Falling in love with a married man

[laurabella]

Any ladies out there facing this situation? Falling in love with a married man? I don't know what should I do now.. leave him or carry on the relationship with him.. I am so confused...

 

 

Im in the same shoes you are!! I say you should stick it out with him if your really in love!! I know that I myself could never end the relationship with him,i get little butterflies in my stomach when he is around..

[laurabella]

How do u know that she will feel the same way about someone else?

[Treacle]

I did see him again the other day, but as much as i fight my feelings for him, it just won't go way cos he makes me feel so alive.

 

I know its wrong but he seems to have such a hold over me that i can't control. Nothing has happened between us and as childish as it might sound, when i left he gave me a wink (1st time) places hand on my shoulder and wished me a merry christmas.

 

I do look around to see if someone else can captivate me, but no joy on that score

i've yet to meet this single man. But at the moment there are no where to be seen.

[BUTAFLY]

Any ladies out there facing this situation? Falling in love with a married man? I don't know what should I do now.. leave him or carry on the relationship with him.. I am so confused...

 

I was reading the posts from _THE OTHER WOMAN- I was in a similiar situation and it sucks..I fell hard for a man I worked with...he pursuded me relentlessly for months and i finally agreed to go out with him .. we dated for six months when I found out he was engaged the whole time and get this....He was getting Married the Week I found out!! Its hard to just erase the feeling you build for this person but I did not continue to see him....All you girls have to stop ...if you think it hurts NOW just imagine if you invested more time with him and fell deeper for the guy ...He will never be yours...gave her his last name...he goes home to her everyday.....climbs on top of her every nite, not you....STAY WAY! If he wants you that badly he will divorce his wife and be with you....It sucks, believe me I know..I still work with my guy and when i see him I always look at his wedding finger hoping against all odds the ring is not there and but it always is...diamonds binging in my face, symbolizing his eternal love for HER...I you and I dont wanna wait for an eterentiy for an unavilable man.

[BUTAFLY]

I'm sorry to say this, but you can't be selfish. I was foolish and fell in love with a woman outside my marriage, and she too was in love with me. I finally got a divorce and just as we have the opportunity to now be together we are both realizing that we're not nearly as compatible as we hoped. Sure, we made each other feel better than anything else every has up until this point, but now that we have the chance to see each other in "real life" its not nearly as great as we'd hoped.

 

Please don't be selfish. Unless his marriage is already in shambles, the odds of you two working out are near nothing. The stress that will follow in his breakup with his wife will devestate him and leave him as a different person. He married his wife because they had the chance to meet as a normal couple and grow together. You don't have that opportunity and although you are compatible now, the chance you take is that it won't work out as you hope with him.

 

Do you really want to feel responsible for breaking up a marriage and then your relatonship not working out? Obviously neither of you are clearly thinking - he is cheating and you're still chasing him. Although you are compatible in many ways, this isn't how the foundation of a relationship should grow.

 

I will tell you this - being the man in your exact situation, I regret every decision I made and I resent ever meeting the OW. Its the price I pay for being stupid and I have learned a very valuable lesson. It was terrific for us both for several months and the best fun and best love I have ever seen, but I hate it all now. Don't let that be you - please.

 

When you got divorced from your wife, was it a result of the OW or your marriage already on the shacky? My other man was in your situation and married his OW. He now claims that marrying her was a mistake(i know thats bull or he wouldnt have married her).

[Lostsoul15]

As much as I know everything you are saying is right...and I totally understand...and my mind totally knows its wrong and i have to change..and i've tried too..but my heart is just so weak...and he doesn't seem to give up on me..for an year..no sex..but we know we have feelings for each other..he's married..and he isn't willign to leave his wife..but wants me too..WAT DO I Do?

 

Obviously if you're here asking whether you should move on, or end things with this married man, in your heart you know carrying on with him is W R O N G.

 

I don't mean to be offensive, but wouldn't it be common sense that a married man is simply not available for the taking? That he's got a W I F E at home who he stood before friends, family and God and vowed to love/honor/cherish til death do them part? Forsaking all others?

 

How could you respect a man who's married but wanting to have someone else (you) on the side?

 

Don't you think you deserve more than to be someone's occasional side-dish?

 

It doesn't bother you to know that when he's home at night with his wife, it's not you he's having sex with and sharing most of his life with?

