Confession/Update: Strip Clubs, Strip Clubs and Jealousy

[Carbine]

Oh man, here we go...Its been awhile since I've posted regularly on LS. Some of you may have read my posts but just to refresh I'm 26/f and am probably your typical, average 'psychotically jealous, insecure woman'. Most of my gripes were over my very low self-esteem, body-insecurities, jealousy towards prettier girls and my resulting hatred of strippers/strip clubs etc. In the past I used to fly into suicidal hysterical rages at the thought of my bf going anywhere near a pretty girl or SC. Same if I saw or even heard of an attractive girl. The issue simply dominated my life. It eventually contributed towards breaking us up.

 

We are still good friends, however. Lately my self-esteem has been a lot better as I lost a lot of weight suddenly, dyed my hair blonde and have started taking better care in my appearance. On Saturday we decided on the spur of the moment to go away for the night. We ended up hitting a club and he began making small suggestions about attending a major strip joint just down the road. When it came time to decide I was sufficiently drunk, off my face and in a good mood so I thought "what the hey". We started chatting to one of the dancers and my ex began pushing for me to get a lapdance which Ive never done before. I was pretty nervous and unsure but went ahead with it and we got a couples dance. The dancer was really nice to me and tried hard to make me feel at ease. In truth, I have to admit I enjoyed the experience and so did the ex...when it was over we bolted to our hotel room and..well yeah, you get the picture .

 

The moral to the story? I don't think there is one. I just really need to blurt. I tried to talk about this with a couple of friends and I got the whole jaw-to-the-ground, wide-eyed, "OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS?? BUT YOURE SO AGAINST IT?!" thing in response which atm is not really helping much or lessening the confusion. As of this moment I don't feel upset about what happened, but i do feel sort of numb and very very confused about myself, and my thoughts and emotions. I guess I'm also worried that when this feeling wears off, I'm gonna be pretty mad at myself which will cause my self esteem to dive even further.

 

I'm not sure if this is just me growing up, or if it was just the alcohol etc I'd taken that night, or both. Sorry guys, Im tired and not really making much sense...like i said, I just need to confess/blurt this out to someone. I know a lot of you are going to read this and think "whats the big deal??" but please understand that for me the whole SC/stripper/self esteem thing was about as severe as you can get - the impact these things had on my life in the past were pretty huge eg police involvement/charges/self-harm/substance abuse etc.

[annieo]

I, too, posted a thread awhile back on the strip club subject. In my case, it wasn't just that my h went while out of town, and had "table" dances, but that he lied like a dog about it and I only found via his carelessness with a pack of matches. It almost seems comical today, but it wasn't then.

Previous to this marital fiasco, my h and I also went to a strip club together, and I, too, had a lap dance while then-bf, now h, watched. I, too, was drunk off my head and found the experience to be kind of fun, kind of unsettling on some deep level.

I think you probably did what you did so you'd know firsthand what the it was all about. I think that's really understandable. You were trying to shed some light on something that is threatening to you emotionally.

I wouldn't over think what you did. It makes complete sense to me. I also think that you and I have many of the same self-esteem issues (as do MANY women, probably even some strippers).

[Miss Jane]

I, too, have posted on this topic in the past. Carbine--I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better about yourself and I hope your experience doesn't make you feel "bad" again in the end. I've thought that maybe I should go see what a SC and a lap dance is like and maybe I could get over my issues with my husband. (He insists there was no contact, but I'm sure it varies by state--would you be willing to let me know what goes on?) My own self-esteem was crushed when I found out about the SC and private lap dance, but I'm 48 and have been married for over 23 years. I've posted on this before when I was going through a "hard time" after my husband's friend "slipped' the info inadvertently. Please let me know if you think going to see what goes on, made you feel any "better" about the whole thing. Honestly, in my own somewhat "old fashioned" way, I don't understand why a guy would try to coax you into going(?) I can see getting drunk and maybe checking it out with my husband, but I honestly think that I am too "old". Besides which, my daughters are 22 and 19--if anything that offended me that my husband would spend an evening of sex entertainment with girls the same age. I've had very little responses to my previous posts, but I think most people that post aren't as old as I am and don't know how you feel after being married and commited for so may years. Both of you experienced this before you were married. Do you think guys want you to go so you can "entertain" them in a similar way? Maybe I'm just too old, but my husband insists it has nothing to do with how he feels about me. Actually, I look really great for my age despite that I had two kids--my self-esteem was great until I found out he and his friend were with a high school girl--kind of disgusting to me--just sad really.

