wait and see or stop

[frustrated]

I met a wonderful girl two days before xmas and she asked me if i would go to a new years eve party with her. I wasnt seeing anyone and of course i said sure. Shes 26 i'm 30. She kept wondering why i wasnt married or had a girlfriend,I told i just broke up with someone about 6 months ago. Anyways things were great, we get along well, we have some of the same habits etc. My job takes me out of town sometimes which dosent seem to bother her. She asks me to call her when i get there because she said she cares about me. Well i get back from my trip and the conversations are real short, i know she has school and work keeps her busy, that don't bother me because i had to go through the same thing so i can relate as to the workload she has taken on. Anyways, it going on almost three weeks since i've seen her, she has been sick lately so i have not pushed to see her or to come over, she just wants to be left alone when shes that way i guess. Well, she then tells me shes got a lot on her mind lately, i think oh great i've heard this before and i think i know where its going to lead to also, but i dont dwell on that, everyone has got some problems or another.

 

So she sent me an email saying shes sorry she hasnt called

 

and that shes not rying to blow me off and that she dosent think she can handle a relationship right now. Her work and school are keeping her busy, and she dosent want to hurt me

 

likes she thinks she will. It continued on to say she would like to be friends and still hang out and see what happens but thinks i want more from her than that. We have had sex already and it was great for both of us. What does she want?

 

How does she know what i want from her when the topic has not been talked about to any extent? Is she scared, confused or what? She said she would call and we could maybe get together and talk. This really caught me kind of off guard,and i'm upset about this turn of events. I do care for this woman and would like to see things continue, i dont think things went to fast. Or is this her way of stringing me along? Any help or insight would be greatly appriciated.

[Poca]

I met a wonderful girl two days before xmas and she asked me if i would go to a new years eve party with her. I wasnt seeing anyone and of course i said sure. Shes 26 i'm 30. She kept wondering why i wasnt married or had a girlfriend,I told i just broke up with someone about 6 months ago. Anyways things were great, we get along well, we have some of the same habits etc. My job takes me out of town sometimes which dosent seem to bother her. She asks me to call her when i get there because she said she cares about me. Well i get back from my trip and the conversations are real short, i know she has school and work keeps her busy, that don't bother me because i had to go through the same thing so i can relate as to the workload she has taken on. Anyways, it going on almost three weeks since i've seen her, she has been sick lately so i have not pushed to see her or to come over, she just wants to be left alone when shes that way i guess. Well, she then tells me shes got a lot on her mind lately, i think oh great i've heard this before and i think i know where its going to lead to also, but i dont dwell on that, everyone has got some problems or another. So she sent me an email saying shes sorry she hasnt called and that shes not rying to blow me off and that she dosent think she can handle a relationship right now. Her work and school are keeping her busy, and she dosent want to hurt me likes she thinks she will. It continued on to say she would like to be friends and still hang out and see what happens but thinks i want more from her than that. We have had sex already and it was great for both of us. What does she want? How does she know what i want from her when the topic has not been talked about to any extent? Is she scared, confused or what? She said she would call and we could maybe get together and talk. This really caught me kind of off guard,and i'm upset about this turn of events. I do care for this woman and would like to see things continue, i dont think things went to fast. Or is this her way of stringing me along? Any help or insight would be greatly appriciated.

I can hear your frustration. Obviously you have a lot of unanswered questions -- you deserve answers in order for you to be at peace with this. These unilateral decisions that come out of no where -- and via e-mail (hate that) are not easy to take.

 

From what you've said, she sounds v. confused. I doubt she's trying to string you along. I believe that very few of us take pleasure in causing other people hurt. Does she know how you feel about the relationship? Don't be afraid to get to the bottom of this. Too often we're afraid to express ourselves for fear of rejection. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by getting the answers you need.

 

good luck!