 

Why would you settle for being someone's mistress?

 

What about the issue of respect for your fellow woman: his wife. Don't you think we as women should stick together and respect each other, which would include respecting each others marriages and commitments? She has done nothing to you.

 

And if you think that he'll one day leave her for you, think again. I can't quote the statistics but percentage of cheating husbands who leave their wives for their mistresses is very very low...and those who do, the chance of divorce is astronomically high....because if they cheated on their ex with you, they'll cheat on YOU with someone else. Afterall, we're not exactly talking about a pillar of the community who values things like honesty, commitment, fidelity, marriage, faithfulness.

 

While this married man may seem all joy and roses, you only get to see the good/fun side of him. You don't have to live with him. He very well portrays himself as this great catch....no doubt filling you full of BS about how his wife is terrible/crazy/unstable/will take all his money if he leaves her/can't break up his family/must stay for the kids/ bla bla bla bla.......but this is only HIS side of the story. Of course married men will paint this dismal picture of how horrible their marriage is and how hard done by they are........to make the mistress feel sorry for him and to help justify their cheating.

 

How would YOU feel if you were married to someone and they were cheating on YOU?

[luckygirl]

Enough with all the lecturing! Having an affair is wrong, but it happens. People do get hurt, no doubt. We are ALL HUMAN - WE MAKE MISTAKES AND POOR JUDGEMENTS. I am sure that there are people who intentionally want to harm others by sleeping with married individuals. I am not one of them. We cannot assume that she wants to intentionally harm anyone. I am sure that she does feel guilt and remorse for the other woman and for the children involved if there is any. You cannot control who you fall in love with. I am sure that she would rather be in love with someone who is not married-come on! I know the other woman would be devastated, but if her husband is cheating then she should be glad if he leaves her. I do not want to be with a man who has to find something elsewhere.

 

I had an affair and we were both married. I was unhappy in my relationship, and obviously he was too. We are both divorced and have been together for about three years. I have two children and he has one. I did not want to hurt the children by divorce because my parents were divorced. I had to put my happiness ahead of the children's. The children are fine and happy. Divorce is not uncommon and neither is cheating or affairs. She needs advice, not lecturing. If you are not going to offer advice, then do not respond. I am sure you people have better things to do with your time.

 

Our affair only lasted seven months before I left my husband and he left his wife after eight months. My advice is to not wait around too long for him to leave his wife. You will just be hurting yourself when there is someone else out there for you who will love you unconditionally and without diversion. Give him a time limit to tell his wife. Make sure that the time limit adequate enough for him and be considerate. If he does not tell her in that amount of time, get out! I did not do this, but I did tell him that I was going to find someone else and that I was not going to wait around. He apparently was in love with me enough to leave.

[lolax]

Any ladies out there facing this situation? Falling in love with a married man? I don't know what should I do now.. leave him or carry on the relationship with him.. I am so confused...

hello......yes i am in the same boat as you......im falling or maybe already fallen!!

get out of it now is the best thing to do,but the hardest..i cant!!!

[Guest]

i was in the same boat & i went for it.

I also worked with him. Welll 3 years later & he is still married & still telling me that he'll leave after all this time. He hasn't left so i had to wake up & leave him. If they loved us, they would be with us no matter what the consequences are.

 

Don't do it, it won't get u anywhere, but hurt!! Take it from me.

Please see my post.

[RedRose73]

I am in the same boat as u except i went for it, 3 years ago. & here i am 3 years later & still waiting for him to leave his wife for me. Since June 2004 he was supposed to leave , each deadline came & gone & nothing was done. We even had a furnished apartment waiting for us to move into & he just never left.

 

I gave him one last deadline which was my 33rd birthday, this whole thing started when i was 29. I gave him 1 last chance & he said he will leave this time. But the deadline came & gone, just like the rest of them & he didn't leave, so i had to leave him. It has been 2 weeks & the pain is unbearable, but it had to be done.

 

Please see my post - Ended 3 year affair

 

Don't do it, all u will end up with is a lot of pain. Don't think that "my situation" is different, "my married man" is different, he will leave, but like me, it wasn't different at all.

