Hugo Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 I guess I should start by saying that I am in love with my best friend. I have considered whether it could be that I have strong feelings of liking or a need for companionship etc, but neither of these are the case. I am quite a giving person, and do a lot for my friends, but with this girl I would do anything for her. I feel my heart beat a little faster when I see her and I seem to be blind to her flaws. I know that she isn't perfect, and I haven't put her up on a pedestal or built a false image of her, but I feel that she is perfect for me. The girl in question is aware of how I feel, and that I have never felt this strongly before about anyone, but thinks of me only as a friend. The problem (as well as the aforementioned lack of reciprocation) is that I can't distance myself from her, and I'm not sure I'd want to have to lose our close relationship in order to stop feeling this way. It is probably important to mention that we take almost all of the same courses at college, live in the same building and do most of our work together, so I would estimate that I spend at least 6 hours a day with her. On many occasions we have even just talked for more than 6 hours straight on the phone! (Which I can't do even with my twin brother, despite having an extremely close relationship with him). At the moment I'm trying to stop feeling this way without sacrificing any of our friendship, but I'm failing miserably. Our friendship is still intact but I don't feel remotely different about her. I don't know what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
mike5770 Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 That is always a tough one and happens all of the time. I am sure you are a great guy and probably have the relationship where she tells you about her boyfriends. I always hated that with frinds i wanted as Girlfriends. I think you should take some time away from this person to gather your thoughts. If she is a true friend she will understand and respect your decision and if she has any romantic feelings for you the only way they will come out is for her to realize what she is in danger of losing.Right now youi are the easy guy always hanging around her...become less accessible, rare..You said you spend six hours a day with her..try dating other women and becoming busy all of the time. When you develop a life of your own two things will happen..you will show her that you are not going to wait around like a puppy dog after she rejected you and you just might meet someone who likes you more than a friend as well. This will also give you time away from her to clear your thoughts so you can go back to being her true friend. Right now you cannot be her friend because you are in love with her and right now she cannot give you that. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hugo Posted December 17, 2007 Author Share Posted December 17, 2007 I've not seen her in 2 weeks because I'm on vacation in Europe, and when I get back next week she'll be away - so I won't have seen her for a month. The problem is these past 2 weeks, although I've met loads of great people (and one or two girls who are definitely interested in having some fun), I can't think about anyone but her. I find myself rejecting people simply because they don't make me feel the way this girl does when I'm with her. If I'm honest, I've not enjoyed the holiday simply because she isn't here with me, and I'm a bit concerned that time doesn't seem to be helping. How long will it take before I stop feeling this way and just man up and get over her (If get over is even the right phrase to use in this situation)? Link to post Share on other sites
mike5770 Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 I wish I could lie to you and say it will be better in a week but it will take a long time. You will think about her every minute of the day at first and you will want to talk to her or just be with her when you get back. That is good you went on vacation and are away from her but the real test will be when you get back. I had a similar situation earlier this year with a woman I rode the bus with. I fell in love with her in 05 and became her friend while riding the bus with her for 2 years. She had a fioncee so I didn't make a move...breaks up finally with fioncee just to have another guy move right in. I was crushed at first...(read previous posts if u want to hear that story)...but noe 6 months later I feel much better. She only enters my mind every 1/2 hour or so instead of every second. But I really don't feel pain anymore and dating other women has really helped. When I am with someone new she does not enter the mind. Link to post Share on other sites
NotMyselfNEmore Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Someone once said: "You'll never stop loving someone if you truly love them. You just get used to living without them." You'll have to learn to live without her being at your side 6 hours a day. You MUST find a way to get on with your life and do other things without her. It's not easy and I will not pretend that it is because It has taken me 1 entire year ( and then some ) to get over someone I absolutely love with my entire heart. I still love him.... but now I'm working on living without him. Make sure you do not repress any feelings. Do not act as if it doesn't bother you. Do not act as if you don't miss her. Express those feelings (of course at the right place and times) so that you can slowly let go of them. Write notes, write unsent letters to her, talk about it with yourself, practice aloud as if you were talking to her and if you believe in rituals, you can try releasing her in the spiritual sense. Represing your feelings will only bottle up more feelings and you will end up miserable and still attached to her. I've been there. I won't wish you good luck because it's not a matter of luck. Instead, I will wish you a lot of strength and will power. Link to post Share on other sites
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