lexi29 Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 So my bf of 3 yrs left me in Oct. He left me suddenly out of the blue for his ex from 13 years ago) We had met up with her at the end of August and he and I both became friends with her (or so I thought she was a friend) He left me and I was devastated. He did lie to me about why he left (said he wanted to be single) I found out he started dating her just two days after he broke up with me. he also slept with me while he was dating her (I didn't know he was dating anyone at the time) She forgave him because he told her he didnt' want anything to do with me and would never talk to me again. Anyway he dated her for 3 weeks, and couldn't stand her. Says she was not what he remembered.He only slept with her one time while they were dating and she never came over to his apartment or spent any time with him until after he broke up with me. She confirmed this and she hates me so I'm sure she would have been happy to rub it in my face if he actually cheated on me with her. Anyhow we are trying to work things out- he left her in late Oct. and hasn't talked to her since. I don't think she will ever speak to him again. Not that he cares. He says being with her made him realize how good he had it with me and that he is very sorry for what he did. It was a case of the grass is greener on the other side and he says he learned his lesson. He has been sweeter and more attentive than he's ever been and we've been getting along better than ever. His son is very close to me as well. My bf has talked about getting engaged this spring. he also wants me to move in with him as well (now). I am taking things slowly. I have no plans to move in. We see eachother pretty much every day. I feel very close to him. I still suffer from some insecurities because he left me so suddenly and because I was trusting him that him and the ex were just friends (which they were but he developed feelings for her and I didnt' see it going on) He DID leave me before he started anything with her but I"m just afraid this could happen again. I can't think of any of his exes that he may still have lingering feelings for (this ex he left me for he dated 13 years ago and she had totally changed since he datd her but she was considered the "one who got away" by him. Also she had a young daughter so they had more in common then he and I did. I guess am I wondering if I really should be giving him a 2nd chance? I am enjoying being with him and his son and think it will work out this time. We've come a long way but I'm still somewhat hesitant because of how he ended things with me last time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexi29 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Share Posted December 18, 2007 any one have any input?? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Lexi, Remember that he up and left you in the fashion that he did and that you will be unable to fully trust him again. I'm wondeirng what is so great about this guy that you would consider giving him another chance? Isn't there someone else out there that will love and respect you the way you deserve to be treated? Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me... Link to post Share on other sites
Dboo103 Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 My opinion is once a cheater always a cheater. I've caught my boyfriend lieing but never actually cheating. Remember you can forgive but can't forget. It's hard enjoy the time with him but do what he did keep your options open! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexi29 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Share Posted December 18, 2007 Yes, he did lie to me about the reason he left me (for his ex) but he never cheated on me. Everything that happened with her happened after he ended things with me. I knew they were talking to eachother but she would contact me as well. So I thought she was trying to befriend us as a couple. He dated her 13 years ago. he never hid the fact that he was talking to her from me. I didn't think it was excessive because they maybe talked once or twice a week and she called me or texted me many more times than that. So yes, he lied to me but he did not cheat on me. He DID cheat on her with ME after only a few days of dating her. But I didn't know that he was seeing anyone so I didn't realize he was cheating. So i know he is capable of cheating (but most people are) but he's never actually cheated on ME. If he had then I wouldn't be with him right now. Honestly, I think if one tries to date only men (or women but I'm not sure the percentage is as high) who have NEVER cheated or lied to anyone, I think most would have a hard time finding anyone to date! Sad but true. Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Honestly, I think if one tries to date only men (or women but I'm not sure the percentage is as high) who have NEVER cheated or lied to anyone, I think most would have a hard time finding anyone to date! Sad but true. Ive never cheated on a girlfriend before. Not even close like a lot of men you see out at the bar do. You know...Flirting heavily, touching, etc., but never quite crossing the line. That in my opinion is almost as bad. As far as lying...Everyone has lied at some point. I think you are referring to lying as in hiding how they feel about something to either protect someone or cover something up. He up and left you out of the blue after you two were so seemingly in love. What says he wont do it again??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexi29 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Share Posted December 18, 2007 Ive never cheated on a girlfriend before. Not even close like a lot of men you see out at the bar do. You know...Flirting heavily, touching, etc., but never quite crossing the line. That in my opinion is almost as bad. As far as lying...Everyone has lied at some point. I think you are referring to lying as in hiding how they feel about something to either protect someone or cover something up. He up and left you out of the blue after you two were so seemingly in love. What says he wont do it again??? I'm not saying that ALL guys lie and or cheat. The part that concerns me is that he up and left me out of the blue. I know it could happen again but I really doubt that it will. We weren't totally in love before- had our problems and I honestly think that he didn't realize what he had until I was gone. Now he sees what he was missing. So I think he will do everything he can to make the relationship work now. He says it was a wake up call and he took me for granted before. But any guy that I date could do the exact same thing to me. How many times do you hear about someone being married, having kids etc and their husband (or wife) meets someone new and they just pack up and leave their family. So its not like this is a rare occurence. Not saying that makes it ok but somehow I'm hoping this has made us stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 I'm not saying that ALL guys lie and or cheat. The part that concerns me is that he up and left me out of the blue. I know it could happen again but I really doubt that it will. We weren't totally in love before- had our problems and I honestly think that he didn't realize what he had until I was gone. Now he sees what he was missing. So I think he will do everything he can to make the relationship work now. He says it was a wake up call and he took me for granted before. But any guy that I date could do the exact same thing to me. How many times do you hear about someone being married, having kids etc and their husband (or wife) meets someone new and they just pack up and leave their family. So its not like this is a rare occurence. Not saying that makes it ok but somehow I'm hoping this has made us stronger. Sounds like you are trying to justify why you should give him a second chance based on what you THINK will happen versus what has happened in the past. All you have to go on as far is his future behavior is how he has behaved in the past. I seriously doubt it will be better the second time around but it's your life and your emotions. Do what you feel is best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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