[For You I Will]

Well.. I have fallen for a married man.. & who is my MANAGER, mind you!!!! This is the second "manager" I fell for... but this one, unfortunately is married. I answered some of those questions below me. I feel like I like the "secrets." I know, thats crazy.. but for me, it makes it more interesting, i guess?? I really dont know what it is. Im still tring to figure it out, finding who I really am & why I like this life. I dated another manager, & the whole "sneaking" around was fun for me, yet in the end, i wanted more. But now, Im seeing someone who is Married.. & yes Im in the same boat w/ you. Iam 23, hes 31. What happens in that situation?

[Guest]

0K I HAVE TO SAY that all of you woman on here trying to make it ok that you are commiting adultry and trying to seem like angels at the same time MAKE ME SICK... do you not have any morals, values, emotions?? Is there a sick thrill to know that at the very time you and this married man are having sex, his wife is at home probably waiting for him and doing his laundry or cooking him dinner. I dont even want you to say that i wouldnt know unless i have been there because u are just making excuses. Woman that pull this s*** are nothing but self consiouse, inconsiderate, GIRLS that do not have enough confidence to look for a man that isnt married.. it is just to easy for you to go for the guy that will never commit to you...ALL OF THIS IS SICKENING

 

Some of us are actually in love. You can't take a true look at these situations unless you've found yourself there. The MM I am see was my first everything. I am 33 years old and I've been in love with him since I was 13. That is 20 years of feelings that I have held in. We broke up because I was stupid and it was totally my fault. By the time I was mature enough to admit that to him he was married, I left it alone through his first marriage. By the time I found out he was divorced, he was remarried. We started talking to each other again just as friends and one thing led to another. No one planned it, but here we are. The old feelings just never went away. So be judgemental all you want, but I'm sure your not perfect and you can't understand unless you've truely been there.

[lmk1213]

I know your agony. I have been dating a MM for 2 1/2 yrs. I couldn't love someone more. I also know I have to get out of this situation, I am still young and want to get married too and have children. He is 9 yrs. older then me and we work so close to one another. I know it has to end only because I know I have to move on, and he loves me and because of that he knows he has to let go.....it's so hard. Don't get caught up in falling for someone that can't give themselves to you entirely. It's wonderful while it's going on, but figuring out how to let go is the worst pain ever!

[Guest]

i guess we've all been up that alley where we fell in love with the wrong person. im currently living with my MM because when his wife found out she left but the still talk everyday about her coming back. im deeply in love with him but i don't know how im going to let him go if she does return. i never thought it would last but atleast i fell in love. so where do we go from here how do we deal with ourselves? any suggestions? i know its a sin but you can't help who you fall in love with.

[Guest]

I'm 28 and i'm in love with a man who is 41. We've been together for about a year. I left my husband 3 months ago because i was not happy. I wasn't happy 3 years ago, but i just finally got the courage to make him leave recently. My married man does tell me that he won't leave his wife. I know this. But i still hang on to every word that he says, trying to find some little bit of hope that some day he will. I want to tell him it's over, and he wants to tell me the same thing, but neither of us can. We are madly in love with each other. He doesn't want to hurt his kids, that's the only reason he is still there. I cry myself to sleep every night, then get up and wait for his phone call. We see each other every day at work, get together once a week or so, and talk every day. We weren't supposed to fall in love with each other. We were only supposed to hook up for a little fun and excitement that we were both missing out of our relationships. Now we are in way too deep. What do i do?

[Guest]

I 'm not sure if I'm doing this right but I'll tell you if I knew the answer I would not be writing. I never thought I would even consider a married man because both of the men i had children by left me for another woman. I thought how could another woman do that knowing the person was in a relationship or married yet now I too find myself failing for a Dr. i work with in the same hospital. I can't beleive I am considering it but theere is something about him. I feel like such a fool and I haven't even slept with him. The flirtation has been going on for about a year and a half. I never thought I would be in this position...

