Falling in love with a married man

[mmm??]

I do agree with you completely. But although everthing you said is true. It is very difficult to say who you fall in love with and who you don't. Some people follow their heart and go with it, which is often a foolish mistake I know and some people have the control of following their head and making the right decision. I hold my hands up!! You may disagree as I did, I had exactly the same conclusion as you until it happened. But hey!! I know if it happened to me I would die!! Unfortunatley I follow my heart....stupid girl!!

[blue daisy]

Phew...just when I thought there was nobody out there who might know what I am going through. Im in love with a MM. He loves me but also loves his wife. I cant see how he is in love with his wife if he has done this to her? I know that I would never cheat on a partner and actually I would never get involved with a mm but look at me now! We have so much in common both at work (he is my boss) and outside interests and were close best friends for over a year before we got closer. He will always love his wife because of the children and thats understandable. My mm is in denial. We dont make love we have slip ups. We are not having an affair we are very very special friends and soulmates. If I am not the mistress I am a fool (in my opinion). I am struggling so much with this relationship. In january I found out I was pregnant (took precautions). My mm made me have an abortion. Telling me he would lose his job, family, and house plus he had contemplated suicide. I was very vulnerable and mentally not myself. I went through with it with complications and much regret and I cried and still cry oceans about it. I have been sworn to secrecy and havent been able to tell anyone. I was brought up catholic and with hindsight I wish I had been stronger and said no. He is still around and still feeling the same about me apparently. I wish I hadnt got involved, but I also cant seem to break free from him. The thought of meeting another man fills me with dread. I love my mm so much it hurts. The rejection you feel in this situation is unbearable and my self esteem and confidence is now non existent. I am not strong enough to end it. Although I know I should.

[yesmaybe]

Blue Daisy - from what you're describing, your MM is a total a**h***.

 

I think you should start a new thread about your story.

[mmcrissy]

I don't know. My MM just left his wife. He's been married for 3 years(no children) I met him over a year ago. We started doing business together.

There was never any flirting. He never talked badly about his wife. Eight months later he kisses me...just a tap on the lips. In the past five months I have done the unthinkable... I've fallen in love with a married man. We haven't slept with each other. He thanks me for giving him the strength to leave this horrible marriage. He is a really great guy. I don't know if we have a future together but I do know that he is doing the right thing by ending a relationship which was doomed from the beginning. The bottomline is there is something wrong at home when a man decides to cheat. The question you should ask yourself is do you want to be dragged into this mess?

[Joreeta]

Any ladies out there facing this situation? Falling in love with a married man? I don't know what should I do now.. leave him or carry on the relationship with him.. I am so confused...

 

I'm in the same situation. But I'm married also.

Met this guy 2 years ago and he literaly swept me off my feet. Can't go without him and can't forget him. All I think of is how to go on without being caught one day. The "good" thing though is that we live in different countries and we can only meet occasionally. However, we r online and on the phone almost everyday.

I don't know what to do either. I know it's wrong, but it's like a addiction that won't let go of me. The feeling is mutual, but with long marriage histories like ours, it's difficult to take the ultimate step for divorce.

I feel for u and the only advice I can give u is: follow your heart and enjoy it as long as it lasts.

[Kamille]

I just landed here because I have been seeking a community to help me understand how I got to be the other woman. I have recently been pursued by a very seductive mm and am afraid i'm falling for him. I originally refused his approaches but ended up caving in. Now I don't know how to end things. The more I try to end things the harder he tries to win me over. And always succeeds.

 

We're constantly thrown together. We are both academics working in the same field, working on the same topics, going to the same international conferences, sharing the same small hometown. We never run out of things to talk about.

 

How do I get out of this one?

[whichwayisup]

You may want to join as a member, pick a username and then start your own thread...You'll get more replies that way...

 

Fight the feelings. Remember he's married and isn't going to leave his wife. The more you allow yourself to get sucked in, the harder it will be to detach from him, so please, really think about WHY you're allowing yourself to be involved with a MM. You deserve a man who will love only you...Do you want to always come 2nd or 3rd on his list? Does he have kids? Also, imagine his wife's feelings...Yeah I know he's the one cheating on her, but you don't want to be part of that betrayal...Think of all the consquences of your actions.

