Falling in love with a married man

[Boss' Girl]

Not all "affairs" are as you think. I became friends with someone two years ago. We talked about our unhappy marriages, and why we stay. We were never attracted to each other, just friends and co-workers. Until three weeks ago. After an intense business meeting we hugged, a "job well done" thing. But sparks flew as the first time we actually touched. Days later we talked about it..... now, we are lovers. It took two years, and an innocent encounter to make us realize the chemistry. We are still with our spouses, and although we have both been unhappy at home for years. We aren't sure if we should leave. Do I love him? Yes! He says he loves me too. But I want to wait and see how things go for the next few months before I leave my husband and devastate him. He loves me, but I have had no feelings for him for years. I have been content to live my life for my career, and stay married for his happiness. Now I don't know if I should seek my own happiness or not.

[Chrissy21]

Korine:

 

I think that the definition of wrong is in the eye of the beholder. Somtimes there's not always a simple right or wrong answer. And I know that many people will disagree with that statement.

 

I'm with a married man and have been over a year. I'm crazy in love with him and probably always will be. The thing is I consider it another experience in life. I took a risk; simply, I took my chances. I took the chance to fall in love. I'm young and never been in love before. And if I die tomorrow at least I'll know what it feels like to fall in love. Some people spend their whole lives looking for that one perfect love and they never find that person. Sometimes the greatest loves of our lives are where we least expect to find it. I found mine in the least expected way.

 

I'm not saying that it's right to give in to temptation when it comes to married men. But I'm not saying it's always wrong either. Like I said, I don't always think that it's that simple. Falling in love sometimes seems out of our control. I felt like I lost all sense of control when I fell in love with my MM. Yes, I wish everyday that things could have been different. I wish that I could go back into time and make it so that he wasn't married. But what if fate didn't plan it that way and we never ended up together? I think about stuff like that alot. I know that it would be so much easier on my heart and soul to be with a nice single guy-with no baggage. And I wish that things would have happened that way, but they didn't.

 

I don't believe that we always have control over our destinies. I could have said no and walked away from my married man. But what if he turned out to be "the one" for me and I just walked away from him. Obviously, I know that he was "the one" for someone else in the past. But life doesn't always make sense.

[Missymd]

My story is completely different.

 

I met this married man a year ago. We have been really good friends. We hang out and do fun stuff together all the time. We have not been intimate as of yet. Although, we both want to really bad.

 

The flip side of this is that, I'm engaged to be married. It's so hard. I know that the best thing for me to do is to roll out, but we both enjoy each other's friendship. He has even told me that he loves me, and cares a lot for me. I know that he is telling the truth because of the things he does for me, and the way he reacts when i talk to other males.

 

I wish the feeling would go away, so that we can be platonic friends.

[cindylou93]

10 years ago I was in a relationship that would have lasted forever except for my ex and his parents who got involved and used different situations to get me away from this man.

 

Well I became pregnant with this man's baby and had her and have been isolated from him for all these years.....now 10 years later we met up and he is married, but his first words to me were you took my heart, I gave you my soul and I've always loved you, never stopped. I married this woman to replace you and it has worked by a thread and through our children we've had together.

 

We started seeing each other a year ago after he met our daughter for the first time and for 10 months I let him come stay for a weekend and go home to his wife, he'd come stay a week and go home to his wife, he'd come stay a month and go home to his wife. Till finally I had enough and I put my foot down and told him, do not call me and do not come and see me!

 

If you truly still love me as you say you do, be a man and make a decision as to where you want to spend your eternity! I am in love with you and your killing me each time you come and then turn around and leave, I can't take it anymore and need your decision so I can go on with my life. He never gave me a decision, he just kept making excuses, his biggest fear was hurting this woman that he settled for but has never truly loved.

 

So I finally started dating and when he came to my house out of the blue and found another man sitting on my couch, he wasn't very happy, as a matter of fact, it opened his eyes. He told me on the phone, I love you and won't lose you again because I didn't fight for you.....so I stopped seeing this other man and he came home and has been there ever since, we're going on 3 months and it's been beautiful, perfect! His wife knows that he is there, she crys on the phone to him to come home but it's not out of love, its always come home and take care of us.

 

We bring his kids to my house and now she is being manipulative in stating that she doens't want them around me or for them to see me and him together. Of course this will pass in time but it makes things difficult...but we weather through it together.