I am sad to that I have falling in love with a married man. I have tried my best to be mean to him to get these loving feeling I have for him out my head. I work in the ER at our hospital in town. The man I have falling for is a doctor there. I have been knowing him for about a year and our connection was instant. I don'tknow what to do I love him so much to the point that I can't sleep at night. We have not have had sex, we have only kissed. I know it's wrong but the feeling I have feels so right. He knows that I love him, but what good does that make. I can't stand the thought of me loving him beciase I know that it is wrong. But when ever I'm near him I feel like the world just stop spinning. someone please tell what to do before I go crazy

[stillafool]

I met him when I was a 22 yr.old secretary and he was a 26 yr.old Harvard attorney. He swept me off my feet. I had never felt passion and love like that since my first love in high school. He wined,dined and took me everywhere and showed me everything. I didn't have a college degree and I knew that bothered him but I liked what I did for a living and loved my job. All his friends were Ivy leaguers and it did cause me a lot of insecurity to be around them. But when I was with him I was happier than I'd ever been in my life. We never spoke about love although I was deeply in love with him. I found him to be emotionally unavailable to me. He asked me once when we made love to tell him I loved him and I told him flatly "NO"! Afterall, if you want to hear that from a person shouldn't you be the one to say it to them first? No, I don't think, no I'm sure he didn't love me. We would see each other about 2 to 3 times a week. This went on for 2 years. At the beginning of the 3rd year he told me his ex girlfriend's best friend (a law student) from back east was moving into his house because she was going to work at his law firm for the summer. I knew our relationship couldn't survive that; although he made it seem purely platonic. (Later I found out they did sleep together). I also found out that he had starting dating another girl from a well to do family. He told me he was having a party but never invited me to it. I was so hurt. I met another guy that summer who I was quite passionate about. He loved me and wasn't afraid to say it or show it. I thought thank you God for sending me someone who can help me get over this Jerk! He found out I was seeing this new guy and went into a jealous rage after treating me like crap all this time. He demanded I stop seeing my new guy right away and I said stop seeing that girl. He said no way and I said no way on my end. Well we kept sleeping together and dating behind my new boyfriend's back. His new girlfriend on the other hand knew he was still seeing me and told him she didn't care she wasn't going to give him up even if he did still want to date a girl like me. (I guess she meant someone who isn't good enough for him). Well, soon my new boyfriend found out I was still sleeping with "HIM" and broke up with me. Of course he was so happy about that and he was dating me and his other girl for almost a year when he called me at work one day and said he was going to Europe. I said with who the new girl? He said yes and she was paying for the 2 week trip. When he came back he called me and told me he got engaged while in Europe. I wasn't devasted as I figure I got what I deserved by not leaving him alone and staying with the other guy who had really loved me. I told him congrats and I wished them well. He tried to see me constantly but I made it up in my mind that I wasn't going to be yet still a fool and continue sleeping with him when it was clear he didn't want me. He tried everything and every way possible to get me in to bed but I stuck by my guns. He became angry and almost obsessed with trying to hurt me after that. Including inviting me to his wedding and getting upset because I didn't want to come. I changed my address and phone number and wiped him from my mind. He has asked person after person about me and asked them to tell me to please contact him. I never did and finally someone told him I am now married. It has been 20 years since I talked to him but he has never really left my mind. This January I woke up thinking about him/us and it has been 4 months and I still can't get him off my mind so I contacted him 2 weeks ago and he is now a big whig. We had a long conversation and he told me he has been married with kids for 23 years but has struggled with fidelity. He even told me he took his ex girlfriend to dinner two weeks ago. I have to be honest with you butterflies returned to my stomach the moment I heard his voice. He wants us to get together for dinner to talk over old times. I finally told him that I had been in love with him back then. He told me he had never felt passion with anyone the way he did with me and he has tried to recreate it but hasn't been able to. He never said I loved you too. What am I doing still thinking about this man after all these years???? My God, am I crazy because I've been fantasizing about having an affair with him now. What the heck??? If nothing else it feels good to tell all of this nonsense to someone. Please tell me what you think and don't try to spare my feelings.

[Sami_D]

Please tell me what you think and don't try to spare my feelings.

 

Hello there, welcome... not being funny but... I couldn't read to the end of your post because it needs paragraphs. So I don't know what your problem is

 

You might want to put it in a new thread, too, because it's easier for people to see and respond that way.

[stillafool]

Sorry about that Sami D. I thought I was going to run out of space that's why I didn't leave paragraphs. I tried to correct it but time ran out.

[Sami_D]

Could you copy and paste it into a new post, new thread?

