Falling in love with a married man

[1Yoyo]

I would like to chat with you or e-mail what ever the case...I couldn't send you a private message, not sure why.

Please contact me.

 

 

 

Thanks!

Yo

[yogurtu]

I don't know how this works, either. I signed up as a new member today. I'll try to send you a PM myself.

Yogurtu

[kiababy]

Wow, you're the first MM that I have seen post anything yet. Don't be surprised if you get inundated by questions from a whole bunch of OW!!! And maybe some nasty comments too......

 

I thought of asking a bunch of questions myself.....but I don't think I want to know the answers to what goes on in a MM's head.....so I think I'll pass. Thanks for posting here. We need your point of view too!!!

[kiababy]

....my comment about not wanting to know what goes on in a MM's head was NOT meant as any kind of put-down...I meant it more like I'm afraid to find out. Your perspective is important, I hope you stay

[1Yoyo]

Originally posted by yogurtu

I don't know how this works, either. I signed up as a new member today. I'll try to send you a PM myself.

Yogurtu

 

 

I didnt work. Is it legal to post your e-mail addy here??

 

 

Yo

[kiababy]

Don't post an email address - just register guys.

[1Yoyo]

I am registered, but not sure how to use PMs or connect with someone in private.

 

Yo

[kiababy]

Hmmmm....one of those little icons under each of your posts should say "PM", meaning Private Message. Not sure why yours doesn't......maybe it takes a while to go into effect.......

[kiababy]

Yolanda, click on my PM and send something saying 'test'. See if it activates your own Private Messaging.

[1Yoyo]

Originally posted by kiababy

Yolanda, click on my PM and send something saying 'test'. See if it activates your own Private Messaging.

 

 

 

This doesnt work..I have no clue how to make it work.

 

Yo

[kiababy]

You're good to go - just go to 'Home' and scroll down the right hand side till you see 'Private Messages'....click on it, there should be one there from me.

[therresa kennedy]

Hey, Yogurtu,

 

It is so refreshing to hear from a married man who admits it is a total mistake for all parties involved to cheat, and that the pain and suffering in the end is not worth the HONEYMOON high that the rush of endorphins gives those who seem addicted to this kind of pathetic (absence of true intimacy) type of emotional entanglement.

 

I too have experienced the aftermath and pain of infidelity and the wrath and desire for vengence on the part of some of these Other Women is just mind boggling. Sounds like you also have paid a high price for indulging. One of the saddest elements of this is the habit some closed minded people have of always blaming the wife for the husbands desire to stray. Wives are such convienent scapegoats. (His wife is a lousey lay, he needs to find good sex somewhere else, that's where I come in!), yadda, yadda, yadda!!

 

There are many wives who are terrific lovers and still their husbands stray. Sometimes it really is a matter of a man just wanting more, being in a situation where he can get away with it and taking that chance. I wish more of these other women had the imagination to understand this simplistic concept, but it seems for many of them to [demonize] and [blame] the wife is more convienent and more in keeping with maintaining their needed illusions and displaced anger. So be it, I suppose, some things are difficult to change, especially with non-thinking individuals. Thanks for your post, at last some common sense and a male perspective to boot! Best Regards!

[Mr Spock]

Therresa,

 

First of all, you can be assured that a whole bunch of MM get OW to sympathize by blaming the wife. Second of all, if they are in LOVE with the MM, they do it almost unconciously because she represents an obstacle. Thirdly, if they really DO love the MM they are loathe to blame him, to find fault with their "choice"

 

Just like the wives that come here (hey, like you!!!) that make excuses and demonize the OW. Speaking of displaced anger.

[Mr Spock]

I'm not trying to be harsh-it's not that people are so closeminded, just that when you're in pain and raging you are looking for a target to blame, to seethe against.......like everyone else who hurts.

[unluckylady]

Wow.

[therresa kennedy]

This is true, Spock, (sorry I have been indisposed and havent' been reading or making many contributions lately) you're probably cheering right? As I was saying it is true, that people tend to (look) for ways in which they can lash out, but that does not nessasarily make it justifiable to do so, especially in regard to any wives out there being pooped on just because some fruitcake other woman doesn't like the fact that they had the unmitigated gall to marry THEIR lover gosh darn it!! To hell with the fact that the wife was there first, the gonads of the other woman are more important right, the wife should just go off and die somewhere right? Well, of course!!