So he is now getting ready to file for divorce....this was no love affair, this started some 10 years ago and never died, just went into isolation for awhile.

 

NOthing ever changed either one of us and how we felt about each other. We were always soul mates, our love is destined to last forever...and everyone that knew us, knew that about us.

 

So good luck to you

[kjlove]

Originally posted by Korine

Any ladies out there facing this situation? Falling in love with a married man? I don't know what should I do now.. leave him or carry on the relationship with him.. I am so confused...

 

It is confusing, as I am in the same situation. We have been involved since last October. Although it is more of a communication type of relationship, we are friends. Of course we tease eachother physically but have yet to do the deed. I block out the fact that he is married. I have met his son.....and he my kids. We both have told eachother we love one another. I did not mean for this to happen, but there are times you have an automatic connection with someone and they become a part of you. I don't want him to leave his wife. It would be a lie to say that I don't wish for More time with him. The reality is if he were to ever leave his wife what we have today would no longer be, we share good times bad times and great communication. I was once a wife and my husband cheated on me. This is the first time I have gone with a MM and the first time he has cheated, he has been married for 6 yrs. Only time will tell.

[meohme]

Leave him now! Trust me no man marries a woman to leave her for another. Even if kids are involved. He could tell you that he never loved her or that he doesn't love her anymore but the truth is there is a bond between them. Good or bad,they have something in common. They may not be able to work things out right now but they will.

Never date a married man or a man claiming to get a divorce until you have the papers in hand.

 

There is a reason as to why he's still married to her.

[yellowrose]

Anyway, It's not true that all mature adults have the ability to control their thoughts, their feelings, their attitudes and their behavior we are all different so you can't say that about every person.

 

 

You know, this statement is technically correct.

 

Pathological people can't control their behavior. But then, they're mentally ill.

 

Women who sleep with married men are sociopaths by definition. They're acting out in a socially unacceptable way without regard for anyone's feelings but their own. And that's about as incontrovertible as it gets.

 

Grr.

 

-Yr (Callin' a spade a spade.)

[Jenny317]

sry to tell u this but u cannot date him or you shouldn't fall in love wit a married man bc that married man is married and he has a life. Don't worry though...you will find someone that ISN'T marrie d!

[InmannRoshi]

For anyone who believes that things "just happen", they are VERY immature. Mature adults have the ability to control their thoughts, their feelings, their attitudes and their behavior.

 

So true. I'd like to see this "things just happen" excuse stand up in a court of law.

 

"Your honor .. my client admits he did knowingly commit mail fraud. But things happen. I got news for you, people aren't perfect. Oh, what? YOU never did anything wrong, your honor? Sometimes people want other people's money, and they can't help themselves. Yeah, they know mail fraud is wrong, but when you see all that money there you can't help yourself. Besides, those people didn't appreciate their money anyway. They were probably going to blow it on something trivial. My client needed that money more than they did. You know, right and wrong isn't always black and white. The fact that you're sitting here judging my client speaks volumes about your insecurities"

 

Oh, the things we can justify to ourselves when it suits us.

[kjlove]

Originally posted by yellowrose

You know, this statement is technically correct.

 

Pathological people can't control their behavior. But then, they're mentally ill.

 

Women who sleep with married men are sociopaths by definition. They're acting out in a socially unacceptable way without regard for anyone's feelings but their own. And that's about as incontrovertible as it gets.

 

Grr.

 

-Yr (Callin' a spade a spade.)

 

Dear Yellow Rose:

 

It appears that you are in deep pain..........I was once a wife and my husband cheated on me, I thought I was a helpless victim, "why me"? Looking back I understand that I played a role in it. I did not give him his place as a man I was always on him, countless things. We had no communication. He was with me on paper but his heart was void. He was alone(just as I was). This gives no justification for my current actions but I do understand what my married friend is going through . I have yet to sleep with this man but cant say I don't want to.

[kjlove]

Originally posted by InmannRoshi

So true. I'd like to see this "things just happen" excuse stand up in a court of law.