 

You just stay professional with him. Don't get personal or spend ANY alone time with him. Tell yourself is NOT AVAILABLE and you're not going to get involved because it will only end up breaking your heart.

[Guest]

i'm sufferring. Big time. I resigned from work, i don't talk to my friends anymore and i'm just so depressed right now. I suffer all these because Im in love with a married man. I am guilty coz I know it's wrong. I feel I deserve to suffer and that's why I don't demand anything from him and i kept every heartache to myself. I just wait for him patiently.

 

I did try to leave him. I did say goodbye. He stopped me, he said he loves me so much, he doesnt want me to leave. I know I shouldn't believe him but I can't ignore him. Some may not understand but if in your heart you feel you love a person, it's so damn hard to leave. Even if it cause you your identity, your happiness, still you feel it's gonna be worth it because you believe you love him.

 

I don't know what I'm thinking. I'm not even sure if I have a future with him. I know he won't leave his wife and kids. I know I'll be like this forever in his life. But still instead of thinking about myself, it is him that i think of. How hard it's going to be for him if I leave him. He always said, if it's not me, for sure he'll have somebody else so I should stop blaming myself and feeling guilty.

 

Someday i wish that i'll find the courage to say goodbye and never look back. I just don't have the courage right now. I'm just so stupid.

 

You are not stupid. You are in love. It happens. No mal intent, you know it's wrong then you find you're in too deep. I know because I am in love with a mm, have been for over a year. He was unhappy when I meet him and has talked about leaving her since the first day. He says such sweet and romantic things to me, he shows he loves me in so many ways, but I have such fear, doubt and jealously. It seems too good to be true. I am truly afraid that he won't leave her and that I am being lied to and used. But I love him sooo much that I cannot walk away. I have hope and I'll wait. I am lonely and missing him. He is 10 years younger than me. We get along so well. He said we were soul mates. He professes his love for everyday.

I feel lost and foolish too. But we aren't stupid because we love someone.

[mutya]

Don't. What you feel for him maybe love but don't go there if you do not want to get hurt at the end. If he really loves you, he needs to come to you clean -- no excess baggage. I do not know the whole story and I do not want to be judgmental but if I were you I will not allow myself to get into something that you might regret later on. I believe that all of us deserves to be happy and I believe that there are things that happened in our lives that we are not hoping for to happen. We fall in love with people that we are not expecting to and get into a situation that we sometime do not wanted to.

 

I hope you will think everything really seriously and evaluation what you really feel. I will pray that you get the guidance you need. Good luck.

[Honeypie]

Well let me have your views on this matter.I have been married for 8 yrs and having few problems.2 yrs back i ended up to an extent of Divorce.But then we decided to get back again as we have 7 yrs old son.Mine is a love marriage.Our common friend came nad tried help us patch up.After that we left the city and have got back to the same city again.I again met this common friend of ours ( who is no more my husbands friend ) on professional fronts.Later we got more closer and now we talk everyday all the time.We know each other completely.He is also married but has been having problems .We do advise each other on our marriages.We started as platonic friendship but i can be truthful enouh to accept that i find myself more comfortable talking to him.I have 11 yrs of age gap between me and my husband and somehow never been able to get across to him.He lives in his own world and always tries to redicule me.Whereas i am treated as aprincess by my friend.I know when i talk to him i am taking away his time from his family and indirectly making him cheat on his wife.I also feel i am also cheating on my husband and my son.But i find him attractive and somehow cant resist talking to him.He also says he wants to go out on a date with me.I am too confused .This friendship started as two lost sopuls and now we are the most involved souls and cant live without talking to each other.Am i wrong ?Is our friendship wrong?Can we love simoultaneously two people?Should i continue this friendship?Will it effect my marriage? Both of us just enjoy the moments we share and call this relationshipas mysterious one .Feel free to comment on this

[Guest]

I have read this forum and learned a lot form other peoples perspectives.

