deciding whether to marry him

[kaylee]

I broke up with my x boyfriend of 6 years about 8 months ago, but we've still remained good friends. For the past 6 months I've been dating another man who I have a lot in common with, and get along really well with. The only thing I don't like about him is that he has an anger problem. He would never hurt me or anyone else when he is angry, but he throws tantrums about really stupid things and pounds and throws things. For instance, if he loses a game he will start to yell and throw the pieces acrossed the room. About 2 weeks ago he asked me to marry him. I accepted because we do have a lot of fun together and I love him.

Throughout the time I was dating my new boyfriend, my x has acted like he didn't care and that it didn't bother him at all. Stupid me believed him. My mom told him I was engaged. Later that day he started crying and telling me how much he still loved me. I did not realize he still loved me. Now I'm starting to feel confused and wonder if I'm making the right decision to marry my boyfriend. I don't know if I can live with my fiance's temper, and am confused about my feelings for my x. I've thought about it, and if my x weren't still in my life I would probably marry this new guy, but since he is I can't help but question my decision and wonder what would happen if I went back with my x especially because my x has indicated he would marry me if I left this other guy. I've been thinking that I should take time away from my x to give us both time to figure our feelings out. I tried talking to my x about it and he started crying and saying that he needs me in his life because I am the only friend he has, which as far as I've seen over the past years I've dated him is true. I'm starting to feel depressed because I feel bad for hurting one of the best friends I've ever had (my x) and also for having all of these doubts all of the sudden in my mind about who I should be marrying. I feel guilty to both my fiance and my x. I need to make a really difficult decision about who I should be with and I have no clue what to do. Does anyone have any advice on things I need to think about to make this decision? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[Tony T]

You sound like one confused lady. First of all, you need to break off your engagement and take a few steps back.

 

A guy with an anger problem is not somebody you want to be around. If you think it's bad now, wait until you get married to him (if you do). Yeah, maybe he hasn't touched you yet but give him time. I don't think having a lot of fun together and loving somebody is nearly enough basis for marrying them, especially if you're having second thoughts.

 

Now, along comes the fact that all the while you've been thinking about your ex. Well, he just stands by and watches you do your thing...then, all of a sudden, when you get engaged he's madly in love with you again. DUH!!! That's a lot of crap. It happens all the time. Jerks like him never get really interested in somebody until they aren't available anymore...like gonna be married...and then they go bonkers over them. That's a real cheap imitation of fondness but if you buy into it you're going in the wrong direction.

 

I think you should NEVER marry anybody unless you are madly in love, madly in like, share a great deal, have lots in common, etc. Moreover, there should be NO DOUBT WHATSOEVER in your mind about who you want to marry.

 

The fact that you're going back and forth on this is clear evidence that neither one of these guys are Mr. Right. When you meet the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, you won't have to come to an Internet message board for people to help you sort out your thoughts and feelings.

 

I pray that you will meet that man soon. But I really don't think you have yet. What you've got now is a man with anger problems and a dude who sits on his ass until just before deadline to act. They both suck!

[NEONINK]

Tony is the man... Listen to him!

 

Let me ask you something... When he throws pieces of a game around after losing, do you cringe? do you get just a little tense? how about fearful? do you get a little nervous or scared?

 

btw... It could be neither of these men are for you.