Looks vs. money

[cutegirl]

Good ol' fashioned hypocritical thinking there....

 

I'm an alpha female.

 

Actually, also lot of guys like to be taken care of...

[Trialbyfire]

I'm an alpha female.

 

Actually, also lot of guys like to be taken care of...

I'm an alpha female too but taking care of a guy does nothing for me. No offense but don't you find that it's like being someone's mommy?

[cutegirl]

I'm an alpha female too but taking care of a guy does nothing for me. No offense but don't you find that it's like being someone's mommy?

 

Yea, with my ex I was kind of like his mommy. I am intimidated by men who can support themselves well and are successful, I'm more drawn to losers. I think it's cause I think they are more likely to stay with me. I know my theory is wrong though cause my ex ended up leaving anyways. That's besides the point though.

 

The point is that it should go BOTH ways, regardless of whether it's like being a man's mommy. If men have the option to be the breadwinner then women SHOULD HAVE THAT OPTION AVAILABLE TOO. It's only for the sake of equality that I argue that point. Whether a woman chooses that option is entirely up to her, but it should be available nevertheless.

 

Some women might not even WANT to be taking care of a guy, which is fine, but if there is a woman that does, at least it implies she has financial power to do so.

 

I don't think women and men can be truly equal until everything is equal, there should be no double standards.

 

For example, in a divorce if the woman earns more she should pay alimony and the guy shouldn't be put down for taking it. If a woman WANTS to take care of a guy she should be able to do so. It's all about choice and women should be able to take on any role they want in society, even if those roles have typically been reserved for men; such as that of the breadwinner, etc.

[Trialbyfire]

Yea, with my ex I was kind of like his mommy. I am intimidated by men who can support themselves well and are successful, I'm more drawn to losers. I think it's cause I think they are more likely to stay with me. I know my theory is wrong though cause my ex ended up leaving anyways. That's besides the point though.

You and I look for different traits in men. I want one who can stand toe-to-toe with me, otherwise I would mow him over.

 

The point is that it should go BOTH ways, regardless of whether it's like being a man's mommy. If men have the option to be the breadwinner then women SHOULD HAVE THAT OPTION AVAILABLE TOO. It's only for the sake of equality that I argue that point. Whether a woman chooses that option is entirely up to her, but it should be available nevertheless.

 

Some women might not even WANT to be taking care of a guy, which is fine, but if there is a woman that does, at least it implies she has financial power to do so.

 

I don't think women and men can be truly equal until everything is equal, there should be no double standards.

 

For example, in a divorce if the woman earns more she should pay alimony and the guy shouldn't be put down for taking it. If a woman WANTS to take care of a guy she should be able to do so. It's all about choice and women should be able to take on any role they want in society, even if those roles have typically been reserved for men; such as that of the breadwinner, etc.

I won't disagree with you at all except on alimony. If there are no children involved, I feel that alimony should be a thing of the past. No free rides for either gender.

[cutegirl]

You and I look for different traits in men. I want one who can stand toe-to-toe with me, otherwise I would mow him over.

 

 

I won't disagree with you at all except on alimony. If there are no children involved, I feel that alimony should be a thing of the past. No free rides for either gender.

 

I agree with that too, but since right now the law states that a spouse can receive alimony even without children involved, I feel that it should go both ways without the man being ridiculed. For example, I was reading TMZ a long time ago and people were ridiculing Nick Lachey for taking alimony from Jessica Simpson, I find that kind of sexist too.

 

The alimony thing is difficult though because sometimes one spouse works in order to put their other half in school and when that other half is out of school they earn a lot more... And perhaps they wouldn't be able to get through school without their partner helping them etc

 

Or in some cases women decide to be housewives and raise children and it might be hard for them to get into the mode of supporting themselves after a divorce. It's complicated so I'm not sure how I feel about it really... I would never be a housewife and raise kids, but I can understand how someone in that position who hasn't worked for 10 years might need help.

[underpants]

I won't disagree with you at all except on alimony. If there are no children involved, I feel that alimony should be a thing of the past. No free rides for either gender.

 

My take on alimony is that you leave a marriage with what you came into one with. No free rides...exactly. Although I will grant you that when there is an imbalance of income during the marriage (justifiable reasons ...ie...loss of work due to stay at home parenting) this alimony thing can be manipulated. There are formulas set in place. If there is proof of infidelity, then if you have an attorney with a tiny bit of common sense and work ethic the concept of alimony is a no go all together in cases of infidelity.

 

This is why "child support" is a whole other and seperate issue.

