how can I stop being so dependent on him?

[so in love]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months, I am living with him, and sometimes I don't know where our relationship is going. I love him very much, he is the best thing that ever happened to me. He tells me that he cares about me very much, but he has never said "I love you", and I wonder if he is just scared or if he just doesn't love me, period. I don't want to tell him how I feel (that I love him) because I am terrified that doesn't feel the same. I feel lonely and depressed when he goes out with his friends and doesn't invite me (usually 1-3 times a week), especially when he stays out until 2 a.m., but I don't want to be demanding and give him an ultimatum. I know he has the right to go out with his friends. I feel so dependent on him, I don't want to be without him, and I hate feeling this way. I don't want to tell him whats bothering me because it seems so ridiculous to be upset that he goes out with his friends. I don't know if it's a good idea to tell him how I feel, or to wait for him to say that he loves me first. I don't want to freak him out. He has been cheated on in the past by his fiance and I think that has something to do with it. I need help, I am going absolutely crazy with this!

[fidget]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months, I am living with him, and sometimes I don't know where our relationship is going. I love him very much, he is the best thing that ever happened to me. He tells me that he cares about me very much, but he has never said "I love you", and I wonder if he is just scared or if he just doesn't love me, period. I don't want to tell him how I feel (that I love him) because I am terrified that doesn't feel the same. I feel lonely and depressed when he goes out with his friends and doesn't invite me (usually 1-3 times a week), especially when he stays out until 2 a.m., but I don't want to be demanding and give him an ultimatum. I know he has the right to go out with his friends. I feel so dependent on him, I don't want to be without him, and I hate feeling this way. I don't want to tell him whats bothering me because it seems so ridiculous to be upset that he goes out with his friends. I don't know if it's a good idea to tell him how I feel, or to wait for him to say that he loves me first. I don't want to freak him out. He has been cheated on in the past by his fiance and I think that has something to do with it. I need help, I am going absolutely crazy with this!

You need to tell him exactly how you feel. If it scares him then he really isn't the true one for you. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship where the love is only a one way street. That alone will make you end up feeling lonely and insecure and always trying to please him to get his attention and affection. This is no way to live and be happy.Ever hear ...When in doubt your usually right! Girlfriend if there is one thing I have learned in life the hard way is YOU are the fisrt person you need to love and take care of because if you don't they won't nessecarily be someone there to do it for you. Be strong and ask him how he feels and tell him how you feel. See what kind of reaction you get and go from there. You really don't have anything to lose but someone who may not love you. And he just may surprise you and tell you he ODES love you but didn't know how to say it.. Well good luck and I wish you all the best.

[Cecilie]

I was in a similar situation. I've been with my boyfriend 6 months, although we don't live together because I enjoy having my own space. He stays at my house during the week and I stay at his during the weekends.

 

Anyway, I was having fits about three weeks ago. I was afraid to tell him I love him. Absolutely petrified. The words would get close to comng out of mouth and I would just chicken out and hold them back. One night he stayed out kind of late. I work early in the morning, so I only go out with him on weekends. I was angry, he was a little drunk. We fought and in the end I hugged him tight to me and whispered it in his ear so I wouldn't see his face, I was embarrassed. He was so happy to hear it. Unfortunately, he didn't return the sentiment. He said that saying the words frightened him, so instead we worked it out so when I said I love you he would say "ditto." (ha ha)

 

I figure life is too short. I could die tomorrow in a car accident. he could die tomorrow. You never know. So I just said what was in my heart and he appreciated my sincerity. A week later he pulled me aside and told me he wasn't afraid to say it anymore and told me he is in love with me.

 

So here's the deal. You should feel comfortable enough with your lover to express yourself freely. Saying those words, hell, loving someone is a gift. You don't ask for anything in return. It should be given freely back to you.

 

As for over-dependence, I fell prey to that. So I make sure that when he goes out with his friends, I do something with my friends or family, even if it's tame in comparison. Having separate interests gives you both something to talk about. The more open the lines of communication are, the more comfortable you feel. That's the recipie for a long-lasting relationship. Freedom, communication, love.

 

Good luck. Let us know how it turns out.