Lost..

[tweedle-dee]

I don't know where to start. I feel that my life is a wreck.

 

I'm 22 years old and i've been in a relationship for almost 4 years. There's times I feel like I don't want to be with this person for one more day, he is not what i want, and there's times i feel i cannot live one more day without him..

 

There's so many things that took place. I don't even know where to start. I was young and immature and have done my share of mistakes of lying and creating stories, but never once cheated on him or thought of anyone other than him. I have lied and created stories for attention and affection.

 

Once I got to know him I felt a lot was being put into my face. He is currently 28 years old, and his previous gf's of four years of relationship each, were 8 years older and the other was 12 years older. I heard about a particular one from a distinct ethnicity that I feel so much hatred for. I hate her and hate the country that exists that she's from. I can't stand the exes. The other has cheated on him which is why he broke it off with her. She now has her own baby and contacts him asking him for help and how much she wishes to have someone like him to do whatever it is she wants.

 

All that said. I have other issues that I am having a really hard time moving on.

 

Whenever we argue, I am 90% of the time being told that I'm immature and need to know how to deal with him and how stupid I am to pick on small things and that he is not a teenager and I need to learn and come out of being a child. Now everybody else that knows me tells me I'm so much older than my age and I need to start living and enjoying my life. This is killing me. I feel so unhappy and sad just because of this. I feel like ending the relationship whenever this happens.

 

I have dedicated my life to this man and I feel I haven't and will not get the same from him. I want somebody to make me feel that I'm everything and the most important thing to them, but sadly, the most important thing to him is not me, it's his beliefs and discoveries that he talks about all the time and loves. There's no words to describe his dedication and willingness to sacrifice himself and life to anything that has to do what what he believes and discovered.

 

I am very jealous when it comes to him looking at other women and complementing. I hate the stupid "guy" movies like American Pie and Superbad and so on. I haven't watched them and would like it if he avoided looking at naked females. But he doesn't. He says it's in a movie and I'm so immature to be picking on him. I can't tolerate it. I hate seeing a naked woman on his iPod which is the album cover for that song. It just bothers me.

 

I hate the fact that I am so sexual and I'm the one that always wants him and it's like he's doing me a favour that he is having sex with me. I'm the one with all the desires. I don't feel like he's into it, I just feel that he is doing it for me. This is an issue for me. Right now, we don't live together, but we did before. Yet, we still have our separate houses. I'm always wanting him every night and morning and there's time I get so many of the excuses I'm tired or whatever. I wish I do not have a sexual desire! It makes me feel like crap.

 

I don't feel so happy in my life. I feel that our beliefs clash. I'm not a big religion person. But I still like to have it in my life. He is anti religion. And sees it as a method of domination at that point in time. He sees a different way of raising kids which I don't really like.

 

I feel the only way to get along with him is to do what he wants and how he thinks of it. He doesn't really listen to me. He's so strong on his beliefs and thoughts that even if you debate him he's such a logical person he knows how to twist things around and use points for his benefit.

 

I don't know what to do. I have a lot on my plate. I watch the movie "break-up" and I feel that's the best thing to do. Even though he cleans and cooks and helps and does everything on his own. There's nothing to complain about from this side. He tells me that if I was a mature woman I'd hold on to him so tight and would never let him go. But the way I feel, I feel that I'm always being accused and insulted and pushed down, but I know I am such a great attractive person with strong beliefs and a strong opinion. People in my family and around me who are much older keep on talking about how great I am and how my mother is lucky to have a daughter like me. And how mature and reliable I am. Yet, I have someone telling me AT LEAST ONE A WEEK how messed up and immature I am!

 

I want somebody to love me so much, to feel that nothing can ever get in between us, because that's ALL I want in life. I have a great job. I'm a great student pursuing a really good career. I want to dedicate my life to a man and just want a loving relationship. I don't want the spark to go. I don't want to feel I am NOT what he wants. I don't want to be called names, or stupid, or immature. Am I living in a fantasy world?

 

He tells me I am so childish I live in a fantasy world. What to do. Somebody please wake me up. Sorry for the long posting. Thanks for listening (reading)...

 

Help..

[Curmudgeon]

He tells me I am so childish I live in a fantasy world. What to do. Somebody please wake me up. Sorry for the long posting. Thanks for listening (reading)...

 

Help..

 

Lying, hating, jealous, unhappy, sexually frustrated, needy, opinionated...

 

Have you listened to yourself? All of those, plus some, were featured in your post.

 

In my opinion and experience, neither you nor anyone else is ready for a committed relationship until you're happy with yourself, truly like yourself and are your own best company. I certainly wasn't at your age but married anyway (in our 20s we know it all and are invincible) and have a very ugly divorce in my past to show for it.

 

It might not hurt for you to seek some individual counseling to sort some of these things out. It might help you gain some helpful perspective.

 

Spread your wings a bit.

[tweedle-dee]

Thanks Curmudgeon.

 

It just good to know somebody listens. I have went to him about this and had all my problems redirected to me. And they don't get solved and it doesn't go away. All I kow is that it's my fault..

 

I have considered counselling so many times. I think it is time to go through with that.

[Curmudgeon]

It just good to know somebody listens. I have went to him about this and had all my problems redirected to me. And they don't get solved and it doesn't go away. All I know is that it's my fault..

 

...a matter of fault. Nor is it all your fault. Remember, it takes two to make a relationship. By the same token, it usually takes two to break one.

 

Please don't be or get down on yourself. I did that enough to me for both of us so you don't have to!

[whichwayisup]

You two need some couples counselling to learn how communicate, listen and understand eachother.

 

Another thing is, insecurity and self confidence! You need to work on that! I'm sure you're a beautiful woman, inside and out - You just need to believe that and not feel threatened by your boyfriends past. His ex's are EX's and they're not part of your lives...His past IS what made him who he is today - That's a good thing! Don't let anyone from his past make you doubt his love for you, and please, do NOT compare yourself to any of his past flames...

 

I think once you two learn how to talk and hear eachother, learn some communication skills, hopefully you two will be able to work through this, if it's what you both want.