purplegurl Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 i kno its an oft repeated topic....but i cant help wondering. its been 2 mnths now since my brk up....and iv been diligently doin NC.its helpin me a lot and im pleased to say tht im at a comfortable place nw. but i often find myself askin this question....does he miss talkin to me? does he ever feel like callin n catchin up? i dnt ever want to get back in a relationship with him...nor do i miss him physically.but i miss him as a buddy...somebdy to have long chats and laugh about silly things. do dumpers ever feel dis way?wat do u guys think...
Tempest Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 i kno its an oft repeated topic....but i cant help wondering. its been 2 mnths now since my brk up....and iv been diligently doin NC.its helpin me a lot and im pleased to say tht im at a comfortable place nw. but i often find myself askin this question....does he miss talkin to me? does he ever feel like callin n catchin up? i dnt ever want to get back in a relationship with him...nor do i miss him physically.but i miss him as a buddy...somebdy to have long chats and laugh about silly things. do dumpers ever feel dis way?wat do u guys think... Hi I suppose it depends on the reason for the breakup. Years ago I had to end a relationship because it just wasn't working out. I had loved this guy very dearly, but I just couldn't continue with the fights and the circumstances. I wouldn't say I dumped him, I'd like to see it as me finishing a relationship that wasn't going to work ever. Afterwards I missed him like hell for ages, but I knew I couldn't go back. To my surprise he tried to get back in touch after a year. I still wasn't over him, but I declined further contact. So in this case, the answer to your question is yes. Breaking up can be pretty devastating to 'dumpers' too. Hope this helps. Tempest
lovelorcet Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Not to be a jerk but please take a little more time when typing a post, this isn't a chat tool. That being said I think the dumpers are just happy to be free of the person they dumped. There is no point in spending a lot of time thinking about this stuff.
Florida Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Not to be a jerk but please take a little more time when typing a post, this isn't a chat tool. That being said I think the dumpers are just happy to be free of the person they dumped. There is no point in spending a lot of time thinking about this stuff. Agreed on that. If it was more than a few months, yes they may miss you, but that feeling is trumped by relief/exhaustion or in some cases exhilaration if they moved on to another, so it negates it at the same time.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 also agreed on the last two posts. this subject has been discussed here a lot lately, and the answers don't change. if someone misses you enough to the point that it matters to them, they will let you know. if you don't know about it, then there's no reason to put yourself through the torture of wondering what someone else is thinking. move on, as the other person has. break-ups are not usually made on a whim, they take some consideration. so the person who broke up with you has had more time to get over it, which seems unfair, but that's how it works. they weighed how much they would miss you against breaking up with you before they made their decision, and they still chose the break up.
Ronni_W Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 break-ups are not usually made on a whim, That is so true, especially if it has been a longer-term relationship. For me, yes, I missed the good stuff...terribly. I wouldn't say that I had more time to get over the break-up BEFORE the break-up, though. But I did have more time to feel the hurt, disappointment, whatever; and see the whole thing biting the dust in horrible, slo-mo' fashion After the break-up, it was like I was dealing with a whole NEW set of crappy feelings. Live 'n' learn
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 That is so true, especially if it has been a longer-term relationship. I wouldn't say that I had more time to get over the break-up BEFORE the break-up, though. what i meant is more along that lines of that fact that there is more time for the dumper to accept and get over the inevitability of the break up.
marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 do dumpers miss us in their life? Some do, some don't. Personally, I have never missed someone I dumped.
CalamitousJane Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I've been the dumper twice, once after five years and a child, once after more than two years and living together. The first time there was repeated cheating and dishonesty on his part, the second time he was incurably unhappy and blamed me for it. Both times there was a huge feeling of relief when I finally ended the insanity. But both times it was extraordinarily difficult. I still cared for these guys a lot, and I desperately missed the intimacy with them. I think even more it was hard for me to let go of my dreams of a perfect future where he would somehow just come to his senses. As far as I know, neither of these exes has fully come to his senses yet. Looking back I'm very glad I didn't stick around longer in either case. But at the time I missed them terribly.
Ronni_W Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 what i meant is more along that lines of that fact that there is more time for the dumper to accept and get over the inevitability of the break up. Yes, that is true. Like CJ says, there is (a lot of) relief over being out of the crummy parts of the situation. I guess I just didn't expect all that "trauma" of missing the good stuff as much as I ended up missing it.
amaysngrace Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 In time I might miss things here and there but it's never enough to make me want them back. When the break-up is still fresh I'm just glad to be done with them. In my mind the bad outweighed the good or I wouldn't have broken it up.
Author purplegurl Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 thank u all so much for your answers. i really appreciate it. guess i am just stuck in a nostalgic frame of mind.it helps to kno that mostly they feel enormous relief.kind of puts our own feelings into perspective. it made me realise that im un-necessarily wasting my time thinkin about somethin which is so obvious.the dumper obviously would'nt miss someone they have willingly chucked out of their life. in my case we were together for 3 years,all through our college. he left me for another girl because he felt he had committed to soon to someone and needed to play the field some more. and thanks lovelorcet for pointing that out i will take care from now on.
marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 In my mind the bad outweighed the good or I wouldn't have broken it up. Precisely!
CalamitousJane Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I've never dumped someone for "grass is greener" reasons, but from what I've read here on LS, those are the people who often end up writing those "I've made a terrible mistake" posts. Of course they never realize their mistake until they've been sitting in the new grass for long enough to notice how brown it is. Then if they look over the fence and see someone else sitting on the old grass, it's going to be looking extra-green. That's when they start missing.