 

Only if you want help, then people will find it easier to read

[stupidHeart]

i'm sufferring. Big time. I resigned from work, i don't talk to my friends anymore and i'm just so depressed right now. I suffer all these because Im in love with a married man. I am guilty coz I know it's wrong. I feel I deserve to suffer and that's why I don't demand anything from him and i kept every heartache to myself. I just wait for him patiently.

 

I did try to leave him. I did say goodbye. He stopped me, he said he loves me so much, he doesnt want me to leave. I know I shouldn't believe him but I can't ignore him. Some may not understand but if in your heart you feel you love a person, it's so damn hard to leave. Even if it cause you your identity, your happiness, still you feel it's gonna be worth it because you believe you love him.

 

I don't know what I'm thinking. I'm not even sure if I have a future with him. I know he won't leave his wife and kids. I know I'll be like this forever in his life. But still instead of thinking about myself, it is him that i think of. How hard it's going to be for him if I leave him. He always said, if it's not me, for sure he'll have somebody else so I should stop blaming myself and feeling guilty.

 

Someday i wish that i'll find the courage to say goodbye and never look back. I just don't have the courage right now. I'm just so stupid.

[Guest]

Im in the same shoes you are!! I say you should stick it out with him if your really in love!! I know that I myself could never end the relationship with him,i get little butterflies in my stomach when he is around..

i am also in love with a married married man and he loves me also but he has always told me he will never leave his wife and i accept that but he also told me that he has gotten to close to me and he can not help it he hardly ever goes home and i know he still love his wife but every time i try to get out of the situation something pulls me back and that is called love

[YoMomma]

I became attracted to a married man I met at work about a year ago. We started talking, then writing to each other, after a few months it became physical. We see each other a few times a week, talk to each other ever day. He was upfront from the start, he loves his wife and kids would never leave them. Yes, I know he cares very much for me, and no I don't believe that he is in love with me. I know it's wrong, but I love being with him. We both know we are wrong for what we are doing, we talk about it very often. But once we are together, face to face its as though we were meant to meet each other. I know it's crazy! I do believe its just lust, although I do care very much for him, I don't believe either one of us are in love with the other. Still, I don't know how to stop seeing him. Its not easy, I wrestle with it every day. I have asked him what is missing in his marriage, he says nothing. I know there has to be something, I have even suggested he talk to someone about it. When I think about why I don't break it off, I believe it is because I don't want to loose him as a friend.

[kiababy]

I haven't posted in about a year. I originally came to this website in the first 6 months or so of my relationship with my MM. I was touched by how many women are in the same boat. I've been with him going on 3 years and although we still meet about once a month for sex, it's mainly a close friendship. We talk and text message almost every day and have this bond that only other people in our situation would understand. I stopped worrying about 'breaking it off', 'moving on' and all the other stuff. I've gone through relationships of my own in the last few years and through it all he's been my shoulder to cry on, my advisor and my best friend. Sometimes a whole week will go by and we haven't spoken but I never worry because he's always there. He loves his wife - I've known that from day one; I don't want him to leave her for me. I'm still very protective of him, I still pick him up from downtown after a night out drinking with his buddies and drive him back to his house when he's drunk....

 

I guess I want to say to the women who are new to the 'other woman' life, this could be your future - he won't leave her (if he did and you were living happily ever after you wouldn't be on this site), you won't get to 'date' him - HE IS NOT YOUR FUTURE. I'm a 44 year-old grandmother, my MM is a hot 27 year-old beautiful, tanned blond surfer-type who makes me feel like the sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world. Being with him has prevented me from building something meaningful with someone else because I compare every man to him and put no effort into making other relationships work because....I know he's always there. I'm doing very well for myself - great career, my own house, 3 great kids - so my situation isn't that bad, but ladies.....if you want something more out of life, like a home, children etc. don't waste any more of your life on a married man; all you've got to look forward to is years of nights sleeping alone while he's curled up comfortably with his wife. Please think about. Peace

[Noos]

Why is this so difficult for you? First off, he was out of bounds in the first place. Just because you don't know his spouse prsonaly doesn't mean that you shouldn't respect her marriage. Second, any man who would cheat on his spouse is not the kind of person you should want to be with. It is selfish, hurtful and gutless. If things are going right with his wife, he should talk to her or get counseling, not go shopping for another chick.

 

If he were honourable, he wouldn't be involved with you.