something is very wrong with my ex boyfriend..

[missmebaby]

my ex and i broke up almost 4 months ago. it was a very bad breakup, we each said a lot of mean things to each other and he refused to talk to me for a month after that. when he finally answered my calls he seemed very cold towards me, said he didnt care to ever talk to me or see me again and he said thats just the way he is when he breaks up with someone. so i gave up on trying to be friends with him.

 

well a month or so later he actually started to call me. at first he wasnt really very nice to me, it seemed like he was trying to crush my self esteem by saying hurtful things. he was also asking me all about who ive dated since we broke up and if ive gotten back together with my ex i dated before him. then he started being nicer to me and actually giving me compliments and bringing up good times we had when we were together. this went on for about a week or 2. he started to really sound like he missed me and wanted to get back together. he finally invited me over to his house to hang out. when i got there he was being nice to me, cuddling with me for a couple minutes and flirting with me. then he started kissing me and we ended up fooling around. (no sex.) as soon as we were finished he said "ok go home." i thought he was joking so i just laughed but he said "no seriously, leave." i started to get really mad but i still thought he was probly just joking with me so i tried to get back in bed but he stuck his leg out and wouldnt let me. i stomped out and slammed the door. i was so upset i cried for days. i didnt hear from him for 3 weeks. i promised myself i was done with him.

 

he eventually called me 3 weeks later from a private number. i answered it not thinking it would be him. i told him to stop calling me because of the crap he pulled last time i saw him. he said he was just joking and he thought i knew it. he said i ran out before he could tell me it was just a joke. he said he was really sorry and hes felt really bad about it all this time. for the next 3 weeks he was calling me alot begging me to hang out with him. he tried to take me out to lunch, invited me to come over just to cuddle and watch a movie. i always refused and he would beg me saying he really wanted to see me. he was being so nice, complimenting me and acting genuinely interested in me. well he finally convinced me to come over last night. he greeted me at the door, gave me a long hug and a kiss. just like he used to do when we were dating. he held me for what seemed like a long time. we got in bed and he was being the sweet guy he was when we first started dating. he was holding me and every once in awhile he would kiss my ear, my forehead, my cheek, or my shoulder. he was rubbing my back, holding my hand. he kept trying to make sure i was comfortable. he kept looking at me and just smiling and he would look into my eyes for a long time and just had this cute goofy smile on his face. i felt like he was falling in love with me again.

 

then he started making out with me, then was kissing my neck and moved down to my stomach. he said i smelled and looked amazing. he unbuttoned my pants and saw the panties i had on and he went crazy saying they were so incredibly sexy. and it was on from there. we fooled around for close to half an hour, him doing everything to me. i was feeling pretty uncomfortable and i just wasnt into it so i finally told him to stop. but he wouldnt. everytime i tried to get away he would just pull me back close to him. finally i was just furious and managed to get away and started to put my clothes on. he got out of bed and put his arms around me to hug me and was like "please dont go, just stay, please. stay with me." he tried to pick me up to bring me back to bed and i pushed him away and said "NO im going home." he was like "wait, what are you doing? whats wrong?" i told him i was sick of him forcing me to do stuff i dont want to do and that he made me really uncomfortable. he said "what?? i didnt realize i was doing anything wrong, i thought you liked it. please im really sorry. i really thought you liked me being forceful, you used to tell me to hold you down sometimes." he seemed genuinely sorry and kind of sad but i was still mad. he said "please get back in bed with me, we'll just cuddle, nothing else." i said "no i hate when you do that, i thought we could be friends but i dont trust you and i hate the way you treat me." he said "im really sorry, i messed up, its just that you turned me on so much and i couldnt help it. please come here and lay down with me i just want to hold you."

 

so i ended up laying down with him again and he was being extra sweet to me again wrapping his arms around me and holding me close and kissing me on the cheek. he was bringing up memories of when we were together. then he started kissing me again and trying to get me to fool around with him again. i immediately got up and put on my coat and was like "ok im leaving." he said "no please stay, please you have me turned on so much. you dont even have to do anything just kiss me while i jack off. please please stay, you got me so horny right now." i just walked out the door and left. i havent heard from him since. he didnt call me or anything last night or today yet. i dont know if he will. i am just so disgusted by him, i have never met a guy that is so desperate for sex. he sounded so pathetic begging me like that. he really seemed totally desperate to get some a*s. hes such a great looking guy, hes a big muscular guy with a great body, hes tall dark and handsome. he should have no problem finding girls that will mess around with him. i dont know if he just doesnt want to mess around with random girls or if i really turn him on that much.

