My Satanic Wife

[blenderhead]

Well, this is my first post and I just wanted to vent a little bit. I've been checking out these forums for quite a while now, and I've finally gotten up the nerve to share my story. I'm 30, and I've been married for 6 1/2 years. My wife and I have no kids..THANK GOD. We dated for 3 years or so before we got married. I say "or so", because my old life is a blur to me. I just remember looking forward to the future, enjoying my youth, having friends...you know, that sort of thing. Now I'm a shell of who I used to be. My wife has effectively sucked the life out of me. I am in a living hell.

 

I'll post more when I'm not so fking pi$$ed off, and I'll go into the bulk of the story then. I just wanted to introduce myself to everyone here. Thanks for the ear, and thanks for this website.

[whichwayisup]

You should vent out your pissed offness (is that a word?) and what it is that bugs you so much about your wife.

 

Anyway, welcome to LS, sorry that you're going through a rough time and hopefully we'll all be able to help you through this.

[amaysngrace]

You married young. So did I. Sometimes people grow together. Sometimes they grow apart. That's life.

 

Living hell sucks balls.

 

Welcome to LoveShack.

[blenderhead]

Thank you. I just don't know where to begin. One of the problems between us is a lifestyle issue that I really don't feel comfortable discussing, so that makes it tough to relay the story. The "lifestyle" issue isn't a sexual thing or anything like that, it's sort of a cultural difference that we have. It's very complicated. But if that was our only problem, it wouldn't be a big deal.

[amaysngrace]

One of the problems between us is a lifestyle issue that I really don't feel comfortable discussing, so that makes it tough to relay the story.

 

Um, okay. You don't have to say anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. You don't have to tell us anything. Just realize we aren't mind readers. So you may not get much help other than people saying "my marriage is hell too".

[blenderhead]

Um, okay. You don't have to say anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. You don't have to tell us anything. Just realize we aren't mind readers. So you may not get much help other than people saying "my marriage is hell too".

 

I am a Traveller and my wife is not. There it is. She went to college, has a career in the corporate world, etc. We stay in one place, we have a house together, and I don't live my lifestyle to it's fullest, because I love her and I was willing to make that sacrifice to be with her. It was a big sacrifice, but I always felt like it was worth it. Having said that, part of the "sacrifice" part is that I don't bring in the dough that I used to. We live in a very economically depressed part of the country, and it's gotten much worse within the past 5 years. Not to mention the crappy weather here in the winter. I've got a lot of down time in my business now, and she treats me like crap when I'm not working. Yet, I'd be working everyday and making triple if she just would have moved with me when we first got together. It drives me nuts. Before I met her, I planned on getting out of here. I saw things getting bad, and I knew it was time to move somewhere else. She wanted to stay here, because she's scared of change. I couldn't convince her to move.

 

Finally, she's now saying she's ready to move away. That would have been nice to hear five years ago, but whatever. She had to realize for herself that the region was going to hell in a handbasket. She's got a well paying job for the area, but they work her to death. She's also starting to realize that there's no future for her (or me) in terms of job growth. What's funny is, she's now "discovering" this on her own? I've been trying to tell her this for YEARS. It's frustrating. So much wasted time.

 

So now, we're "going to" move in the spring. She's supposedly going to start applying for positions in a certain Sunbelt US city after the new year. Time will tell if she actually has the guts to go through with it.

 

Arrgh. There's just so much. Just gimmie some time to post it all! It's tough to word everything properly when I'm so sideways. I'll get it all out though.

[whichwayisup]

I'm glad you posted back.

 

Look, she has issues with change, most of us hate change on a good day, but she needs to learn to compromise and grow. Sure, it IS scary to pick up and move, but she has to know that you are going through it with her. If she has alot of issues, she should seek some counselling to learn how to handle change better, otherwise she will go nowhere, or it will take forever.

 

You two need to learn how to really talk and listen to eachother, it sounds like there's alot of resentment built up over the years and that's not a good thing (as you know now).

 

How does she treat you like crap? Like boss you around and is disrespectful? Just wondering.

 

If you want to move, then really encourage the change. Try to be as positive about it as you can..

[blenderhead]

How does she treat you like crap? Like boss you around and is disrespectful? Just wondering.

 

I run this business 8 months out of the year, and I sit on my ass all winter..for her. So that I can be with her. This is what she wanted..yet now, she barks at me for being "lazy" and she's disgusted by the fact that she leaves for work @ 6:00 in the morning and I sleep in until noon some days. I also think she's got a lot of resentment because it's been "so hard" for her to go to college, get a degree, scramble her way up the corporate ladder, etc. While I never needed to do that. We keep our finances pretty much separate, mostly because I don't want her medaling with the business. She'd faint if she knew how much went out every month to keep it afloat.

 

Also, some of her friends are Ok, but a few of them are very snobby and I get the impression that they think I'm stupid because I didn't go to college and didn't do things "the normal way". One of them in particular, is an old male "friend" of hers from high school. He's a condescending prick and he always talks down to me and has made comments about my lack of education. Never mind the fact that it's my viper that's parked outside beside his 1989 Dodge caravan.

 

It's like, sometimes she seems to understand me..yet other times she sort of treats me like I'm retarded because I'm not like the rest of her witty college friends. Sorry if this seems so vague. It's very hard to me to describe what I am to people, which is why I keep it to myself as much as possible when I'm in the company of people who aren't like me. As for my wife, it's as though she understands somewhat, but she sort of belittles it. And I've always felt like she's always been a little disgusted by it too. Her friends are, that's for sure.

