Women with jealousy issues – another approach

[morelaugh]

People are always very quick to accuse them of insecurity and low self-esteem.

 

But maybe it’s the other way round.

 

Maybe those women have higher self-esteem then the others and they cannot understand how their SO can’t see that they are better in every way than the stupid artificial actresses or porn stars; and not even comparable to, almost clinically retarded, cahier at the supermarket with huge tits.

 

Maybe we think that they aren’t even worth a glance. Let alone admiration!

 

We know we are better than them and simply cannot comprehend what our men find appealing in them. This more likely comes from high self esteem rather than low.

 

Women with lower self-esteem are prepared to settle for less because they believe they cannot keep a man if they show their real feelings.

Or because they really feel that those women are somehow better.

 

I personally can handle much better a real woman and even a possible sexual attraction to her (proved that in the past). I might feel a bit jealous, but I certainly don’t feel violated and humiliated. I wouldn’t feel that my SO appreciates me less just because my tits are not of a certain size or because I have an operation scar.

 

If I can see real values in a woman I can tolerate his attraction to her. Which probably brings it back to our system of values. If someone else’s round, firm but is so high on his list of values that he is prepared to ignore my feelings for that – then our values are totally different and I automatically start to loose respect for him.

 

I’d really like to hear what people think about this.

[Ronni_W]

High SELF-esteem is about knowing for one's SELF that one is appealing -- no matter who the partner is looking at and finding appealing. High SELF-esteem comes from the inside, and is not shaken by someone else's opinion or perspective.

 

People with high self-esteem know who they are, what they want, and how they want to be treated. They do not stay in relationships that make them feel diminished in any way because they know they deserve better.

 

People with low SELF-esteem need validation from the outside, about how good-looking, smart, <whatever> they are. They think they have some inside track into others, and can therefore set standards for everyone, about what is appealing, "valuable", "normal", "proper", etc.

 

Thinking that one is "better" than another in any way at all, is arrogant and ignorant -- the *exact* opposite of traits that people with authentic high self-esteem possess.

[Enema]

Women with high self esteem don't bother with jealousy because they don't waste time on guys who want someone else.

 

They know they're awesome and move on and move up!

 

I also think you forgot to put *rant* in your title. just an FYI for next time

[michaelk]

Jealousy is a feeling of being threatened. If you really have high self-esteem, and see the cashier and the porn start as inferior, why would you feel threatened by them?

 

Apparently because

• you are insecure about your looks, worrying "because my tits are not of a certain size or because I have an operation scar"
  
• you have no faith in your SO to see the good qualities in you and stay with you because of them.

This is definitely low self-esteem! What's not clear is whether your lack of faith in your SO comes from your lack of self-esteem or if he really would leave you for a larger pair of breasts. If it's the latter, then you've made a poor choice in mates and should deal with that, too.

[morelaugh]

If you really have high self-esteem, and see the cashier and the porn start as inferior, why would you feel threatened by them?

I don’t feel threatened by them. Why do you think I am??

I don’t think they deserve appreciation and I don’t like when my SO show that. That’s very different.

 

… if he really would leave you for a larger pair of breasts.

Off course he will not leave me for a large pair of breasts! What kind of question is that?! I though we were are talking about (relatively) normal people here.

 

That is not the point anyway.

 

The point is, he appreciates and finds attractive something that I find repulsive.

[tanbark813]

The point is, he appreciates and finds attractive something that I find repulsive.

 

And you expect him to only like things that you do?

[Trialbyfire]

I personally can handle much better a real woman and even a possible sexual attraction to her (proved that in the past). I might feel a bit jealous, but I certainly don’t feel violated and humiliated. I wouldn’t feel that my SO appreciates me less just because my tits are not of a certain size or because I have an operation scar.

Your relationship with your SO shouldn't be about competing with other women for his attention. If you have a loving, mature relationship, you will value each other as someone who enriches your life. Your SO is not a prize to be won and kept in a box.

If someone else’s round, firm but is so high on his list of values that he is prepared to ignore my feelings for that – then our values are totally different and I automatically start to loose respect for him.

Herein lies the rub. If your SO values physical appearance over everything else, is he the right person to stay with? The flip side is, is he responsible for your insecurities?

[morelaugh]

Women with high self esteem don't bother with jealousy because they don't waste time on guys who want someone else.

Don’t all guys want someone else – sooner or later.

It’s only how they handle that desire that matters – this is what I’ve learnt on this board.

 

I also think you forgot to put *rant* in your title. just an FYI for next time

Sorry, that was just because I wasn’t feeling any anger when I posted this.

Still don’t. I guess I have to check the definition of ‘rant’

[morelaugh]

To be honest, I have no idea how you’ve come to this.

I don’t compete for his attention and I don’t think he is a prize to be kept in a box.