 

i thought he was really falling in love with me again or at least missed me alot. i would never get back together with him but it would be nice to know that he missed me. he went out of his way to be such a sweetheart to me, its hard to believe he would do that just to get some booty. i just dont understand him or what he wants. i wish i could figure him out. hes bipolar so that might have something to do with it. i need some opinions, what does he feel towards me? is he just using me? what should i do?

[82knightrider]

I used to be that guy towards my ex when we were together. He is thinking with his little hed and not his big head.He is very sellfish as was I until I realized if you love someone you should never expect something in return. He blew his chance as so did I by doing that kind of BS. If he really cared he should have been satisfied by just cuddling and that you came over after he put his leg out on u . I don know if he cares or doesnt but in order for you to know you need to move on and he needs to fix his issues and figure out what he really wants. If he ever wants a serious relationship he needs to learn the hard way how to treat a woman. I am going through this.Looking back I wish I never put any pressure on my ex.

[budd98]

missmebaby,

I recently replied to your last thread and think you have dated a very similar person that I have, my ex being a female though. I read through your posts and they have helped me a great deal. I had dated mine for 2.5 years and I will tell you that nothing ever got better. The better I was to her, the worse she was to me. When I did'nt want her, she wanted me. We have been broeken up for 2 months now and she still texts me mean things, yet I have never said or done anything mean. She makes up things just to get mad at me. You should check out the threads I have started during the relationship and see how similar things are. It might help you out also.

Currently, I still love my ex and do want her back in a way. It must be cause I am lonely or else its cause she is so beautiful. Either way, those are bad reasons I know. It only causes me more heartache when I get close to her again. It really sucks. I put everything I have into triing to make her want me again or make her happy. She will never be happy....ever. Her family is so messed up and I believe her to be bipolar as well. She suffers depression and blames her actions on her dad. Its not fair for us to date these kinds of people. We get used in the ong run. Just be glad you have only put 8 months in. If you can stay away now, you will be better off. Otherwise you will be on here talking the same way for a long time like me. I hope this helps and let me know if you would ever like to know anything else cause I have learned a lot with this person and how to act.

[Blue Eyed Brain]

He seems unstable and very insecure. Keep the no contact with him and don't answer the phone from a private or restricted number. Let it go to vm. Sounds like you did the right thing.

[D-Lish]

It sounds like a very unhealthy entanglement- the push-pull and the come here go away behavior.

Get out while you can.

[missmebaby]

well he called me last night while i was at work. this is before i could read any of your replies. i called him back after i got off work and he answered. he was at the gym working out and he actually answered his phone which he NEVER does when hes working out. which i think meant he really didnt want to miss my call. i told him id let him get back to working out but i didnt say to call me back or anything. but he did call me back when he was on his way home. he asked me what i was doing and i said i was going to a friends house. he said "you mean justin's house?" justin is my ex bf that im good friends with now and we hang out alot...my ex thinks that we hook up all the time.

 

i laughed and said "yea." he instantly got pissed off and he started calling me a slut because i was with him last night and with justin tonight. then he laughed and out of no where said "yea i fell asleep today when i was messin around with some girl." i was like "ooook why did you just say that?" and he said "because you think ur the only one that can get a*s. i got some before you came over last night too. but that was a different girl. i get lots of a*s." i just laughed and said "yea right then why have you been calling me?" and he said "i like to switch it up a little bit, you know, something different. but you're never gonna fool around with me again, you're a waste of time." i just said "oh well, i dont need you i have justin." he said "hes just using you." i said "no he invites me over just to hang out, play poker, play pool, go out with his friends on the weekend." he was like "yea right, hes just using you and you're a slut."

