Women with jealousy issues – another approach

[Trialbyfire]

You pointed out women on the street for his ‘viewing pleasure’?

Did you have any pleasure out of it yourself?

 

Did he/they do the same thing for you – point out hunks for your visual pleasure?

It made me laugh to do so. If it gave them pleasure, that's okay too.

 

My exes had terrible taste in men. The guys they would point out were butt ugly or way too cavemanish...

 

FWIW, I can totally understand attraction towards Eddie Vedder.

 

Did I just get a Tan gold star?

[morelaugh]

Not at present, but in the past, I've pointed out women on the street, for my exes viewing pleasure.

Please, please don't take this the wrong way...

but ..

Do you feel that if you don't accept their interest in other women that they will leave you?

[Trialbyfire]

Please, please don't take this the wrong way...

but ..

Do you feel that if you don't accept their interest in other women that they will leave you?

Haha...not a chance.

[tanbark813]

Did I just get a Tan gold star?

 

You did.

[Woggle]

Stop worrying about an actress or a porn star that your man most likely will never meet and if he does won't have a chance. It is just a fanstasy.

[michaelk]

I don’t feel threatened by them. Why do you think I am??

I don’t think they deserve appreciation and I don’t like when my SO show that. That’s very different.

 

Your post was justifying feeling jealous when your SO looks at a woman who you don't "appreciate". If you feel jealous, then you feel threatened. By definition.

 

Off course he will not leave me for a large pair of breasts! What kind of question is that?! I though we were are talking about (relatively) normal people here.

 

That is not the point anyway.

Again, you MADE it the point when you made your post about jealousy. If you don't fear he's going to leave you for some busty woman, then why did you compare yourself to them? Why bring up your surgery scar? Why are we even talking about this?!?

 

The point is, he appreciates and finds attractive something that I find repulsive.

So what? I have some sexual tastes that my wife finds repulsive. She still respects me enough to let me be myself. She doesn't judge me, or ask me to justify why I like what I like. If you love a person, you'll accept them for who they are and not try to make them conform to your idea of what is "attractive" or "unattractive".

[morelaugh]

Stop worrying about an actress or a porn star that your man most likely will never meet and if he does won't have a chance. It is just a fanstasy.

What difference does it make if he gets a chance to meet them or not??

 

The only thing that matters is if he desires them or not.

 

The fact that they would not be interested in him doesn’t help at all.

Not only that, it also makes me lose respect in him.

 

If he wanted something that he is not able to get and instead settled for something that he can – it would show the following

 

• He is not able to get what he wants

• He doesn’t ‘really’ want me, I am just a consolation prize for him - because he can't get what he wants

• He will never stop seeing them as something ‘better’

[Woggle]

It is called being human and having a sexual attraction. I can look at Eva Longoria and see that she is gorgeous but in no way does it mean that I don't love my wife. If I stop looking that means I am dead but I will never cross that line and cheat. Are women really this jealous and insecure?

[michaelk]

What difference does it make if he gets a chance to meet them or not??

 

The only thing that matters is if he desires them or not.

 

The fact that they would not be interested in him doesn’t help at all.

Not only that, it also makes me lose respect in him.

 

If your respect for a man is based on him desiring no one but you (or whomever he is with), then you simply have no respect for men. The vast majority of us are sexually attracted to a variety of women, day in and day out. The ones who aren't have little or no libido, so not only are they not going to look at other women, they're not going to look at you either! (I'm generalizing for effect, I know, but the point is valid.)

[morelaugh]

michaelk,

First of all, sexual taste are one thing, people you appreciate sexually is another - in my books.

 

I’m sure some people would find my sexual taste repulsive. That is not the point.

But not my H. If my H was into child porn I wouldn’t be able to live with him. If I was into child porn, he wouldn’t be able to accept it either.

 

And second: I don’t feel threatened.

 

You can repeat it time and time again but that will not change the facts – I know my H will not leave me for a larger pair of breasts – more of the question is : will I leave him for desiring them.

 

Maybe I made a wrong choice of words by using the word ‘jealousy’.

Again and again, I don’t fear he is going to leave for some busty woman.

It does not automatically mean that I have to enjoy him looking at such women.

 

I’m obviously having trouble to explain this – why is it so hard to understand?

 

If he wanted to leave me for a busty (or whatever woman) I would understand at least. But this is not the case. He wouldn’t even consider that.

 

Which again brings me to my initial question – why does he have to look?

[Trialbyfire]

Which again brings me to my initial question – why does he have to look?

Why do you have to enjoy the view, when you're in a panoramic location? Why do you need to smell the perfume from a beautiful bouquet of flowers? Why do you need that 5th pair of black shoes? Why do you need to have long hair?

[morelaugh]

If your respect for a man is based on him desiring no one but you (or whomever he is with), then you simply have no respect for men. The vast majority of us are sexually attracted to a variety of women, day in and day out. The ones who aren't have little or no libido, so not only are they not going to look at other women, they're not going to look at you either! (I'm generalizing for effect, I know, but the point is valid.)

 

I have no respect for men who desire a variety of women.

I still respect men who do not.

 

Why you feel the need to insult men who don’t the same way as you is something you may want to work on.

[michaelk]

I have no respect for men who desire a variety of women.

I still respect men who do not.

 

Why you feel the need to insult men who don’t the same way as you is something you may want to work on.

 

LOL. I'm not insulting men who don't act as I do. I'm telling you how men work. You can choose to listen or not.

 

And you cannot compare pedophilia with the natural tendency for men to look at women. That is absurd.