[Green]

I agree with that too, but since right now the law states that a spouse can receive alimony even without children involved, I feel that it should go both ways without the man being ridiculed. For example, I was reading TMZ a long time ago and people were ridiculing Nick Lachey for taking alimony from Jessica Simpson, I find that kind of sexist too.

 

The alimony thing is difficult though because sometimes one spouse works in order to put their other half in school and when that other half is out of school they earn a lot more... And perhaps they wouldn't be able to get through school without their partner helping them etc

 

Or in some cases women decide to be housewives and raise children and it might be hard for them to get into the mode of supporting themselves after a divorce. It's complicated so I'm not sure how I feel about it really... I would never be a housewife and raise kids, but I can understand how someone in that position who hasn't worked for 10 years might need help.

 

Yeah and some times you just wish you had signed a tight pre nup

[Trialbyfire]

My take on alimony is that you leave a marriage with what you came into one with. No free rides...exactly. Although I will grant you that when there is an imbalance of income during the marriage (justifiable reasons ...ie...loss of work due to stay at home parenting) this alimony thing can be manipulated. There are formulas set in place. If there is proof of infidelity, then if you have an attorney with a tiny bit of common sense and work ethic the concept of alimony is a no go all together in cases of infidelity.

 

This is why "child support" is a whole other and seperate issue.

Ah...if you sue for alimony due to infidelity, that's a whole 'nother ballgame.

 

No children, no alimony, unless you've successfully sued for it, due to infidelity. You know I believe in a pound of flesh, blood included. (The Merchant of Venice taught me something.)

[Saxis]

Yea, with my ex I was kind of like his mommy..... I know my theory is wrong though cause my ex ended up leaving anyways.

 

As did mine, and one of her reasons was to "make it on her own". Both genders can feel inadequate in this regard.

 

That's besides the point though. The point is that it should go BOTH ways...

 

No, and yes. The fact that your X left is exactly the point. It works both ways. Once again, regardless of gender. Yes, it should be equal, and is....

 

If men have the option to be the breadwinner then women SHOULD HAVE THAT OPTION AVAILABLE TOO........ I don't think women and men can be truly equal until everything is equal, there should be no double standards.

 

When's the last time you had a man tell you that you could not work? You act like men are trying to keep you from this....

 

For example, in a divorce if the woman earns more she should pay alimony and the guy shouldn't be put down for taking it.

 

This happens. My X's father is in the process of taking his XW to the cleaners as we speak, including $2000/month alimony.

 

It's all about choice and women should be able to take on any role they want in society, even if those roles have typically been reserved for men; such as that of the breadwinner, etc.

 

It certainly is, and no one has actually been taking this away from women. It is a CHOICE!

[Trialbyfire]

I agree with that too, but since right now the law states that a spouse can receive alimony even without children involved, I feel that it should go both ways without the man being ridiculed. For example, I was reading TMZ a long time ago and people were ridiculing Nick Lachey for taking alimony from Jessica Simpson, I find that kind of sexist too.

 

The alimony thing is difficult though because sometimes one spouse works in order to put their other half in school and when that other half is out of school they earn a lot more... And perhaps they wouldn't be able to get through school without their partner helping them etc

 

Or in some cases women decide to be housewives and raise children and it might be hard for them to get into the mode of supporting themselves after a divorce. It's complicated so I'm not sure how I feel about it really... I would never be a housewife and raise kids, but I can understand how someone in that position who hasn't worked for 10 years might need help.

I can see where you're coming from.

 

I would never become a housewife with kids, that's solely reliant financially on a spouse. The thought makes me shudder.

[cutegirl]

Ah...if you sue for alimony due to infidelity, that's a whole 'nother ballgame.

 

No children, no alimony, unless you've successfully sued for it, due to infidelity. You know I believe in a pound of flesh, blood included. (The Merchant of Venice taught me something.)

 

If I got cheated on in a marriage that would make me want to spit on the man's money even more. I would hate him so much that I would spit on it, to show him that my hate and distaste for him was so strong that I would not want anything to do with him including his money.

[Trialbyfire]

If I got cheated on in a marriage that would make me want to spit on the man's money even more. I would hate him so much that I would spit on it, to show him that my hate and distaste for him was so strong that I would not want anything to do with him including his money.

Hit him where it hurts most. Get it and then you can spit on it, if you want.

[cutegirl]

Hit him where it hurts most. Get it and then you can spit on it, if you want.

 

I'd rather cheat back. If I knew he was having sex with someone I would go and have sex with another guy. It would give me more satisfaction. That's an eye for an eye. He can keep the change.

[underpants]

Canada law and USA law might be different.

 

Here alimony and child support are very seperate.