 

then he said that i was weird. i asked him how i was weird. he said because i came over last night and acted like i didnt want to fool around with him. he said "you knew it was gonna happen but when you got here you were acting stupid and acting like you didnt want it." i said "well you're too pushy, i dont want to mess around with a guy that doesnt respect me." he said he wasnt going to respect me when i just come over for a booty call. i said "then why were you being so nice to me at first?" and he said because he just wanted to get some a*s. i told him that i deserve a guy that respects me and knows how to treat a girl and isnt so pushy. he just kept saying i was a slut and he just doesnt care anymore. i said "ok im at his house i gotta go." and he hung up on me.

 

i know this guy is a jerk. i know i have already wasted too much time. i keep giving him chances thinking that he still cares about me and misses me. i thought when you had no feelings for someone that you were indifferent towards them and wouldnt want to talk to them or see them but yet he is the one always calling me and begging me to come over. he acts jealous that i hang out with my ex and tries to make me feel bad about it by calling me a slut. he says things to make me jealous like saying that he gets so many girls, but yet he begs me to come over and hes a raging horny ball of testosterone when i get there. he cuddles with me and kisses me on my cheek and forehead, etc, holds my hand, compliments me, stares into my eyes, offers to take me out to dinner, constantly asks me if i was comfortable, need another pillow, was too hot or too cold etc, brings up good memories of when we were together....and says he did it all just to get some from me? i dont think he would try that hard if thats all he wanted.

 

we keep going through this cycle of him being mad at me and saying he doesnt care about me and insulting me trying to make me feel bad, then i hear from him weeks later and hes totally different saying nice things to me, complimenting me, calling me all the time, trying to get me to hang out with him. i dont understand what he wants. i cant figure out if he still has feelings for me and misses me, or if he is just using me. help, i need some opinions! im going no contact from here on out, but i just need to know what this all meant so i can have some closure.

[budd98]

Missmebaby,

It is a big game to these people. I don't know if you had a chance to read any of my threads or not, but it will continue to be that way forever. The more power you give them, the worse they will treat you. If they think they don't have any power with you, then they try hard to suck you back in their trap. If this guy really wanted you, you acting like you don't care is the best thing to proove his feelings. Its when you want him that makes him want you less. My ex called me very hurtful things all the time, told me I would never get anyone hotter then her, said I am manipulative, said that I put on a front for everyone, that I am full of myself, that I only care about me, ect.... Truth is, I have never done anything mean to her, called her a name, cheated, told her she could'nt do something, or whatever. I have dated better looking women then her, but that does'nt matter to me. She degrades every women I dated before her, yet she has no idea about any of them or even what then look like. It is just crazy that I even put up with it for so long. I used to feel very strong, felt good about myself, and had a high self esteem. She has broken me down now though into feeling 2 feet tall. My ex tried to keep me from working out, even getting a hair cut from a girl at a salon, going shopping by myself, knowing a girl, looking at a girl, tried to keep me from my family, tried to turn me against them, used me for my money, made up things just to get me to react, threatened suicide, said she could kill me, and SO much more. Even with all of that crazy stuff, I still tried and tried to work things out. I felt she would change into the person I first met. Well, I really know the real person she is now though and I need to get over her. It is so unbelievable hard though because they have you in some kind of trap somehow. They have messed with our minds so long that it all feels normal and we fight for the small chance that they will be nice for a moment. I have so many beautiful women wanting to date me and such, but I don't even give them a chance because I am stuck on her. Someone that treats me like Sh@t. She has even hit me with a fist, but I just took it and that was that.

You have put up with a lot of stuff already and some is really bad. I will tell you first hand that the quicker you block them out of your life, the happier you will be. I was told this almost 2 years ago and I refused cause I thought I could make a difference. Now I guess I have learned how dumb it was to not listen to EVERYONE. I will also guess that not one person you know likes this guy or tells you to ditch him. That is the same for me.

The best thing you can do is not answer any calls, block his text, ignore anything else he does, and act like nothing affects you. It will make you stronger and make him look pathetic. Trust me. Those kind of people have a lot of pride though and don't want it hurt. They will resist as long as they can, but eventually you will see how really crazy they are and that is the real scary part. The only way I am able to do all of this is move in with my brother, which is 2000 miles away from her for a few months. Then I have no urges to do anything since she is so far away. Once it is time to come back, I should not care anymore......so I hope. By the way I am 28 and she is 25. I hope any of this helps you.

