Can I trust her after cheating?

[XiaoRan]

First off I'll say, if this topic is already discussed, feel free to direct me to it, Ill just go there instead of hoping for an answer. This is a very precise situation though so general topics don't cover a lot of what I'd like answered. Anyways, without further ado, here we go:

 

So, to explain, my girlfriend and I have been together for about a year now, but have been great friends for about three. Sadly, for the majority of our relationship we have been separated by distance because of school/work. We didn't think the distance would be a probably, we were sure we were madly in love, and so far that's proven true. Hasn't been a damn problem till about two weeks ago, which happens to be... she cheated.

 

Now, it was very devastating for me because I have been in a serious relationship before, or so I thought, and she also cheated so being cheated on is a VERY sore subject for me. It's hit me drastically. Haven't slept in days cause the thought rattles my mind.

 

Anyway, two weeks ago she visited a friend of hers that we both knew was crazy over her behind my back. She never told. I wouldn't have minded, I trusted her very much, but that was strike number one. While there they just visited and such but he pressured her for days and finally she caved and had sex with him. She hated what she had done, told him to get out of her life completely because she loved me and couldn't believe what she did.

 

She tried for about a week and a half to tell me, but it was hard on her. Despite that, things seemed normal, I had no idea. We then had to lose contact with each other for two days because of my work and when I came back, the time felt like weeks to her and she caved and told me everything. She bluntly answered all my questions, tried to not beat around the subject and told me she wanted to still be with me, that's why she told him off and was very submissive to the fact that I had every right to walk away from her, and submissive is not something she normally is. That's an important fact.

 

Anyways, I know that I still love her deeply and I convinced myself that I could work through this with her and we'd be alright, but as the days go by, I lose more and more sleep over this and its driving me crazy.

 

So, what I want to know is, can I trust what she says? Does she sound sincere through her actions and words? To me, she does, but I don't know anymore.

 

Can I truly move on? Is it possible to be betrayed by the one you love and recover?

 

Once a cheater always a cheater? Is my giving her a second chance going to come back and bite me or does she seem sincere enough that this'll work?

 

A few other things that you might like to know in order to give me a good answer is, other than a HUGE misconception (She thought a relationship was over and rebounded but her 'ex' didn't) she has never cheated. Also, we are technically young of age, her 21, me mere months from the same age, so could this be chalked up to be young and making a mistake and thus she'll learn from it?

 

Edit: Oh, uh... I just realized that there is also a section for second chances, so I hope its alright that I put this thread here since it started with cheating.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

Sorry for your pain. Let me get this straight. She visits and stays with a guy who she knows is crazy about her behind your back. He pressures her for sex for a few days so she caves in and has sex with him even though she is in a relationship with you. What is wrong with this picture?

 

She is acting like it is not her fault. He pressured her so she went ahead and screwed him? I got news for you my friend. She probably knew what was going to happen when she went to visit him behind your back.

 

She is playing the victim which she is not. This is very typical of a cheater. Has she been tested for STD's? I would seriously think twice about this relationship. To recap:

 

1. She lies to you by not telling you she is visiting a friend who wants her behind your back.

2. She has sex with him because she feels pressured? Why not just say No.

3. She devalues your relationship.

4. She knew in the past what cheating meant to you.

 

Surely you can find somebody else who respects you and your relationship because she does not. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

[BetrayedMM]

Yes, if you ever want to trust her again, you must have the entire truth from HER. She sounds like she's trying(it's not easy for them), like you have most of the truth, but she must take full responsibility for her actions or there is no remorse.

[ElvenPriestess]

She must be naive, or wants you to THINK she is. Because if I knew a guy wanted to have sex with me, and I'm in a relationship, not only would I not LIE about STAYING THE NIGHT WITH HIM, I would never be alone with him in the first place. And certainly not behind his back! She's full of crap. She wanted it, she knew she'd get it, I KNOW this is painful to hear, but she's lying to you even after the fact! "He pressured me." She set herself up for the whole thing to happen. You MUST realize all of this don't you? You obviously care about her, but she is NOT worth it. Grrrrr I hate it when people cheat and even more I hate it when people try and b/s the whole thing. Do feel better darling.

[shakenandstirred]

I agree with Elven Princess,

I believe she knew what she was getting into when she went to see the guy. She wanted to have sex with him as harsh as that may sound. No woman would put herself in that situation knowing how bad the guy wants to be with her. She feels guilty not only for cheating, but for wanting to cheat. She is disgusted with herself and she is trying to shift blame on the other guy. In reality she is the one to blame. Your relationship will never be the same. You will have this hanging in the background as long as you are with her. You can forgive, but it will be very hard to forget.

 

 

 

Good luck to you

[LakesideDream]

I don't believe I would ever be capable of ever trusting a woman who cheated on me, even once.

 

You are young, not married. Why go through the agnst? There is to much stress in live in general, why ask for more?

[bish]

First off I'll say, if this topic is already discussed, feel free to direct me to it, Ill just go there instead of hoping for an answer. This is a very precise situation though so general topics don't cover a lot of what I'd like answered. Anyways, without further ado, here we go:

 

So, to explain, my girlfriend and I have been together for about a year now, but have been great friends for about three. Sadly, for the majority of our relationship we have been separated by distance because of school/work. We didn't think the distance would be a probably, we were sure we were madly in love, and so far that's proven true. Hasn't been a damn problem till about two weeks ago, which happens to be... she cheated.

 

Your question was, can you trust her after she cheated..my answer to you is...no...you can't and never will....and she isn't to be trusted after that. She will cheat again if you give her the chance.....so don't give her the chance.

 

Dump her and find a decent girl.

[Brendi_thesnake]

If she confess herself and answered all your questions then it can work out. Now if it doesn't don't worry, afterall there's many fishes you have yet to try out.

[norajane]

I agree with everyone who said she KNEW she was going to cheat when she went to visit him. She made that choice before she even saw him - that's why she went, to have that experience. She might regret it now, but she was all up and ready for that when she went for the visit, and now she's painting the picture to put all the blame on him. Short of rape, there is no 'pressure' a guy can exert for a woman to have sex with him if she doesn't want to.

 

So, if she won't admit to that, then NO, you cannot trust her because she's not even telling you the truth NOW.