 

If you are cheated on....oh yea, you can rack up.

 

If you cheated on someone...prepare to pay, plus an extra pound or two for any kids (most people are biased when infidelity is involved)...even in the blinded legal world.

 

Child support here is very seperate and too often a huge problem for single parents.

 

A prenup will get you only so far.

 

TBF, even the most independent women I know...once that baby pops out of them. Often they want to stay at home and be there. No shame in that at all. Not saying that you will turn all stepford but...I guess we shall see.

 

You will be more then alright though, in every turn your life may take. I admire you.

[cutegirl]

TBF, even the most independent women I know...once that baby pops out of them. Often they want to stay at home and be there. No shame in that at all. Not saying that you will turn all stepford but...I guess we shall see.

 

You will be more then alright though, in every turn your life may take. I admire you.

 

Not me, I dislike babies. I would hire a nanny. I don't have a maternal bone in my body. Not one.

[Saxis]

If you are cheated on....oh yea, you can rack up.

 

If you cheated on someone...prepare to pay, plus an extra pound or two for any kids (most people are biased when infidelity is involved).

 

I believe WA is a "no fault" state. Doesn't matter why the marriage ended... But it is EXTREMELY biased toward women, especially with children involved.

 

You will be more then alright though, in every turn your life may take. I admire you.

 

I completely agree with this for both of you.

[Trialbyfire]

Canada law and USA law might be different.

 

Here alimony and child support are very seperate.

 

If you are cheated on....oh yea, you can rack up.

 

If you cheated on someone...prepare to pay, plus an extra pound or two for any kids (most people are biased when infidelity is involved).

I see what you're saying now.

 

TBF, even the most independent women I know...once that baby pops out of them. Often they want to stay at home and be there. No shame in that at all. Not saying that you will turn all stepford but...I guess we shall see.

Oh, no, I'm not saying I won't be a SAHM. I could easily be one. I just will never solely rely on anyone, for my financial needs. I would be gnawing on a leather strip all day long, if I had to ask for every kibble or bit. Y'know?

 

You will be more then alright though, in every turn your life may take. I admire you.

Thanks. Consider the admiration reciprocated. You can take care of yourself.

[underpants]

I believe WA is a "no fault" state. Doesn't matter why the marriage ended... But it is EXTREMELY biased toward women, especially with children involved.

 

No offense but I really want to say that this 'bias' you feel is and this is just a peeve of mine. Men don't get smart fast enough in these matters.

 

My belief is that no one deserves to be cheated on and that yes you can get custody and yes you can get a settlement. However, men cave bad when they are hurt and before you know it she is gone, kids are gone and you got no money.

 

Find a woman pitbull attorney with a good reputation and fight early for what you want. Gather evidence and have proof. It is a war and men who have been jilted just for the most part have no fight.

 

A woman who is on her way out takes supreme advantage of this and this just gets under my skin.

[Saxis]

My belief is that no one deserves to be cheated on and that yes you can get custody and yes you can get a settlement. However, men cave bad when they are hurt and before you know it she is gone, kids are gone and you got no money.

 

Find a woman pitbull attorney with a good reputation and fight early for what you want. Gather evidence and have proof. It is a war and men who have been jilted just for the most part have no fight.

 

I've heard WA is the second worst divorce state only under NY, but...

 

I had the best divorce attorney in the county tell me that there were two ways I could get custody of my daughter. The first was by proving that she was an unfit mother. That pretty much came down to drug or physical abuse. The second was due to our special circumstances. We filed a parenting plan before she left for 3 months which stated I had custody on the weekends. I could've had the court enforce that during our "cooling off" period. There's a "3 strikes" rule about enforcing the parenting plan. If my X didn't come back within 3 weeks to abide by it, she would've lost custody. Other than that, said it would be wasted money and effort....

 

Luckily she's not going after any kind of "settlement". We were able to agree on that amongst ourselves....

 

I'm not really complaining about how the actual divorce is working out for me though. It could be much worse....

 

 

 

A woman who is on her way out takes supreme advantage of this and this just gets under my skin.

 

You too?

[underpants]

I guess it does vary from state to state.

 

...edit...yet there are always other avenues that one may pursue. Research.

 

When I posted that I thought about you and a little smurf I read about (as well as 2 men in my real life that I just wish would man up now, but they won't)

 

The shared custody thing is never easy. Have faith that as long as you are a good Daddy to your baby girl she will be alright. In time those "rules" will become more lax as the anger and adherence relaxes a bit and you will get to see her more. Then college and she will probably be doing laundry at your house and robbing your fridge.

 

You and your little princess will be alright.

Edited January 4, 2008 by underpants