What you said is true and I totally agree with that. It doesn’t have anything to do with my original post though.

Herein lies the rub. If your SO values physical appearance over everything else, is he the right person to stay with? The flip side is, is he responsible for your insecurities?

I think he values much more than it should be valued.

Not above everything else – are you intentionally exaggerating?

And you expect him to only like things that you do?

Not all of them.

Just important ones.

Don’t you agree that is important for a relationship?

[Trialbyfire]

morelaugh, why do you compare yourself to porn stars, stupid artificial actresses and cashiers with large breasts? If that's not being competitive, I don't know what is.

[tanbark813]

Not all of them.

Just important ones.

Don’t you agree that is important for a relationship?

 

In general, yes, but if who he finds attractive is important and he finds women attractive whom you find repulsive, then what does that say about you or his attraction towards you?

[morelaugh]

morelaugh, why do you compare yourself to porn stars, stupid artificial actresses and cashiers with large breasts? If that's not being competitive, I don't know what is.

But I don't!

 

And because he's lookinkg, I can't figure what is so apealing to him.

[morelaugh]

In general, yes, but if who he finds attractive is important and he finds women attractive whom you find repulsive, then what does that say about you or his attraction towards you?

Is that really your opinion?

 

If a man gets off to a repulsive sleazy porn star that means he is not worth a serious meaningful relationship? Ever.

[tanbark813]

Is that really your opinion?

 

If a man gets off to a repulsive sleazy porn star that means he is not worth a serious meaningful relationship? Ever.

 

Um, no. That's not what I meant at all. I meant he finds women attractive whom you find repulsive. I find that ironic.

[Trialbyfire]

But I don't!

 

And because he's lookinkg, I can't figure what is so apealing to him.

Do you find different male actors or some strange guy on the street, someone worth looking at? Have you never looked at another man in an admiring fashion?

[morelaugh]

Um, no. That's not what I meant at all. I meant he finds women attractive whom you find repulsive. I find that ironic.

You know what Tankbark – maybe you got the point.

 

Maybe this is the same train of thought that made me post this.

 

If those women are what he likes that somehow devaluates me.

This is because I feel disrespected.

 

Not that I think that I am worth less, but because he puts me in the same category with women who I know are nowhere near.

[morelaugh]

Do you find different male actors or some strange guy on the street, someone worth looking at? Have you never looked at another man in an admiring fashion?

Well no.

I don't admire people for looking good.

[Trialbyfire]

Well no.

I don't admire people for looking good.

Word games morelaugh.

 

Have you ever looked at a man, besides your SO, while in a relationship with your SO, that you thought was good-looking?

[morelaugh]

... and by 'good' I mean in a certain way that is considered and accepted by media to be good...

[morelaugh]

Word games morelaugh.

 

Have you ever looked at a man, besides your SO, while in a relationship with your SO, that you thought was good-looking?

No not as such.

 

I may have considered someone good-looking, but that is always more than just shape and msucles.

 

Half retarded muscular tanned guy who fixes my water pipe is not worth my admiration.

[morelaugh]

TBF, as a woman, are you happy with your man looking at a pair of (in his eyes perfect) breasts?

I don’t even know if you are in a relationship right now. Are you?

[Trialbyfire]

No not as such.

 

I may have considered someone good-looking, but that is always more than just shape and msucles.

 

Half retarded muscular tanned guy who fixes my water pipe is not worth my admiration.

You're being competitive again.

 

Why not accept that your SO has a right to view others as attractive, that you don't find attractive?

 

For example, a number of years ago, the actress Kirsten Dunst was and maybe still is, considered hot by a large percentage of the male population. Myself, I found her to be less than average looking. Did it bother me that guys thought so, enough for it to get to me? Nope.

 

Same goes for Eddie Vedder in my avie. I can imagine that a lot of men can't see the appeal. He's a long-haired, short guy who's way past his prime as a rock star. Should an SO of mine be threatened or feel competitive about my interest? No and to be honest, I would feel they're over-the-top, if they felt like this. I consider it controlling behaviour.

[Trialbyfire]

TBF, as a woman, are you happy with your man looking at a pair of (in his eyes perfect) breasts?

I don’t even know if you are in a relationship right now. Are you?

Not at present, but in the past, I've pointed out women on the street, for my exes viewing pleasure.

[tanbark813]

Same goes for Eddie Vedder in my avie. I can imagine that a lot of men can't see the appeal. He's a long-haired, short guy who's way past his prime as a rock star.

 

FWIW, I can totally understand attraction towards Eddie Vedder.

[morelaugh]

Not at present, but in the past, I've pointed out women on the street, for my exes viewing pleasure.

You pointed out women on the street for his ‘viewing pleasure’?

Did you have any pleasure out of it yourself?

 

Did he/they do the same thing for you – point out hunks for your visual pleasure?