[Crestfallen_KH]

What "all of this means" is that you have shown him he can treat you poorly, and you will take it.

 

This guy is obviously very insecure and immature. His "I get lots of arse" comments reveal that. Your past history has shown that all he has to do is say nice things, give tender kisses and show caring and compassion and you will hop into his bed.

 

The first time you came over, gave him a BJ, and he kicks you out, yet you still come back. He gets you over to his house, starts making out with you again, and you try to stop it, but he is able to sweet talk you again into making out with him.

 

Basically, you have taught him that he can manipulate you, sweet talk you and treat you like crap and you will take it because you don't think you're worth more. Would he really be this cruel and mean to someone he actually respected or cared about? Of course not.

 

I'm not trying to be harsh, but I really think it's not a question of something being very weird with your ex-boyfriend, it's a question of something being weird with you. I know that, when you love someone and have had a relationship with someone that it's hard to just shut those feelings off, but he's acting the way he is because you've taught him it's ok.

 

Change your lesson plan. NC is a good start.

[missmebaby]

i just keep giving him another chance because i keep thinking that he still has feelings for me. i dont want us to get back together but it would be nice to hear him say he misses me after all the crap hes said to me and put me through. i figured he has to care about me or he wouldnt call me, wouldnt beg me to come over, wouldnt get mad and jealous when i mention my ex boyfriend. we go for weeks without talking and then suddenly he starts calling me all the time. i thought if he just wanted a booty call that he would just say come over, but instead he asks to take me out to lunch, cuddles with me, calls me just to talk, and acts like a sweetheart for awhile.

[underpants]

Miss me,

 

You are the classic example of a girl that likes someone that treats them badly.

 

In a way you are just as bad as this guy because YOU allow it. You take his calls, you return his calls. You want to figure him out. Here is a news flash...you can't figure out crazy.

 

You know this guy is not good. He CYCLES. How many times do you want to go around the merry go round?

 

Of course he has feelings. Unstable and selfish feelings. He also knows just how to play you.

 

Grow some ovaries and put your foot down. You don't need to prove shat to him, and you certainly don't need to be validated by the likes of him. What a jerk....case closed.

 

Wise up or ...continue. The choice is yours.

 

There are much better people in the world then the likes of someone who needs to hurt others to alleviate their own pain.

[CaliGuy]

It's simple. He wants a FWB with you and when he doesn't get what he wants he turns into an insecure little boy.

 

He's a classic "jerk." By all appearances he tries to make himself seem confident by pushing you away but in reality, he's just as insecure as a door mat nice guy.

 

You're much better off without him.

[serendip]

i just keep giving him another chance because i keep thinking that he still has feelings for me. i dont want us to get back together but it would be nice to hear him say he misses me after all the crap hes said to me and put me through. i figured he has to care about me or he wouldnt call me, wouldnt beg me to come over, wouldnt get mad and jealous when i mention my ex boyfriend. we go for weeks without talking and then suddenly he starts calling me all the time. i thought if he just wanted a booty call that he would just say come over, but instead he asks to take me out to lunch, cuddles with me, calls me just to talk, and acts like a sweetheart for awhile.

 

 

I'm sorry but you shouldn't allow yourself to be treated this way. It's abusive and manipulative. I mean the dude called you a SLUT....why would you want to even see the douchebag. It's like you have no self-esteem.

 

He doesn't sound like a good person...so why would you want him in your life. Who cares if he misses you are not...you are depending on him for reassurance when he has the moral capacity of a child.

 

You deserve better...don't let people treat you like that

[underpants]

What is also bad is that you are using your ex boyfriend to get a rise out of this jerk and play more into this nutty situation.

 

I feel bad for this Justin person. You don't really care about him.

 

You should take some time away from all men and figure out who you are.