 

I just think there are perhaps too many other women out there who blindly justify this hatred of the wife, who in some cases is blissfuly unaware of any acts of infidelity going on, just minding her own business, trying to be a wife and in most cases mother as well.

 

It saddens me that many women are so competitive and dispassionate towards each other, so cut throat and ruthless, almost [animalisitic] in this bizarre desire to win, to be the victor female, the survivor of the fittest so to speak.

 

It speaks volumes with regard to our fractured, shattered and amoral society in which any semblance of concern for ones fellow man has been if not (completely) destroyed then (nearly) destroyed. I choose to have more regard for other women, women of all kinds, not just the OTHER WOMEN who do the nasty with married men, but women of all kinds and from all aspects of my community.

 

I wish there was more of a feeling of good natured postitve repore with more American women, but it seems that simply isn't going to happen, and so in the interim, we can expect more women to destroy families, some to destroy lives and to create more negative karma for themselves and others all in the name of a good humping time! Well, I guess if these girls can risk the good humpy bump they can risk the aftermath as well. Hope the thrill is worth it for you girls incapable of anything else. Hey, am I ranting again, better shut up now.

 

Best wishes people.

[Mr Spock]

There are an equal number of "wives" out there who want to demonize the woman their husband is cheating on them with as easy, stupid and uneducated (I've seen YOU do it)when the reality is far from that.

 

You seem to think that all affairs are borne out of complete carnal lust, or by women "hunting down" husbands. I'd like to remind you that many affairs start for women first with EMOTIONAL connections-they become close friends with a man and any mutual spark of attraction becomes magnified. Not all women step all over each other for men. As for animalistic competition, no one likes to lose. Rejection hurts. The question of that behaviour versus the idea of allowing a new love to fledge is answered by the actions of both the MM and the OW. I am constantly amazed by the complete refusal to acknowledge that marriages CAN be over-that new relationships form all the time -by this board.

 

PS-How are you doing Therresa?

[therresa kennedy]

Yes, it is true that marriages do end, and new relationships begin, sometimes starting from extramarital CARNAL relations. I just love that word there, good old CARNAL, it's so precise, so evocative.

 

I can always count on you to keep me on my toes Spock. I guess I have just had the bad luck of having had to contend with a couple OTHER WOMEN from hell. Not from purgatory, no, right out of the fifth level of the putrid pits of rank, smelly hell! I DO try to keep a sense of humor wouldn't you say, amidst my occasional spells of sanctimonious ranting and raving about the awfulness of infidelity.

 

I am doing fine though, having a good break, reading a lot, working out, eating salads. It's not easy being me though, with an overly active mind, and lots of opinions, like the song goes,

 

"It's not eeeeasy being green" nor is it easy being old Therresa, but I do my best. Why is it I wonder that THIS thread is THE most popular one on the whole darn loveshack site? I wonder why that is? In any event, therresa is not dead as some of you may have suspected, she's just been taking a sabbatical. Take care Spock and keep me honest, (as much as you can) Best wishes!

[profgirl2003]

After eading all of the posts, I feel compelled to reply. First, thanks to all of those who understand the pain of the wife and kids. Second, thanks for those who support the mistress--even on a contemptuous level. As a former wife of a cheater, I can honestly say that it IS a DEVESTATING situation to have a husband with a mistress. In my case, my husband started a relationship with a woman after we had been married eight years and were parents to a two-year-old.

 

