fever to tell Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 i had this ongoing friends with benefits relationship with this guy who knew i liked him, would tell me he didnt like me in any way (sexually or for dating), would call me everyday saying hello gorgeous, would hook up with me sometimes, cheated on his girlfriend with me, then dumped his girlfriend, hooked up with me, got back with his girlfriend, and now doesnt even want to speak to me. basically, this guy has been terrible to me, messed with my mind, called me worthless so many times when all i wanted was his approval. now im back from school for break and while i wanted to avoid him, his friends keep calling me (same group of friends) and he even called me a few times, and when i went out with his friends, he didnt come because he didnt want to see me. honestly, what have i ever done to this kid? all i ever did was like him and want his approval. i dont like him anymore, but the fact that he cant even stand to see me hurts. im furious at myself for caring, but i cant supress the thoughts. although he is in general unkind, it bothers me that he has accepted some people for his approval and im not included. (maybe he is even doing this to get to me? he is a manipulative, evil person) i just want a reciprocated relationship with a guy i actually like for once. ive always been picky, i dont want to settle for someone i dont have real feelings for, but why do i only have real feelings for guys that screw me over? every experience ive had with guys has been ****ty. im starting to think im really messed up. my family certainly is, which has a big affect on me when im at home. i just want to leave the house... im not sure what im looking for by posting on here really. a little hope? insight? Link to post Share on other sites
Zero Degrees Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 He sounds like a d!ck (cheated on his girl with you, then dumps you and gets back with her, tells you you're worthless). Why on earth do you want him to 'approve' of you. In life you only need your own self worth and approval. If a guy doesn't like it kick him to the curb. A guy should not be telling you you're worthless. It blatantly shows he has no respect for you, which is a key ingredient in ANY relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
JeanQueen Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 I don't even think you have real feeling for this guy. I mean really...you can't fall in love with someone who treats you like this. I think it's all in your head. You desire him because you can't have him. This happens with a lot of FWB relationships. Especailly the ones who are cheating on their girlfriends with you. It makes you feel special for some reason and you start to like that feeling of having a secret with him. Thats what you fall in love with...not the person. You convince yourself that he really likes you when all he likes is the sex. Sounds like he is really manipulative. Any decent guy who was just looking for some fun would not get with a girl he knows has feelings for him. I'd say learn from this situation. You know you can't have these types of relationships because they don't fulfill. Start requiring more out of the guys you choose to spend your time with and they will treat you better in return. This is how you will find a reciprocated relationship with a guy you actually like. And Fever, I only say this because I have been in a similar situation, so I know what it's like girl. Take care! Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 Sorry hon, but the one who was wrong in this picture was you. Yes, he is a dick, but what does it say about you and your self-esteem that you went back to him over and over? Basically you told him it was OK to treat you horribly. I strongly suggest you do some soul-searching, perhaps a little therapy even, to discover why you would be attracted to someone who treated you lower than dirt. There is a part of you that felt you were worth this or deserved this treatment, and it really bares some examining. Link to post Share on other sites
jcster Posted December 20, 2007 Share Posted December 20, 2007 honestly, what have i ever done to this kid? all i ever did was like him and want his approval. i dont like him anymore, but the fact that he cant even stand to see me hurts. im furious at myself for caring, but i cant supress the thoughts. although he is in general unkind, it bothers me that he has accepted some people for his approval and im not included. (maybe he is even doing this to get to me? he is a manipulative, evil person) i just want a reciprocated relationship with a guy i actually like for once. ive always been picky, i dont want to settle for someone i dont have real feelings for, but why do i only have real feelings for guys that screw me over? every experience ive had with guys has been ****ty. im starting to think im really messed up. my family certainly is, which has a big affect on me when im at home. i just want to leave the house... People from messed up families are often codependent - which means, in a nutshell that they tend to live through or for others, have an almost overwhelming need to fiix people, and tend to seek out relationships in which they are a victim. I've been there, and I can tell you from personal experience that codependents attract sociopaths like sugar attracts ants. Take a moment and check out this site: http://www.takebackyourheart.com/ (ignore the book endorsement at the end) - she puts it out there in a pretty straightforward manner. Other than that - until you find a way to create and enforce your boundaries, and until you can break the addiction to drama and excitement that goes along with codependence, you're going to repeat this cycle again and again. Educate yourself, learn to stand up for yourself, and you'll attract a much better type of man. Link to post Share on other sites
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