What to expect from separation?

[heftysmurf]

Me and my WS are on the verge of separation I was wondering what to expect.

How will we likely feel?

What was the hardest thing to deal with intially?

How did interactions go? We have a child together.

Did depression increase or decrease?

What was better or worse after separation?

How long before you decided divorce was the only answer?

How long before you decided to try reconciliation again?

Did you date or just work on yourself?

What did you learn from the time apart?

 

Just curious. I hope we do not separate but it me be the last card to play.

[PWSX3]

Me and my WS are on the verge of separation I was wondering what to expect.

How will we likely feel?

Like Crap!!

What was the hardest thing to deal with intially?

For me it was just having to live on your own, do everything for yourself but now that I look back that was a good listen because we all need to be able to live on our own & not rely on someone else.

How did interactions go? We have a child together.

It is different for everyone, for me the W wanted NC for the first month which we did and then after that for the next few months it was just talk about things such as bills, child, etc.

Did depression increase or decrease?

Again it depends on the person. I took it as a possitive thing that I needed to do. I used the time to learn why "I" was the way I was. I know of other people that just start screwing everything they could, & try & drink there problems away.

What was better or worse after separation?

Don't know still working on it.

How long before you decided divorce was the only answer?

How long before you decided to try reconciliation again?

There is no time limit, for my situation it was 6 months, for others it has been a year, some it never happened.

Did you date or just work on yourself?

No neither of us dated & why would you? You are still married for one so it would be cheating in my book, if you are trying to work things out why cloud the situation with another persons feelings? Besides for me sex & a relationship was the last thing from my mind when my W moved out.

What did you learn from the time apart?

I learned that there was a lot "I" needed to change. I learned that you can only control yourself. I learned that you should never rely on anyone. The W used to do some of the bills, housework, make doctor appointments for me & after we separated I learned to do all that stuff. Most people probably already knew how to do a lot of those things, but I didn't, I took it for granted because the W would do it for me.

 

I learned that we need to take care of ourselves as well. I started to work out, eat better & a year later I'm still working at it.

 

It all boils down to this. Each situation is different & it really depends on how hard each person wants to work at it.

 

Check out ilmw's story & you can see it does take work & patience.

[stampdaddy]

Like Crap!!

 

For me it was just having to live on your own, do everything for yourself but now that I look back that was a good listen because we all need to be able to live on our own & not rely on someone else.

 

It is different for everyone, for me the W wanted NC for the first month which we did and then after that for the next few months it was just talk about things such as bills, child, etc.

 

Again it depends on the person. I took it as a possitive thing that I needed to do. I used the time to learn why "I" was the way I was. I know of other people that just start screwing everything they could, & try & drink there problems away.

 

Don't know still working on it.

 

There is no time limit, for my situation it was 6 months, for others it has been a year, some it never happened.

 

No neither of us dated & why would you? You are still married for one so it would be cheating in my book, if you are trying to work things out why cloud the situation with another persons feelings? Besides for me sex & a relationship was the last thing from my mind when my W moved out.

 

I learned that there was a lot "I" needed to change. I learned that you can only control yourself. I learned that you should never rely on anyone. The W used to do some of the bills, housework, make doctor appointments for me & after we separated I learned to do all that stuff. Most people probably already knew how to do a lot of those things, but I didn't, I took it for granted because the W would do it for me.

 

I learned that we need to take care of ourselves as well. I started to work out, eat better & a year later I'm still working at it.

 

It all boils down to this. Each situation is different & it really depends on how hard each person wants to work at it.

 

Check out ilmw's story & you can see it does take work & patience.

For some men (I can only speak as a man), it's like you are afraid that there isnt anyone else out there available for you. All the fish in the sea are taken, the good ones at least. They worry that they"don't have IT anymore", but let me warn you.. You DO have "IT" and there ARE plenty of beautiful, perfect fish out there.. So do NOT get caught up in "playing the game", Do NOT rush into trying to find someone.. Get happy with yourself, take one day at a time, and sure, meet people, have fun, have dinner, be social, but again, DO NOT PLAY THE GAME.. It wouldnt be fair to you or especially the nice person you meet when you arent ready to meet them...

 

Hope this makes sense...

[Curmudgeon]

For some men (I can only speak as a man), it's like you are afraid that there isnt anyone else out there available for you. All the fish in the sea are taken, the good ones at least. They worry that they"don't have IT anymore", but let me warn you.. You DO have "IT" and there ARE plenty of beautiful, perfect fish out there.. So do NOT get caught up in "playing the game", Do NOT rush into trying to find someone.. Get happy with yourself, take one day at a time, and sure, meet people, have fun, have dinner, be social, but again, DO NOT PLAY THE GAME.. It wouldnt be fair to you or especially the nice person you meet when you arent ready to meet them...

 

Hope this makes sense...

 

It makes great sense. Being older (48-50) when the ex and I separated and then divorced, women were coming out of the woodwork because there are so many more of them single/divorced in their 40s and 50s than there are available men.

 

I lived like a monk for over two years, working on myself and deciding what I really wanted in life. I'm really glad I did.

[heftysmurf]

I have no plans on being with anyone. My WW really screwed me up. I fear women at this point. I just want to be alone with my daughter. I feel too much pain. Not too fun to be around.

I was just curious of the reactions to separation. If you read my monster thread on the infidelity forum you will see why.

[stampdaddy]

I have no plans on being with anyone. My WW really screwed me up. I fear women at this point. I just want to be alone with my daughter. I feel too much pain. Not too fun to be around.

I was just curious of the reactions to separation. If you read my monster thread on the infidelity forum you will see why.

 

I've read it Hefty, and I know in a sense where you are.. I poured myself into me and her.. BUT, when I didnt have her, I was restless.. I needed to "get out", and was guilty of what I called "Spite Sex".. Coundnt really care about the other person and when they got close, I freaked out.. I am sure that some of the women, well, all of the women didnt deserve what I put them through.. I played the game. I know better now... Of course I was younger, but that is still no excuse..

 

You will take one step at a time and will get to where you are going when you get there.. You can't possibly know now when that will be, BUT you can know that you WILL get there, my friend!

[nitelifeguy]

I have no plans on being with anyone. My WW really screwed me up. I fear women at this point. I just want to be alone with my daughter. I feel too much pain. Not too fun to be around.

I was just curious of the reactions to separation. If you read my monster thread on the infidelity forum you will see why.

 

Yeah I agree with this also..I have all of the feelings of unworthiness and being 'broken'..I have the same beliefs right now,that nobody would want me..All of the self-esteem issues are surfacing..It's understandable to not be 'fun around'...

 

The pain still runs deep for me as well and I think that I would be doing a disservice to myself and a different woman if I were to just go out there and pretend that i'm ready to move on and looking for casual 'gratification sex' isn't going to make it all go away..It's quite the contrary...Being on the rebound can hurt others,especially if you meet someone who could turn out to be wonderful for you and you're not ready yet and yeah,you might wind up feeling like you did cheat on your W..

 

However,that isn't stopping me from at least paving the way for the future..I posted dating site profiles to get a sense of a potential future if I happen to be inspired by or connect with someone further down the road...It slowly helps my self esteem and hopefully my confidence will return but it won't happen overnight.