG in the factory? She wasn't known as the factory bicycle for nothing.

He tore my heart into pieces w/ his A but I forgave him and took him back to try to work on our M and this is how I get repaid? I don't expect him to kiss my ass on a daily basis but I do expect him to treat me w/ respect. It's hard to treat someone else w/ respect, kindness, and love when they treat you like dirt.

[Touche]

I'm really sorry, Mopar. Your true spirit comes through here. You're a special woman. But you have no self-respect. You're letting him treat you the way he does. It's not going to get better. It's only going to get worse. He's already shown his true colors. Are you going to stick around for more? Even your kids don't like him. You have so many deal-breakers here with him...what are you waiting for?

 

Be a woman!

 

You know what you have to do..for yourself and for your kids. You still have a chance at true happiness...but not if you stay with this loser.

[amaysngrace]

I'm really sorry, Mopar.

 

You know what you have to do..for yourself and for your kids. You still have a chance at true happiness...but not if you stay with this loser.

 

I agree 100%. You only have one life. You owe it to yourself to live it peacefully and happily. And it sounds like this guy is harmful to your well-being.

 

It's hard leaving. It can be a real stressor that's for sure. But so well worth it in the end.

 

I am sorry you are going through this as well.

[mopar crazy]

I'm really sorry, Mopar. Your true spirit comes through here. You're a special woman. But you have no self-respect. You're letting him treat you the way he does. It's not going to get better. It's only going to get worse. He's already shown his true colors. Are you going to stick around for more? Even your kids don't like him. You have so many deal-breakers here with him...what are you waiting for?

 

Be a woman!

 

You know what you have to do..for yourself and for your kids. You still have a chance at true happiness...but not if you stay with this loser.

 

You're right Touche, I don't have any self-respect. If I did I wouldn't have taken him back. He really sweet talked me into taking him back. Telling me how he would go to IC, how he promised not to screw things up again if I just take him back. BS! It was just his way of worming his way back into my life.

About our children, I'm confused on that one. One minute they say they want me to D and the next they are saying they don't want me to (when H is being nice to them).

 

Another reason why I'm holding back on not leaving is b/c I don't want to leave this house. My dream was to always live in the country and now I do, thanks to me. When I found the ad in the paper I called it and set up a time w/ the landlord to come look at it. Whenever there is a problem and the landlord needs to know I have to call him. Hell, when he sends us letters or emails he addresses them to me. The only problem w/ me staying here is that his mom paid the first months rent and deposit. At the time we just couldn't afford to shell out $1,200 so his mom helped out. Can he make me move out since his mom paid for it? I don't want to move out. I love it here. Besides, I was the one that left the first time when he wanted a D, I shouldn't have to move the kids again. They love it in the country. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't feel like I should be the one to leave. If my parents were better off financially (dad had heart surgery and couldn't work for several months) I would ask them for the $ to pay back my MIL. I don't think my mil would expect it though. She knows how he is, he disrespects her too by yelling at her. One day he yelled at her b/c she took a wrong turn and my sfil said "Would you stop yelling?!?!?" When a man yells at his own mother that is a big red flag. Wish he would of done that b4 I M him!

[amaysngrace]

I think it's to your advantage that you have a good rapport with your landlord. Would they let you change the locks?

 

As for you MIL, she lent the money to both of you. Her grandchildren live in that house. Yes it can be an issue but not an immediate one. You can deal with it later. But you can go file for temporary custody, separate maintenance through wage execution and ask to keep the residence.

 

Seeing how he has threatened you with making your life a living hell, I don't really see it being a problem getting what you want right now. You don't know what he meant by that. He could be thinking of holding the children against you somehow.

 

That's what I would do. Go first thing Monday morning and take care of it. Don't say anything about it to him. Don't start with him when he comes home. Be asleep. Tomorrow just be agreeable. If he wants to start with you just be cool with him.

 

And on Monday go take care of what you have to take care of.

[mopar crazy]

I think it's to your advantage that you have a good rapport with your landlord. Would they let you change the locks?

 

As for you MIL, she lent the money to both of you. Her grandchildren live in that house. Yes it can be an issue but not an immediate one. You can deal with it later. But you can go file for temporary custody, separate maintenance through wage execution and ask to keep the residence.