My ex eventually left me for this woman and they were married two years ago. One of the most painful parts of this situation is that my daughter goes on visitation with her father and has had regular contact with the mistress from the start. I , on one hand, feel anger, not towards the mistress, but towards my ex. He had the wife and kid, thus I feel he had the control to end the relationship if he wanted to. Apparently he didn't or we'd still be married. Each day, I struggle with the loss of stability, the continual confusion on my child's and my part, and the other fallouts of divorce--loss of financial stability, etc. Oddly enough, I feel bad for the mistress because my ex has cheated on her just recently with some other person in the area where he lives. She (the wife) is devestated and bitter because she feels betrayed because he cheated on her. Fancy that! WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND. However, as a result of his selfish decision, his mistress (new wife) has gotten pregnant and has demanded that they move across country (2400 miles) from my daughter--who adores her dad. They recently moved and my daughter is wrecked with sadness because she feels a double rejection. I feel saddened because I am left with the fallout of a child who will grow up with these losses as part of her make-up. Mistresses listen up: THINK OF YOUR LOVERS' CHILDREN. THEY ARE INOOCENT AND THEY NEED THEIR FATHERS. THEY ARE THE ONES WHO LOSE. My daughter gets to see her father far less and she gets to see him live with his New kids and not her. She gets to miss out on regular outings with her dad--which I think are extremely important for a young girl in order to bolster her self esteem--and she gets to be the victim of the new wife's ower plays where she thinks she won some contest over who gets the man.

 

While I do not think her demands to move far away will make their relationship ant more stable, I do think that , again, THE CHILDREN: MY DAUGHTER AND THE EXPECTED CHILD (OR CHILDREN IF THEY HAVE MORE) WILL PAY THE HIGHEST PRICE.

[therresa kennedy]

Hi there, girl,

 

This is what I am always saying in my posts, that it is the CHILDREN who suffer. God I feel so sad for you. What a total loser of an ex-husband, God, does he not have ANY balls or what?! When I think of some men that do **** like this, it just makes my blood boil! It IS the children who suffer, and it sounds like your husbands current OTHER WOMAN-WIFE, got her just desserts. It's real fun for these airhead other women to have fun and think they're the glamorous other woman, then when they (win) by marrying the guy, suddenly they "dwindle into a wife", which is an old expression, coined by a well known writer. The sad part is that I am presuming she wanted to move all that way away so she could "protect" her man from the other-other woman he was cheating with, and naturally your daughter is going to suffer.

 

You know I have heard so many stories like this and sometimes the first wife will fight her husband, calll him, tell him how sad the child is, but it has been my experience that that rarely works. The best thing for you to do is not criticise your ex-husband but just let him continue to do what he is doing. Let him continue to be bullied by his current hosebag mistress/wife and continue to be a terrible father. What is he going to do see his child once a year? If it looks like that is the case then you should really consider the damage that is going to take place for your daughter if you focus on it. I would just allow him to slowly wallow in his own horrible choices, in TIME, he will begin to hate himself for it.

 

I promise, he will begin to hate himself for it. But try to protect your little daughter by not seeming too sad, or angry, those reactions can have really negative effects on children. It is the worst kind of betrayal, what you have described and it is devastating. It sounds like you have had some contact with his current wife and I would caution you against that. She will never be anything but the liar, self-serving loser she is, and she will only use you for a shoulder to cry on, and then probably back stab you in the process to your ex. DON'T trust her, she's not worth it.

 

Like you said, it is your ex who has made all these bad choices, allowing himself to become involved with amoral, and heartless women, then cheating again on the current wife. I would limit contact with all of them, protect your child and move on. Remember, living well, and being happy, or SEEMING happy are the best revenge. Don't let any of these people know how sad you may be, it is grist for their sick mill, they get off on it and perhaps your ex gets off on it too. Some men are like that, mean spirited, and getting off on the thought that their ex still pines for them. Let him know you couldn't care less and have moved on, and if he is going to allow this current hosebag of a wife to force him to move away from his first child, then allow him to embrace his new life living with a ball buster. The less contact you have with this guy the better off you and your child will both be. I feel really sad for you and I hope you keep your chin up. Remember gracefully march forward, and project peace and acceptance, and self satisfaction, it really IS the best revenge,

 

Best wishes.

[profgirl2003]

therressa,

thanks for your kind, smart, and supportive words. The best revenge IS living well. I wake up each morning and say those words out loud. Some mornings are better than others and sometimes I fall short of this mantra, but I'm still in the game.

