dancinggal Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Hey guys I have this idea. When me and my boyfriend finally meet up again, it'll be for good. So I thought, instead of rushing the sex, I thought it might be nice to take it slow like we did when we first started dating. Its not that I don't want to, it will just prolong the excitement of it all. Plus, its a chance to rediscover stuff about each other, like, we can concentrate on other things besides intercourse. It could be a more erotic and sensual experience. I know he won't mind, but I was just wondering what you guys thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Legend Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Did you previously have sex from other meetings? If so, this could confuse him, unless you both talk about it and come to an agreement. He might think you've lost interest, no longer find him attractive, or he isn't pleasing you.... my .02 Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 I think that except for religious reasons once a couple starts to have sex they should not stop. I wouldn't see it as a new game but rather a refusal Link to post Share on other sites
Author dancinggal Posted December 19, 2007 Author Share Posted December 19, 2007 Thanks for the input guys. The way I see it, we've always been so rushed in the past because we knew there was a deadline, and to me, it just seems like an opportunity to slow down and rediscover things about each other all over again. In my head, its really sensual and erotic. There would be sexual activity, but it would happen gradually. And yeah, I'd tell him what I was thinking. He would know I'm not holding out just for the sake of it. Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Well good luck to you. But I should emphasis look at it from his point of view. He wants you to tell eveybody he arrives later then he actually does so you two can make love on the way home before dealing with family and friends. Instead he is being treated like an ex who you are giving a second chance and who must prove himself all over again. Link to post Share on other sites
Legend Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Well good luck to you. But I should emphasis look at it from his point of view. He wants you to tell eveybody he arrives later then he actually does so you two can make love on the way home before dealing with family and friends. Instead he is being treated like an ex who you are giving a second chance and who must prove himself all over again. couldn't have said it better myself! Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 sounds bleh... Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Body is yours, decision is yours. Women and men wired a little bit differently. the more sex, the more women want this man emotionally, want full commitment from this man, like marriage. If this man cannot offer that, this woman can feel hurt and devalued. Especially when you are not sure about sex thing, then stop pushing yourself just for the sake of not-upset-him, otherwise you will stray from yourself too far. I think that you want to learn each other more other than physical department is a good idea. when you communicate with him, maybe focus on how you want to know him in a deep level, in other sides, focus on positive notes, rather than giving reasons why stop sex. or plan to go to some places that cannot possibly have sex, do something interesting that distract you from sex, there are many things you can do to avoid just-sex-activity and enrich your relationship in other dementions, and don't even bring stop-sex-topic to his attention anyway, if this man can make a full commitment to you, then go for it (sex), if not, you need check and protect yourself. I think that you bring this topic up, because you are not sure his full commitment yet, something deep in your heart you know you want to pace down the sex Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 And yeah, I'd tell him what I was thinking. He would know I'm not holding out just for the sake of it. I think that just like any sexual interaction, if the partners agree on it, and are of the same mind, it can be a great thing, and I can see that this could create quite a buildup between you. On the other hand, even if you tell him what you are doing, if he's not very happy about it, it immediately kills the buzz. Again, like any sexual game, it's success all depends on a mutual commitment to the endeavor. focus on positive notes, rather than giving reasons why stop sex. or plan to go to some places that cannot possibly have sex, do something interesting that distract you from sex, there are many things you can do to avoid just-sex-activity, and don't even bring stop-sex-topic to his attention I'm afraid you may find that men are not so easily distracted from sex, and I still disagree with doing it (stopping sex) and NOT telling him. He will either bring it up (I promise...) or will be stewing, wondering what is wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
heartlight Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 I agree with the others...don't withold. Throw yourself at him! Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Again, like any sexual game, it's success all depends on a mutual commitment to the endeavor. I like the same mind comment, even in the sex department. but they aren't in marriage, and he doesn't make full commitment to her yet I'm afraid you may find that men are not so easily distracted from sex, and I still disagree with doing it (stopping sex) and NOT telling him. He will either bring it up (I promise...) or will be stewing, wondering what is wrong why men so hung up on sex? there are men out there go extra mile to wait for her is ready, that is real love IMO. and if she is ready, she is really READY, and love the man more. If you really love her, you won't leave just upset about she is not ready for sex BEFORE marriage? how many women lose themselves in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dancinggal Posted December 19, 2007 Author Share Posted December 19, 2007 Just to clear some stuff up - I am already sleeping with him, and I enjoy it very, very much. I know for a fact that he would be ok with waiting for sex, obviously its not going to be a month I'd make him wait, more like a week or two. The general idea is just to start off all slow again. And just explore each other's bodies and just relax for once. Sex has always felt like we are really rushed to me, because we always have this deadline. It would be nice to just take it really slow for once. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 It kind of sounds like your a little lost Link to post Share on other sites