 

Seeing how he has threatened you with making your life a living hell, I don't really see it being a problem getting what you want right now. You don't know what he meant by that. He could be thinking of holding the children against you somehow.

 

That's what I would do. Go first thing Monday morning and take care of it. Don't say anything about it to him. Don't start with him when he comes home. Be asleep. Tomorrow just be agreeable. If he wants to start with you just be cool with him.

 

And on Monday go take care of what you have to take care of.

Thanks everyone! I was in bed when he came home. I didn't want to sleep w/ him so I slept in our daughter's room. Ds was still up watching tv and when he came home. He asked where I was and that was all that was said and he went to bed.

 

Well, he just woke up, didn't say anything to me about being on HIS computer. I'll post more later. Thanks again!

[mopar crazy]

His attitude was fine. Didn't ignore me, in fact he acted like nothing happened. He told me about the party last night. He played a game w/ the kids (which he hardly ever does) then he got ready to go to a Christmas Breakfast for work. He called me on the way there and asked me why I was so angry at him from last night. He said I blew the running out of hot water out of proportion. I told him I'm tired of him blaming me for everything that goes wrong. I told him he always points fingers at me and blames me. He said it was my fault, I was the one that was in the shower last. I told him maybe there is something wrong w/ the water heater b/c it shouldn't have ran out that fast but he had to blame me. I told him I'm tired of it. I told him I didn't go to the WH and turn it off/down so he would run out of hot water for his shower.

I asked him what he was going to do when he threatened me. He told me I would find out. I told him he was being an immature jerk and he needed to grow up. I told him his threatening me will help me in court so just keep it up. I told him when he can start treating me right not to call me back and I hung up the phone.

 

My God this man needs to grow up!!!!

 

I need to know who to call Monday. I can't do it right away b/c I have to be at work at 8:00. I HAVE to be there. I could call someone in the afternoon but my mornings are extremely busy. Do I call HSS?

[amaysngrace]

Do I call HSS?

 

What is HSS?

 

Okay from what I get from all of this is that he was fine last night because he is tired of fighting with you. And that's why he didn't start any crap with you. He doesn't want to fight anymore either.

 

Why did you mention court? As a threat or to get under his skin or what? Because that wasn't very smart. Some people talk and some people do. And generally those who do all the talking seldom get things done.

 

Seriously and I don't mean to be hard on you, but you are not an angel. You hung up on the man and then have the audacity to say "he" should grow up.

 

Do you take absolutely no responsibility for the situation that you're in?

 

And didn't I read somewhere that you were married before? Have you learned absolutely nothing? Let me guess...your last marriage fell apart because of him, right?

 

I don't mean to bitch at you, I really don't, but it seems to me you aren't very good at being in a relationship.

[mopar crazy]

What is HSS?

 

Okay from what I get from all of this is that he was fine last night because he is tired of fighting with you. And that's why he didn't start any crap with you. He doesn't want to fight anymore either.

 

Why did you mention court? As a threat or to get under his skin or what? Because that wasn't very smart. Some people talk and some people do. And generally those who do all the talking seldom get things done.

 

Seriously and I don't mean to be hard on you, but you are not an angel. You hung up on the man and then have the audacity to say "he" should grow up.

 

Do you take absolutely no responsibility for the situation that you're in?

 

And didn't I read somewhere that you were married before? Have you learned absolutely nothing? Let me guess...your last marriage fell apart because of him, right?

 

I don't mean to bitch at you, I really don't, but it seems to me you aren't very good at being in a relationship.

Health and Human Services=HSS

I mentioned court b/c he was pissing me off blaming me for everything and this is just one example I can take to court w/ me.

 

I didn't hang up on him. I told him I was done talking to him if he was going to talk to me in a disrespectful manner. My IC told me if he starts talking to me that way I need to remove myself from him. Well, since we were on the phone I told him I wasn't going to talk to him anymore and hung up.

 

Do I take responsibility? Well, a little but M is a partnership and he doesn't seem to want to be part of that partnership. I work FT too and he expects me to do all the chores w/o helping. Hell, he wont even take the damn garbage out and I end up having to do it. Even asking him he'll say "I'll do it when..." and then it never gets done. I wash, dry,and fold his clothes, the least he could do is put them away. Is that asking too much? It must be b/c they sit on the chair or in the laundry basket in the bedroom for weeks (or until he wears them again) until I finally get tired of looking at them and put them away. All I ask of him is to put his dirty dishes in the DW when it has dirty dishes in it. Half the time he puts them in the sink but expects the kids to put theirs in the DW when he wont. Oh, he'll put them in the DW when he feels like it but when it's more convenient (which is most of the time) he puts them in the sink.