 

"Your honor .. my client admits he did knowingly commit mail fraud. But things happen. I got news for you, people aren't perfect. Oh, what? YOU never did anything wrong, your honor? Sometimes people want other people's money, and they can't help themselves. Yeah, they know mail fraud is wrong, but when you see all that money there you can't help yourself. Besides, those people didn't appreciate their money anyway. They were probably going to blow it on something trivial. My client needed that money more than they did. You know, right and wrong isn't always black and white. The fact that you're sitting here judging my client speaks volumes about your insecurities"

 

Oh, the things we can justify to ourselves when it suits us.

 

So easy to cast judgment, we are not talking about money, we are talking about feelings. The comparison you offer is logical but in reality has no human tie to it. I don't want her husband, where is it written that anyone truly belongs to anyone? If we look deep within ourselves we are here for only a moment in time. To feel happy when your with someone if only for a brief time is something that is a gift. Remember those who have no sins let them cast the first stone.

[InmannRoshi]

Originally posted by sweetthang

I know what it feels like to be in love with a married man. I'm 16 and he is 32. We have never physically done anything. He is a good friend of my family's and he is one of my best friends. He is a Christian who sings in a Christian group.

 

We flirt together a lot. At first it started out with just minor things. He would call me good looking and that would be it. Now he calls me baby sometimes, he has held my hand, he's rubbed my legs, he came up and kissed me on the cheek for no reason. People ask me all the time, when they see us together, if I'm his wife. His wife knows me and likes me. He jokes around with her about me but I don't think she knows all the stuff he has done. He tells me, two more years until it's legal.

 

Him and his wife were having serious problems at one time. He hasn't said if they are anymore but I'm not sure. They have two kids. I don't want to do anything to ruin their home. I just want to know if he has feelings for me or if he is just leading me on. I love having him as a friend and I would be fine if we were just friends. I just need some answers.

 

What do ya'll think?

 

I'm thinking this man will need all the Jesus he can get when he's in the slammer for statuatory.

 

I used to have a female friend who was 16 and dated a 28 year old. She said she liked him because he was so much more "mature" than boys her age. Looking back on it, there's no more immature person than the 28 year old who dates the 16 year old. She would have found more maturity dating a 14 year old.

[InmannRoshi]

Originally posted by kjlove

So easy to cast judgment, we are not talking about money, we are talking about feelings. The comparison you offer is logical but in reality has no human tie to it. I don't want her husband, where is it written that anyone truly belongs to anyone? If we look deep within ourselves we are here for only a moment in time. To feel happy when your with someone if only for a brief time is something that is a gift. Remember those who have no sins let them cast the first stone.

 

Human connection ?? WTF ?? There are such things as crimes of passion, and no .. they don't stand up in courts of law. For example, If your affairs wife catches you cheating and decides to shoot both of you, then she won't be able to stand before the judge and say "Things just happen. You don't understand .. we had a human connection". Nope, she will be held accountable, and she will go to jail.

 

Yeah, it is easy to cast judgement. Especially when the subject is so obviously wrong.

 

Yeah ... the mail fraud and adultery have absolutely no connection in my example. I mean, come on .... I mean mail fraud is using deceit and underhandedness to steal ... and adultery is ...

 

Hey, I don't mean to knock you. Do your thing. In fact, I'm jealous that I was born with a conscious. I wish I could explain away being a parasitic human being so easily. It sucks having high standards for yourself.

[kjlove]

Maybe one day you'll come down from your high horse and hang with the common folk . Life is full of choices, I am not in it to hurt the wife or anyone else. Excuse me for being capable of love.

[InmannRoshi]

Originally posted by kjlove

Excuse me for being capable of love.

 

Let's call a spade a spade and quit romanticizing the situation ... you're capable of spreading your legs on a jizzim stained, Motel 6 bedspread, while getting off on the power of playing with other people's lives and being the bad girl.

[smalltowngirl]

Not quite sure how to follow that last one...let me just say that I, personally, haven't been doing any spreading of my legs on a dirty hotel bed, but nothing against those who have. I do agree that everyone is entitled to their opinion and i wouldn't be reading these things if i didn't want to see what people had to say. However, I must say that it is comforting to see that there are people out there going through the same thing I am.

 

My sitch is a little different and slightly more complicated, given that the married man is my boss. The sexual tension was there since I started working with him, but i never thought it would amount to anything. We ended up kissing one night. Well, he kissed me, which was kind of a shock, but i loved it. That was about two weeks ago, and we've been making out like a couple of crazy teenagers ever since. I won't say that's "all" we've done, because I know kissing is pretty intimate and still amounts to being unfaithful, but nothing else has happened between us.