Nevermind Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Dancing: I would tell him about before he comes, so that there won't be any weird situations. Boyfriend tears clothes off. Comes closer. "Uhm. Honey, I had this great idea...!!" Boyfriend lies in fetal position on the floor, crying. If the two of you agree to take some time to rediscover each other, it might spark things up again and make the next extra-special. Just be sure you really want to have the break for this purpose and not because you feel unsecure about something and plain don't want to have sex with him now. If it's the latter, try to find out why you feel like this and talk with him about that. But you are a smart and level-headed woman, I am sure you know why you want it. Go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 I think what you are looking for is fine but you should try to do that some other way. If I was your bf I would be pissed and confused. It would feel like a huge step backwards. What about asking him to take more time when having sex? Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Just to clear some stuff up - I am already sleeping with him, and I enjoy it very, very much. I know for a fact that he would be ok with waiting for sex, obviously its not going to be a month I'd make him wait, more like a week or two. The general idea is just to start off all slow again. And just explore each other's bodies and just relax for once. Sex has always felt like we are really rushed to me, because we always have this deadline. It would be nice to just take it really slow for once. Your coming out of a long distance relationship. He HAS been patiant. That is what all the phone calls, web chats, emails ,gifts, letters, etc were about. The relationship without sex that you crave he just went through. Now that time has come to add sex back a road block is thrown up in his face. You are trying to reboot a relationship pretending what you have done has not happened. Won't work. He will slow down and take it easy, after he has got it a few times to make up for time lost when you were seperated. Try to start that way his thoughts go to why was I faithful all that time. His imagination starts to play with him like you were unfaithful. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Look, as far as all of us guessing and predicting what his reaction will be, she's already said: I know for a fact that he would be ok with waiting for sex... I would only repeat what I said earlier: don't just assume this; make sure you communicate and have a mutual understanding and agreement, otherwise, something that you are anticipating as a smoldering, sexy, slow buildup would likely become a source of conflict and misunderstanding. ... obviously its not going to be a month I'd make him wait, more like a week or two. In that spirit of mutual agreement, I would suggest changing your approach from "making him wait" to "us deciding to wait"... If it's about you making him wait, then you are essentially casting it in the framework of taking a position of sexual power and applying that power to control him, which he may perceive as an unbalanced situation that leaves him weak, and wanting to reestablish that balance... I know I'm reading a lot into a few words, but it is subtlety like this upon which misunderstandings and frustrations can fester and grow in relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
dunstable Posted December 25, 2007 Share Posted December 25, 2007 Speaking as a man, absolutely the wrong thing for you to do! I've just reconciled with my ex after a gap of years and the fact that she could not wait to make love to me was hugely important to me. I would have been upset and confused if she had said let's wait. Most men desperately need to be wanted physically. We are often lacking in sexual confidence and being urgently wanted makes us feel fantastic! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dancinggal Posted December 26, 2007 Author Share Posted December 26, 2007 Thanks again for all the advice everyone. I talked to my boy and he said that it was fine to take it slow. I asked him how he would like it to go when he got here, and he said that he would like to make love like crazy for the first week, and then go and take it slow (I think a few of you said he would say this). I know he knows I think he is irresitable because I was always jumping all over him and begging him for sex before, much more than he was, so he knows I'm very sexually attracted to him. The real problem for me is that we'll have been apart for 8 or 9 months when he gets down here, and in that time, we haven't been sexual at all really, so its just like I'd be expected to jump back into it without any seduction. It would just be nice to have that before we start having sex regularly again. Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 Thanks again for all the advice everyone. I talked to my boy and he said that it was fine to take it slow. I asked him how he would like it to go when he got here, and he said that he would like to make love like crazy for the first week, and then go and take it slow (I think a few of you said he would say this). I know he knows I think he is irresitable because I was always jumping all over him and begging him for sex before, much more than he was, so he knows I'm very sexually attracted to him. The real problem for me is that we'll have been apart for 8 or 9 months when he gets down here, and in that time, we haven't been sexual at all really, so its just like I'd be expected to jump back into it without any seduction. It would just be nice to have that before we start having sex regularly again. So I am assuming now that during those months no phone/cyber sex occured? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dancinggal Posted December 26, 2007 Author Share Posted December 26, 2007 No, no cyber sex or phone sex. We used to send erotic letters to each other, but they were few and far between (especially on his side) and eventually stopped happening a few months ago. I also used to send sex texts to him, but again, the time difference and everything made it impossible for him to send stuff back, so again, it just ended. Link to post Share on other sites
nextel Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 If you have already had sex with him, I would caution you on your intent. Dont stop what you have already started. Link to post Share on other sites
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