 

This is my first M, we were separated for 6 months about 4 years ago b/c he wanted to f@ck some whore from work. He filed for a D and then begged me to take him back. I wasn't going to, I seriously wasn't but he said he would go to IC to figure out why he had the A and get help w/ his anger. HA! What

a waste of $. Between the two of us we shelled out almost $3,000 in lawyer and IC fees b/c of his A.

 

I'm not saying I'm an angel, in fact I said I wasn't in one of my post above. If he wants to treat me w/ disrespect then he'll get it in return.

He constantly yells at me or the children. And when he yells he cusses us out. Anger is a normal feeling, it's how you react to it and yelling, screaming, and cussing us out, is inappropriate behavior. I yell too, but damn when you are getting yelled at and belittled ya tend to want to defend yourself. I'm not going to sit there and take it.

[Lizzie60]

Trust me..you're way better off being alone, free and happy than to be with a jerk like that...

 

Gosh.. I would have nooooo patience with men like that...

[amaysngrace]

I didn't want to come down on you. I really didn't. And I'm sorry that I did and you felt as though you had to defend yourself and your position to a stranger. You have enough going on at home and I am truly sorry.

 

I know you said you aren't an angel. I use to say the same thing. But when it's one-sided all the time I use to feel like the good one. If you added everything up then I was the good one. Do you feel like that too? That you give and give and he takes without giving anything back?

 

I didn't know he had an A either. That just sucks. You are a better person than I am because I don't think I could ever forgive that.

 

And you are also right to not give him respect seeing how he gives you none. But I think you are certainly respectful and are worthy of it back.

 

Again I'm sorry.

[mopar crazy]

I didn't want to come down on you. I really didn't. And I'm sorry that I did and you felt as though you had to defend yourself and your position to a stranger. You have enough going on at home and I am truly sorry.

 

I know you said you aren't an angel. I use to say the same thing. But when it's one-sided all the time I use to feel like the good one. If you added everything up then I was the good one. Do you feel like that too? That you give and give and he takes without giving anything back?

 

I didn't know he had an A either. That just sucks. You are a better person than I am because I don't think I could ever forgive that.

 

And you are also right to not give him respect seeing how he gives you none. But I think you are certainly respectful and are worthy of it back.

 

Again I'm sorry.

No need to apologize. I'm just stressed w/ the whole situation. I gave it some thought this morning and I'm not doing anything until after the holidays.

 

I don't want a D, I don't. I went into my M for life but life is too damn short to be treated like this. I don't want to be alone, I want to be M to him BUT I don't want to be M to him when he is a jerk either. And he is a jerk more than he is a nice guy.

 

When we were separated it was soooo nice not having to worry about him bitching all the time. And they say men have A's b/c their W's bitch and nag, well my H has to be the biggest bitcher and nagger ever!

 

Lizzie, I understand why you would say what you did. But unlike you, I want a M. I want someone to spend my life w/, someone to grow old w/ but not if he is going to be a jerk all the time. I'm still young, I know I could find someone who would treat me w/ love and respect.

[Lizzie60]

No need to apologize. I'm just stressed w/ the whole situation. I gave it some thought this morning and I'm not doing anything until after the holidays.

 

I don't want a D, I don't. I went into my M for life but life is too damn short to be treated like this. I don't want to be alone, I want to be M to him BUT I don't want to be M to him when he is a jerk either. And he is a jerk more than he is a nice guy.

 

When we were separated it was soooo nice not having to worry about him bitching all the time. And they say men have A's b/c their W's bitch and nag, well my H has to be the biggest bitcher and nagger ever!

 

Lizzie, I understand why you would say what you did. But unlike you, I want a M. I want someone to spend my life w/, someone to grow old w/ but not if he is going to be a jerk all the time. I'm still young, I know I could find someone who would treat me w/ love and respect.

 

I understand... but life is too short to live it with a jerk like that... you will find someone much better... there is always something better waiting for us just around the corner. Trust me.. you'll be better off without him. Some people never change.