 

If you're not open to the fact that men are wired to look at women, then I can't help you. Best of luck!

[morelaugh]

Why do you have to enjoy the view, when you're in a panoramic location? Why do you need to smell the perfume from a beautiful bouquet of flowers? Why do you need that 5th pair of black shoes? Why do you need to have long hair?

I don't have 4 pairs of black shoes.

I do have long hair - how it has anything to do with this?

I don't need the 5th pair of black shoes OR the long hair.

 

As for a panoramic view - we both enjoy that.

It's not the same.

Most women won't have any problems with their husband going out, experiencing enjoying a panoramic view. Most women will have a problem with their husband going out experiencing and enjoying a busty redhead.

 

You allow and encourage your SO to look but strictly forbid him to touch or do anything more. Isn't that control?

I let you watch and desire all you want, but don't you dare touch.

If you touch, I'll leave you.

 

How is that better?

[morelaugh]

LOL. I'm not insulting men who don't act as I do. I'm telling you how men work. You can choose to listen or not.

 

And you cannot compare pedophilia with the natural tendency for men to look at women. That is absurd.

 

If you're not open to the fact that men are wired to look at women, then I can't help you. Best of luck!

Pedophila?

Who mentioned pedophilia?!

 

Again, maybe mentioning pedophilia is something to do more with you than with me

[Trialbyfire]

I don't have 4 pairs of black shoes.

I do have long hair - how it has anything to do with this?

I don't need the 5th pair of black shoes OR the long hair.

 

As for a panoramic view - we both enjoy that.

It's not the same.

Most women won't have any problems with their husband going out, experiencing enjoying a panoramic view. Most women will have a problem with their husband going out experiencing and enjoying a busty redhead.

 

You allow and encourage your SO to look but strictly forbid him to touch or do anything more. Isn't that control?

I let you watch and desire all you want, but don't you dare touch.

If you touch, I'll leave you.

 

How is that better?

If your SO told you to cut your hair and stop smelling the flowers, would that be acceptable to you?

 

The premise of a relationship is between two people, at least physically. Looking at fantasy women and touching live, real women are two different things.

 

Why stop at putting blinders on him? Why not castrate him, so he can't fool around on you?

[michaelk]

Pedophila?

Who mentioned pedophilia?!

 

Again, maybe mentioning pedophilia is something to do more with you than with me

 

Oh please. You're the one who brought up child porn. What the heck do you think pedophilia is?!?!

[michaelk]

Why stop at putting blinders on him? Why not castrate him, so he can't fool around on you?

:laugh:

[morelaugh]

If your SO told you to cut your hair and stop smelling the flowers, would that be acceptable to you?

In a split second.

 

In fact, I have a long hair partially because he likes it like that.

 

Why stop at putting blinders on him? Why not castrate him, so he can't fool around on you?

This is very offensive.

I don’t think that expressing my feelings will make my man ‘fool around on me’?

Do you?

[morelaugh]

Oh please. You're the one who brought up child porn. What the heck do you think pedophilia is?!?!

That was an example of what neither of us would accept.

[Trialbyfire]

morelaugh, point blank, you have some real insecurities that you need to address. You're paying the price for this, in that these issues are making you very unhappy. You can't control your SO over something like this. You can say to him, "I don't like you looking" and he can say to you "I'm going to keep looking".

 

So what then are you going to do about it? Beyond leaving him, you have no recourse except to remain unhappy. You can continue to harass him about it and make both of you unhappy.

 

What are you accomplishing in making your issues, his issues?

[morelaugh]

There are no my issues and his issues in a good relationship. I can't imagine a relatationship like that.

We SHARE our issues.

 

I feel sorry for anyone who has to live in 'my issues - your issues' relationship.

[Mr. Lucky]

I feel sorry for anyone who has to live in 'my issues - your issues' relationship.

You want men and women to look at relationships the same. Not going to happen...

 

Mr. Lucky

[stillafool]

People are always very quick to accuse them of insecurity and low self-esteem.

 

But maybe it’s the other way round.

 

Maybe those women have higher self-esteem then the others and they cannot understand how their SO can’t see that they are better in every way than the stupid artificial actresses or porn stars; and not even comparable to, almost clinically retarded, cahier at the supermarket with huge tits.

 

Maybe we think that they aren’t even worth a glance. Let alone admiration!

 

We know we are better than them and simply cannot comprehend what our men find appealing in them. This more likely comes from high self esteem rather than low.

 

Women with lower self-esteem are prepared to settle for less because they believe they cannot keep a man if they show their real feelings.

Or because they really feel that those women are somehow better.

 

I personally can handle much better a real woman and even a possible sexual attraction to her (proved that in the past). I might feel a bit jealous, but I certainly don’t feel violated and humiliated. I wouldn’t feel that my SO appreciates me less just because my tits are not of a certain size or because I have an operation scar.

 

If I can see real values in a woman I can tolerate his attraction to her. Which probably brings it back to our system of values. If someone else’s round, firm but is so high on his list of values that he is prepared to ignore my feelings for that – then our values are totally different and I automatically start to loose respect for him.

 

I’d really like to hear what people think about this.

 

I think if your self esteem is so much higher then why do you care who he looks at? If you know you are better than the porn, stripper girls - why get angry at all?! You should just laugh it off and not even give it a second thought. Furthermore, if you don't like what he's doing or watching just leave. With high self esteem you won't have a problem getting someone else.

[Woggle]

I can't imagine being afraid to watch tv with a woman because she might flip out of a good looking actress comes on screen but that is exactly the position the OP puts a man in.