I have been with my mm for about a year now. I met him in paradise. It was just like Toby Keiths Song "Stays in Mexico". We were both on vacation. We found out we were from the same town and we were in the same profession. The entire 5 day vacation we were in candy land together. I found out the last day he was married for 35 years. The last day of our vacation he asked me if I wanted to continue back home and I told him no. For weeks I had him running through my mind. Then he calls my work and found me. We havent been away from each other since. He is my best friend. He is everything to me. I DO NOT want him to leave his wife. I do not a life with him. We are in love. The problem I have with myself right now is that I feel like I could do this forever. I know we can.

 

I thank everyone for thier posts. I know that in time I will move on.

[Guest]

I met this guy at work. he is not my boss, but I work with him a lot on projects.... and He is 12 years older than I am and we are both married....

 

the whole thing started when he went on a busines trip to Italy.. He imed me and told me he is all alone, and I am not there (I speak italian)....I thought that was cute... then he came back and gave me (only me) a label from a beer bottle that was a local brew from a town where I was born.... That was so sweet, i thought....

 

Then I went to Italy on buisness, he called me at 6am his time to check in to see if I was checked in the hotel.... I was so touched by his kindness....

 

I am buying him coffee and lunches whenever I get one.....because I started to like him.....

 

Then one time, he tickled my feet.... and he did it again a few days later... I put my feet on his chair between his legs..... instead of telling me that I am out of line.. he actually moved his chair forward and continued our conversation....

 

one time at the parking lot, I took his car keys away and won't give back to him, then he took my car keys and put in his front jean pocket... I have to put my hand in and fish it out....

 

I talked him quite a lot, espeically on the way home and i would call him or he would just call me and we talk about work and about nothing....

 

we finally took a business trip together earlier this year... he really took care of me (like carry my bag at all times....).... I was in his hotel rooms twice after midnight.... i did give him a back massage.. that's all... then he said he is going to take a shower and I just left his room....

 

I don't know what is going on.... I can't keep him out of my mind.... I felt like he likes me more than just a someone he works with...... What does he want? I am trying to resign my job and get his behind me.. but I can't.. I think I might be in love with him...

 

What do I do?

[animeangel]

But I'm in the same boat. I met my MM about 5 months ago, we worked at the same place and our apartments are less than a mile a part*he is seperated from his wife and they no longer live together*. We started out just as friends hanging out. Taking our kids out stuff like that. 2 months ago the relationship got to be more. I tried to take a month off of not seeing him, even switched jobs, stayed up at my moms for 3 weeks, but he didn't give up, he kept pursuing me.

I realized the other night, that I was in love with this guy. I can't help it and I can't stop it. I know that I'm probably going to be the one hurt most in this, but I think about him all the time, I find myself just going to the store in hopes that I see him. I wait for his calls, yeah I got it bad. Some people have told me I should feel guilty, but I don't as their marriage was already all but over anyway. It just sucks knowing that I can't get mad or jealous, when they do talk and all. And knowing that until he does get a divorce I won't be first.

[movinon05]

You guys really need to be posting your own threads if you want any responses from various people. It gets very confusing when there are numerous "guests" with no names and others who start posting their problems/situations in another thread. I'm only telling you this because your stories will get lost. If you're looking for help, try to copy and paste your problem to a new thread. Just a suggestion.

[Guest]

I feel your pain ladies. My situation started out a bit untraditional so to speak. My MM is married to a great lady, unfortunately she has gone through the change is done with sex. So, long story short, she has given him permission to have this relationship/friendship with me. We set the ground rules from the beginning. We are never together without her permission. The need I fill for him is obvious and I find the convenience of a steady lover great. I do not want a husband as I just got out of a bad 15 year marriage. We both acknowledge and understand that he loves his wife deeply and they are soulmates, we have unfortunately fallen in love each other on a different level, beyond friends. I feel it hurts me more than him, because he can home to his best friend and I am left alone. He has to deal with keeping two people happy. It's a very delicate situation.

[Nicole clark]

Any ladies out there facing this situation? Falling in love with a married man? I don't know what should I do now.. leave him or carry on the relationship with him.. I am so confused...