[amaysngrace]

I don't want a D, I don't. I went into my M for life but life is too damn short to be treated like this. I don't want to be alone, I want to be M to him BUT I don't want to be M to him when he is a jerk either. And he is a jerk more than he is a nice guy.

 

When we were separated it was soooo nice not having to worry about him bitching all the time. And they say men have A's b/c their W's bitch and nag, well my H has to be the biggest bitcher and nagger ever!

 

 

 

Yeah you can always do something after the holidays are over. It really would be wrong to disrupt the kids' Christmas like that.

 

And it'll give you time to think it over.

 

But what you said about being separated is strong IMO. I was the same way. In fact not having him around much is what helped make up my mind to leave. It was just better when he wasn't there. And I'd cringe when I'd see his car pull into the driveway.

 

That's how I knew it was time to move on.

 

PS Even though you are stressed you were still pretty cool about it to me. That's how I know you are a good woman. You deserve happiness.

[mopar crazy]

Yeah you can always do something after the holidays are over. It really would be wrong to disrupt the kids' Christmas like that.

 

And it'll give you time to think it over.

 

But what you said about being separated is strong IMO. I was the same way. In fact not having him around much is what helped make up my mind to leave. It was just better when he wasn't there. And I'd cringe when I'd see his car pull into the driveway.

 

That's how I knew it was time to move on.

 

PS Even though you are stressed you were still pretty cool about it to me. That's how I know you are a good woman. You deserve happiness.

 

I'm sorry about your D. It's not easy, even if you can't stand the man you are M too.

 

Can I ask you a personal question? I'm pretty private when it comes to talking about my sex life, or anyone else's but how was your sex life w/ him b4 the D? Did you want to stop b/c of that way he was or felt about him?

 

That is one thing that has not been a problem, the sex. Even though he can be a real prick I still enjoy having sex w/ him. I'm I totally off my rocker w/ that? Wanting and loving having sex w/ someone who behaves the way he does? I do love sex, but ya think I would be totally turned off by the way he acts.

[amaysngrace]

I'm pretty private when it comes to talking about my sex life, or anyone else's but how was your sex life w/ him b4 the D? Did you want to stop b/c of that way he was or felt about him?

 

 

 

Well...I use to still sleep with him. But I think that was more for my needs than my actual desire for him. I wasn't a cheater so I wouldn't go elsewhere. So he was it.

 

But there came a time when I finally decided to leave for good. I called a lawyer. And once I got the ball going in that direction I never slept with him again. Ever. At that point I wanted nothing to do with him.

 

Just wait till you find someone who respects and loves you for you...

 

....through the roof!! Dating sex is so much better than married sex.

[mopar crazy]

Well...I use to still sleep with him. But I think that was more for my needs than my actual desire for him. I wasn't a cheater so I wouldn't go elsewhere. So he was it.

 

But there came a time when I finally decided to leave for good. I called a lawyer. And once I got the ball going in that direction I never slept with him again. Ever. At that point I wanted nothing to do with him.

 

Just wait till you find someone who respects and loves you for you...

 

....through the roof!! Dating sex is so much better than married sex.

LOL! Well, the sex is good, best I have had an let's say H wasn't my first by far. I can't imagine having sex w/ anyone else. Too bad he didn't feel the same way when he decided to have sex w/ that slut from work:sick:

And TBH, STD scare the total sh@t out of me! I never had one even back when I was single and I don't want one!

[PWSX3]

In my situation I didn't help much around the house when we were married. When I was growing up my mom did everything & my dad did all the outside work so I figured that is how it was supposes to be done.

 

I didn't figure it out until after my W moved out & I found LS & got hit over the head a few times with the 2X4;) & did some serious reading, but I have changed, I understand that I also need to help around the house.

 

Maybe your H is like me & just doesn't understand that both people need to work as a team.

 

What is funny is now I do most of the housework & my W is the lazy one so I'm having issues with that but that is another story.

 

I also feel there are people that just don't care, my W is like your H & she could live out of a laundry basket & not even think twice about it. In fact she does sometimes, she will wash "her" cloths & then leave them in the basket until she has worn all the cloths so maybe your H just doesn't care what the house looks like or if he has clean cloths for the next day.