margo Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 I met a man on an internet dating site about 3 months ago. We hit it off immediately, met in person within a few days, and within a week started a sexual relationship. We both talked about painful previous relationships in which our partners had cheated on us. So we decided to have a committed monogmous dating relationship. At his time he e-mailed me and told me he was going to stop paying the dating site where we met. I agreed to do the same. Once you become a non-paying member your profile drops to the very bottom of any searches perfomed on the site. This man started out very intensively with me telling me his desire to meet some he could love, wanting to see me every day and promising to do some things for me to help me out around the house etc. As time has passed, once I think he felt secure in my attachment to him, I've found that started distancing himself from me, still dating me but letting a good number of days pass in between. I also had trouble keeping in touch with him during these days. In addition, our dates would all be arranged at the last minute without a real plan. Something started feeling wrong, so yesterday I checked the internet dating site where I had met him- I searched for men in my town and he popped up at the very front and had checked the site only a few days earlier! I can't tell absolutely that he is still a paying member (where you can chat with other members), but am 99% sure because his profile was ahead of 100s of others. Mine on the other hand doesn't even come up on a search of women in my town. I reacted pretty strongly, because I had been hurt very badly by my previous boyfriend who used his e-mail to contact past girlfriends in other towns for meetings where he cheated on me. I called this man and left him a message on his phone in a calm voice, explaining what I had found out, that I had expected him to remove his profile as he had promised to do, that I didn't want to be with a man that would be secretly still angling for other women, and that our relationship was most likely over. I said that if he wanted to call me he could. (Pradoxically, he was spending the weekend with his sister, where he says he cannot receive phone reception. Can I now believe him?). What do you guys think? Did I overreact? My problem is that I have been too understanding and tolerant of lying and cheating in relationships in the past and don't want to go near there again. I want to set my boundries, but also want to be reasonable in my approach. Would you trust a guy that did this? Link to post Share on other sites
TheFallOfJordan Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 No, I dont think you overreacted. You were simply acting in your own best intrests, trying not to get hurt again, and tried to figure out what was going on. However, understandably, everything seems very weird. About a year ago, my girlfriend and I were showing these same symptoms. Usually caused by me. Distance, acting wierd sometimes, last-minute dates. The "no reception" at his sister's house, personally, I would no buy for now. All and all, You did the right thing by confronting him about it. Now, you need to seriously see if this guy is REALLY worth being possibly hurt over. It dosent sound like you should be hurt again. Just think about everythin, and try talking to him and see if you both should really be dating. (Also, personally, i think you should have waited on the sex.) Hope everything goes well. Link to post Share on other sites
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