 

I fell in love with a married man and in life sometimes Love will only visit you full blown once or maybe twice.!

 

Many wives post here encouraging single woman to stay away from married men.

But the truth is ... if two people are happy ...the wife needs to understand that the other woman needs her husband and interfering will only drive them closer together!

 

Single woman go for it! I am happy and have lived with my ( marriedman ) and now husband for 6 years now!

 

Be strong and ignore the current wife, and happy hunting!

[RealityCheck]

I fell in love with a married man and in life sometimes Love will only visit you full blown once or maybe twice.!

 

Many wives post here encouraging single woman to stay away from married men.

But the truth is ... if two people are happy ...the wife needs to understand that the other woman needs her husband and interfering will only drive them closer together!

 

Single woman go for it! I am happy and have lived with my ( marriedman ) and now husband for 6 years now!

 

Be strong and ignore the current wife, and happy hunting!

 

Gee, finally someone who can look at this thing objectively rather than sitting and judging everyone's situation as the same!

 

EVERY situation in A's are different! Sometimes a person does marry the WRONG person for them and finds their true love in an A! That's life!

 

I know at least 4 people who have met in an A situation and remain together to this day and are very happy!

 

Granted there are some MM/MW who do play it as a quick fix kinda game, and I'm not so naive to believe otherwise. However, there are those who are genuine in their feelings and really would like to have the OW/OM as their lifetime partner.

[pricillia]

Any ladies out there facing this situation? Falling in love with a married man? I don't know what should I do now.. leave him or carry on the relationship with him.. I am so confused...

 

don't do it it, tears to follow

[Guest]

Any ladies out there facing this situation? Falling in love with a married man? I don't know what should I do now.. leave him or carry on the relationship with him.. I am so confused...

 

 

leave him because i was in the same situation and i left because just like he is playing his wife he is going to play u and not only that u are cheating your self and u are sinning let him go if he does not leave his wife for u let him go but u know what why would u want him if he is a cheater let him go u will get over it i did just pray good luck!

[Guest]

Tomcat (wow, fitting name, apparently), you wrote:

 

 

 

 

Let me ask you though...as a ?former mistress.......whatever happened in your life that would cause you to "settle" for being some man's "thing on the side"? If a man truly loves a woman, he'll be ONLY with her. My condolences.

 

 

Exactly...so if a man truly loves his WIFE, wouldn't he only have been with her, too?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Exactly...so if a man truly loves his WIFE, wouldn't he only have been with her, too?

 

Not if he is a hardcore cakeman. A cakeman can truly love his wife, but have his emotions compartmentalized in such a way that he can still have a need and a love for an OW too. He won't have either/or. A cakeman needs both, much to the detriment of both the OW and the W.

[stillafool]

Exactly...so if a man truly loves his WIFE, wouldn't he only have been with her, too?

 

 

LOL:laugh: That's what I was thinking. At least the OW can close her door on the cheater and start date someone else that night. I would hate to live with a cheater knowing he's coming home with another woman's scent all over him and I have to cook, clean, wash his clothes and take care of his kids. In either situation it's no picnic unless you are the OW and you just want the sex.

[casoria99]

I am the other woman. Blame it on the fact that I never knew my father, was physically abused as a child, just lost my 52 year old mother and moved to a city where I didn't know anyone and was poor.

 

When he and I met, there was instant chemistry. He told me he was married but he still kept coming on towards me. I met him at church, he was a leader at the church, and I had just started going to church.

It's interesting, I had not had sex for 5 years (fasting), and I was very outspoken and truthful about my life (the good and bad). I was less a sinner than anyone in that church because telling the truth and not screwing were two things that made me feel pure.

 

But I met him at church and started following his beliefs and I noticed how weak most people are. I think he liked me for my strength. But his wife, she doesn't work. She is very attractive but she has fake boobs and when she would come to church she would dress like some hooker that just found Jesus although they would sit in the front row.

I asked him why he wasn't happy with her because she took care of herself. He said that she expected him to do all of the chasing and making things happen. She didn't do oral sex and she would just lie there and pretend to have orgasms. He said that she was mean. Sometimes she would be nice, but then she would SNAP. She would hit him, spit on him, threaten to poison herself and the kids. He made more than 80,000 a year and she would yell at him if he spent any of the money without her permission so he has a separate account that she doesn't know anything about.