Meaplus3 Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Not to be a jerk but please take a little more time when typing a post, this isn't a chat tool. That being said I think the dumpers are just happy to be free of the person they dumped. There is no point in spending a lot of time thinking about this stuff. I so agree! What you said here pretty much sums it up! AP:)
Freddy Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 After my exex girlfriend move out, I totally missed her for months. I found myself wondering if I did the right thing but deep down I knew I did the right thing. We never stopped hangin out or talking. She now my best friend and my current ex and I were both in her wedding.
Author purplegurl Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Of course they never realize their mistake until they've been sitting in the new grass for long enough to notice how brown it is. Then if they look over the fence and see someone else sitting on the old grass, it's going to be looking extra-green. haha thats sooo funny:laugh:
Chrome Barracuda Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Believe it or not I still have some sort of guilt and remorse for a girl I dumped. But our story was tangled since high school she was one of those girls who was a jerk magnet. All she did was dated jerks and I was the prototypical nice guy. I was like a love sick puppy groveling for her. Long story short. I grew up, we grew apart, I got my mojo back and after two years of dead silence she contacted me after I ended it before. We tried to make it go but I couldnt forget how she treated me back in the day and I ended it badly. I led her on for a little bit, then dropped her, then began a slight emotional affair with her former best friend. But reality struck and I stopped everything cold between me and the friend before I did something I might have regretted. (Physical Affair) The friend was smoking hot too, and it would have been good but I didnt feel right. So I miss her sometimes. But I dont know if she matured to fall in love with a guy she called just her male friend for years (me!), I just felt resentful and angry, thinking I wasted my youth pining after some chick who just didnt deserve it. Overall, it was the right choice for me to move on but I think about her and the situation occasionally, I just hope in my mind she doesnt hate me by the way I acted. I dont like breaking girls hearts. I have a conscious and a heart. And would often put myself on the chopping block. I felt bad for months afterwards. But I think She's with someone right for her and I'm doing me, shagging every chick in sight! lol. Running from marriage. getting paper. lol.
iwoulddie4u Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 No. They may think about us from time to time. They may be reminded about us from time to time. But they don't miss us. If they did, they would come back. There was something about us they didn't like, that's why they left. That's not to say they are entirely happy in their new life, but we are no longer relevent. Not only do they not miss us, they don't care...and that's the worse part of it all.
cj1988 Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 I have dumped 2 people and have been dumped, but not really......I did not miss the first one tou much (abusive) but did feel bad several years later. The second one, yes I felt very bad ( I found someone else) and still do. He was a good man and I hurt him horribly, but we were not meant, I know that now. I hear songs on the radio and they still remind of them, that is the only time I really think of them now. I can tell you it is EASIER to get over someone and normally not miss them if you have someone else in the wings waiting or that you are going to.....sad to say, people move on too fast and it usually ends up in another break up anyway !
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 oh, and i'd like to add this because i just thought of it... i always say the dumper is relieved, and i stand by this for most break-ups in which the dumper was the one who made the decision based on their own reasons and feelings. however, if the dumper did the dumping immediately because of something the 'dumpee' did, then i would think there would probably be more hurting and missing involved, because the dumper wasn't prepared for it either. for example, if someone cheated, and then got dumped for the cheating, the dumper chose to dump the cheater because of the something he/she did unexpectedly. so therefore, i think the hurting/missing feelings would be increased on the part of the dumper, because otherwise, the dumper was not even considering the break-up until an outside event occurred.
CaliGuy Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 i kno its an oft repeated topic....but i cant help wondering. its been 2 mnths now since my brk up....and iv been diligently doin NC.its helpin me a lot and im pleased to say tht im at a comfortable place nw. but i often find myself askin this question....does he miss talkin to me? does he ever feel like callin n catchin up? i dnt ever want to get back in a relationship with him...nor do i miss him physically.but i miss him as a buddy...somebdy to have long chats and laugh about silly things. do dumpers ever feel dis way?wat do u guys think... Maybe a little, but for the most part they are wrapped up in the new person in their life and that person fills whatever void you left in their life. With that in mind, the less time you spend thinking about your ex, the better off you are. The best revenge is a life well lived. Cheers.
serendip Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 for example, if someone cheated, and then got dumped for the cheating, the dumper chose to dump the cheater because of the something he/she did unexpectedly. so therefore, i think the hurting/missing feelings would be increased on the part of the dumper, because otherwise, the dumper was not even considering the break-up until an outside event occurred. That was my situation...I said 'good riddance' to the ex. after she went out with a guy(she already cheated on me with and I had fogiven her for it) behind my back and I totally regreted at first b/c I was so in love with her. I even went crazy trying to get her back. Now after 7 mths...I think I miss the good times we had but I don't miss her selfish behaviour
fishsticks19 Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Resounding yes. Dumpers miss you. At least I miss the girl that I dumped recently, and I know I always will. Relationships end of all sorts of reasons, but the mere fact that one has ended doesn't just erase all of the good stuff that the two of you were together.
CaliGuy Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Resounding yes. Dumpers miss you. At least I miss the girl that I dumped recently, and I know I always will. Relationships end of all sorts of reasons, but the mere fact that one has ended doesn't just erase all of the good stuff that the two of you were together. Miss? Yes. Deeply? Probably not. Not in a romantic fashion. If that was the case, they'd all come back.
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