2sunny Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Why would he? I can give my kids money and have them buy me whatever they want for me. He is engaged - but now is "postponing" the marriage. We were married for 20 years. any input? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 I don't know - sounds like a nice 'daddy and the kids' thing to do together on Christmas. Why are you anxious about it? Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 I don't know - sounds like a nice 'daddy and the kids' thing to do together on Christmas. Why are you anxious about it? I did and still do the same thing.. Now if you open up some Victoria Secret, then you should worry;) Don't know your story, or how old kids are, BUT, it IS a very nice thing to share with the kids, IT SHOULD BE THIS WAY Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 You were married 20 years. They are "his" children as much as they are "your children". Lets be serious, giving your children money to buy things for you isn't the same... for the children. Have you looked into why you are still so angry ? Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Wow I didn't see anger in her post at all. If anything I saw speculation that he might regret the divorce and might want to come back/get back in her good graces. What we don't know is - how long have they been divorced? Has he taken them shopping for her before (this I doubt - otherwise why question it now)? How old are the kids. How civil are they to eachother now that they are divorced? My knee jerk reaction is that he is being a mensch and ensuring the kids can give you a christmas present. I wouldn't read anything further into it. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 I don't know - sounds like a nice 'daddy and the kids' thing to do together on Christmas. Why are you anxious about it? This would be my take but who knows for certain. He also might be attempting to provide restitution in some way. Until he makes a direct approach to reconcile, I wouldn't link the delay of his pending marriage, with any gift giving. It will only mess with your head. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Don't read too much into this... He is probably helping the kids to choose something nice for you... My ex used to do that... A lot of parents do that to please their kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sunny Posted December 24, 2007 Author Share Posted December 24, 2007 we have been apart for more than two years. divorce was finalized this past october. my boys are old enough to drive. have access to plenty of money etc. the first xmas apart - we did exchange gifts - but mainly because i knew he wouldn't have anything to open otherwise. last xmas - he had a girlfriend - so i sent my boys out to buy for him with several ideas that would be meaningful to him. i guess i should still have my boys go get him a gift this year as well.... Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 we have been apart for more than two years. divorce was finalized this past october. my boys are old enough to drive. have access to plenty of money etc. the first xmas apart - we did exchange gifts - but mainly because i knew he wouldn't have anything to open otherwise. last xmas - he had a girlfriend - so i sent my boys out to buy for him with several ideas that would be meaningful to him. i guess i should still have my boys go get him a gift this year as well.... I've seen many instances in which a man, following divorce and when he's in a new relationship suddenly becomes the uber-father and uber-ex because he thinks that's what his new love wants to see in him. I wouldn't necessarily read too much into this and, yes, the boys should buy their father a gift. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sunny Posted December 24, 2007 Author Share Posted December 24, 2007 i just called my oldest and told him to go to this exclusive golf course and purchase a gift card for a few rounds of golf. his life is golf... Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 There may be more history that makes a difference here, but if you look at it simply as "a father taking his sons out Christmas shopping for their mother", it sounds a whole lot less confusing and conspiratorial than "my ex taking my boys out Christmas shopping for me, and postsponing his marriage, too." I agree with TBF; absent other significant indications, I wouldn't be too quick to connect his postponement with the gift buying. last xmas... i sent my boys out to buy for him with several ideas that would be meaningful to him. ... and what a nice thing for a mother to do for her kids, to facilitate their relationship with the other parent, even if he is an ex. Is there any reason you can't look at his actions in the very same way, only instead of "sending them out", he chose to spend the time doing it with them? I've seen many instances in which a man, following divorce and when he's in a new relationship suddenly becomes the uber-father and uber-ex because he thinks that's what his new love wants to see in him. Well, that's a pretty sour interpretation, but I guess it happens. Maybe my opinion is colored by the way my ex and I do things with our kids (who, admittedly, are younger...) but when I read the OP, my thought about the father was "oh, good, a parent who isn't letting the 'ex-factor' get in the way of decent parenting and helping his kids be decent people." Could it just be that simple, or is there a more dark history here that leads you to suspect him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sunny Posted December 24, 2007 Author Share Posted December 24, 2007 the history is that he has been mean and nasty for the past two years. only in the past two weeks has he started to be super nice to me. oh ya - and he's the one that cheated on me... Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted December 25, 2007 Share Posted December 25, 2007 the history is that he has been mean and nasty for the past two years. only in the past two weeks has he started to be super nice to me. oh ya - and he's the one that cheated on me... Sometimes nice is just nice.... especially during the holidays. It might make sense to ignore your suspicions and agnst for a month, enjoy the holiday without the drama, and see what eventually happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetcheripie Posted December 25, 2007 Share Posted December 25, 2007 My ex husband for years took the kids to buy me mother's day, christmas and birthday presents. I have taken the kids to buy not only their Dad presents but also their step-mom, their step-brothers and neices and nephews on their Dad's side. It is a way to teach the kids how to give and how much fun it is to find someone a great gift and we love to shop together. They are family. I may not like him or his new wife but my kids have to visit them and I try to make it as easy for them to never have strife while they are visiting. I would be very grateful and show much enthusiasm and excitement when you open the gift from your children. Teach them how wonderful it is to give - they will love to please you. It was a nice gesture and just appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 25, 2007 Share Posted December 25, 2007 Maybe he just wants peace and has realized he's been a real sh#t to you over the past few years. Sunny, I think it's a good thing and maybe this is a start of healthy co-parenting, for the kids sake - to have you two on good terms, just means your children with him are happier and don't feel uncomfortable or have to worry about the what if's aboutg mom and dad... Link to post Share on other sites
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