He told me that he didn't love her and that it was a faccade (spelling?) and that he couldn't see himself with her down the road but he couldn't predict the future. He has two daughters and a son who he cherishes. He would call her the B word. He said that he didn't like her fake boobs and that she didn't have a body because she would never eat and was too skinny. She was like a mother to him.

He married her because she intentionally got pregnant and they had an abortion but then she took pills and he felt guilty.

THis is a man who is in church and operates on guilt. He likes to be the hero.

But of course at church, he would act like he didn't know me. He wouldn't wave. And that was always painful but on Monday mornings, I would fuss and he would kiss me, kiss my hand, and charm me.

I have a child too...and it's not just hard on the wives children. I cried in my car lastnight and told my daughter that I wanted her to see how painful this is. I explained it to her that i am glad that I went through it so that she would not make the same choice.

He was doing fine until she had him followed and then all of a sudden he says that he "wants to be with his family and for me to leave him alone." Then he gave her his voicemail password of his work phone and let her listen to no telling how many voicemails that I left telling him I loved him. She called me and of course left a message to say that I was trash and that her husband told her that I was OBSESSED and wouldn't stop calling him. I asked him the next day because of course he called me. And he said that he gave her the password because she wanted him to be transparent. Of course he won't be transparent and tell her about our kinky sex and laughter and hugs, etc. He is only transparent as long as it works for his interest. That hurt me so bad....

I mean, it didn't hurt that he gave her the voicemail messages....it just hurt that for two years, he did everything in his power to lie and coverup everything. And I did the same thing too, FOR HIM, because I never made vows or commitments to her. And he dumped all of his lies on me. And he dumped all of his HATRED for her onto me, because I truly can't stand her and no every dirty detail.

I feel used for his lie and his need to tell someone the truth. OF course he couldn't tell anyone at church or even a marriage counselor because at church, everyone keeps up with the jones'es and with a counselor, his wife would just get mad and spit and hit him some more.

So he told me and now I carry all of this hatred for her.

For the last 6 months, he kept telling me he loved me but was telling me that he wanted to work on his marriage. He just didn't think it was workable and because of that he just held onto me because he didn't think he had anything left.

Well she is giving him another chance because she loves him, has children, is growing older, doesn't want anyone else to have him, doesn't want him out of her control, and probably knows that no other man is going to let her sit on her a** like he does.

He even said once that he understands why people do prenuptials.

He also said that if a WIFE would please her man and take time to explore some of the nastier parts of sex, then he would have no reason to cheat. Also, it would be nice if the wife could be someone that he could talk to and not be so perfect.

Wife's want to be placed on a pedestal and worshipped but you need to also know how to jump in the sack and turn him on all night. Who needs VIAGRA or a MISTRESS if you have a wife that is sexually open?

So wive's, you are not a victim all the time. I am not a victim either. We are all women, with hearts and believe in our men whether we are married to them or not. We all have a responsibility to play in this. Wives, it's the same as the woman that showed up in Kobe Bryant's room overnight. If you don't want something happen, you have to learn how to prevent it. IN other words, learn how to be a mistress, too.

You just think that because you can CONTROL THEM then you have them.

Marriage is like boyfriend/girlfriend except that people come together to try to live longer than a few years. But a marriage loses it's "spirituality" the minute a woman spits on her man or one person trys to control the other. At least this is according to a man who has been married for 25 years and has been with women for the last 10 or so. I just got caught up because I really thought that love would conquer all...but a $275000 house completely paid for can stop any love dead in its tracks. He doesn't want to give her what he worked hard for to pay off in ten years.

I know that he is with her right now because he wants to try to love her and be a good father. HE also knows that it is cheaper to keep her.

IT hurts me right now. I am in so much PAIN...the pain of losing love, the pain of rejection, the pain of not being good enough, the pain of feeling used, the pain that he didn't give me the courtesy to move on before he started screwing her (some men don't realize how dangerous their selfishness really is), the pain that both of them dumped everything on me yet he is the one that was pursuing me and saying the most awful things about her.

