ladyday2u Posted June 8, 2003 Share Posted June 8, 2003 I have posted here before. i have a real problem. I asked my husband for a divorce and he doesnt understand why and I am afraid to tell him that i dont want to be in this relationship anymore and that I have fallen out of love with him. we have been in this relationship for 25 years. I have told him I dont want him anymore but he told me he is not one to give up and he is not willing to let me go. but he will if he has to. I really cant explain why I want out but I am tired and the love I had has faded and my feelings arent there. it is not anything he has done its just i want my space..He cant understant that and says I talk like a child not a 43 year old woman and that my thinking is warped. i want out. but he is trying to keep me and that is making it harder for me cause i dont love him the way i used to..I still love him but not as my husband. anyone that has any questions can leave me a message cause he is coming and I cant finish my statement Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 8, 2003 Share Posted June 8, 2003 WOW....Very few people go 25 years....he ought to be getting a medal. Have him see a therapist who can explain to him that the more he tries to resist you leaving, the more you will want to leave and the less you will ever want to see him again. He's not a very bright fellow....how did you last all those years??? Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted June 9, 2003 Share Posted June 9, 2003 And have you seen a therapist to help you understand why you want out? If you want out bad enough, you might want to understand why. There could be a lot of reasons, including pre-menapausal ones. And quite frankly, I think, 90% of all breakups are over another person. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted June 10, 2003 Share Posted June 10, 2003 Well, you definitely have your reasons for leaving. You have reasons for staying as well. The past 25 years has enabled him to do what he wanted. It's hard to change that overnight. Perhaps he would never change. By accepting unacceptable behavior, you have in essence said it's ok to do what you are doing. If you feel so determined that you have come to a crossroads, then do what you have to do. Granted his mother's illness may need his care, I've seen people that cannot balance that and their own lives. Obviously the way his mother raised him, has made him the man he is today. But you had a part in that also, if you've been married to him for 25 years. It almost made you a surrogate mother by carrying the load. Do what you have to do. If you were looking for avoidance of guilt, I don't think anyone that knew your history would blame you. Your husband might, but most others would not. Link to post Share on other sites
sissy2go Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 Counceling sounds like a great way to start, if you are unsure of your reasons for wanting out, other than needing space, I can definitely see why your hubby of 25 years is reluctant to let you go so easily....if you truly aren't sure of why you need out of this relationship, counceling would definitley ward off future emotional problems that both of you may contend with, especially you...once you leave, will you wonder why you wanted out so badly? It would be very helpful for you to better understand your own emotions before trying to explain them to him, and it would give you the peace of mind you need to make a healthy, well-thought out decision about what you really want to do....if you leave this relationship of 25 years, would you be lonely? Being dependant on someone can harbor lots of emotions about being self sufficient, is this the space you need, or maybe your life is at some turning point, and the only relief you see is a new start? Be patient with yourself, but make sure YOU know why...never tell yourself you aren't sure.....your decision will be unsure as well...best of luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
Kay Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 As the wife of a "confused" husband of 20 years, I would ask you to be honest about one thing ... Is there someone else in the picture? Honesty only, please ... Link to post Share on other sites
Ruzmurf Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 Nothing is stopping you from leaving... walk out. You have no interest in him... so... why say. Why stick sour milk in the freezer. I believe you lost your faith, and love in stages. You should truly address this issue because you two are married. If I was he... I would not say ok to the Divorce but allow you to have your space. You truly need to look at what is going on inside. When was the last time you and him had sex? When was the last time you spoke and told him what he was doing wrong? See love is either growing or fading. You have let your light go out and he failed to recognize the issue. If I may... YOU ARE MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I understand things are in space... but how about if I told you free how you can spice up your relationship - would you consider it? Unless he is abusive, or committed some sin... why walk away. That is easy! You are at a wonderful age; however, the relationship has not progressed. Something happened to start the downward trend and maybe it is too late but... if you are seeking new romance... try to seek it with your husband. Ask him to be open-minded and share this message board with him and maybe we can find away to help you get through this... Anything is possible!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladyday2u Posted July 1, 2003 Author Share Posted July 1, 2003 I want to thank all of you that have given me some good advice. Some one has told me to get counciling, but the matter is if he hasnt done things by now ( the last 25 years ) he will never change and do anything. Some has told me to move on, and thats what I am doing. I have filed for my divorce. He has agreed to it and the terms. We are being civil about it and we are both going on with our lives. He says he hates that it has to end but my feelings have left long ago. SO I want to say thanks to all of you all for saying kind words to me in my time of trouble Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 1, 2003 Share Posted July 1, 2003 Congratulations! What you are doing takes a lot of courage and strength. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, but I'm encouraged for myself to hear that you are taking positive steps for your future. I'm sure this will be a difficult time for you, but also one of liberation and elation. You obviously recognize your own self-worth and that is a wonderful thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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