 

The past few days, he's been acting a bit awkward and I suspected he was up to something. I found an empty bottle of booze hidden in a magazine box in his study. Not the first time. Just another lie. I tried to talk to him about it and the whole lying issue lead back to the stripper incident. Lies, lies, lies. . . so sad.

[White Flower]

Maybe this experience was your way of kicking your jealousy in the ass. You feared prettier and sexier girls in the past with this particular bf and now you involved yourself in the very heart of the matter which took some guts. Good for you. Don't read too much into it such as gender issues, just enjoy the fact that you did something racy with your guy and got over one of your fears.

[spookie]

I worked in a strip club for three months. Mostly as a waitress but for a total of three days, I also danced (thought I'd be able to do it and that it'd be an interested experience but turns out it's harder than it looks). I used to think I wouldn't care if my guy went to them, but working in one completely turned me off to men - particularly the kinds that are regulars. I know that's hypocritical/ judgmental but seeing as how the experience made me more or less asexual, I don't really care. Incidentally, the guys that came in with their gf's disgusted me the most. I might be wrong, but that whole set-up struck me as some kind of sick ego-stroking for the guys, or a else way for them to get turned on by hotter women before they screw their gf's. I'm sorry if this disturbs any of you, but having had first-hand experience with that whole culture, I have strong opinions about it, and IMO, if you are uncomfortable with strip clubs, just don't date a guy who would go to one. I have many male friends who wouldn't, and neither would any of my exes, so I know they DO exist.

[annieo]

I've had very little responses to my previous posts, but I think most people that post aren't as old as I am and don't know how you feel after being married and commited for so may years. Both of you experienced this before you were married. Do you think guys want you to go so you can "entertain" them in a similar way? Maybe I'm just too old, but my husband insists it has nothing to do with how he feels about me. Actually, I look really great for my age despite that I had two kids--my self-esteem was great until I found out he and his friend were with a high school girl--kind of disgusting to me--just sad really.

 

The past few days, he's been acting a bit awkward and I suspected he was up to something. I found an empty bottle of booze hidden in a magazine box in his study. Not the first time. Just another lie. I tried to talk to him about it and the whole lying issue lead back to the stripper incident. Lies, lies, lies. . . so sad.

Miss Jane, I can relate. I, too, am not a kid (42), have two kids, look "good for my age" (that expression is starting to depress me) and have a husband who insists that his strip club stuff has nothing to do with wanting better/younger/hotter than me (but he would say that, wouldn't he?).

I also agree that it's the lying that has really undermined things for us. It's gotten better than it was initially after his screw up, but I now realize I will never trust him the way I used to, which is (to quote you) so sad.

I don't think, after asking my h, that he wants an at-home stripper experience. I personally think that it's the novelty of a different woman's body, plus the sleaze factor, plus the power factor (some chick is performing for you because she has to, she's a paid employee. Yuck, writing this down still makes me cringe, and I could be wrong, but... this is what makes sense to me. Otherwise, why do it?

Spookie, thanks for the insight and sorry that seeing that side of the male gender has put you off your sex. What an ironic shame. But in my defense, I was not coerced into the club. My idea. The dance was his idea but I think it's because he got to see me with another woman, not because I'm unappealing and he was using her as a warm up. I hope. But who the **** knows what is going on in his head?