 

Also, thanks for reminding me not to trust the other woman, We rarely talk and if we do, it's merely a "hello can I speak to... sort of thing. I don't respect her, and I don't want to give her the benefit of knowing I am bothered by the situation. I actually found out about the affair situation she is going through when I was in court having my child support reduced. Yes. REDUCED. My ex and his wife fought to have my support reduced and their rationale is that since they live so far (remember they moved the 2400 miles away and will have to pay for travel costs for my daughter to visit occassionally) and she (the wife) has quit her teaching job to have a baby and does not want to be a working mom, their income will be significantly lower. I refused to have my daughter pay, yet again, for my ex's poor decisions (I'm working SINGLE mom so what makes her special?) so I did some research and had my lawyer cross examine them both in court. HA! I got a reduction in support still, (not by much) but THEY had to pay my legal fees. in the end, they lost money.

 

A message to those who think their situation or their MM is different---DON'T FOOL YOURSELVES. It's a no-win situation for everybody.

[Mr Spock]

Therresa, you say think of the children but how is LIMITING her child's access to it's father thinking of the children at all? I am sorry that this family was torn apart-I'd like to point out to you both that you can't own love. This man MARRIED this woman, and is having a family with her. Don't punish him and your daughter for falling out of love with you. Pick up the pieces and move on. As for his current infidelities, I'm not there so I cannot speculate-did his current wife or himself tell you of this?

[Mr Spock]

PS Therresa, you're demonizing the OW again........but she's not really the OW-she's the wife. So far, you've stated she's an airhead, hosebag/bully,liar,self serving loser,backstabber. When all she's really guilty of is falling in love with a bit of a loser. Who was at least honest enough to divorce his current wife when he realized he loved someone else more. And it's the children that suffer. Always. But would they be suffering more trapped in a house without love?(at least where the father no longer loves the mother) Good questions to consider.

[profgirl2003]

I am not sure I want to get into the name-calling of the OW because I have no investment in her to care, but I do want to say that your post, spock, sounds extremely defensive.

 

I would venture to guess that my home was not without love. There was love, but there were also problems like alll marriages/relationships. Yes, the ex married someone else and that's their business. My main concern is my child and her right to have regular contact with her father--new wife or not. As for his recent affair, he told me himself and he was also made to testify to this in court as I stated earlier. I didn't make up his new affair to try and prove the "if it happened to me, it will happen to her" cliche'. Who cares what happens to her? I care about my daughter's needs. And yes, I have moved on with the idea that I was onced married to this man. I don't dream of a reunion. I don't have amnesia in the way that I can't see that my ex has his own issues and that I don't want to live through them as his wife.

Perhaps if we read posts more closely, we might not feel so defensive if we come across passages that might sound ;ike the mistakes we would like to reject about ourselves... or else, we are just a bunch a women attacking each other...

[therresa kennedy]

Well, I suppose you are correct in saying that I am getting a bit critical again, but can ya blame me what with this new story to consider? The guy does sound like a not only selfish guy but also a rather dumb guy too. When do these butt heads ever learn?

 

It does sadden me to hear stories like this and also as to the child in this situation, I am sorry but I have heard of so many situations where these things play out just like this and when the guy and his new other, I'm sorry but I'm gonna say it! (other woman turned-wife) leave town, they also abandon the little child and rarely look back. I think it can be more destructive for the child involved to intuit the anger, and unhappiness of the mother when in a situation like this and IF the father of this child is not making much of an effort to see the child, then perhaps the mother and her child are better off letting it be and not pushing the matter. Like I said, men like this begin to hate themselve in the long run and perhaps that is as it should be! Some men are apparently in some kind of sick, perverse race to see how many babies they can create, and for what? to prove their manhood works, it sickens me!

 

Men like this ruin their relationships with their children in just these manners on a daily basis, let this jerk do the same if that is how he is put together, it just makes my stomach turn the way men can be so incredibly stupid and so self oriented as to induce nausea.

 

I wish this woman and her child the very best of luck and she seems clear headed and intelligent and what's wrong with saying I think she should let this jerk fade into the woodwork? The guy was willing to move 2400 miles away from his young daughter, what kind of loser does that if he is worth two cents, or has a caring heart or what? This guy is a selfish amoral self-serving narcissist who only cares about looking at his reflection in the mirror. It never ceases to amaze me how low men can sink to. So, if you were offended by my heart felt passion, just remember, "it's not eeeeasy being greeeeeen". Hope you're keeping yer sense of humor intact. Best wishes.