It's amazing how some all women on both sides will listen to the man because we desperately want to only hear what we want to only hear. That's what is going on with her. Sometimes I want to call her or send her a letter to describe the details of our oral sex because i don't want it to work. But I am fighting the temptation to be evil because I am not going to allow him to make me crazy or any more evil than I have become. Instead, I am actually trying my hardest to wish him success because I want to be successful in my own relationship, too.

I am turning this anger into a positive direction and I started the BODY FOR LIFE, working on my business, raising my child, and finding out GOD for myself. God will heal me...I can do this.

I knew it was going to turn out bad but he used to tell me "how can you stop love?" I listened to him rather than listen to me. I have learned from this that I am very wise (i just need to act on it) and that if I can predict what was going to happen...I know that this man will go through the same pain in a few months or a few years. When he gets done feeling guilty and winning over his wife and she still hasn't CHANGED and he still doesn't get his forehead rubbed or kisses on the cheek and the children are grown, he will bend over in pain (the same that I am experiencing now). He will hurt so bad for losing me, pretending he didn't love me and most of all, for using another human being's ability to love and need to be loved by someone. It will hurt. I know. But by then, I will be moved on with a relationship that works. If anything, he taught me how I want to be treated but he also taught me how I don't ever want to be treated as a wife.

[bunset]

I am turning this anger into a positive direction and I started the BODY FOR LIFE, working on my business, raising my child, and finding out GOD for myself. God will heal me...I can do this.

I knew it was going to turn out bad but he used to tell me "how can you stop love?" I listened to him rather than listen to me. I have learned from this that I am very wise (i just need to act on it) and that if I can predict what was going to happen...I know that this man will go through the same pain in a few months or a few years. When he gets done feeling guilty and winning over his wife and she still hasn't CHANGED and he still doesn't get his forehead rubbed or kisses on the cheek and the children are grown, he will bend over in pain (the same that I am experiencing now). He will hurt so bad for losing me, pretending he didn't love me and most of all, for using another human being's ability to love and need to be loved by someone. It will hurt. I know. But by then, I will be moved on with a relationship that works. If anything, he taught me how I want to be treated but he also taught me how I don't ever want to be treated as a wife.

Casoria,

 

You can move on, and it will take time, and I believe you will be better and stronger for it.

You've learned you are worthy of being loved by someone that will be there for you and not torn.

It can feel good to let go and let the loved one learn and love for themselves.

[Free_To_fly]

Hate to admit - I'm one of those who fell in love with a married man.

 

I believe many of us who are in this position never have the intent of being involved with somebody else's husband. We've never wanted to start it, never wanted to be home-wreckers, hubby-stealer. In fact, before this happened to us, we used to throw judgements to those 'third-partiers'.

 

 

Sometimes, love just happened when it is most unexpected. I'm talking about reciprocal feelings. We are only human. Come desire, magical fleeting moments in love, who could resist this natural connection between two beings? Perhaps the forbidden love added allure to this complex relationship.

 

Deep inside, I know it's WRONG! To his wife, children and even to myself. But I'm not strong enough to walk away. The memories shared are just like magnets pulling me back each time I want to walk away. Could somebody advise how I could break the spell?

 

I am talking from experience when I tell you that I believe it is possible to fall in love with a married man and for him in turn to be in love with you. I myself met and fell in love with someone who was married. I also never thought that I would be the other woman. But he told me he was miserable and that he wasn't in love with her anymore so I fought the fight and did end up getting him. But, once I had him that is when it all started to unravel... I started to realize what his wife must have went through and maybe he wasn't such a "catch" after all. I couldn't trust him.. I mean why should I. He lied and cheated on her with me. To make a long storey short we broke up and guess what??? He's back with her and less than a year after she was pregnant with his baby. It's not worth it. If he loves you as much as he says he does tell him that he has to leave her before you will ever consider continuing a relationship with him. Stick too it. You will save yourself a lot of shame and heartbreak. Take it from someone who knows and learned the hard way.