Chance to play shrink - social anxieties

[WIGIRL]

I've never been to a professional for the problems I'm stating. Probably because I'm scared of what meds they could potentially put me on and what that would do to my personality.

 

But...I just want to know if I am normal or just plain strange.

 

I seem to have a level of social anxieties. Guessing on my part. For example today, I went through a drive through. I saw him put the wrong food in the bag. Plus I didn'd get my drink. Instead of correcting it, I just drove away. All I could think about was how to tell him that I saw a mistake, what he would think if I did tell him that, what repercussions could occur, etc.

 

Situations like this happen every day to me. I avoid confrontation, don't like talking to strangers, won't ask for help in a store, don't voice my feelings, etc.

 

Is this social anxiety? If so, can anything help?

[amaysngrace]

I don't know if you have social anxiety or not but it wouldn't be a bad idea to see a psychotherapist rather than a psychiatrist.

 

Psychotherapists don't prescribe meds. They talk you through it and help you get to the root of the problem rather than just stroke their pens and send you on your merry way.

 

I've been to psychiatrists before. They are pretty much good for nothing IMO.

[ElvenPriestess]

I did some research on social anxiety, and of course I can't say if that's the issue here or not. But what you're saying does seem to fit the category. Here's a site you might want to check out, could help you figure some things out.

 

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/

 

I know that seeing a professional doesn't always do the trick, and sometimes you feel like your talking and talking, and they don't seem to help, and you may as well have talked to a friend for free. But you have us, and there's also that site I gave you to check out.

[whichwayisup]

Probably because I'm scared of what meds they could potentially put me on and what that would do to my personality.

 

You don't have to go on meds - Just do the counselling, the type of counselling you should look into is called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I suffered from an anxiety disorder and did CBT, it helped me alot! What you do in therapy is alot of talking, understanding and learning about why you have certain fears - Then slowly your therapist teaches you ways of coping better, and makes you face your fears. You'll learn how to battle the anxious moments, take control of it, instead of it controlling you.

[WIGIRL]

Thanks Elvin. It is kind of a depressing site though. Interesting to wade through all the threads none the less!

[WIGIRL]

Therapy seems like a better option than meds. LOL Only one problem. I hate meeting new people or calling to make appointments. HA how do people with move severe social phobias set that s*@t up?? interesting to think about.

[JCD]

Next time this happens, just be polite about pointing out his error. Most employees are told to be nice to customers so you don't have to worry about him being nasty with you. If he gets to be nasty then switch to a different mood ie. being nasty with him. That's how I'm. I first try to be nice and if that isn't working then I try to be more direct and then mad if things don't resolve. Don't let others push you around. Stand your ground if you have to. Who cares what they're thinking of you. What matters is that you got the situation resolved hopefully in a civil matter. To overcome social phobia is to take on each challenge and overcoming it. But don't force yourself if you don't feel like it. Usually, there is an inner voice in me that says to me to act and when it talks to me like this I act. Othertimes I don't bother because the inner voice is being quiet. Do you have that inner voice in you? The one that says you should say something?

[ElvenPriestess]

That's a great point JCD. WIGIRL, you could try attacking things one step at a time. It would be a challenge for sure, but one worth while since these things obviously bother you. The next time something happens where you are tempted to walk away instead of speaking your mind, stop yourself in your tracks. Tell yourself "I can do this. I am bigger than this issue. I can win this battle." Then do an about face and politely say what you want to say. :-)

[whichwayisup]

HA how do people with move severe social phobias set that s*@t up??

 

Ask a close friend or a family member to help you, and even go with you to your appt. You don't have to go alone - Having someone sitting with you in the waiting room will help calm your nerves.

 

You can do this! I know you want to get past this, and as I tell everyone about CBT, what you put into it, is what you get out of it. It's alot of hard work, but worth it as the payoff at the end is huge!!

[HabitualDelirium]

I have issues like this, too. Anyone with experience about finding good psychotherapists? I've thought of getting help... I'm just not sure who to contact first, or where to look. General Practitioner maybe? .. dunno. I'm curious as to how to get this whole process started... I kind of want to do it by myself at this point rather than getting family involved, as that may make the whole situation feel even more awkward/uncomfortable for me.

 

But, I think social anxiety is very common. I'm not sure how to really deal with it. I know for me, I need time to get the courage or formulate an idea in my head to communicate with people. And I often do what you do, walk away while still formulating my thoughts that I never said cause I didn't have the guts or mind clarity. I don't even know if it is social anxiety...

[JCD]

You need to realize that thru practice you'll get better. Ok, so the very first few times you'll make mistakes and after a situation is over, you'll be kicking yourself in the butt for not doing a better job. That's normal. But, after a while of practice, those skills will become second nature and you won't have to think about them because you've done them so many times that they'll naturally just come out. Then you can pat yourself on the back for doing a good job and after a while you won't even think about being awkward in other situations because you'll handle them like all the previous ones. That's how you get thru them. Good luck!

[swansong519]

I'm certainly no expert but it occurs to me that this type of "problem" could benefit greatly from some role playing.

 

Do you have a trusted friend or family memeber that could help you practice asserting yourself?

 

You could, for example, run through the exact scenario you described, with a friend and practice your responses.

 

At first have your friend listen to your assertion, and then reinforce you by apologizing for the error, etc...

 

Once you feel comfortable making smaller assertions you could get your friend to be less "polite" and then you can practice being even more assertive.

 

Just my 2 cents....

[whichwayisup]

Anyone with experience about finding good psychotherapists?

 

The type of therapist is one specialized in CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy). I"m sure in your area if you google anxiety disorders and CBT and your location, some therapists will pop up. Also, check your local hospitals, clinics, college/universities. All should offer some sort of therapist in CBT.

 

Good luck!

[noclue_questionmark]

Therapy seems like a better option than meds. LOL Only one problem. I hate meeting new people or calling to make appointments. HA how do people with move severe social phobias set that s*@t up?? interesting to think about.

 

It's a conundrum for sure. A total catch-22, it's like how do you get a job with no car when you need a job to buy a car? You know? I think the same thing too.

 

Anyway, yeah that socialanxietysite is pretty depressing, trust me, I go there. I come here cause it seems more optimistic. You sound like you're on the fence maybe, like you're cool but you just got this stupid insecure feeling? I don't know. That's how I was.. still am. I think for me, the problem was I was interacting with people I'm not comfortable with, and so every attempt was a failure.

 

What helped me the most was getting really into something.. for me it was school, getting a job, and so when I talk to people, it would always have to do with that. And just start with that. Then maybe, I would say, okay by this semester, I got to ask this person a question.. like, when's the project due. And that would be my achievement of the day. I might even take a week off. All week I'd be thinking "Yay, I asked when's it due! Yay and feeling like a fool for being so happy for asking some simple question"

 

Anyway, long story short, 13 years later I'm a lot better, but still got some issues but not as bad as before. I never saw a therapist cause I was a stubborn s.o.b. But just saying that you'll be fine, don't worry about it

[noclue_questionmark]

Oh, another hint I picked up (actually, this is my own method which I invented

 

What I do is this. I didn't talk a lot right, like most shy people, we don't speak until spoken to. So what I do, when that moment for me to speak came, I'd say something short but CONFIDENTLY. Even if someone just asks hey do I like something. I'd smile and be like 'heck yea!' and just give them some look, and they'd usually laugh, but mostly, it's as if they're relieved, cause they're now reassured that I'm actually feeling okay, that I'm not freaking out or paranoid or something. But all it took was one word.. it's just how you say it.