[missmebaby]

no, i care about justin. much more than i ever cared about this "jerk." justin is my best guy friend, we hang out all the time. and its definitely not because of my ex. even when i wasnt talking to my ex for a month or so i hung out with justin all the time. hes my ex boyfriend and i loved him more than ive ever loved anyone. im really close to his friends and family and we'll be friends for a long time. i would choose him over my most recent ex anyday.

[underpants]

no, i care about justin. much more than i ever cared about this "jerk." justin is my best guy friend, we hang out all the time. and its definitely not because of my ex. even when i wasnt talking to my ex for a month or so i hung out with justin all the time. hes my ex boyfriend and i loved him more than ive ever loved anyone. im really close to his friends and family and we'll be friends for a long time. i would choose him over my most recent ex anyday.

 

Did you break up with Justin to see this most recent ex?

[missmebaby]

no justin broke up with me because we werent getting along anymore and we were young and he didnt want to be tied down

[underpants]

So I'm confused.

 

Do you like Justin or do you want your recent ex to realize how great you are and miss you and want you back?

 

Or do you want both?

[missmebaby]

ahhh i did a stupid thing last night. with it being new years eve i had had quite a few drinks and after the ball dropped i drunk texted just about everyone in my phone saying "happy new years!" my ex included. a few hours later i get a text back from him saying "who is this??" obviously he must have deleted my number. i find it hard to believe he really didnt recognize the number as mine but whatever. i didnt say anything back. this morning he texted me again saying the same thing "who is this?" once again i didnt respond. so a couple hours later he sends another text message saying "who are you?" i waited awhile and text back "dont worry about it, it was a mistake." a little while later he calls me. i didnt answer and it went to my voicemail so now he knows its me. he doesnt leave a voicemail or anything but he calls me AGAIN a couple hours later and once again i dont answer.

 

i dont know what he wants, hes either calling to yell at me or hes calling because he actually wants to talk to me. im not gonna call him back. it hurts a little that he deleted my number. he planned on never contacting me again.

[Confused9]

He knows who you are...he didn't forget your number he's just playing a game with you. Don't text him back, call him, anything.

 

This guys doesn't deserve you. Don't feed in to his little games. Trust me!!!

[Trialbyfire]

missmebaby, learn to value yourself more. The more you respond, the more you empower his behaviour.

 

"Don't worry honey, no matter how badly you treat me, I'll be back for more."

 

NO, means NO. Shut it down.

[Lee725]

im not gonna call him back. it hurts a little that he deleted my number. he planned on never contacting me again.

 

As much as you love this guy, shut him out.

To believe for just one instant that he can love you, that he does want you as something more than a booty call, that there will be a future with him, is an instance you are going to push yourself further & further backwards.

 

He is a manipulating, crazy freak.

 

You do know what he wants and i can tell you that it isnt a nice coffee and pleasant chat as you watch the sunset.

 

You have walked that path so many times honey, you know exactly what he wants and how he is going to go about getting it.

 

Maybe he never deleted your number and is just writing that to mess with your head.

 

Think of it this way, if he did'nt know it WAS YOU, why would he txt back 2 or 3 times and then call just to find out who it was over a happy new year message?

He knew exactly who it was, otherwise he would not have obssessed over it.

 

He would know your number off by heart, so even if it is not in his phone under your name he will still recognize it.

He knows how to work you, how to work your mind, take that power away from him.

 

Please stay strong.

I know all to well in those moments of loneliness the thought of being held and caressed is overwhelming even tho the little warning light in the back of our heads is blinking like crazy.

 

Everytime he does this he is pushing you further backwards.

You love him, that is why you keep believing him.

He does not love you & that is certainly not because you are not worth it. you are worth it.

 

He probably cant get much any where else (even tho he says he does) because he might be tall dark and handsome but can you imagine it.... he talks to you like this, someone who he supoosedly cared about.. imagine how he would talk to a stranger.

 

He would meet a girl somewhere & use the pick up line like "look at me ... you can't resist .. can you?", yep thats going to get him a whole lot of lovin

 

Missmebaby, you are so much better than this, you can not let anyone treat you like this, as i say loneliness and an unrequited love for someone can make us do silly things, but SHUT HIM OUT.

 

Try to stay strong honey, he is an utter JERK who has no place hurting a girl like you.