Those of you who have cheated...

[Confused9]

How did you act to your significant other after it was out in the open?

 

My X was very mean and would not tell me anything. We were together for 7 years and engaged to be married in Oct 08. We have not spoken in almost a month and he broke it off with me immediately after I found out. He says he's in love with her and that she is preggo. He is in another state where he went for work to make extra money to pay for our wedding. I am so confused and when I think I am getting stronger...I then revert back to saddness.

 

This has been going on since September. Our relationship was solid then WAM-O he turned in to another person. We remained NC for weeks until Thursday he text messaged me 'happy holidays to you and your family'. I never responded. Now I am regretting that too. AHHHH! This rollercoaster...I can't wait to get off of it.

 

Anyway, for those that cheated and were mean...why were you? Also, did you think you 'loved' the person you cheated with only to realize it was just the excitement? Did you apologize or try to come back later?

 

Sorry...I am just looking for some examples/answers since he has given me NOTHING!

[stillafool]

You poor thing. You must be devastated!!! I don't think your fiance would have went so far as to say "he is in love with this girl" if he wasn't. It is just too painful to hear for the other person especially given the circumstances. He must be and wanted to make it clear.

 

If you guys were together 7 years there are definitely going to times when he is going to miss you. You have probably spent the last 7 Christmas's and New Year's Eve together and this time of year will make him feel a bit sentimental as well as you.

 

I would stick to "no contact" with him. He doesn't deserve the time of day from you. Just keep thinking how could he:

 

a) date me for 7 years

b) ask me to marry him

c) plan a wedding

d) seeing another woman during this time

e) gets her pregnant

f) breaks off our engagement

g) tells me he is now in love with her after being with me for 7 years.

[Confused9]

He has only known her for 3 months. I don't understand how he could truly be in love with her. He was just so angry towards me...if he was happy and in love wouldn't he be compassionate? I don't know. Maybe I am in denial...I just don't see how he could be in love. He was in love with me 3 months ago!!!

[heftysmurf]

This has been hard for me to realize. IT IS NOT YOU. It is largely a problem with THEM that caused all of this. You may have played a part but that is no excuse. Knowing what you know now you would have likely given up a limb or a kidney to avoid this. They did not care enough to just talk to you. I believe cheaters if they are so unhappy should just dump us. Then at least we are only dealing with heartbreak and not feeling betrayed and a lack of love.

It does not seem like it now you will recover. You deserve better.

Keep up the NC as you can. I have a child and cannot. If he comes back he does if not you WILL find better and not have to live with the second guessing "why is he late?", "is he REALLY home alone?, etc. etc.

[Confused9]

Thanks hefty...

 

I know it's so much easier to give advice than take it yourself but...you should read over your post to me, becasue it applies to you as well.

 

WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!

[underpants]

Don't respond to him. EVER.

 

You dodged a serious bullet with this dude.

 

Chances are he will cheat on her eventually, or since she was a willing party to the betrayl, she will eventually cheat on him.

 

They deserve each other and you deserve better.

 

Close that door and open yourself up to better people. They are out there.

[Confused9]

Thanks Underpants. Love the name by the way.

 

I feel better. I am glad I posted here before contacting him. I also read some emails he sent me during our breakup and now I am stronger reading his mean words.

 

People can be such azzholes!