 

I think that she might just be so wrapped up with her work and brainwashed by it that she can't understand how someone like me can even exist. It's like she's forgetting who I am and what I am. She's getting more and more like her friends. HOPEFULLY we move, and hopefully we can connect a little bit better. She's a good girl, but we're so different. We used to be so much closer. There used to be a balance between us, but now it feels like our differences are working against each other.

[amaysngrace]

You may not be educated but you sound intelligent. And you sound like you know what you want and are willing to go after it.

 

Don't let other people make you feel bad for being you. I think when people do that it's because they sense that you are in touch with who you are and they've yet to figure that out about themselves. Which is why they focus on you and try to knock you down.

 

You sound like you love your wife. Hopefully she will be looking forward to moving away from hum drum cold winter. And she can come home anytime. That's why they made planes. But I'm guessing if you move some place warm she won't have to. You guys'll just have a lot of house guests.

[velouria]

When you say Traveller, you mean like... gaming? Or is this some kind of religious thing? It does not matter either way, college or no, you bring in a steady paycheck and pull your own weight, right?

 

I am more concerned with some of the things you say here than what your wife is doing. She'd freak out if she knew how much money was going out in order to keep it afloat? Since you two are married, that's her money you're spending on your "business". Your business is half hers. And it's meddling, not medaling. Not a very kind thing to say about a woman you're supposed to be in love with. You're taking her inventory and sleeping until noon.

 

she stuck around where she was to complete school, right? Not just because she was too stupid to get out while the getting was good...? And you agreed to it, right?

 

I'm sorry, you came here for help and I'm not trying to be nasty but you aren't making a very good case for yourself. Speaking of snobby, condescending pricks and bragging about your viper is um, ironic. Just sayin'.

 

Good luck to you.

[blenderhead]

When you say Traveller, you mean like... gaming? Or is this some kind of religious thing?

 

http://www.travellersrest.org/

[Antha]

I feel enlightened. Never heard of a traveller. I really just thought he meant he liked to travel and was more of a "free spirit". The link really didn't explain anything.

[sedgwick]

To the OP: It has never mattered to me for one second what kind of car someone drives. If someone bragged about the car they drive vs. the car my friend drives, I'd find that kind of ridiculous and embarrassing.

 

To Gunny: Why do you assume immediately that he's dishonest, and bash him so thoroughly, when you don't know him? I have to say, my mouth was hanging open when I read your response. What horrid things to say to someone!!!!!

[Kasan]

To Gunny: Why do you assume immediately that he's dishonest, and bash him so thoroughly, when you don't know him? I have to say, my mouth was hanging open when I read your response. What horrid things to say to someone!!!!!

 

Did I miss something?

[velouria]

Remember that woman who beat the crap out of her toddler in the Kohls parking lot a few years ago? It made national news because it got caught on CCTV? She was a traveller. She just disappeared. Why so delicate with your wording Mr. Blenderhead?

 

I hope you're still checking in on this board even though your posts were removed because I just want to apologize for giving you such a hard time. I imagine being in your situation is a) something you were born to and b) difficult enough without being attacked. Perhaps in the future if you tried to be less defensive and paranoid, you might see that people are more understanding. For instance, if you say, "I fear that my wives friends think I'm an uneducated 'tard..." you will elicit a more sympathetic and understanding response than if you say, "My idiot wifes friends all think they're hot **** because they have degrees but I am WAY better than them... check out my car, blah blah blah." Personally, I dig vipers but that's no way to win friends. It just makes you look bad.

 

I hope you can get yourself straightened out and find some peace with your woman who seems to be hanging in there with you for the most part. Try to see things from her perspective, she must love you or she would have bailed a long time ago! You do have a very controversial profession (as evidenced by the reaction here... jesus!!!) mixed with a healthy dose of mysogyny. It can't have been easy for her. I wouldn't throw away or get too down on a girl who was willing to stick with you through these sorts of obstacles.

 

Thanks for sharing and feel free to come back.

[ElvenPriestess]

Well I think I missed something too Kasan, but I read all the posts, and here's my take. You seem resentful that she now wants to do what you wanted to do years ago, and you probably feel like you've been held back when you didn't need to be. On her part of it she's resenting the fact that she's feeling as if you don't do as much as her. Hence, the "lazy" bit. And now there's no FIRM plans, you don't know for sure one way or the other. You wish she'd realized what you'd said years ago. But you know, better late than never. And now you have the chance for a new place, new memories, exciting possibilities. Instead of dwelling on each other's faults, I think you two should remember the things you love about each other. Not focus on finger pointing, as it can be very defeating. Communicate with each other, talk, and REALLY listen. And realize that past is past, you have new things for your distant future. Don't alienate each other with "why didn't you this" or "why don't you that." Put that stuff aside and remember the things that are important. Ok?

[Gunny376]

To the OP

 

I owe you an apology in that I was wrong to "flame" you and to start a fire-fight with you.

 

You came here seeking knowledge, advice, etc about your marriage.

 

LoveShack isn't about this or that, nor about what you do to make a living! Its about comprehension, understanding and interpersonal relationships. I violated every concept and principle of what Loveshack is about.

 

I was WRONG! And that's something that has seldom ever crossed my lips in 50 years of living!

 

At the very least? I should have NEVER posted to your thread ~ and I won't again.