 

OK HOLD YOUR FIRE!!!! I know it's wrong, so does he. I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with me, cause I try to feel guilty, but i just don't. Maybe it's a little bit of a power thing, who knows. All I know is that i go to bed every night determined to make it stop the next day, but then i see him, and i lose a little bit of my resolve, so i go to lunch with him, and then we kiss again and it's allllllll out the window. And the way he touches me? uggh, it's nuts. i know i have to give it up, but it's gonna be rough....especially since i have to see him at work every day. yeah, i know it seems like the logical solution to get a different job, but that's not so easy, is it?

 

ok, confession time...i have a bit of a high sex drive, so i tend to sleep with guys, or at least get pretty damn close to it, early on in a relationship. that said, it is driving me CRAZY to not be able to do that with someone who i'm extremely attracted to. i guess the restricted nature of it all is kind of fueling the fire. so if i take nothing else away from this, at least i will have been reminded of how good it feels and how much fun it can be draw out the anticipation of sex. and because i do have some shred of a conscience and dignity, all i'm gonna have with my boss is that anticipation.

 

I'm not asking for advice, cause i know what i need to do, or not do, as it were. just felt like lettin it all out in a forum where i know i can do that. I know some of you will relate and some will be disgusted by me. hell, i should be disgusted by myself, but for some reason i'm not. I guess if i had that mechanism or whatever you want to call it, i wouldn't have let it get to this point.

 

ok, i'm done now. FIRE AWAY!!!

-stg

[kjlove]

I think some of the people that post don't take the time to read.......I also have yet to sleep with him, (no dirty hotel room) No offense to those who are so strong about their values and so called morals but to each his own. Hey who says a romp in a dirty hotel room wouldn't be fun? What a prude.......

[yellowrose]

Guys/Gals, I do believe that "kjlove" is a troll.

 

Don't feed her. She's getting a power trip out of antagonizing people in pain.

 

-Yr

[kjlove]

When I found this website, it seemed like a wonderful place to express yourself. It seems that there are some individuals who don't leave room for that. In my original post I simply expressed that I have been seeing a married man who I have yet to sleep with. We have been involved since Oct. He is my friend more than anything. I have been married and was a faithful wife. That of course did not make a good one. People cheat for many reasons, each relationship being unique. There is no justification for we have done but we do have feelings for eachother. When this first began I told him to take his wife out communicate with her. When you are alone and you find someone who you can relate to there is a connection and sometimes it grows into love. I don't need permission or advice I simply wanted to express myself. Thank you yellow rose for being openminded you are a true pillar of society.

[yellowrose]

Kj-

 

What you aren't getting through your head is that no one has to be open-minded about women who go after married men.

 

a) In many states it is ILLEGAL (Texas and Illinois, for example, have laws against adultery.)

b) It's an incredibly self-indulgent and selfish act

c) It is morally wrong (Go ask your minister what he thinks of your affair.)

d) It is socially unacceptable

 

Do you really need more reasons not to be a factor in someone's marriage falling apart?

 

I could go on and on. For you to come in here and start taking pot shots at the wives who's lives have been turned upside down by women like you is adding insult to injury. It's a cruel way to get a power trip. Just like seeing if you can get someone else's husband.

[kjlove]

Yellow Rose:

 

In no way have I taken pot shots at wives. I do understand that it is socially unacceptable in most people minds. Let me provide some backround. My sister who is married began having an affair with a mm. They also NEVER slept together. I would call it an emotional affair. When I found out, I gave the same lines as you have provided to me. I never put myself in her shoes. We need to look at the situation. There are many reasons why men and women have affairs, some (which are my beliefs) are as follows:

1. NO communication/single most important

2. Don't put eachother first

3. Lonliness

4. Feeling Inferior

5. Addictions/sex, drugs, ect.

The list is endless, again I am not justifying but the reality is they exist, when my husband cheated on me(several times) even busted him out of a woman's home. I thought it had nothing to do with me. In reality he was unable to approach me because I was always putting him down. We had NO positive communication, no respect, we even tried counseling but the damage had been done. I have learned a lot. I also believe that no one person can satisfy all your needs, this goes for both men and women. We can choose to sugar coat things and believe that we live in a society that lives by the rules which were made by whom? If we look back in history even the men that lived during bible times had several wives. Please don't think I go out looking for married men, this is the first one that I have a relationship with. I will never ask him to leave his wife and if he ever mentions it I would leave him first. The friendship I share with him has filled a long time void in my life and I in his. We are not going to grow old together but the moments we share will always be a part of me.

[kissme46]

[b

Run....as fast as you can, from this relationship. I never meant to, but I also fell in love with a married man. I no longer am intimate with him, but making the break was agonizing. Not sleeping with him was the easy part, trying to end the emotional relationship we had has been much harder. I grew to rely on him for emotional support. But married men are never really there for you....you're always last on his list of priorties. Do yourself a favor, get out now, before it becomes too painful....besides....they never leave their wives.

 

Good luck][font=arial][/font][color=darkred][/color]

[Chrissy21]

Yellowrose: There actually isn't any laws against adultery in Texas yet. I am a getting my bachelors in Legal Assisting and I am a Texas student. Not to be rude: get your facts straight. Ironically, I do have to laugh at myself for knowing the laws and still find myself in a relationship with a married man.

 

Kjlove: I know how it feels to be put down and criticized for things that sometimes seem out of our control. I have been with a married man for a year and two months. It doesn't even seem as though we have been together for that long. We have had a lot of good times as well as bad. If I get nothing else out of this relationship the memories will be enough to last me a life time. We live in a small Texas town. A great town, actually, I love the fact that it's a thirty minute drive to Houston, but we still have the nice peace and quiet of a small country town. That's the best memories I have. Of being with him in the summer and spring driving barefooted on gravel roads drinking cold beer from a cooler; just laughing and having so much fun. Sounds cheesy, I know. Sometimes simplicity is the key to life. Although, the situation went from simple to complicated way too fast.

 

I love him. That's the hardest thing to realize: to know that you have fallen in love with someone you can't have. I know that I can't have him. It hurts like hell. My mom told me to get over it and move on with my life. The thing is I don't know how to do that. Or maybe I don't want to do that. Every time he gives me something to hold on to, it leaves me aching for more. I need him and want him in my life forever. We have this bond between us that I never experienced with anyone else before. We were friends before we were lovers and even though he is my lover now, he is still the best friend that I've ever had.

 

I don't criticize you for feeling the way that you do; if anything I understand. I've never been married. I'm 22 years old, and maybe that might explain my situation. I'm not naive. I knew what I was doing when I did it and I knew what I was risking. I agree with you when you say every situation is unique. I don't think that there is ever a right reason to cheat, but sometimes there just isn't a simple right or wrong answer. Maybe things aren't always supposed to be that simple.

[yellowrose]

<<There actually isn't any laws against adultery in Texas yet. I am a getting my bachelors in Legal Assisting and I am a Texas student. Not to be rude: get your facts straight.>>

 

With all due respect, my mother is a judge in Texas and my father was a cop for over 31 years in Texas as well.

 

Adultery is illegal, but you can't expect to be able to call the cops on someone who's involved in that type of relationship. It's somewhat difficult to prove in that it has to be "common knowlege in the community". --And that's subjective.

 

I have a lot of respect for the fact that you're working on your education in law, but as I'm sure you're becoming aware, there are a ton of laws out there and you can't expect to know every single one of them just yet as a relatively new student of the field.

 

Good luck! Texas has a fairly amusing array of oddball laws. It should provide a good deal of entertainment for you.

 

-Yr

[kjlove]

Chrissy21:

 

Thank You for understanding............and sharing your situation. Do you ever wonder what would happen if his wife found out? I sometimes do. There was a time we discussed it. Of course neither of us had a decent response. I have twice told him to bail because he has more to loose i.e. wife, child, home, live in mother in law. I know many won't believe but this is his first affair, he has been married for 6 years. He has known her for a total of 11. He has feelings for her and is a decent person i'm sure this was as unexpected for him as it was for me. What you mentioned is so true, you want to let go but you imagine life without him and it seems unbearable. I do date other men, again i'm not spreading my legs to every tom dick and harry. I am simply keeping my options open and trying to live in reality. I will always be the other woman.